Anyone's Marriage In Trouble?

@colu41 (273)
United States
October 24, 2009 1:24pm CST
Anyone out there married, who's world is falling apart? I hate to be so honest right now but, I am really considering divorce. I love my wife but, I can not keep dealing with the lies, contradictions, and the fact that she drives me away from ANYONE else in my life that's important. She says I am selfish but really, that sounds ultimately selfish in her part. Anyone else dealing with marriage or relationship problems please feel free to respond. It'll help me get through it a bit as with yourselves.
1 person likes this
7 responses
• United States
24 Oct 09
That really sucks dude.... I do know how you feel.....my husband lies about EVERYTHING....I KNOW he is not cheating or anything like that but that just makes it all the worse because there is no darn reason to lie...he just doesnt want to hear me bit*h about stuff so he tells me something different but that only makes it worse later..... And any time anyone tries to isolate you from other people that is very selfish! and wrong...some people just cant deal with their partner giving ANY attention to ANYONE else but them....even if they themselves push the attention from you away they still dont want you to give attention to anyone else...totally unfair as it is human nature to have friends and you never promise to not ever interact with other people when you met her....but I see this happen in a LOT of relationships... I wish I had advice for you but you have to do what you think is best for YOU.... If you really truely want to keep trying to mend the relationship then do...you never know sometimes people change....but its also not good to stick your head in the sand and pretend everything id fine when it isnt either....sometimes relationships end...if its over its over....better to move on and be happy!
@colu41 (273)
• United States
25 Oct 09
Thank you for this comment. That is what I needed to hear. Thank you so much.
• United States
25 Oct 09
YW If i can help further let me know! Good luck with whatever you decide and remember it wont ALWAYS feel like this!
• United States
25 Oct 09
i used to be friends with a couple like you pixel - it hurt them a lot... but they were both guilty of it... so how could you really point any fingers? They ended up seperating for right around 4 months or so... but I think the tme apart did them a lot of good. They recently (well within the last 2 years) renewed their vows and as far as I know are happier than ever! I hope things can straghten out a bit for you.... I know how annoying it can be.
• India
24 Oct 09
well i don't know how it sounds to you but did you ever given a thought why she tries to drive you away from all others whom you consider important.some of the women can be bit insecured and usually guys during the chasing times promise and make them feel the most important ones in their life and suddenly come up with the other important things later which confuses the women who puts up a struggle to get that important status again just to make life hell.if she is that types then both of you should have a honest talk and sort out your problems. you can have a better insight to how you have dealt with her which had given rise to such improper expectations.
@colu41 (273)
• United States
24 Oct 09
we have tried sorting out our problems, many a many of times. The problem is, from day one of us meeting, no matter who it was. She would start false arguments with "say" a friends girlfiend, start a big fight, and my friendship with this person is over. In the past 3 years she has done this to 10 plus of my best friends one included is my BROTHER. One of my best friends ever!
• India
24 Oct 09
oh thats sad ! may be she is far more insecured.
• United States
25 Oct 09
I've read some moreof the responses now... scratch what i said about marriage counseling... I'd file and suggest that she go work out some of her insecurities so one day she can be happy
• United States
24 Oct 09
I am in the same situation but its with husband. I have come to a point in my life that i am middle aged and im not willing to continue to throw away more time on a marriage thats not working. Very much in the same what you discribe your situation is same for me, its a control issue and isnt fixable unless both people involved want to work on it. Marriage ive found is a two way street and you just hope you can meet in the middle and have a happy medium but in some cases you never can. Ive beated my head against a brick wall for over 20 years and im ready to stop i just have to get to that point but i get alittle closer every day :) Hang in there, stay strong and think before you act on your choices. If you ever need to vent feel free to shoot off a message to me sometimes ive found that helpful to just get threw a hour,a day or a week just to be heard and have an outside opinion.
@colu41 (273)
• United States
25 Oct 09
The horrible thing is, is she "wants" to fix our marriage with counseling, but I know how she is. We've done this before, and she will never change. Everyone that I know tell me the same thing.
• United States
25 Oct 09
you say youve done counseling before....so ask yourself this... Does she really want to fix your marriage? Or does she want to fix YOU???? There is a difference...If she is sincere in wanting to fix the marriage then counseling is a place to start but she will HAVE to change her ways in order for it to work...if she just wants to go to counseling in order to try and get you to continue to put up with the things she is doing then it wont... Maybe she really loves you but she has issue that she doesnt know how to fix on her own...thats where counseling can help...maybe you just make a good living and she doesnt want to give that up but she has no intention of changing....thats where counseling cant help... I dont have a clue about your situation so have no idea which it could be....but i suspect if you look deep you probably know the answer..... Sometime we dont want to know the answer so we ignore it!
@lindiebiz (1013)
• Canada
24 Oct 09
sorry for what is happening to its really hurtful but you should talk to your wife, tell her you do not like her attitude and behaviour, tell her this in a very peaceful manner, letting her know how it affects you and you would like her to change if she refuses to change then you can call it quits
@colu41 (273)
• United States
25 Oct 09
I have told her these things, all the things that she does that hurts me, all the things she does that need to change, and she either denies it, changes the subject, or just gets more and more angry while we're fighting. Nothing is going to help her.
@skaterx (530)
• Finland
6 Nov 09
I think if its anything about lying, then you have to tell her u can't accept lying to you, and if she doesn't change you should leave. I think relationships should be really honest. If you're close together, you should be honest to each other. I think if she can't bear seeing you with anyone else, including friends etc, maybe its because she is insecure. She wants to know she is loved, and that you are not seeing anyone else. Maybe because your relationship has been tense lately, she is even more insecure and acts like that. Anyway, I think you have to work out what to do about the lying though, that always breaks relationships unless the person comes out and reveals the truth.
@shell2784 (752)
• United States
25 Oct 09
Well, I'm not currently in any relationship problems... but I've been on your end of the stick before and its the worst feeling in the world. I know my most common phrase during that period was basically "wtf?!?" Are the people she doesn't want you around other women? Or your guy friends too? If she's lieing, etc all the time, most likely she's covering up something bigger... ESPECIALLY when the other starts "taking away" your friends, family, etc. Have you talked to her about marriage counseling or anything like that? Or a trial seperation? Can I ask how long you 2 have been together (not just married... total from the get go) And how long these problems have been going on? Maybe she thinks she can walk all over you b/c you'v been letting her? And if you don't put your foot down one way or another she WILL continue to do it, regardless of any current promises she may have made you.... you've forgiven her before, however many times... and she's convinced that she can get away with anything she wants. Its not healthy for either of you. I'm not saying immediatly turn to divorce, I guess in some ways it depends on how severe it is and whether you two are willing to work it out. Regardless, however this does turn out, I wish you the best of luck with whatever you decide to go with. Trust your heart, go with your gut. Be strong, be firm and be clear if you decide to sit her down. Don't let her interupt, this is YOUR TURN! Take it babe! Show her who the man is in the house!!
• United States
24 Oct 09
Well for me what I would do is pray. Also I want to say this as well maybe you could go to someone you and her both trust professinal that is and take what is going wrong with you both and try to work it out. Really I view marriage this way it is so imporant to learn how to love each other and try and workout what might have changed the first day you meant. I am not sure if this will help but either way I hope for the best for you.