What would you do?
By jesssp
@jesssp (2712)
Canada
October 29, 2009 1:22pm CST
I have a predicament and I would like to know what you guys would do in this situation.
For a wedding gift my husband's grandmother is going to make us a quilt. She is VERY talented and I know it's going to be beautiful. They take her about a year to make and she told me to just pick out my colors. I finally talked to her and told her what colors I wanted. She told me she had a pattern in mind for the quilt and would email me a picture so I could see it and tell her what I think.
I hate the pattern.
It's very intricate and 'busy', while I prefer clean, simple lines and more subdued designs. Now I'm not sure what I should do. Should I tell her that I don't like the pattern and ask for something different? Or should I say that it would be fine and only put it on the bed when the grandparents are visiting?
I don't want it to be banished to the closet 99% of the time but I also don't want to seem rude or ungrateful by saying I don't like the pattern she chose for me. I'm not really sure what to do and at this point I'm thinking it might be best to just go with her choice in my colors and deal with it.
What would you do in this situation?
8 people like this
27 responses
@dragon54u (31636)
• United States
29 Oct 09
This is an item that's going to be treasured for generations! She let you pick out the colors so I don't think she'd have a problem if you told her that the pattern just doesn't go with your personal style. She's making you a quilt because she wants to give you something very personal to enjoy every day, to keep you warm as she would. Go ahead and tell her! Take a picture of your bedroom so that she can see which style would go best with it and you'll have a reason that she can see when you say you'd prefer a different pattern.
Besides, simpler is easier and faster for her. Tell her how much it will mean to you. I think she'll take it well. Grandmothers want to please above all else and anything she can do to make it as you want it will be appreciated by her.
1 person likes this
@jesssp (2712)
• Canada
29 Oct 09
LOL, I don't even know what our bedroom will look like yet!
But I get what you're saying and you're exactly right. I think what was making me feel like I may offend her was the idea of picking something out, like a picture from a book or a website, and basically saying 'here, make me someone else's quilt'. I decided to ask her if she had any other patterns in mind and see what she comes up with. We have very different tastes so if the things she comes up with are no better or worse than the first one I may have to look for a pattern I do like and ask her to personalize it somehow. I do want something I'll like and treasure but I also want to have something that's her as well.
1 person likes this
@katsmeow1213 (28717)
• United States
29 Oct 09
I'd love to tell you to find a nice, polite way of telling her that you aren't too fond of that pattern and perhaps she could find another one for you.
However, I'm no good at such things either. I too would probably just end up dealing with it and finding uses for the blanket. Drape it over an old chair in the living room whenever the grandparents come over, instead of putting it on the bed. That way they'll assume you use it to wrap yourself up while watching TV when it's cold out.
1 person likes this
@jesssp (2712)
• Canada
29 Oct 09
I'm not good at saying things like that either so I decided to just send her a very polite email asking if she had any other suggestions. I think this way it shouldn't be offensive to her, I'm still asking for HER suggestions, but I get to make a choice. I think it should be fine.
1 person likes this
@katsmeow1213 (28717)
• United States
29 Oct 09
Great! I hope she sends you a picture of a pattern you really like. I think you did handle it the best possible way. I doubt she'd take offense to you stating you don't like a pattern, especially if she hasn't started on it yet. She does most certainly want you to get one you do like, so hopefully now you will. Keep me posted.
1 person likes this
@jesssp (2712)
• Canada
30 Oct 09
She sent me another pattern that I liked a lot more than the first. I checked out the website for the magazine it was from and actually found another pattern that I really liked so I sent that to her. I'm glad I did it this way too. The pattern I picked is really simple and it will probably take her half the time to make.
@ANTIQUELADY (36440)
• United States
29 Oct 09
I would just ask her if she had more patterns i could look at. I don't see why that would be a big deal w/her & might be easier for her to make to. Quilits handmade are such a special thing that i would want one i could use all the time & have it out where everyone could see it. I love quilts & it's quite an honor to u for her to take the time to make u one but know that she would want it to be to your liking.
@risaree (23)
• United States
29 Oct 09
I would just let her know in a polite way that maybe that is not the design for you. She obviously cares about what you think since she asked for you input on colors and I don't think that you would offend her. Especially since this is for a wedding gift. Maybe she can still pick the design but I would at least let her know that you would prefer something simpler. Grandmothers just enjoy giving such wonderful gifts.
1 person likes this
@earth2jacq (1502)
• Philippines
30 Oct 09
I think the best way is to go subtley. You can try suggesting some patterns in such a way that it does not seem that you don't like what she did. Or you may just accept the gift and use it once every two months or when she visits your house. I think that is not much.
1 person likes this
@Chey1970 (1186)
• United States
29 Oct 09
Hmmm now that is a tough one. I guess first off it would depend on how good of a relationship you have with her. I mean if ya'll are close and can talk about it, ask he if she wouldn't mind making something a little bit simpler and less busy with the colors you plan on using in your bedroom. If ya'll aren't really that close, then maybe ask your soon to be husband to do it. Or like you said bite the bullet and take what she makes, and keep it as a keepsake instead of displaying. In my opinion it would be just as sentimental keeping it as a keep sake for a future child or grand child as displaying it, and it not being what you want.
1 person likes this
@tdemex (3540)
• United States
29 Oct 09
Hey at her age she's smart! I know she'd rather you be honest and tell her how you relly feel! Have her make it the way you want! You'll get more use out of it and always remember her! Why do you think she's showing you the picture? Go for it! 
tdemex
tdemex1 person likes this
@mstriguna (418)
• India
29 Oct 09
Difficult situation to dealt with. I will wait for others to reply as I dont know what to reply to this. hmmm.. :(
1 person likes this
@craftyhomebody (443)
• United States
30 Oct 09
well i am a quilter myself and this is how i feel about this matter first of all your lucky she let you pick the colors. second of all our you sure that grandma can make the patteren that you what it may hurt her hands to cut the pieces out and sew them together some quilts our really hard to do.but being in your grandma shoes i would like for you to say to me hay grandma i found a patteren that i really really like do you think you can do this one for us instead.but that mean that you find a pattern and give her the chance to tell you if she can do it or not.this is expertise talking my grand mother made me a quilt when i got married and i wanted to keep it safe so i left it rolled up in the bag she made for it. 20 years later i pulled it out and o my i had a mouse eat holes in it made a nest in it and the fabic started to rot away.and being a quilter myself it would really hurt my feeling if i knew they where hiding something i spent so many hours on in my labor of love.
@jesssp (2712)
• Canada
30 Oct 09
I decided to do exactly that. I talked to her about it and sent a few ideas to her and all was fine. The one I picked was very, very simple so it will be a lot easier for her to make and it will take her a lot less time. I'm glad I chose to talk to her about it rather than have her make the very, very intricate quilt she was going to. That would just be too much work for nothing!
@free_man (7330)
• United States
29 Oct 09
If your close to her then I would tell her I seen a pattern that I really would love to have and ask her if she would mind if you went with the other pattern if she didn't mind. Do you know how hurt she would be if she found out that you didn't really like it and wouldn't use it. Just be honest and talk to her before she spends all that time making something that you hate. Talk to her and tell her how much you love her and her ideals but tell her the truth. Be honest but be nice about it. She is taking a year out of her life for you it would hurt her if your not honest.
@jesssp (2712)
• Canada
29 Oct 09
I decided to send her an email asking if she had any other ideas to share so I could compare them and pick which one I liked the most. I don't think she'll be bothered by that and you're right, she would be really hurt if she ever found out we didn't like it.
1 person likes this
@lichee_china (506)
• China
29 Oct 09
You really face a difficulty situation!if were you,I will tell her matters about the quilt,she love you and she want give you the best she have.She will be ok,she don't want any displeasure for the wedding.she will be right with you,don't worry.have a nice day.
@nhagen (30)
• United States
29 Oct 09
In this situation I would tell her that you were thinking of maybe a more simple pattern to go along with your other decorations that you have in mind. If she is truly caring and loves you, she will understand. I wouldn't say anything rude, but I wouldn't keep my mouth shut. Why make her work a year on something that you wont even use because you didn't want to tell her to make it more simpler.
It is completely up to you, and I would really understand either way - but I would kindly tell her what your idea was.
Good luck :)
@sudiptacallingu (10879)
• India
30 Oct 09
I can understand what you mean by intricate and busy…I too don’t like such heavy designs on anything LOL…now, as for your problem, why don’t you tell her that since the quilt would be so heavily worked, it looks more like a heirloom piece than an everyday utility item and if that is the design she goes ahead with, you would treat the quilt exactly as that…heirloom piece! Tell her that you would rather die than rough use such a beautiful piece of work…yet, you would not like it to sit in the closet, so why doesn’t she do something simpler for you so that you can use it regularly without guilt?
@reinydawn (11643)
• United States
3 Nov 09
Whew! That's a tough one... I am usually on the opposite end and am the person making an afghan for someone. It's kinda upsetting when people don't use the gifts I've given them, but I don't usually ask for their input on it first. Sometimes I do, depending on what it is. Baby blankets are pretty easy because now people know if it's a girl or boy. Or I will ask what the them or colors are for the room.
If it was me, and I was asked what colors and then if I liked the pattern, I'd be honest about it. Tell her that you don't think the pattern will go well with what you already have and see if she can do something less "busy". I think she would be more than happy to make something that you like rather than something you feel obligated to "show" for her.
Good luck!
@dmrone (746)
• United States
31 Oct 09
Hi,jesssp! I would tell her that i really don't like the pattern, and explain to her what i do like. I am sure she would rather you have something that you like and will use, than to have something you don't like and have it banished to a closet except when the grandparents cometo visit. If she understands, then things will work out, if she doesn't ten i would not worry to much about it.
@Clicker625 (196)
• United States
30 Oct 09
She asked you to tell her what you thought of the pattern. Tell her the truth-diplomatically. I'm a grandmother who often makes things for my kids and grandkids. I would prefer knowing that it would be liked, especially when making something that entails so much time as a quilt. Tell her that you're thrilled that she's making a quilt for both of you. Then say you had pictured one with clean, simple lines and a subdued design. Then hug her or make physical contact in some way, give her your biggest smile and say, "Do you have any patterns like that?" I really think it's more loving to tell her the truth and remember that you have no control over how someone responds. However, you'll know that you acted in a loving, ethical way.
@jesssp (2712)
• Canada
3 Nov 09
I did exactly that, and I'm glad I did. She sent me a few suggestions from a quilting website and when I checked out the site I found a really simple pattern that I loved. I sent her the picture and that was that! She is going to alter it to make it a little bigger and now all I have to do is pick colors.
@Godmother (476)
• Indonesia
5 Nov 09
Wow, difficult situation here ! Old people may be wise, but they are also very sensitive. What I would always do is to ask my husband to say it, but of course in an intricate way, like " It's nice, but grandma, I like horizontal patterns."
Coming out of dear grandsons' mouth, I'm sure she'll design something else.
@CathyLee2009 (429)
• China
2 Nov 09
Hi,jessp!Why not ask your husband for advice?If he doesn't like the pattern either,I think it's more proper to express your opinion to grandma by him.Anyawy,she won't get angry with her own grandson.:)But if your husband like it,then you might as well accept it and tell old lady you love it and make her happy.
