Why The Financial Stereotypes About Marriage?

Canada
October 31, 2009 2:57am CST
Why do people automatically assume that just because two people get married, they are going to be able to support eachother financially? My husband and I have been married a little over 2 years, but our situation is different. I'm Canadian, he's American, working on stangin up here in Canada, but we need to get the stuff filed. We are both on disability in our own countries. Up here in Canada, they seemed to assume that since I was married, husband would provide for me. First off, we believe in remaining financially independent of eachother (I almost suggested a pre-nup!! Not because we might get a divorce, just to make it clear we're not obligated, if that makes sense), but husband has his own expenses (maintaining a place in the USA, travelling back and forth, payment to the ex-wife, American taxes... Anyone else encounter any really annoying stereotypes about marriage? Just because two people are together, does not mean things are going to be traditional. We are doing well as we are, and help eachother where we need to, but we do not depend on eachother financially, because of the governments of our various countries.
2 people like this
6 responses
@StarBright (2799)
• United States
31 Oct 09
As someone who has been married for 40+ years and as someone who started marriage struggling to make ends meet, you will not find me making assumptions about the financial status of any couple - just married or long standing. I can see the Canada/USA combination adds an extra twist to your relationship. I wish you all the best. Love each other and hang in there. It is do-able.
• Canada
31 Oct 09
God BLESS you, and I'm sure He has already. :) Individuals aren't as big a problem when it comes to assumptins as government organizations are, and that's the problem we're having with the Canadian disability office. Maybe you need to work for a government office. You can teach them a thing or two about marriage and money.
@KrauseHome (35035)
• United States
1 Nov 09
This is the thing that always gets me, is how come the outside world that is still single thinks that because there are 2 people married and both are working they are always doing Good financially and never have anything financial come in their way to make things hard. And if they are struggling people wonder how, and is there something they are doing wrong, and should be doing differently. For me, this is one of my Pet peeves for sure, because just because you are married it does not protect you from Financial setbacks for sure. But what I have found out in the almost 11 yrs. of marriage now, is that when you continue to learn to work together, even if things have to be more seperate for other Financial reasons is that things do get better and everything is OK. Even when there are financial setbacks of some sort if you just learn to work them out together, and if you believe in Prayer, pray about them, in the end everything seems to always turn out alright. Wishing you the Best.
@sid556 (31005)
• United States
1 Nov 09
My situation is not the same as yours but kind of on that idea. I'm a very independent person. I don't need a man to support me and likewise I don't want to support any man. When I was living with my ex we each had certain household expenses that we were responsible for. The rest of our earnings were for our personal bills separate from each other. We did not share the same bank account or anything.
@Philbo (579)
• Canada
31 Oct 09
I understand where you are coming from. I am Canadian as well and the people who decide whether you get disability here or not are very difficult to work with. Most people will agree that to manage here you need to have two incomes. My wife has osteoarthritis in her upper back and she is unable to work. If she were single she could get disability. Because she is married and has children she cannot. We live on a very meager income. I have a friend who had to go to court to get it because his wife is severely disabled for the same reason. Even with the help of a lawyer it took them a year to cut through the red tape and start getting a disability for her. He earns a little bit more than myself but his wife is wheelchair bound and can barely dress or wash herself. How disabled does one have to be?
@cutepenguin (6457)
• Canada
31 Oct 09
I think there are in general a lot of stereotypes about marriage. I know a lot of couples who keep separate finances but there are also a lot of couples who have joint finances.
@kezabelle (2985)
31 Oct 09
Married or not no one has an obligation to anyone to help them finacially yes you might do if you can because I dont know ANYONE who would sit back and watch a loved one struggle but sometimes keeping finaces seperated can be a good thing. Me and my partner are getting married in 6 months time I dont think I have faced any stereotypical views as yet but people have plenty of time i suppose mostly the only comments we get are "about bloody time" which is generally even our own view seeing as weve been together 8 years have two children a home etc but really its just the natural progression of our relationship and how we have wanted things to work.