I don't want a house husband.

@Naylani (111)
United States
October 19, 2009 4:06pm CST
I understand that times have changed, and I don't have a problem with a man staying home sometimes with the children out of necessity such as temporary unemployment, disability, or to give his stay at home wife or girlfriend a break for the day. However, I feel we have gotten away from some of the traditional values that have kept families on the right track since the beginning and we can see it in our children. Traditionally it has been the woman who has taken care of the house and children and the man has always worked outside of the home. Now understandably because of economic changes,both people find that they must work and that's ok, but if it comes down to a choice between who's going to work and who's going to stay home, ladies sometimes the man can't do it like us. I understand that gender roles are changing, but could these changes be contributing to the breakdown of marriages and the emasculation and laziness of the american male. Now, remember mylotters this is just my oppinion, and I am aware that there are always exeptions and special circumstances. Please give your oppinion either way, and share with me and others what arrangment works for your family and why.
3 people like this
21 responses
@weasel81 (2502)
• Australia
19 Oct 09
i agree, but in this day and age, both people have to work to put food on the table. unless of course one is in a really high paying job. my partner hasn't really worked since may, he does things at his parents farm. they stopped milking cows and got out while th going was good. he's not really tried looking for work and there's not much around where we are cause of the drought, then he gets at me about things when i try to make go look for something. his way of thinking doesn't help, i do the house work and most other things all he does is pick up our son from school really. i think so men as just lazy take a look at their parents, my partner is currently up helping my boss and work mate cover some cow feed. doing something at long last.
1 person likes this
@sid556 (31006)
• United States
20 Oct 09
For years we have listened to men and even other women put down women who stay home and take care of the kids and homefront. I think if a husband is the one to stay at home then he should at least do all that would have been expected of the woman if she were the one to stay at home. When women stay home, the house is clean, the kids are cared for, the errands are run and shopping done, meals planned and cooked, on and on and on. Some men I'm sure step up to the plate when they are the ones at home but all too often the woman works and comes home from work and works some more or alot more.
@apples99 (6564)
• United States
20 Oct 09
I think that both man or woman should have the option to chose if they want or need to work. or stay it home, but logically I think that in this day and age both parents need to bring an income in the home, unless like you say one parent is making enough to support the family, because a lot of familys these day cant afford to stay at home, and there can be other factors/dilemmas like for example some couples with kids cant afford day care, and thats why one parent may stay home.
@Weizen (145)
• China
20 Oct 09
hehe .I think doing houring work is not bad ,btu I think as the man ,we don't should do house work all the time .sometime. do some house work is good ,we could understand ho house is hard for woman .but I don't agree the man do all the house work
1 person likes this
@daliaj (5689)
• India
20 Oct 09
I don't want a house husband too. I am a woman who works and takes care of my family at the same time. I think a person can do multitasking. It is not necessary to be a house husband or house wife. It is waste of time to sit at home watching all the TV shows and taking care of the house. You can do all the house work and take care of professional work at the same time. I don't take it even if I get the option to sit at home.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
20 Oct 09
For almost six years this is my agony in life. I married a man who is not responsible., its my top regret-marrying the wrong guy in a wrong time. Why i say so, because we got married due to my pregnancy, to cover the immorality. Well, my husband is always in the house because i work in the school.I feel that his constant stay in the house makes the relationship dying and even to the extent of breaking the family. He is always sensitive, feels insecurities in life and to cover his boredom, he prefered to stay with his friends with much drinking and enjoying vices. Yes, its a great factor really that a husband stays in the house only . they are supposed to be working and the financial earners in the family.Now, i extend my fullest consideration to him and I have the fear that our marriage will die if this will not be given appropriate solution.... and that is to let him have his JOB! for him to earn and for him to boast that he is also USEFUL in the family....
20 Oct 09
My husband became a house husband through long term unemployment and laziness. He did not do the work a houswife does, he did not raise the kids as a mother would, he became emuscaltated, disfunctional, depressed and now we are geting divorced. I feel that the mixing of gender roles has caused a whole lot of confusion and that in general men can't cope with being at home. I am sure there are also many men that can, but I would say still a minority. It is a personal view , but I think you summed up my life!
• United States
20 Oct 09
I think that the decision of who is the breadwinner in a family is all a matter of preference. A woman taking a dominant role monetarily cannot be blamed for a marriage falling apart. Marriages with this set up fail due to miscommunication. Either the husband feels emasculated solely because his wife makes the money, or a wife actively emasculates her husband because she makes the money. If a family chooses the role of each member, and respects these roles animosity cannot fester. Only when spouses do not understand each others needs and feelings do problems arise. I have no opinion on who should be a primary breadwinner. I just believe that a marriage no matter what the make up cannot last without understanding.
• United Arab Emirates
20 Oct 09
Well i think, house husband is not good thing. A husband should be workaholic and if his wife is earning ample amount of money, then he should also work regardless of the fact that its not necessary to earn more money.
@solared (1210)
• United States
20 Oct 09
I think that depends on who is the biggest earner an if kids are involved.
• Philippines
20 Oct 09
I dont want either, though the wives nowadays have to help husbands earn a living it does not mean that husbands can stay home while the wives are working. I still believe that the man should primarily be the one to support his family. The wife only shares the responsibility if theres an opportunity. Because for me, the wife has a lot of tasks, after coming from work she still has to attend to the childrens needs. So if there is somebody who has to work, it should be the hnusbands.
@cher913 (25893)
• Canada
20 Oct 09
i know someone who is a house husband but it is because he is lazy and has no ambition. i dont know how is wife puts up with that (i dont know her, just him). my hubby does cook around the house and is looking for a job right now but i am always on him to get off the couch!
@Chipog (19)
• South Africa
20 Oct 09
I am one person who certainly believes that a husband is a bread winner. Whilst temporary situation like being fired from work are acceptable to me i believe that a man as the head of the family should show it by being able to provide for his family. let face the reality guys, how many men out there are prepared to take the responsibility of woman and start cleaning the house , cook for the family and look after the kids whilst his wife is out there in the industries looking for money.
@maean_19 (4662)
• Philippines
20 Oct 09
Hi there my friend! I think, the change also happens here in the Philippines. More working women or career women are everywhere whether local or overseas. Gone are the days that women have to be in the home doing the household chores and taking care of the children. Even house wives do home jobs to provide the family needs. Same as your opinion, I have no problem if men or husbands be temporarily unemployed or to be with the children for some uncontrollable or valid reasons, but if such unemployment is due to laziness, then that would be a different story. Likewise, I have no problem if women or wives have to work for reason to help the husbands provide or save for future needs of the children. It doesn't matter either who earns more or less. What is not a good idea actually is when husbands stay at home asleep and does not care anyone but only his self, one who is immature, irresponsible, selfish and self-centered.
• India
20 Oct 09
I have no problems with a house husband provided it’s a 100% house husband…meaning that my husband does not turn to the typical male the moment I step into the house! Let me explain…due to flexible timings in his former job, my hubby could stay at home specially during the afternoons when our son came home. He did everything from undressing our boy to bathing him, serving lunch, even taking the afternoon nap together. But the moment I stepped home after office, he would revert to the quintessential man…momma’s here so take all your problems to her! It was very frustrating let me tell you… Personally I think men are very lazy and wily…they can do everything perfectly well…oh yes, my husband even took care of the homework and dinner on days I used to be late at office…but they use traditional roles as an excuse to dump home-care on us women. If a guy is indeed a house-husband then he should be 100% that…no escaping or going to the pub the moment wife is back. Do I want one…hmmmmmmmmmm…not bad for a change but eventually I don’t think so coz it creates a lot of underlying emotional tensions. Few couples are matured enough to handle the situation of the wife shouting at the husband for serving cold dinner or neglecting the laundry! As you said, we women are just ‘used’ to it and the men…they don’t want to be ever ‘used’ to it…they don’t want to lose their position as the head of the family, so it leads to a lot of unnecessary misunderstandings!
@bounce58 (17524)
• Canada
20 Oct 09
I also like to think of myself as traditional. And I like to work and provide for the family, etc, etc. But like some of the responses here, I am in a 2 income family. And there is a big chunk of the day where I take care of the kids and do the chores in the house. I also find that I don't have enough time to do everything. Makes me wonder if I could just be a house husband, so I could do everything, including the many projects that I need done in the house.
@Zenstrive (239)
• Indonesia
20 Oct 09
You see, I have made similar thought too recently, and I think the reason why we have so much things going on wrong today is because we have done things we are not made to do. Woman has greater instincts and endurance of taking care children and the home. They would go meticulous on things like cooking the food, bathing the children, and mending the home. Man has more linier logical pathways and strength and naturally tend to want to dominate. That's what necessary out there. But now we see man and woman both out of home doing jobs while their children are at home being taken care by somebody else, bet it their grandparents, babysitters, or daycare officers. That's not healthy, and that is contributing to unruly behaviours the current children show. They lack the touch of their mothers and brainwashed by televisions and sometimes abused by their caretakers. Mothers should stay at home and chose to do work from home. That's what healthy nations are built upon. Do you guys realize that Asians nowadays dominate almost anything technical and have been driving out the native populations of european countries? That's because their mothers spend more time with their children and are there to nurture and take care of their children. A children grow up to be an adult with little care from their parents would tend to grown unwilling to become a parent themselves.
@patofgold23 (5075)
• Philippines
20 Oct 09
no matter how open minded i want to be...i dont think i could ever stay with a man who earnds less than me, moreso, depend on me for money.... it makes me lose my respect for him...sorry but thats how i feel.
@junmae (1592)
• Philippines
20 Oct 09
You said it right, that out of necessity man stayed at home while women worked. It's ok for me but if that man still look for a job or that man is disabled. But I dont want to tolerate lazziness and I still want my future huband to work and be the one who will support our family.
@angelajoy (1839)
• Philippines
20 Oct 09
It's OK for me if my (future) husband would just stay at home to take care of our children provided that I can sustain them with my income. But I think it would be better if we would both work because then it wouldn't be so hard to earn money. I also don't want any of us to be dependent on the other for money because this tends to give the bread winner some sort of power over the other, although I admit that it doesn't always happen that way. I guess if we both work the problem would be who's going to look after the children. Here in my country it is affordable to have nannies, and I think that would be the best. It doesn't mean that we wouldn't take care of our own children anymore. We would focus on the children when we get home and always make sure that we spend quality time as a family.
@sid556 (31006)
• United States
20 Oct 09
For the most part, I raised my kids on my own. I got in most of my hours at work while they were with dad on the weekends. Kind of sacrifices the social life but it worked. When we were together, I was home with the kids while he worked. I did daycare from home plus odd jobs. I also worked part time in the evening when he was home. I don't think I'd like it if he did not have a job and I did. I mean if he couldn't find a job that would be one thing but I have always juggled the parent/work role and I would expect him to as well. Actually, even with me working, I did most of the parenting and household chores. I'm sure there are situations where other arrangements are fine. I think it is up to the individual couple as to what works for them. I don't think it is for me to judge what is right for another family.
@SallyAnna (143)
• United States
19 Oct 09
hi Naylani, I'm old fashioned, I'm happy to be a stay at home mom and feel lucky to be able to do so, I guess I'm traditional and set in my ways but, it wouildn't seem right for a man to do the house work. I'm not saying they can't or wouldn't be good at it. It would just bother me and I'd want to take over. I was raised in a household where my mother catered to my father as soon as he arrived home from work. I'm sure that has imfluenced my thinking.