Now I like you. Now I don't.
By mommyboo
@mommyboo (13174)
United States
November 4, 2009 5:43pm CST
Is this ever acceptable? You get to know somebody and you feel like you've gotten to know each other pretty well. You talk and laugh, you have certain topics you discuss and there's nothing strange, nothing strained about the situation. Every time you run into each other, it's the same. No grievances ever come up, etc etc.
Suddenly one day out of the blue they are weird with you. When you ask them why, they don't seem to be honest about it. Maybe they mention ONE thing that may make sense, but none of the other things do. What mostly doesn't make sense is the complete 180 - things were fine, then they weren't.
I am not a faucet (hot and cold, hot and cold) and I don't imagine most people are. I don't like this type of behavior and I believe it is fishy, disrespectful, and causes a lot of misunderstandings. If there is some sort of issue, isn't it proper to bring it up when it happens.... THE FIRST TIME? And I don't mean to attack the person over it, just to MENTION it so they know about it. You can't deal with something you know nothing about, correct? If a person is always happy and grateful to have your help and constantly thanks you for it, why in the world would they suddenly up and say 'i'm not sure if I need it any more'?
What would cause a person to act like this? I don't do this. If someone does something odd, I will ask about it right away. I am not just buddy buddy with somebody one day and then the next day get all weird with them without having a reason. Inconsistency bothers me. People who change their tune overnight bother me.
Care to fill me in on this? Do you believe this is appropriate, or is it immature? Can it be caused by things like threats from other people, and in turn is THAT okay? HOW would you deal with this?
9 responses
@dawnald (85135)
• Shingle Springs, California
5 Nov 09
Could be insecurity, avoidance of confrontation, embarrassment, who knows? Some people, the way they were raised, don't know how to communicate with people about things that bother them. If you care about the person, why not ask her?
1 person likes this
@trisha27 (3494)
• United States
5 Nov 09
I have never done this to anyone before or have this done to me. But I don't ever understand why people get like that myself. These are good questions. I would say if there is someone that is doing this to you, maybe you should try to sit down and talk with them, let them know how you feel. Let them know that you feel that all of a sudden that they have become withdrawn and that they are not just the same any more and that it seems like they have changed. Just let them know how you feel and what is on your mind.
1 person likes this
@mommyboo (13174)
• United States
9 Nov 09
I will, I am giving myself a week of downtime to see if things improve or if it stays the same. Like I've told others, this is a professional relationship, not a personal one and the person is a woman. Right on up to the end of Oct, everything was FINE. There was nothing strange said, no issues. Last week, the fit hit the shan and everything fell apart. I know that *I* didn't act any different so it's not ME. If it WAS me, then the other person had the responsibility to SAY SOMETHING prior to there being suddenly this PROBLEM I wasn't even aware of!
@34momma (13882)
• United States
5 Nov 09
people like that make me crazy.
. if you have a problem with me then say so. but don't act all extra with me cause now that is going to piss me off. i am like you, let's talk about it as soon as it happens so we can move on and continue to be friends. but don't let something sit and stew to the point when we see each other you are acting like you can't stand me...
. if you have a problem with me then say so. but don't act all extra with me cause now that is going to piss me off. i am like you, let's talk about it as soon as it happens so we can move on and continue to be friends. but don't let something sit and stew to the point when we see each other you are acting like you can't stand me... @mommyboo (13174)
• United States
9 Nov 09
It is super odd, and I hope that it makes sense when I have a chance to talk. If it doesn't, well..... then I'm sure there will be other things I can do. I just want things to go back to the way they were because I was finally just getting comfortable even having my daughter away from me, every day, half the day....
When you feel like this, all you want to do is turn back the clock and have them be like.... two all over again so it's not even a possibility.
@gemini_rose (16264)
•
5 Nov 09
No it is not acceptable at all and you know this kind of thing happened to me not so long back and it really hurt. I had thought we were getting to be good friends, we did things together got together for dinner and coffee once a week but then all of a sudden she just stopped talking to me, would not have nothing to do with me and to this day I still do not know why and when I asked her she just got cross and started being horrible! So in the end I just left it because I think if someone can change like that without a reasonable excuse then they are not worth it.
1 person likes this
@mommyboo (13174)
• United States
9 Nov 09
You know, you're right and in a normal situation, I would just cut my losses and decide I was better off anyway. In this case, it is a professional relationship and it includes my child, so I'm sorry but I can't just 'cut my losses' here. I wish I could! The stress on me would be so much less, but I have too much to think about and consider when trying to decide how to approach this. I don't know if a little time will help or if I will regret not saying something immediately. I had a rotten week with this last week so I kind of want a week of down time before I head back into the war room again.
@jenalforque (151)
• Philippines
5 Nov 09
That is really immature, why don't they just say it right in front of your face if there's something wrong or something you've done. It helps to deal with the situation right away or if there was a problem, it can be fixed immediately. well, the world is full of inconsistent people, for me it helps when I recite the serenity prayer...
1 person likes this
@mommyboo (13174)
• United States
9 Nov 09
I think I need to add in the part about 'Lord help me find the good friends I know I have to help me hide the bodies when I am not able to accept the things I cannot change' LOL!
All kidding aside, there are just times when people make no sense and my preference is to remove myself and those I love from the influence of the people who make no sense. I mean I don't want to stop them from existing, I just don't want their existence to interfere with my right to have and enjoy the kind of life that I constantly build for myself. If they want to cause issues or be jerks, they can do so somewhere else and by all means, I will let them as long as they don't interfere or influence me with their mad hatter's disease....
@kurdafya_01 (44)
• Philippines
5 Nov 09
it is not only immature but rude as well. maybe your friend's just wary about you. maybe some mutual friends gossiped about you and she/he believed the stories whether true or not.
1 person likes this
@mommyboo (13174)
• United States
9 Nov 09
I feel it is very rude and immature, and speaks of personal communication issues - which are all very unprofessional. I mean if I overstep my bounds with someone, it is up to me to apologize and try to straighten things out with the person, not close off and get rude and snippy and act like I don't know how to communicate when I was doing it JUST FINE A WEEK PRIOR!
@angeamr (4)
• Haiti
5 Nov 09
There are always a reason for this.
The important it's tried to know why the person acted in this frame.
@dhysanne (449)
• Philippines
5 Nov 09
If this really bothers, you should ask him personally. It's hurts so much if you found out to other people why he is acting this way. Especially if his reason is not acceptable. The truth really hurts, but what can we do? Just accept it.
Or maybe he's avoiding you because he doesn't want you to fall for him. You just need to talk him right away for peace of mind. I hope this will help. Good luck!
@chickenteeth (101)
• United States
4 Nov 09
Those are some great questions to ask. This same thing is happening to me right at the moment. The person I am in love with and was so close with before has been so distant lately, and for no reason at all. But then again, rumors and comments from other people have caused him to change, and I don't like it at all. I don't think it is okay at all. Very immature! My best advice is to just play like you don't care, which is what I'm doing right now. Gets to people every time...
@mommyboo (13174)
• United States
6 Nov 09
I am hoping that I get some clues in context and that it blows over. This isn't a personal relationship, it's a professional relationship and the reason it is such a big deal to me is that it happens to include my child. With personal relationships, it's pretty much one to one. With anything including your children, you absolutely have to trust anybody else who is going to be a big influence on them EXPLICITLY. When you can't..... yeah, that's a whole other ball of wax.
