Why do People Marry and Quarrel after?

China
October 31, 2009 4:12am CST
Before marriage, most people are always wanting to satisfy their partner and then there are full of love, kindness and so on. However, once they have gotten married, they may tend to quarrel for all kinds of reasons without any results. It seems that the constant spousal warfare in the household is becoming a necessary part of our life. Yes, you can look at your friends around you but you can never find any married couple who don't have any conflicts throughout their whole marriage life. Is quarreling a non-physical way for couples to disagree? If a marriage is always full of quarrels, does that mean the partner are not ready for the marriage? Why people love each other before marriage but quarrel after marrying?
8 people like this
55 responses
@shhheila (1847)
• Philippines
31 Oct 09
maybe the dont know each other's real colors when they are not yet married, sometimes all the true colors or attitude of a person comes out after marriage and leading to conflicts...
2 people like this
@paula27661 (15899)
• Australia
31 Oct 09
It happens when the couple has not taken the time to get to know each other deeply and to ask important questions. I was watching Dr Phil the other week and he talked about this very thing. He had couples on the show that were experiencing conflict in regards to major life decisions like whether or not to have children for example. You would think that you would discuss issues like that with a prospective spouse but it is amazing how many just presume the other party is on the same page as them, only to marry and learn otherwise! One other reason is that the ‘walking into walls all is rosy’ phase of falling in love is temporary and eventually people are left with everyday life and a very human and imperfect partner; I guess in many cases that may happen around the time they have walked down the isle.
2 people like this
@Craicha (801)
31 Oct 09
people marries bcoz they think theyre ready for marriage life and they in love with eachother ....and after living in marriage life the problem starts to come in ...expenses at home...personal expenses...having kids...so another added for expenses....kids goes to school...when get sick...relatives ask help and unexpected other expenses.....that the couple need to adjust and starts with the problems...when problesm came in that starts with the couple quarrel..!!!
2 people like this
@se7enthbird (8328)
• Philippines
31 Oct 09
sometimes quarrel starts when you get married with someone you really dont know. my mother said that you will not completely know someone unless you live with them in one roof. then once they get married they will know the real traits of their partner. some are very ugly traits and some are very not impressing traits. some people loves their partner more after marriage and some people change love to annoy once they know that person more dipper. me and my wife still have misunderstandings for we are not perfect but i guess we dont quarrel. quarrel are for people who are fed up already.
2 people like this
@dragon54u (31615)
• United States
31 Oct 09
Because during the courting period everyone is on their best behavior. Even if they live together before being married, they pick up their clothes, try to be neat, etc. After marriage, real life hits and they have issues that they disagree on. They have to learn how to compromise.
1 person likes this
• China
31 Oct 09
hello getbrowser, in my opinion,quarrel doesn't mean love is missing,after marriage,he love change into friendship and family love,it is a normally thing that two people quarrel about something after marriage.everyday happens so many things,different people have different thought,it is impossible for the married couple always have one opinion and ask one to content the other one. then,a little bit quarrel is good for marriage,it show that the married couple can express themselvels in marriage.
1 person likes this
• China
31 Oct 09
I think it really commaon and normal to quarrel sometimes after marriage. Before marriage most of couples don't need to concern a lot of things such as promotion, buying houses of their own, dealing with families of the partners and things involving their childern. So after marriage quarrelling is inevitable. I don't think there are couples who never quarrel. Futhermore, being in love with one is not to avoid all quarrels but to consider the situations of the partner when quarrels occur and keep the relationship peaceful.
@airasheila (5459)
• Philippines
31 Oct 09
Dear Getbrowser, With regard to your question, perhaps no married couples would like to have a quarrel after their marrying stage. Maybe quarrels lead to some small reasons that sometimes they neglect to talk about. Yes, you are quite right, in the sense that, no married couples who doesnt have a conflict, however, if any of the couple try to lower down the ego or pride, maybe they will end up arguing and settle their argument. If a marriage life is full of quarrel, it does not connote that the couple are not ready for marriage, hence, they just dont want to submit to each other. Wherein the wife should submit herself to her husband, so as the husband must love his wife. They should and must know their role in order to avoid the argument. Thus if they understand their part and let God be the center of their relationship, the quarrel will just be put aside and understanding will stand-out within.
@zed_k4 (17627)
• Singapore
31 Oct 09
I'm not really a pro in this topic, but I shall try my best. I think before marriage, everything is just so sweet and lovely. But when marriage happens, the chemistry might be fading away, although there is still that gleaming chemistry. I think what men need are understanding and trust and as for women, they need love, care and concern. If both are always willing to give and take, then perhaps the marriage will run smooth. There are different recipes to a happy marriage, but sticking to the basics do help..
@Buchi_bulla (8299)
• India
31 Oct 09
This is because, at the time of loving, they are not living together. They are living in separate places. They meet now and then for some time. Since they want to marry that person, they will try to impress upon the other person. They bring the best out of them, joke, laugh and say good words. Once the marriage is over, they got the person as their life partner. So nothing to impress. Moreover when they are together in the same house all the time so many issues will erupt between them and opinion change will lead to exchange of words and misunderstanding.
@rodsdman (145)
• United States
31 Oct 09
This is a huge question. Quarreling is not limited to married people though. Imagine if you lived with your best friend. The more time you spend together the more you begin to notice those little habits that slowly become an anoyance to you. I imagine that many of the fights over trivial things stem from this constant anoyance factor, that you both may be unaware of. Bickering with each other does not mean that the couple is not in love. My Friend and his wife pick and fight with each other all the time, but it is a healthy release of tension. I believe it far less likely that they will break up than a couple that holds this stuff in.
1 person likes this
• China
31 Oct 09
People can't keep saying nice things to each other,even between couples,I think.Since the world is not perfect,life is not perfect and lovers,either.Marriage is not magic and it can't turn things all right magically. Nevertheless,quarreling is better than keeping silence to each other.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
31 Oct 09
Anyone even married or not have experience the same things as their is no perfect relationship. It is an illusion to believe their is a long lasting relationship with no contradiction. As two different people have decided to unite by love does not mean that they have not encounter arguments. It is a part and parcel of every relationship is tested through a lot of challenges and setbacks. All I could say every one should not make a conclusion that once they married they would not quarrel as even girlfriend to boyfriend relationship have suffer from this set up. Thus,one should not set into mind that a relationship to work need to be perfect as their is no ideal relationship only true understanding with out most ability to continue work a relationship need to be spray with enough trust and respect in order to survives.
1 person likes this
@rsa101 (13804)
• Quezon City, Philippines
31 Oct 09
Marriage is not really a perfect partnership. Every now and then one would find conflict from their partners. I think that is a natural thing to happen since from time to time there are things that partners don't agree upon. But when a couple does love each other this conflicts are most of the time resolve. In some cases this results to irreconcilable conflict then separation happens. But this should not discourage one from engaging into marriage. The only thing that one should be aware of that engaging into it should expect that one of these days each of the partner will encounter conflicts along the way. One just needs to realize that the marriage would end up in love and that's all.
1 person likes this
@anning (88)
• China
31 Oct 09
different people may have different reasons to quarrel .before marrage we can only see the advantage of the partner and after living together we see the truth.we should build an opinion that quarrel is not for life and it is part of it.to sovle the problem we can shift the topic of life like making a goal for both.
1 person likes this
@Trensue (5256)
• United States
31 Oct 09
Maybe we did this all wrong. We had quarrels before we got married as well. In fact, I think we both knew there were going to be rough times ahead. Loving someone certainly doesn't mean that you agree with them all the time. How boring would that be? Not that I am advocating quarreling, but those who never disagree have no room to improve and grow. I also believe there is a sense of entitlement with marriage. I know that I felt this way. When things get rough I say "didn't you say you would be here for the good and the bad ~ well this may be as good as it every gets ~ so adjust." I think not quarreling is typically a sign of not caring enough to be real about feelings. (Sorry folks, I seem to be on one today.)
@celticeagle (118551)
• Boise, Idaho
31 Oct 09
Oh, I could write pages on this subject! For one thing before marriage you are in what is called the honeymoon phase. You are being the best person you can be to make that other person happy and keeping everything nice and velvety smooth. Then you get married and reality strikes! That other person that was being so sweet and kind becomes this horrible person. The one thing happens in so many cases is that people jump into marriage before they really know the other person. You need to wait. You need to give the relationship time to float down and land where it is going to be. If you just are patient and let both people become who they really are then you can see if this other person is the one for you. The honeymoon phase has taken alot people by surprise and made them do things too quickly. Giving a relationship some time can only make it either last or disolve. If more people would wait and not jump into marriage there would not be so many divorces.
• United States
15 Jan 10
That's an interesting topic. I've often wondered the same thing. Perhaps people feel "trapped" after marriage. When two people are in a relationship and not legally bound to one another, they might freedom because they can leave if they choose to do so rather than feeling "bound" to someone. May or may not be true, it's just a thought.
@clorissa123 (4930)
• United States
15 Nov 09
That is a question hard to answer. Before married, people see each other perfectly in every single way. After they got each other, been actually married, all they ever see is the defective way of each other. That is the saying by other people. I actually find it a truth too. So, married couple tend to quarrel most of the time.
@balasri (26554)
• India
15 Nov 09
Mainly because the young people are not easily satisfied or their satisfaction over the finding the physical and mental intricacies of their partner makes them contempt. It the familiarity that breeds this issue.Understanding that wife or husband is not just a new toy to be bored with after the initial crush is the solution to lessen these fights.