Can you call her a friend?

Philippines
October 29, 2009 11:45pm CST
Can you call a co-employee who is inconsiderate? People around the office are getting irritated of her attitude and I am the only one remaining who's being patient on her being inconsiderate and boastful. I don't want to be associated with her anymore but I have no choice. I can't take her attitude and being with her everyday at work ruins my day so much! Everytime I try to give her advice, she always insults me. :(
1 person likes this
13 responses
@raynejasper (2326)
• Philippines
30 Oct 09
..hi.. well, maybe you're missing something here.. how well do you know the person? because sometimes, the behavior of a person is being affected by the things going on in her life.. you just don't know, that person might be experiencing the hardest part of her life and she doesn't know how and where to let go of her feelings.. For me, the most important thing needed by that person if understanding.. why not try to befriend her? why not try inviting her out maybe on a coffee or a snack.. a cold and hard heart has always a soft spot.. maybe that is her own coping mechanism.. but if you realize that the attitude of the person is really annoying without any reason, then that is the time you will decide not to befriend her because, indeed, she will just ruin your life.. For me, if that is the attitude of my workmate without any reason at all, I will definitely have a distance with her..
• Philippines
30 Oct 09
I have been with her for 7 months since I was hired in the company. That is her real attitude. She is not open for any comments on her attitude on her personality and in the workplace. I want to keep distance with her, which I had tried but I wasn't able to pursue because we are being created some rumors in the office.
@Ravenladyj (22937)
• United States
30 Oct 09
because sometimes, the behavior of a person is being affected by the things going on in her life sometimes thats true....but sometimes..ppl are just idiots, ignorant and bitter ppl who like to natter at every and any one ya know...
• Canada
31 Oct 09
I know a person like that; it's just unfortunate I can't really avoid her since she's related to me (.) But anyway, I think the best thing to do is avoid her and not talk to her at all - completely ignore her if you must - unless absolutely necessary, like if you have to hand her paperwork or something like that. Since you say that that is her real attitude, then it's unlikely she's going to change even if you try to befriend her. If you talk to her or be around her, it will give her the fuel she'll need to be inconsiderate and show off that poor attitude of hers. So, just leave her alone and see what happens.
• United States
31 Oct 09
That sounds difficult! Of course we only see your side - is she perhaps taking what you see as friendly advice the wrong way? If we asked her, would she see you as always criticizing her because you tried to correct her? (Not saying you are, just wondering about HER perception) And as someone said, there may be an unhappy situation in her life causing her to be like this with other people. But, on the other hand, sometimes people are just 'like that' - it may be that this is the way it is with this one, and she isn't going to change! It sounds like she is like it with everyone too. In that case, I guess you have to try and focus on what you can do for yourself to enable you to cope with her through the day without going nuts! I feel for you, in my last job I had one of these and he was the boss and the owner of the business so I really couldn't 'fight back' at all - I went in every day resolving to either kill him with kindness and just be nice whatever he did, or at least to not let him get to me! But really, ten minutes in I would already be feeling like 'grrrrrrr!' and biting my tongue! So I wish you luck!
• United States
31 Oct 09
I kinda feel that something is being left out. Why do you have no choice but to associate with her? Is she your boss? Being honest with you, I would not want to associate whatsoever with someone that disrespects me. So, can you call her a friend? It doesn't seem that she is. And as far advice goes. There's an old saying that I remember that goes something like this. "Before you offer someone advice, remember two things. One is that wise men don't need it, and the second is that fools won't heed it." She seems to be dragging you down since I assume that you are not at work and you are taking of her. For your own sanity, stay away if at all possible. I do hope that things will get better for you.
• Philippines
31 Oct 09
I have friend whom I could say that he/she is good to me but most of the times she/he is being misinterpret, but the truth behind her temper is a weakling personality. She used to camouflage it and act like superior or bossy with other peers. I may hate or love her as she help me when in dire need and although I hate her a friend know to be patience and accept who she is no matter what the circumstances.In your cases a lot of your people notice her attitudes if you are really friend with her, then you should be the one to tell her that your other peers have difficulty dealing with her and mention her behavior which set her aside. You need to advice her and soon may realize her mistakes to change or else even you as the only friend left on her list may be lost on the long run if she never change her attitude.
• India
31 Oct 09
just for One day be silent in your office don't speak with her note all her activity suppose she comes and speaks with u say u are not listening my words y should i speak with u ... if she didn't come to u then surely don't mind her she is not a friend at all
@shadow41 (2356)
• Philippines
31 Oct 09
Hello. I can't consider her as a friend to you. It's more of the opposite. You're trying to befriend her but she doesn't wanted it. Maybe she's undergoing a rough change in her life. For the time being, just try to keep distance from her and understand her more if she tries to do something detrimental to you again. She's not your friend for now but who knows? Maybe one day you'll finally get along well with each other. shadow41
• United States
30 Oct 09
no it's ridicoulous to think of that person as a friend they won't ever care what u have to say and when u need to vent they'll want 2 talk about themselves.
@Ravenladyj (22937)
• United States
30 Oct 09
My question is, is she ASKING for the advice? or are you just voluteering it up? If she ISNT asking for it...dont give it..Some ppl like to vent but arent looking for suggestions ya know... I wouldnt call a person like that a friend OR an aquaintance even...she's a CO-WORKER thats it thats all..Yes you have to deal with her every day but its up to YOU to NOT let her ruin your day and get under your skin..Learn to let it roll off your back ya know
@rhan04 (309)
• Philippines
30 Oct 09
I don't think you can call someone a friend if you can't stand her mere presence. You might as well just leave her alone since she's not doing any good to you. Let her be the way she is since she's too proud of herself anyway. It's a good thing you're being patient with her though.
@laydee (12813)
• Philippines
30 Oct 09
The mere fact that you hate her guts shows that you're not friends with her. I do get what you mean, we have that type of a person in our office. Similarly, my boyfriend complains of such a person at work. He says she hasn't got any friends at all. People even act as if she isn't there, it's not because she's silent, but the mere fact that she's trying to undermine all of them and even badmouths them to the boss. There will be people like that and I'd suggest you start showing her that it is she who needs to change otherwise people would no longer give her the time of day. Try to talk to her, if she doesn't listen then ignore her.
@danitykane (3192)
• Philippines
30 Oct 09
Hello cristina, Oh yeah...honestly, I can't stand people like that. I can't imagine how you deal with her everyday. I have encountered officemates that are likely love themselves and doesn't care what other would think of them. Being with that kind of person is like living in unsafe zone or unhealthy environment. The sad part is, your now so affected with the things she do and her attitude is not a very pleasant thing to have. For me, I will never call her as a friend, because she was so negative and she's just ruining my everyday life at the office, right? A friend is someone who makes you a better person and someone who takes advices. If she insults you and it is becoming her everyday thing, you should have set boundaries and stand up for your right that nobody can treat you like that. If you think shes just making your life complicated, might as well avoid her rather than spend your life being with a negative person. (as they say, for you to have a happy life you should spend your life positively, with full of joy and happiness) but if you think shes just making your life miserable, if I were you I'll avoid her. Holla! shes not worth my time.
• China
30 Oct 09
I think she is not a good friend .She was unable to correct his performance in office. And she did not follow others' helpful advices. what is worse, she offend you! If i were you, i would keep away from such a co-empoyee. There is an old saying in china:one who stays near vermilion gets stained red, and one who stays near ink gets stained back. It means one takes the behavior of one's company. It's my opinion, you have the choice!