Boyfriend problems.

@Hanan_x3 (294)
United States
November 5, 2009 4:48pm CST
I have a boyfriend and I love him to death! We've known eachother for about 2 years. We love eachother company. When were on the fone and there is a silence, we don't care because we know that its each other that are on the other line. We have had many issues that we have passed that made us stronger. Right now my parents dont approve of him because he is not of the same culture as me. I argue constantly with my parents because I love him too much. There is one thing about him that is giving us problems. He is very insecure. All of the girls that he has gone out with in the past have cheated on him. ALL of them. And some of them used him till they got someone "better". Imo, he is the greatest guy out there. He is respectful, kind hearted, sweet, romantic, etc. However, he does smoke and get high because his life is so hard on him. He goes to a rich all boy school and all of the guys there are a**holes. They constantly harass him, etc. Most of his ex's cheated on him with guys lik that. He is afraid that I might leave him like all the other girls have. I'm not like them nor will I leave him. I love him too much. How do I show him that I'm different. He knows it, yet there are times where he can't help it but think bad thoughts. Those thoughts depress him and he ends up saying mean things to me. What do I do? How do I help him? Thank you.
1 person likes this
9 responses
@rg0205 (2638)
• Hong Kong
6 Nov 09
I have a few things to say about your post. First, I'm sorry to hear you're having a hard time. Now about your parents - Well, as parents, they are concerned for your well being and instead of arguing, why not try to have a heart to heart with them and just be civil. No need to raise your tones at them or try and get into an argument. It's counterproductive. Try and understand that they are only acting in your best interest. As for your boyfriend - I don't really see why you should be the one to sort through his insecurities. He has to do that himself. If his ex gfs cheated on him before, that doesn't necessarily mean that ALL women are horrible bimbos. And, for him to still "feel" that way when you're not cheating is an insult to YOU. I personally would not date anyone who gets high because life is hard. It shows a weakness in character. I noticed your age on your profile so I am assuming that your boyfriend is around your age, too. If he goes to a boys' school and gets heckled, well, most of us go through that. Assuming that he doesn't get violently bullied, I would say we all experience similar things at one point in our teenage years. What is not normal is if a person feels the need to get high in order to feel better. As for you - You don't want to leave and you want to prove to him that you're sincere. Let me ask you this. What has HE done to prove his worth to YOU? What has HE done to show YOU that HE is different? From what I am reading, it seems like you're allowing him to abuse you by letting him "say mean things" when he thinks you are cheating. Then you also say: "He is sweet, etc." I don't know you personally but if you keep letting this happen, you will let it happen with other people in your life as well. He seems to have such a hold on you. It is not your responsibility to fix him and his issues. I suggest you encourage him but you can only do so much. You can't help a person that doesn't want to help himself. That's the best advice I can give in terms of you helping him. Personally, if you were my sister/ friend, I would advise you to stop seeing the guy because it's an unhealthy relationship. He's bringing you down with his issues. It's not the way it's supposed to be. And lastly, you have so much concern over him. What about you? The best thing you can do in this is, above all, LOVE YOURSELF before you love another person intimately because if you don't realize your self worth, you will always love your partner more than he loves you. I wish you all the best.
1 person likes this
@Hanan_x3 (294)
• United States
6 Nov 09
Thank you very much! Your post was VERY helpful. I appreciate you taking the time to read my problems. Thank you stranger :')
@rg0205 (2638)
• Hong Kong
6 Nov 09
You're most welcome. Feel free to message if you have any thing you want to talk about. Best wishes.
• United States
5 Nov 09
Just so you know one of the biggest things that end up ruining relationships later on down the line is the fact that parents don't like the guy or the other way around. Strain gets started then and someone has to choose family or their husband, and husbands can come and go but your family is your blood so therefore its the most likely choice. So you are going to have to talk to him about that and see if there is anything you can do. Other than that there is something else you have to think about and that is whether or not you approve of him smoking. You bringing it up seems like you don't. Yes its illegal, but still how do you view it? Some people don't mind it but if you don't like that and you're holding a grudge then its always going to bug you and its going to ruin things sooner or later. And then with him being insecure. If my boyfriend was that way I would leave him over it. Yeah cut him a little slack but after being with each other for a few months, 6 months max, and if you haven't even had the slightest slip then he should trust you. If not he is never going to get over it and it isn't your problem to fix anymore. Move on. There are other guys out there that aren't a welfare case.
@Hanan_x3 (294)
• United States
6 Nov 09
I can't move on. Its not that easy. I understand his problems. I can't just give up! All his ex's have done that. I'm not them!
• United States
6 Nov 09
All his exs have cheated on him - that makes you not them. But if he acted the same way and constantly told them that they were cheating etc. I can see exactly why they would. I mean as a girl I'd get tired if my boyfriend constantly told me I was or said he thought I would. Of course I'd get angry and when I was done I'd go cheat on him and drop him because in my mind its a taste of his own medicine - he had it coming. You are dating a boy that needs to grow some balls. I feel sorry for you.
@aerous (13474)
• Philippines
6 Nov 09
A simple thing to show him that you are reliable person and better than any of those past girlfriend he had in the past...Is that love, cherish and show some respect and qualities that he is not seen from his past. Tell to him that your a different from those he committed relationship in the past. Tell to him that your not after his money, wealth or any other possession that he have but him is the most important and love be one of reason why are you there to fight for him with your parents...Have a nice day!
• United States
6 Nov 09
If you love him and he is true to you and treats you well, its your life! I know you should always respect your parents but they also need to respect you in being that you are your own person and you choose who you want in and out of your life not them! Hearts don't know race and coulture if you love someone you love them and you can't change that! Also, with his insecuritites all you can do is show him everyday by just being with him...That's an issue he has to deal with on his own you can't change his mind for him, you can tell him till you're blue in the face that you won't cheat on him but that won't change anything...He just needs to realize the love that you have for him and know that you won't do him wrong! It all comes down to the trust he has for you!
• Philippines
6 Nov 09
Well,, If I were in your shoe. I would show him how much I love him and how sincere I am by going out together, having a simple date, talk often,giving some simple stuffs and of course I'll let him come to my house and introduce my parents, relatives and friends.However, your case is different 'cause your parents are against him. So that he won't be thinking bad thoughts against you, you must introduce him to your parents. And so your relationship will be a bit okay. And then,do the next step.
@l33tgirl (289)
• New Zealand
6 Nov 09
In my opinion it's important to think about why your parents don't like him. Is the difference of cultures the only reason? If he was the same culture as you would they accept him? Or is it some other reason? I dated a guy who was jealous all the time. His girlfriends had cheated on him and he also was fearful. In my situation I got angry, I said I'm not his ex girlfriends, nor am I that sort of person and the fact he thinks I would cheat was insulting. And for some reason that seemed to work with him, he had faith in me because I addressed it head on. As for being depressed and saying mean things to you, that has nothing to do with you. These are his own issues and I hate to say it, but you can't help him, he has to help himself. He is insecure because of his past and is taking it out on you, all you can do is show him you love him and you wouldn't hurt him and if he can't accept that move on.
• Indonesia
6 Nov 09
Wow you're some girlfriend, i wish i had one just like you, that man is one lucky guy, i envy him. Looks like your man got issues people push him around like that, the only thing you can do to show that you're different from them is to stay at his side ready with heavy artillery of understanding, encouragement, compassion and all kinds of stuff that only a woman can give.
@yan_blue8 (1439)
• Philippines
6 Nov 09
Hi there hanan! I'm so sorry to hear that you're having issues like this. Well, what can i say? as for your parents, i believe that later on, they are gonna accept him because you love him. You may find it difficult for them to do that now maybe but time will come. They have to understand that relationship can work whether you have the same culture or not. And believe me, later on, they are going to realize how important and how you deeply love this guy. As for your boyfriend, he probably have a trauma of his previous relationships so he is insecure at times, though he loves you. Insecurity and trust are not two similar words. Let him know of that! Its one key to successful relationship as we all know. I guess you just need to do what you're doing constantly for about two years. Like giving him affection and show him that you care and really love him. You know more about it than me, i know:) People when depress tried to say mean things and that includes your guy.This is just normal especially when you're really agitated. With regard to this, you can probably ask him to avoid doing that to you.Its not good to hear those words from when he is mad and say sweet things again when he is already okay.You can talk about it and let him know that you are hurt for such thing. Who knows? Maybe he can realized that he should NEVER do that and try to build his trust to you and be not insecure anymore.. After all, you both know how much you love each other. Good luck to you!
@BrittneeD (261)
• United States
6 Nov 09
Sleep with him ... lol jking Honestly I don't know if there is much you can do about either of those problems. You can't make your parents like him and you can't make him feel more secure that you aren't going to leave him. Although I find it hard that every single one of his past girlfriends cheated on him I mean really everyone? Has he only had like 2 or 3 girlfriends? Anyways I guess all you can do is continue to do what you have been in loving him and showing him that you care for him too much to ever hurt him like that. Maybe eventually he will start to believe that what you guys have is real and your not just faking it. Just always remind him how you feel don't let it slip as some couples do the longer they are together. Let him no you will always be there for him and would do anything for him. Or maybe do what I said in the begining to let him no how much you care i don't know. Whatever works for you.