Movies and love scenes

United States
October 26, 2009 11:44pm CST
Hi all :) I've often wondered what the spouses of actors and actresses feel when they see their partner doing a steamy love scene in a movie. While some say it's just part of the spouse's job, there has to be a certain feeling of "threat" or "jealousy" in at least a few of the spouses. And imagine when both spouses are married and do love scenes with other people in numerous movies. I would not like it at all. It would hurt, job or not, role or not. And let's face it, many married people have fallen in love with a co-star and divorced their spouse for the star. How do you feel about this? How would you handle it? As just someone's job and way of making a living? Could you live in such a marriage? Karen
2 people like this
19 responses
• United States
27 Oct 09
My husband is currently in a musical, simply kissing his co-star twice a night. It makes me litterally physically ill, thinking about all of the bonding during rehearsals and backstage with her and fellow castmembers. It's like I have to compete with her, constantly trying to look and act my best during the few hours he's with me (usually the worst and ugliest parts of the day!) All I have is his word that there's no need to compete or feel uneasy... Which quite frankly isn't enough (though that may be my own shortcoming). Anyway, it's a sucky situation that I wouldn't wish on anyone.
1 person likes this
• United States
28 Oct 09
Hello there. Welcome to MyLot :)) Oh wow, you actually DO experience this! I am so sorry how it hurts you, and hopefully, it is just all part of the job to your husband. I can surely see how it must make you feel, though, as I would also feel that way. Take heart, and all the best to you, dear. Karen
@Canellita (12058)
• United States
28 Oct 09
Let me ask you something. Before this musical, were you secure in your relationship with your husband? Did you feel he loved you or did you question the strength of the marriage? Because if things were good they will stay good. Even if he develops a crush on his costar you have to remember that it is all that it is and that you and what you have with him is REAL while the rest is not.
1 person likes this
• United States
28 Oct 09
Yes, it has always been quite strong. And I trust him when he insists that nothing's going on. But it's a matter of time spent and the quality of that time, now. He's with his cast members and especially her all the time, joking, teasing, flirting, hamming it up. Then I get the tired shell of a human who only wants to eat, watch tv, surf the net, and go to bed. I understand, he's exhausted, and he loves me. But it comes down to the fact that, under these circumstances, I'd almost rather be his co-star than his wife. She gets to flirt with him, spend time with him, hear him declare love for her (albeit in character), and even top it off with kissing and all sorts of loving embraces. It doesn't help that she's obnoxiously gorgeous and outgoing. Like you said, the worst possibility is a harmless crush - but even the thought of a crush makes me sick. The jealousy seeps in..... Sorry to rant about my personal life. I just strongly suggest avoiding these types of situations.
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@Canellita (12058)
• United States
27 Oct 09
I think for some it's not an issue because they know it isn't real. Anyone who knows what it takes to get a scene shot in a film wouldn't be worried about that. Others may choose not to watch, but either way it gives you something to think about especially when there is lots of skin involved.
1 person likes this
• United States
28 Oct 09
Hi Canellita. Perhaps some feel exactly that way and do fine with it...Patrick Swayze and his wife, or Paul Newman and Joann Woodward come to mind. Uh huh, even if there were no true feelings of romance or lust, the skin-to-skin contact is there! Ugh. Karen
@Canellita (12058)
• United States
28 Oct 09
Actors learn to be comfortable with physical contact early on. This is something I have a problem with when it applies to children because it contradicts school rules and trying to get kids to give each other personal space and so forth. Ever do trust falls when you were a kid? Some of the other things you have to do are just not appropriate for little kids but then think about how familiar athletes get with each other physically.
1 person likes this
• United States
28 Oct 09
True...and yes, some of what goes on that involves kids in the movies...it's no wonder child stars grow up with so many problems. And yes, I DO remember test falls and was never allowed to fall :) Karen
@dpk262006 (56599)
• Delhi, India
27 Oct 09
Hi Karen! Your thoughts are appreciable and I used to also ponder over on the same lines. I think if someone is in film industry, these are the perils and hazards of working in movie. However, I have realized that Hero and Heroines going for steamy hot love scene is nothing but part of their profession. What we finally see on the screen is not exactly true. What I understand is that they take numerous takes and re-takes to complete a scene and repeating the same lines and emotions for a particular scene become mechanical for them. I think spouses of actors and actresses become used to this phenomenon and they don’t take it otherwise. If I happen to marry a woman whose profession demands enacting such scenes, either I’ll not marry her at all or if I do, I’ll keep myself mentally prepared for such perils and eventualities. Have a nice day! deepak
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Oct 09
Hi Deepak. I think you make sense...this is their job, love scenes and all, and perhaps their are spouses who see it as nothing more than that and are not bothered by it. But as you've said, it presents constant temptations and perils. I would not be one of the understanding spouses, hence, I could never have married an actor. I admit that freely! You have a nice day, too, and thank you for expressing your thoughts on this :) Karen
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@dpk262006 (56599)
• Delhi, India
27 Oct 09
Karen, there was no need for you get married to an actor, specially, when you would have felt uncomfortable by his activities/love scenes.
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• United States
28 Oct 09
LOL, which is exactly why I would never marry one!!
@ANTIQUELADY (36488)
• United States
27 Oct 09
I would have a really hard time if my spouse had a job like that. I can't believe that either one would be comfortable seeing their spouse making out w/someone else, job or no job.
1 person likes this
• United States
28 Oct 09
Hello Jo. I would have trouble with it, too. Real or not, the contact would be there, if not the feelings between co-stars, and it would just eat at me, it would hurt! xoxo Karen
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@ANTIQUELADY (36488)
• United States
28 Oct 09
i HAD ENOUGH TROUBLE W/MY EX SHOWING OUT & HE WASN'T GETTING PAID FOR IT. LOL.
• United States
28 Oct 09
I can identify, Jo!
• United States
29 Oct 09
I think people are being really hard on actors! The implication is that actors are generally the sort of people who will have loose morals anyway, which is not true. Yes, there are affairs, there are people who meet on set, etc (as could happen in any workplace) but the reason you hear about it more is that if there is an affair with a secretary in an office, its hardly going to be in the papers, is it? Whereas if its people who are known to the public it will be. Most actors are concerned about their lines, their performance, the truth of the character, etc. About doing their job properly. Kissing someone else as part of a role has NOTHING to do with faithfulness or not, it was in the script and required by the director. Read throughs are not terribly romantic, usually everyone is nervous! Love scenes have a bunch of people watching, lines to remember while you're doing it, and you may not even LIKE the person. You see the perfect love scene on film - on set it is not like that. Actors are just people. For the most part, they love their families, and want normal relationships, just like everyone else. And when everyone talks about the 'lifestyle ' - theres really not that many who actually have, or want, the Hollywood megafamous type lifestyle anyway. They are a fairly small proportion of working actors.
1 person likes this
• United States
29 Oct 09
Thank you for the added perspective...things I'd not thought of, but that do make a lot of sense. As you've said, affairs happen everywhere. It's just that the famous are under constant scrutiny, more than the general public. It makes them handy targets. Thank you again. Karen
@wolfie34 (26792)
• United Kingdom
28 Oct 09
I guess the risk could actually occur with any career? Affairs happen in all walks of life, whether it's captured on film or whether it's just working side by side in a fast food restaurant. In respect to love scenes, well I can think straight away of Titanic between Jack and Rose, but I guess neither were married, but I am sure their partners know what they take on board when they date a famous person. I think a lot of famous people prefer to marry one of their own because they both know the situation whereas if one was famous and the other wasn't then the situation could be a lot different and certainly harder for the non famous person. I think it would depend on the person's self esteem and security as to whether the old green eyed monster would play a part. But even famous people have the problem of their partners going off with someone, that's life, sadly! It's not only love stories that are glamorized and spread across the newspapers, it's affairs and they tend to be bigger attention grabbers.
• United States
28 Oct 09
Well that is very true, Wolfie. Another good point of view. I guess one wouldn't have to watch the films, but I would still wonder. It's just my thing :( I'm insecure lol. But yes, I know from personal, and hurtful experience, that this can happen among co-workers in all fields. Karen
• United States
28 Oct 09
lol ...this made me laugh, its a bit close to home. I trained as an actor, but am not working now, and when I was,I did more theater where frankly I didn't get much action on stage in terms of love scenes....lol. But I was in a relationship with an actor previously, who did on occasion have to do a love scene. I did not deal with the idea of this very well, as I thought, as some of you have said, not so much about the specific scene, but about the fact that they were playing these characters and being on set sometimes for 14 hour days together. What got me over that was realizing that the poor man was basically terrified every time he did a scene like that - basically getting your clothes off and having a director telling you where to put what and when, while a load of crew watch....very romantic, it is! And if the director said 'just go for it' it was even worse. He said he always thought, what if I do something and everyone else thinks its not normal??! So, I guess it depends on the person but on the whole its not how it looks on screen!
• United States
28 Oct 09
Um, I hadn't thought of it that way Tea :)) It makes sense...NOT romantic, but most likely awkward as the dickens! I just would not cope well, and it's probably my own insecurities...but still, we read all the stories. Thank you for a professional perspective! Karen
@wahmivy (778)
• Philippines
28 Oct 09
Job or not, I would not be able to stand it. I suppose people who get into relationships with actors know to expect situations like that. They probably prep themselves for the experience. It's definitely not for me though. It's a good thing I didn't marry an actor. Not that one even tried to date me, lol.
• United States
28 Oct 09
Hi Wahmivy. Ack! I hear that loud and clear, and I know I would feel the same way. Some careers would take more tolerance than I have. Who wants to see their mate in a scene like that, acting or not? Not I! One never tried to date me, either lol, and that's fine with me :) Karen
@lindiebiz (1013)
• Canada
27 Oct 09
Hi there i would not feel comfortable having my spouse in a love scene epecially a steamy one in fact i myself would not feel comfortable if i were an actress. Like you said it brings up feelings of jealousy and i would fell threathened. I would not like it at all
1 person likes this
• United States
28 Oct 09
Hi Lindie. I would not be comfortable with that either. It somehow goes against a sense of loyalty or values inside of me. I think in those circumstances, many would feel threatened, like your or me...and even those who may not acknowledge it. Thank you for sharing your feelings on the matter :)) Karen
@dawnald (84146)
• Shingle Springs, California
27 Oct 09
I believe that sort of feelings is exactly why Pat Boone wouldn't do certain things when he had an acting role. Respect for his wife's feelings. I don't think I would like it either...
1 person likes this
• United States
28 Oct 09
Hello Dawn. There are other actors, like Pat Boone, who will not do the steamy love scenes, and I know their spouses must appreciate it. Even when both people are actors and both doing similar scenes, I cannot help but think that it must bother, at least a bit from time to time. I don't see how it could not! Karen
• China
27 Oct 09
i would like to share my points on it:i can't stand this way,i think it seems to fake.And the spouse will be hurt,i think an actor should play the best qualities of real and beaty life.I have no way to accept such a spouse,i have respect for the lives of ordinary people.
1 person likes this
• United States
28 Oct 09
Hi xueyingbd. Yes, I think many more spouses would be hurt, than not hurt. Even when stars marry other stars and both do love scenes with others...I think there'd be worry of an actual love affair or being left for another. It would not be for me! Thank you for responding...and welcome to MyLot :)) Karen
@thea09 (18327)
• Greece
27 Oct 09
Hi karen, well full stop I wouldn't want to be married to a film star who lead a celebratory life in the first place. It just wouldn't appeal to me. The ones who might be fun to live with, such as Rock Hudson or David Hyde Pierce, are both gay anyway so I'd have not the slightest reason to be jealous of their love scence with other women. I'm not the jealous type but really just wouldn't fancy being part of that lifesytle. As for them actually falling for their co-stars it's no different to real life where co-workers fall for each other, it's just that they have the cameras on them at the time.
1 person likes this
• United States
28 Oct 09
Hi Thea. Hm, you'd not have a reason to be jealous with a gay man, nor would you have the joy of making your own love scenes with him! Bad trade off lol. Sure, co-workers and love affairs exist everywhere, but I'd hate to see a mate of mine, even if it is "just work" making a love scene with another woman. Guess I AM the jealous type lol Karen
@bucketkid (239)
• Australia
27 Oct 09
i dont know, i have never been in such a situation. i think it would definately be difficult though. i would feel that it is part of their job, that they are helping to bring in a household income and that its not them kissing (etc) a co-worker, its their character kissing another character. at the same time, they are physical with someone else. i dont think that i would be able to handle it but like i said, ive never been there.
1 person likes this
• United States
28 Oct 09
Hi Bucket. Few of us have been there, but I know myself well enough that I would be very unhappy married to someone or even dating someone in that line of work if it involved the love scenes with others. Thank you for responding, and enjoy your night. Karen
@sunnycool (12736)
• India
27 Oct 09
may be the person being involved in these steamy scenes might enjoy the temporary feeling nd they often back it up saying the role demanded it(a gud excuse).it is always really hard to share ur loved ones with other ppl.they might find it really hard to digest when they come accross this r while watching on the big screen.bcoz of this we normally find ppl from film industry getting married as they work in da same industry each of them has an excuse(role demanded).ha ha ha.
1 person likes this
• United States
28 Oct 09
Hi Sunnycool. Perhaps that is correct. I think some stars can keep it strictly professional, while their love and mind remain on their spouse, and they remain faithful. Far too many do not, though. So much temptation. LOL, yes, if both spouses work as actors and do love scenes, I suppose it's different...they could not hold it against one another. Karen
• Philippines
27 Oct 09
it will hurt me seeing my spouse making love scenes even though it's just a job. if my husband really loves me and respect my feelings, he should reject those kind of scenes.
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Oct 09
Hi Jes You stated that so well, and it is how I feel, too. As another member pointed out, there are some marriages who done well and lasted long, love scenes or not: Patrick Swayzee, Paul Newman and Joann Woodward, to name a couple of them. Unfortunately, there are many more that did not survive due to affairs with co-stars. Karen
• Australia
27 Oct 09
Quite honestly, it would drive me insane. The actor and actress spend so much time on the movie set, get into character and I assume sometimes it may be hard to draw a line. Me? I would be on set 24/7 with a beady eye because no matter what we all have a little green-eyed monster in us. However, there are those who are faithful to their spouses for all their lives - like Patrick Swayze and Lisa Niemi. But on the other scale - there's Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. Whom, I might add, is notorious for dating her co-stars. So if my husband was an actor about to star in a movie with Angelina Jolie I would kick and scream for him not to take the job - lol!
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Oct 09
Hi Journey. Quite honestly, you are not alone in your feelings, as it would drive me insane, too! I would always wonder, always, and with good cause. This sort of thing has broken to bits many "Hollywood" marriages. It offers blatant pitfalls and temptations, as is evidenced by the many actors and actresses who've fallen in love with a co-star! LOL, I would also kick and scream!!! Thank you for your openess :)) Karen
@vijayanths (7878)
• India
27 Oct 09
Karen, it is not easy to cope with such things in real life. When you love some one deeply you will get that possessive nature automatically.I will not advice my children to marry such people.
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Oct 09
Hi Vijay. Like you, I am grateful none of my daughters married an actor who would willingly do love scenes with other women. Even if it is a sort of pretend to fit the role, oh, how that would hurt them, just as would me, their mother. I would never ever have been able to marry an actor. Thank you for voicing your opinion here. Karen
• United States
27 Oct 09
My husband is currently performing in a musical, simply kissing his co-star twice each night. It makes me literally physically ill, thinking about all his "bonding time" with her and fellow cast members during rehearsals and backstage during performances. It's like I have to compete with her, trying to look and act my best for the few hours he's mine (always at the worst and ugliest parts of the day!). All I have is his word, which should be enough, I guess. But it's really not. It's a sucky situation.
@peace001 (727)
• China
27 Oct 09
i can not stand it and i could feel sad.i donot like that.i'd like to live a simple life with the one who know me totally and it is enough.have a good day
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