The world's strictest parents

@maximax8 (27049)
October 18, 2009 6:21am CST
Two teenagers had to go and live with two of the world's most strictest parents in the USA. The teens found it really challenging to keep to the house rules. They liked smoking cigarettes and they had been doing that on the balcony when the 'mother' came in! Amazingly the strict dad got the male to do as he was told. The female became better behaved when she had got some praise from writing an excellent poem. How can parents get challenging teenagers to be happy teens that behave well? Do you know any very strict parents? If so how successful are they?
5 people like this
12 responses
@coffeeshot (3786)
• Australia
18 Oct 09
I think the most important thing a parent can do for their teenager is be a friend. When I was 15 I remember having screaming matches with my mother. She threatened to send me to boarding school and everything but all I ever really wanted was some support. I wasn't a bad kid. Being a teenager is hard. Your hormones are giong crazy, you've got peer pressure to deal with and your parents expect you to act grown up at the same time as treating you like a kid! When I have kids I am going to be more like a friend to them than a mother. Sure they will have boundaries but I want them to know that I am there for them all the time, no matter how bad things get.
1 person likes this
@mommyboo (13207)
• United States
19 Oct 09
I understand you wanting to be a friend, but there's something you need to understand about teens. They will push in order to HAVE boundaries. Now a teen who shows responsibility and motivation? With someone like that who isn't going around trying to be lazy and not work to potential etc probably will do better with a parent who gives them lax boundaries and allows them to breathe, but someone who just has no motivation and doesn't achieve the standard at school, doesn't take care of their things or chores at home, and gripes and complains constantly? Someone like that doesn't need a friend, they need a parent and they need to shape up and start being responsible for themselves and doing what their parent(s) expect before they can start making any demands. I would go to the ends of the earth to help out my kid when they are appreciative of what we do for them, including things they NEVER think about like providing a home, food, transportation, and all the juice to run the computer, the gaming systems, the tv, the stereo... they go to school and have friends and do fun things with friends.... but once they start EXPECTING those things as if they are just deserved... wrong. Nothing bothers me more than an entitled person, and I don't care whether that person is three or thirty. Nobody has the right to act entitled, everybody in the end is entirely responsible for themselves, and if they aren't willing to go the distance to show they can be, then they don't deserve anything lol. I realize that what can be expected is age appropriate, but there are still certain expectations, so if those aren't fulfilled, then privelages go. I mean at age 10, even age 5, a kid should be picking up their own messes, their own trash, at least putting their stuff in the hamper and dishwasher, to name a few. Mom and Dad are not slaves, maids, and we don't exist to pick up after kids or take care of their things. So many teens gripe that they don't want to be treated like they are a toddler - well if they have a tantrum or refuse to do expected chores, or don't take care of their things - well, then they will be treated like a toddler. If you don't follow through with expected things, what choice does a parent have but to treat you as if you're a small child who doesn't know any better? If you don't like being treated that way, then fulfill your obligations. Nobody says you have to LIKE it, but you won't benefit if you don't.
• United States
18 Oct 09
First I would just like to say that if insisting that there be no smoking for minors in your home is strict them wee must live in different universes. I have known many parents that have high expectations of their children and some of them could be considered strict. There are the most successful parents I ever knew.
@mommyboo (13207)
• United States
19 Oct 09
No smoking for minors is par for the course, I'd say. I mean I think it's kind of hypocritical for parents to get all over their older teens (like 17ish) for smoking if the PARENTS smoke in front of the teens, but if the parents are non smokers and have always advocated no smoking, the kids should know better. Once they turn 18 AND move out, then it doesn't matter, but I think while they live with you and are minors, they need to not be breaking the law. I think I might actually report my kid if they smoked and continued to do it after I caught them.
@mipen2006 (5528)
• Australia
18 Oct 09
Hi max, we have this reality show in Australia, and I'm not a real fan, as so many things in these shows can be rigged Mowst of the disturbed teens go to "parents" oversear, where the culture is totally different, and their smoking and drinking is judt not tolerated. However, realistically, they only have to change for the short time they are there, which is usually only a week, so it's really not that great a challenge. They do have follow up programs, but I haven't watched one. I don't be;ieve the parents in the show would be considered so strict in their ouw country, but just following tradition. I don't know any very strict parents, or teens as bad as those on the show for that matter.
@hvedra (1623)
19 Oct 09
I think taking the kids overseas is a good move (stops them running off or playing the system as many of them would in the UK). My own thought is that culture in the UK is pretty much whatever crap is on the TV and very self-centred. I know PLENTY of kids like the ones on the show and all their parents are lax idiots who can barely look after themselves. The nice kids I know are often the children of recent immigrants. Funny that.
1 person likes this
@mipen2006 (5528)
• Australia
19 Oct 09
Hi hvedra, I think you hiy yhe nail on the head when you mention the parents. If the parents were worth their salt in the first place, the teens would never have cot to the stage they are at.
@voldrox (7205)
• India
19 Oct 09
Hi maximax I think i would rather give my opinion after meeting those teenagers, well but if they are quite happy and obey their 'strict parents' i will assume they found them loving and caring, i mean yeah they might be strict but i guess they realized they only meant to be good and get them off bad habits and probably they feel better after realizing what they have been missing have a nice day maximax!
@voldrox (7205)
• India
19 Oct 09
well i know of some strict parents, i have some friends, hey wait my parents are strict too! but they have always been good and considerate... never too strict, i guess i am lucky!... as long as parents are not letting out their frustration on their kids and have a good understanding of what their kids need i guess they would make their child feel they have never been very strict.
@mommyboo (13207)
• United States
19 Oct 09
I think I remember seeing this show. Part of what makes good kids who behave well are consistent expectations and consequences when the expectations are not met. As long as the expectations are laid out and clear, the kids have a choice: they can follow the rules or they can NOT follow the rules, but if they don't, they also know what will happen, what privelages they will lose, etc. Sometimes it seems to take a different adult entirely - because sometimes things you've tried repeatedly without success WORK when someone else tries it. I don't know if it's a lack of respect on the kids' part or what it is, but anything that works works, and therefore it's a good thing. The biggest problem with teens is that a lot of the undesireable behavior starts when they are LITTLE. If the kids have no boundaries and no guidelines and don't have certain responsibilities which grow as they get older and firm, concrete expectations, they start getting spoiled and entitled and get attitudes when you ask them to do anything. If you NEVER put up with that when they are little, they learn quickly that any time they act like that, they receive consequences. MOST kids don't like consequences so they start NOT behaving that way so they can avoid the consequences. It does have to start early though. Without that foundation, it is really hard to teach. Teens who have gotten away with bad behavior when they were younger don't usually change for the better. It's a constant uphill battle.
@hvedra (1623)
19 Oct 09
You are right that consistency is vital. It also helps if the parents explain why there are rules. I often just got told "Because" which isn't helpful and confusing if you can see other kids getting away with whatever it is. My parents were older than those of my peers and whilst I agree they made me do the right thing it was habit not understanding that motivated their strictness. It was very much "nice girls don't do that kind of thing" not any explaination of why, if you see what I mean. The parents in the show are also very loving and supportive and talk through why they find certain behaviours unacceptable and keep going until they get through. A lot of these kids (this is the second series) have parents who don't keep fighting and that kind of thing feels like "they don't CARE" when they are allowed to get away with bad behaviour. I do think a few of the parents could do with a bootcamp too!
18 Oct 09
I watched that programme and at first i thought the parents were a bit over the top it seemed that all they cared about was what people thought of them and there children. Towards the end though i realised that they really were trying to help them because the parents had suffered extremely hard and unfair lives. In the end when they ''mother'' was talking to the girl they connected and i think that sometimes young people and children just need someone to understand them and connect to. Yes the strict parents were being harsh but they knew what sadness was so they knew they could help them. I dont know any very strict parents, i used to think my parents were strict but now i am older i know that everything they did was for my own good and because they loved me andwanted me to be safe. I think if a strict parent cant connect with there children on that level like my parents did with me then the young person may one day realise that like i did. Just to state, i am not replying to this as a parent as i dont have children. I am replying to this a person who remembers what it was to be a naughty child and a challenging teenager.
@hvedra (1623)
19 Oct 09
I think the reason they got through to the two teens is because the strictness is balanced by them being supportive and loving. My parents were strict (and certainly stricter than most of my peers' parents) but not supportive or encouraging so whilst I stayed on the fairly straight and narrow I underachieved because nobody actually gave a hoot as long as the police didn't show up at the door.
@macleto (45)
19 Oct 09
Oh believe me, I used to have the strictest parents in the world! When I was in school, i wasnt even allowed to go to practices. I would ask my parents if we could just practice at home, but of course, you guessed it-- they did not agree. I used to do ballet but since it was taking too much of my after-school-time, i they had me stop it. When I was in high school, I should be home by 6pm (take note that our dismissal is at 5:00pm). I cant go out on weekends except for Sunday mass. In college, since I travel to and from school, I still am not allowed to be out after 8pm. However, I started drinking and hanging out with new friends, so I usually go home during wee hours of the morning. My parents will not open the gate for me so I had to climb the whole 2 meters up. I would sleep on the terrace sofa. After a while, since they are not happy with what's happening, they kicked me out of the house. i was 18 then. In our culture, it is not normal for kids to move out of their parents' house until they marry. So, I was out of their house for two years and lived on my own. I returned, however, because this is a really hard place to live alone in and studied again. I finished college and am working now, but still started to live independently just this year because believe it or not, theyre still strict.
• Canada
19 Oct 09
Well to be honest different kids should get treated different, some teens will need boundaries to stay in line, more mature teens can set their own boundaries and keep themselves within it. Parents should not be too strict on their kids but not be to lenient as well. Being too strict can cause more issues. lets say they say no smoking some teens will smoke just because they were told not too. Parents need to set rules and standards but not be too strict about, they need to be calm and understanding with what teens what may be going through.
@buping (954)
• China
19 Oct 09
well, i think parents do not need to be so trict to their kids. for everyone should be respect. and when parents being too trict to kids, the kids would be stricted by many rules. and some behave well under the rules, but some would go the oppsite with parent's will. just be a friend to kid, i think it is better.
• United States
19 Oct 09
That is a neat story. I think parents have to be strict on certain rules. I understand that I have to be flexible as a parent but I am there to set the rules and to make sure they are being adhered to. I am not a strict parent to a lot of degrees but I can be when I need to. I like to have kids who pay attention to me but I have also learned what works with my kids and what does not through trial and error. I think it is important to put all things to my kids in ways I know they will understand.
@marguicha (78471)
• Chile
18 Oct 09
Maxine, I didnĀ“t understand what the parents did to the teenagers. and, were they foster parents? Hug!
@bhanusb (5709)
• India
18 Oct 09
In our country parents are very strict specially the father. A teenager child can't think about smoking. For smoking children get strong punishment from their parents.If a teenager girl returns home after sun set she has to give explanation to her parents.I think this type of treatment of parents give good result. Because there are many traps by which teenagers can be misguided.