Could sibling rivalry be true?

@eileenleyva (10964)
Philippines
October 28, 2009 10:44am CST
I have observed that my parents and their siblings don't always see eye to eye. Sometimes, the things they argue about are just the most trifling things one could think of. I would always like brothers and sisters endear each other. But I also know that the first ever sin in this world is Cain being envious of Abel. And he took his brother's life. So, there must be some truth in sibling rivalry.
13 responses
@allknowing (61550)
• India
30 Oct 09
Because we all have a false notion that brothers and sisters should be perpetually in love with each other we do not want to believe this thing about siblings rivalry and as you have rightly pointed out Cain and Abel the first siblings are clear examples that envy if any is worst amongst siblings. We as siblings have experienced it all.
@eileenleyva (10964)
• Philippines
31 Oct 09
I think the notion is not false. It is a given by virtue of blood.
@allknowing (61550)
• India
1 Nov 09
It is this notion that siblings can never dislike each other makes it hard to digest any hurt feelings that exist between them.
1 person likes this
@eileenleyva (10964)
• Philippines
1 Nov 09
Disliking a sibling sounds a bit negative. My sister and I also had our disagreements. For the longest time, I truly felt hurt. But I cannot find it in my heart to dislike her, nor disown her, nor hate her. It just seems natural to wait for the loving again, even when it takes a long time coming.
• United States
28 Oct 09
I had two older brothers and we certainly had sibling rivalry going on in my house. My brothers seemed to always be fighting for my family's attention and for me it was easy. I was the only girl and got away with a lot because of that and because I am the youngest. I think birth order plays a large role in the rivalry at home.
@eileenleyva (10964)
• Philippines
30 Oct 09
The joys of being a girl and the baby of the family at that... You have the aces on the table. Play your cards well with your two brothers. They are your defenders for life.
• United States
31 Oct 09
That is for sure. I always amazes me how much my brothers have protected me over the years. I am very fortunate to have what I have for siblings. They are wonderful men with great family's and continue to stay close with me and each other.
1 person likes this
@eileenleyva (10964)
• Philippines
31 Oct 09
Then, that duty of keeping your brothers bonded through and through is upon your shoulders. You are the referee who must keep the loving going.
@mrfdg1972 (3238)
• Philippines
28 Oct 09
I feel you are talking about me, i have never done something wrong with my brother, ( God is my witness) In fact i always help him run his business, but he always contradict my advises and do the other way around, By the way i am the eldest and more experienced when it comes doing our Family business. There was a time that he responded to me so very disrespectful, i felt like crying coz i never thought my younger brother would ever said that to me. The way we were raised, we all independently strive our way in providing support for our own family, yes, he could be jealous from where i stand right now, but i believe it is not Cain and Abel's fault but would it be logical to blame Adam as their father? As to how they were taught and brought up in this world.
@eileenleyva (10964)
• Philippines
30 Oct 09
LOL, why Adam? He didn't even know what parenting means! And he just got thrown in this world. He was busy deciphering the secrets of the earth perhaps. Seriously, get easy on your kid brother. He knows you are right and probably deliberately contradicts you so you would notice his decision-making-power. Give him the upper hand one time and see how he reacts. The bonding begins when one yields.
@mrfdg1972 (3238)
• Philippines
30 Oct 09
you maybe right!!! he wants to be the decision maker, that why he always contradicts what i tell him even though it produces negative results. ((About Cain and Abel, Isn't it that we blame the ourselves/parents when our children commits mistakes.))
1 person likes this
@eileenleyva (10964)
• Philippines
31 Oct 09
Keep guiding your brother. He needs it. And parents could only rear and love their children. What the children do, especially when they grown up to be certified adults, are their own responsibility.
• Philippines
29 Oct 09
Yes Ms. eileen, sibling rivalry is true. Good example is our family. We are seven 5 girls and 2 boys, but my parents' favorite is my eldest brother. Eversince we are kids he receives special favors from them like he had more allowance. More expensive shoes and clothes. When he got married, my parents gave him a capital for a business they could start from. My father shared a certain amount for building his house. My mother is always there to help his wife take care of their children. While with me and my other siblings, she does not do that. Up to now my parents shares with my brother's problems and do everything to help him. We feel hurt sometimes but we have accepted it already.
@eileenleyva (10964)
• Philippines
31 Oct 09
My family most likely has the same situation. My mother assisted our eldest in every dilemma of life. But I have come to realize that that is because the eldest needed the help most. The eldest is favorite not only by virtue of being first born but also by virtue of being the most likely to need help. My mother prods me to this day to give our eldest a hand. Your mother must have seen the strength in your character. Couldn't handle it if the first born fails.
• Philippines
2 Nov 09
Yes, i think so. All of us really have to understand and accept to kee the harmony in the whole family.[em]
@jaiho2009 (39021)
• Philippines
30 Oct 09
Hello friend, I think a rivalry between siblings is common,but i also believed it can be prevented. If,siblings had a very close relationship,and treat each one as friends...rivalry won't be created in between their relationship. As an eldest of four,i always give my siblings equal treatment,and it doesn't mean that,as an eldest,i always took the opportunity to be at the highest rank..or,i don't see myself as always in the right decision. I always seek my siblings opinion and listen to them. In this manner,i teach them not to treat each other as superior than the other,and we are not into any rivalry,but,helping each other to achieve each goal and dreams in life.
1 person likes this
@jaiho2009 (39021)
• Philippines
1 Nov 09
thanks for the mark have a great day always
• Philippines
29 Oct 09
Almost true, but we don't want to admit it. Sibling rivalry can't be helped because no two person are alike. There will come a stage in your sibling lives that rivalry will be very obvious. But when all of you grow up, you get to outgrow these rivalry issue. Some even become the best of friends. My say about this is that, ignore the rivalry. Always remember that whatever issues you have with your siblings, at the end of the day you will always be his or her brother/sister. You and them will end up still helping each other. Is it not blood is thicker than water?
@eileenleyva (10964)
• Philippines
31 Oct 09
Very true.
@syankee525 (6295)
• United States
29 Oct 09
my two kids are and been fighting but it's my son whos not trying to get along with my daughter because of his wife controls his every move and thoughts
1 person likes this
@eileenleyva (10964)
• Philippines
31 Oct 09
Oooops. I think this calls for a breathing space. A wife must never compete with the love of a family, and vice versa. Pity the son who is caught in such a web. Life must be eating him out. I do hope you could eat out together and forget the differences. Starting anew may be difficult but it can be done.
@irene3184 (900)
• Philippines
29 Oct 09
I’m well aware that sibling rivalry is, to a certain degree, inevitable and that it can even be healthy. But I’d like to believe that there’s something I can do to rewind this epic rivalry and get my children to be more supportive and kind to each other. I’d like them to know that if one of them does something fabulous, it doesn’t mean that the other is somehow failing. I’d like them to be able to admit that not only do they love each other, but that they like each other, too. Which by the sound of the uncontrollable giggling that from time to time comes from their room, I know is true. So if anyone has any ideas for reversing a trend of sibling rivalry, I’d love to hear them.
@eileenleyva (10964)
• Philippines
31 Oct 09
You are a great parent. Your children will be fine. Eradicate the worry. Totally!
@oasis_9 (833)
• Philippines
29 Oct 09
I have 3 sibling of my own and I'm only two years older than my other sister. I sometimes feel envious of her but its just like a passing thing. As we grow older we tend to learn more and not that we are close now she's my very best friend... Maybe their the factor of how your parents have brought you up. You see my i do admit that my sister is much smarter than i am and she often receives medal at school while i don't. I use to feel that i have to work harder and be better but our parents showed us that their love is equal amongst us. And the rivalry between us tend to fade as time passes...
1 person likes this
@eileenleyva (10964)
• Philippines
31 Oct 09
Wow! Your parents must be put on a pedestal then. They do deserve lots of hugs and kisses from you and your siblings. And hey, my sister received many medals for academic excellence, too. But I am better in dancing and sports, ha ha. She has mathematical and musical intelligences. I have the spatial and natural ones. I think there are eight or nine intelligences now.
• India
29 Oct 09
Of course its true…it may not go as far as Cain and Abel but its there in most sibling relations. We are all humans with all our evil traits and sharing every single thing is not something we all can accept all the time sportingly. My moms are eleven together and none of them see eye to eye…oh! They are a great bunch, if there ever was! Once they meet, they are like the perfect bunch of elderly siblings all talking and laughing and then suddenly somebody would make a remark and they would all jump into the can of worms of past incidents and then eat their way into it throughout the day LOL…its from these discussions that I have come to know of intense rivalry between them, of grudges and jealousies and supposed negligence and preferences of parents. It’s the same on my pa’s side, it’s the same between my hubby and his brother…I am a single child…sometimes I really feel the absence of a sibling and at other times, I’m glad that I am alone.
1 person likes this
@eileenleyva (10964)
• Philippines
31 Oct 09
Yup! The can of worms is also a family favorite. We add some strange ingredient every time. But I'd like to laugh at it most of the time. I have come to accept that as their terms of endearment.
@dlr297 (5365)
• United States
28 Oct 09
I have 4 brothers and one sister and we get along most of the time their is never any major disagreements. My husband has 5 sisters, and one brother. and it seams that everyday their is some kind of drama going on, and they can never see eye to eye on anything.
1 person likes this
@eileenleyva (10964)
• Philippines
31 Oct 09
Ha ha ha! Now you can tell your husband it is all in the genes.
@hvedra (1623)
28 Oct 09
I think it has a lot to do with how the kids are raised and treated. A lot of parents treat different kids differently - sometimes because of gender or age or sometimes just _because_. Where kids are constantly squabbling it is usually because their parents aren't giving them enough of the right attention. I've seen situations where kid pretty much have their noses rubbed in the fact that they aren't the favourite - or are even the least loved. I've also seen situations where the adults are attention seekers themselves and that makes for very anxious and wound up kids.
@eileenleyva (10964)
• Philippines
31 Oct 09
I still could n[t understand why parents could play favorites. I don't. I have two daughters and I love them both equally. I treat them according to how they behave because, believe it or not, they have different characters, different tastes, preferences, priorities, likes and dislikes. But I reared them the way a mother must. I read to them the same books, send them to the same schools, fed them the same food, talked to them the way children must be talked to. I had also been a teacher to thousands of young boys and girls. I never played favorites. I recognize the intelligence of the superior ones and address the emotional dilemma of the inferior ones. I don't think it is fair to put the blame on the parents. The children are as much responsible for the consequences of their actions.
• Malaysia
29 Oct 09
not alll siblings like that.. although they have a misunderstanding, the good sibling s must compromise, sit and talk..
@eileenleyva (10964)
• Philippines
31 Oct 09