Would you feel obliged to attend the compulsory dinner?

@thea09 (18327)
Greece
October 30, 2009 7:44pm CST
Earlier today I received a call from my koubara, not the avatar, my female koubara, the bossy godmother of my son. Our presence was required at dinner tonight and we must be there. The taverna and the time were told and I was left with no choice. It's become one of those relationships of obligaton where apparently she has the right to boss us. From being a lovely woman when we met she is more often bad tempered these days and has been for about two years, with the result that her godson avoids her as much as he can. Just before we were due to leave, in torrential rain I might add, she telephoned to say the taverna had changed to another. When we arrived we were told the meal was a lemon and chicken soup, unless we insisted on looking at the menu. Of course not, we took the soup. It turned out she's made the soup and the first taverna objected to her bringing her own food in, so we ended up in her cousins taverna as he daren't say no to her. She was on her best behaviour but even so my son had devised a cunning plan for our early escape which consisted of voracious yawning. So my koubara rushed us off which was just as my son planned. Not before she tried to insist we do it again tomorrow though, I think even her husband looked a bit put out at that one as he was probably planning a night out without her as he usually does. I made plenty of excuses so we left it that she would call, which I won't answer if she does, as one obligatory dinner a month is more than enough. So do you go to things you don't want to go to to keep the peace, or out of obligation. I don't usually but my koubara can be really scarey.
5 people like this
14 responses
@bunnybon7 (37734)
• Holiday, Florida
31 Oct 09
wow. thats quite interesting. why did you choose this unpleasant woman as a godmother for your son? here, we are allowed to choose whom we like the best. i went to a lot of get togethers last holidays at my sons ex gf's families houses just to keep peace when i really dont like to go hang out at peoples houses with crowds since my disability.
2 people like this
@thea09 (18327)
• Greece
31 Oct 09
Hi bunnybon, it's a long story! She didn't used to be unpleasant or she hid it well, and is the sort of dominant woman of the fishing village. Anyway she chose my son and he was happy to go along as she bought him so many presenst - then. Now is that the same ex girlfriend who went round making an exhibition of herself in restaurants by being allergic to everything that didn't make her fat.
1 person likes this
@bunnybon7 (37734)
• Holiday, Florida
31 Oct 09
you are right. i have a lot of fun on here posting about her. i guess shes been one of the most difficult people i've ever known but like the god mother, cant ever seem to shake her as an aquantence
1 person likes this
@thea09 (18327)
• Greece
31 Oct 09
Then I shall look forward to hearing more of her little foibles.
@GardenGerty (104356)
• United States
31 Oct 09
I do not skip mandatory meetings, but I am skipping a work related party tonight. Not really work related, but all the invited people from work. I think it is good not to make your social life out of work connections.
@thea09 (18327)
• Greece
31 Oct 09
Hi Gerty, especially when it's the company which suggests them so that we all spend time working together and then socialising together. Good for you for skipping it. It's nothing more than team building jargon imposed on ones free time.
1 person likes this
@sunny68 (1327)
• India
31 Oct 09
you should always keep some excuses handy....never know when you need them.... free meals..??...not a bad idea..can do with that more than once a month. once someone did try to talk to me while i was eating...i coughed as if food got stuck in my throat...and then excused myself that i can't talk while eating...and when the food is over then its time to return. best not to give such people time to talk.
1 person likes this
@thea09 (18327)
• Greece
31 Oct 09
Hi sunny, years ago when these obligatory dinners took place they were fun large gatherings with excellent food, but alas not any more. I'm actually suprised she was nice enough not to bring out something she knows I dislike which is what I'd expected, such as snails or goat or offal. I was amazed that my son accepted the proffered soup as hates soup but he told me he was just being polite and not to tr giving it to him at home. I will take your advice and keep excuses handy but I certainly didn't have time to even come up with one yesterday.
@sunny68 (1327)
• India
1 Nov 09
that's why you should have some excuses handy and practice with them.... kids do seem to create a fuss at home only and become angels outside. many a times they do eat things outside that they never touch at home...
@thea09 (18327)
• Greece
1 Nov 09
I agree Sunny, he often has food at a friends house to be polite when he's even refused to sample it at home, and then returns and announces he ate it and will I please make it.
• United States
31 Oct 09
hmm.. well,free food is free food. i would probably go even if it were annoying. god knows my family reunions are usually a war zone.
1 person likes this
@thea09 (18327)
• Greece
31 Oct 09
Hi scarlet_woman, I suppose the old biddy and the slobs are happy to be at the centre of the war zone and it lets you off cooking for them all.
2 people like this
• United States
2 Nov 09
it was usually the biddy's brother that provided the floor show for the day...the slobs were usually off filling their faces somewhere.
@iamsolucky (1243)
• Philippines
31 Oct 09
Hi there and smile! If its a family dinner and we all have to attend, i make it a point that we will be able to attend and have a nice conversation with all. I love family gathering anyway. Happy mylotting and smile always!
@thea09 (18327)
• Greece
31 Oct 09
Hi iamsolucky, do you tell everyone to smile, how do you know I'm not smiling anyway? Do people say that to each other where you live or is it just something you put on the internet. I saw someone else doing it once or maybe it was you, just curious. If you go to family dinners and you want to and you enjoy them then they aren't obligatory at all but as you say just a nice family gathering.Now remember no frowining.
• Australia
31 Oct 09
I do attend a number of things I don't REALLY want to attend, but I am not unhappy to do so. I am not under compulsion, as you were, but I guess ethically obligated. Most are in relation to my voluntary work with a children's ministry, where we have to socialise for a length of time when we'd rather be working, or we have to go to someone's place for dinner, again spending more time than we'd prefer. They are actually enjoyable times, so I'm not complaining about them. Although I'd rather not have to do it, I do appreciate the friendliness. It just means that we miss out on a few MORE hours sleep because we need to spend time in preparation for the next day's activities - but who needs sleep?
1 person likes this
@thea09 (18327)
• Greece
31 Oct 09
Hi cloudwatcher, sleep is far too much overrated with all that wasted time, and I find it much better to have a lot all at once than short nights interupted with the alarm clock. I'd say that as aren't unhappy to go, and enjoy them when you get there, and you don't even complain about them, they aren't really obligations at all but fun times.
@jellymonty (2358)
31 Oct 09
Sounds like you need a replacement for the god-mothership! Oh I'm a stubborn jacka$$.. If I don't want to go, I don't want to go.. period end of story.. or if am very nice I pull a sickie
1 person likes this
@thea09 (18327)
• Greece
31 Oct 09
Hi jelly, well that's how I usually deal with it as well, but I was taken unawares completely as she doesn't tend to telephone often as still maintains the belief that I can't understand a word of Greek, whereas what she actually does is speak twice as fast to me than she does to any Greek person. She'd already barked her commands before I could think of a suitable excuse in Greek she would understand.
@ANTIQUELADY (36488)
• United States
31 Oct 09
I don't like bossy people & i don't like or want to go anywhere on someone's demand. I have never liked to be bossed by anyone & to be honest w/you i don't feel the obligation to anyone like u do her. Thank heavens.
@thea09 (18327)
• Greece
31 Oct 09
Hi Aunty, you certainly don't appear to be the type to be bossed, and I'm not either, she just has that effect on me. It's so wearing when I get there as well as she spends half her time telling me not to mix with so and so as 'no good people' when I consider myself more than capable of deceiding who I will and won't mix with. I must engage in a good political argument with her, on the other side of course, as she hasn't spoken to one of the fishermen for the last 4 years since he refused to vote the way she told him to. After a whole lifetime of living close by as well. So of course he used to be ok to mix with but by now he is not fit to mix with as he disagreed with her once. I just agree politely and then go my own sweet way. But I do accept that the godmother is for life and not just for the nice party she threw after the baptism.
1 person likes this
@ANTIQUELADY (36488)
• United States
1 Nov 09
Customs are customs, i guess but would not like to put up w/her. I don't know how she selected but here if u ask someone to be your child's godparent they have no say like she does. I think the main reason u select one here is in case something happens to u the godparent would step in & raise your child. I never had a godparent nor did my children so this is just different to me.
@thea09 (18327)
• Greece
1 Nov 09
Which is another timely reminder that I must sort out a legal paper in case anything happens to me so that the Nona cannot step in and take control.
1 person likes this
@ZephyrSun (7385)
• United States
1 Nov 09
Oh thea, you're so nice. I would have caller ID and shut off the answering machine if she called. But, my question is, why didn't she just have you over to her house if she was taking her own food out to dinner? I've never taken my own food out to eat before, and I can't say I've ever heard of it being done LOL
@thea09 (18327)
• Greece
4 Nov 09
well she's been doing the taking out of her own food quite a lot recently. She used to own a taverna but forgot that she shouldn't go round scaring all the customers so she sold the lease. Then of course as some really nice people who went out of their way to make people welcome took over, she got jealous at its popularity and started marching in as if she still owned the place and sitting down with customers having brought her own food in. The new owner finally had it when she turned up with ready cooked snails and joined, without any invitation, a party of 6 Brit tourists. The original plan was to go there the other evening but he put his foot down on her taking her own food, whereas that would have been a bit of a hoot as the new owner and I are really close friends. So it's really a case of her wanting to lord it around in what used to be her own place. As for the call she used a new mobile number but it is now imprinted in the phone and when she called again on Sunday my son just refused to answer it.
@ZephyrSun (7385)
• United States
5 Nov 09
LOL She's pretty over the top. Are a lot of Greek so pushy? Or is she just special? My mother in law could fit in with her, we've wanted to change our number for her to quit calling but, my husband is to much of a momma's boy to do that. My mother became crazy and I ended up having her phone number blocked from calling my house, it's so worth the $2.95 a month.
@thea09 (18327)
• Greece
5 Nov 09
I can't believe you have to pay monthly to block a caller number, wouldn't it be much cheaper to just get a new number and only give it to those you want to have it, or are they likely to pass it back on? A lot of Greeks can be quite pushy but my koubara is sort of seen as the village matriach, there's one along in another village about 10 kms away and she's still interfering and bossing everyone there even though she's well into her 80's. It could be more of a small village mentality than an actual Greek trait though.
@suzzy3 (8357)
4 Nov 09
She sounds one scarey lady.I suppose it depends on how important she is in your life.Some one must stand up to her just to let her know she is going over the top.I make it a point not to be bullied by anyone.I certainly would not be ordered out to any place or be told what to do.Or indeed what to eat.Has she a medical condition perhaps you should have a word with her husband and see whats going on.Or you could just move away.
@thea09 (18327)
• Greece
4 Nov 09
Hi suzzy, well she does scare a lot of people but not me, and if she gets too annoying I just pretend I can't understand what she's saying. Hubby knew full well what he was taking on when he married her and she screams at him more than anyone but but she is a model wife, she telephones the likely cafenions he may be skulking in to demand he comes home where his meal is waiting on the table. The thing I dislike most though is her telling me which people are ok to mix with and which are not, as someone can be in favour for a few years then out again. I just ignore it all and go my own sweet way. She is actually the only person who does command our presence and I do feel obliged as she is the godmother and its the done thing out here.
@suzzy3 (8357)
4 Nov 09
Different cultures again .I am learning so much about the world on here.
@thea09 (18327)
• Greece
5 Nov 09
Getting a real snippet of real life goings on in other cultures rather than just the media version is the best bit of mylotting I find.
@cynthiann (18619)
• Jamaica
2 Nov 09
From what you said she appears to be a very unhappy women. But having said that your son should be kept from her s much as possible as she has mega problems. Sod the obligation bit as the happiness of your son comes first. This is awful for him. It doesn't mean that he will not have endure sometimes the company of people that he doesn't like. This would be a good learning experience but not to be with someone who is scary.
@thea09 (18327)
• Greece
4 Nov 09
Hi cynthiann, he's pretty much made his own mind up to avoid her but you wouldn't believe how nice she used to be and she made such a fuss of him there were times I thought he preferred her. She doesn't actually scare either of us but it does get on his nerves when she tells him I'm a bad mama because she doesn't approve of the healthy contents of his school lunch box. She just likes to control people and now she's sold the taverna has much less opportunity to meddle like she used to. We just ignored the phone when she called again on sunday. She'll probably cheer up a bit again if she can find some new male interest.
@cynthiann (18619)
• Jamaica
5 Nov 09
She sounds like she needs help.
@dawnald (84146)
• Shingle Springs, California
2 Nov 09
Once in a long while I go to things I don't want to, but usually I like getting together with people. Then again, I don't really recall being pressured into something a la your koubara...
@thea09 (18327)
• Greece
4 Nov 09
The koubara was not at all amused when she realised the addition of another koubaros in the form of the avatar and denounced him as 'no good person'. I completly draw the line at anyone telling me who I can and can't mix with especially when they used to mix with them themselves before she fell out as she does with most.
1 person likes this
@PeacefulWmn9 (10424)
• United States
31 Oct 09
When I was younger, yes! Ugh. And I came to resent it, as it was always more an order or obligation than a request or invitation. Do I still? Nope, and what a sense of freedom, as peace is hard to keep constantly steady in families anyway. It just became to problematic to attend each and every thing, as I am part of a huge family! I have some physical conditions that make me unable to know how I will feel from day to day. I now attend the things that are most meaningful and never let others lead me to a guilt trip about the rest.
@thea09 (18327)
• Greece
31 Oct 09
Good for you Karen breaking the trend. Luckily I only have the one obligation and its not too bad when its a bigger gathering, especially if her ex husband is there along with the current one. Everyone says he's a saint and now he's got company in the hen pecked club.
1 person likes this
@SomeCowgirl (32266)
• United States
8 Nov 09
I would try to get out of it if at all possible but there are those dinners that are obligations. I would feel that if we were going out we shouldn't be forced to eat a meal we didn't want to, but if it were at a house it would only be polite to eat said meal as long as you had no allergies... though that would be a cunning way to get out of eating said meal I do suppose...