How do you say that?

@ample03 (403)
India
November 6, 2009 3:38pm CST
The most difficult thing for me to say is "No". I have worked hard towards it to make it a habit whenever necessary but ended up facing with more complex situations. Whenever my friends request for something it is becoming impossible for me to say a blunt "no" most of the times. Eventually that creates a lot of problem in my life. Sometimes even it is happening with strangers also. Am I trying to be too decent? How do tackle those situations? How do you say a "no" to your friends or a stranger when they request for something and you are unable to help?
2 people like this
11 responses
@speakeasy (4215)
• United States
6 Nov 09
I just say "I'm sorry; but, that isn't something I can do right now" or "I'm sorry; but, I don't feel comfortable doing that". If, they are really friends; they will understand. If they are just using you; they will drop you; but, you don't need "users" for friends anyway.
1 person likes this
• United States
7 Nov 09
speakeasy You are so right.
• United Kingdom
7 Nov 09
I have difficulty with this myself at times! They say that saying sorry is the hardest thing to do but I don't think it is, I think it's saying no! Everyone has the right to say no and it's all part of the assertiveness thing! I've been used to the habit of saying maybe, perhaps, probably but for some reason I never find it easy to say no! It shouldn't be this way I know but I think that I'm slowly becoming stronger and more assertive as a person. I'm thinking that we all have the right to say no and we should just do it in a polite manner so as not to offend. If the other person is decent and polite too they will understand. I think that it's important to be truthful always! If I don't feel like doing something then I will just say no! Andrew
1 person likes this
@happy6162 (3011)
• United States
6 Nov 09
I would just tell them that I can not help them right now. I am sorry but that is how it has to be for the time being. If they do not understand and get mad and do not speak to me then they were not a friend to begin with. As for the stranger they also would just have to understand that I could not help them and they would have to fine someone else who could.
1 person likes this
• China
7 Nov 09
Hello friend,as you know it's a necessary ability to say "No" in some situations.I think if you want to solve this problem you should not regard it as a bad vacabulary but a useful one. Then I think you lack of some courage.If I were you I would use some tactful words just as maybe I cann't do it and so forth. So dood luck to you.
@ample03 (403)
• India
9 Nov 09
I think saying no is not so easy, it is a skill. It is truly associated with negative feelings. It really needs a lot of courage and consideration. Often I have seen it disappoints people also. Anyway, I am really trying my best to master the skill.
@LisaGuo (242)
• China
7 Nov 09
We have to learn to say no,though it's difficult.I When you have the abilities to help others,sure it's good.Even you don't when you're able to,I don't think it's serious.Anyway,no one can controls and judges you. Yes,what I typed are words.In real life,I do most is to help as much as I can,if some asked me to do a favor.
@ample03 (403)
• India
9 Nov 09
Yes, I think it is a matter of learning. However I think no one loves to hear a "no" in reply.
• United States
6 Nov 09
I used to have the same problem and it isn't that you are trying to be too decent. For me it was that I had a good heart and liked to make other people happy, and often times would make myself unhappy trying to make others happy. What you have to do is just be honest with people. If you are unable to help or unwilling to help just be honest and tell them your reasons. If they are your friends they should understand, if they get upset then they're not being a good friend. You have to make yourself happy before you can make anyone else happy, and sometimes that means telling other people "no" and looking out for yourself. It's not being selfish... its looking out for yourself, you have to do it... no one is going to do it for you. What made it easier for me to tell people no was thinking about how much that person or persons have done for me or how much they mean to me. If they havn't done a thing for me in the past and they only contact me whenever they want something it was easy for me to just simply say no or come up with an excuse as to why I cannot.
@ample03 (403)
• India
6 Nov 09
You are absolutely right. I have only one connection with my USB high speed modem. Most recently one of my colleague come friend requested to borrow him the modem for 15 days to take it to another city. I literally fumbled to say that 15 days without Internet is impossible for me..
• China
7 Nov 09
Sometimes ,things are not that you may think ,when you find it's too hard,wee,that's all you think ,in fact,when you do,you will find thing will not so hard as you think.so,please do not say no,I can not.
7 Nov 09
Yea I used to have the same problem but I try to be more assertive and just say whatever I feel you cant live life to please others.
@Hatley (161922)
• Garden Grove, California
7 Nov 09
ample03 hi Oh you are not alone. I have always had a hard time saying no to p eople. I have often kicked myself for saying yes to something I really did not want to do. and sometimes for saying no whenI should have said yes,too. When someone is rude then turns around and says, oh did I hurt you I should have said yes,you bruised my arm, but duh I said no I am okay. wuss. So I guess we have to find a way to say softly and kindly well I wish I could help you but I have another commitment I must honor so I must refuse you. maybe you might ask Mrs. Jonesinstead? be soft spoken but firm. No I am afraid I cannot stay overtime tonight as my husband will be leaving when I get home and also my babysitter cannot stay past x hour. so just say no I am sorry but I cannot do that this time. Or sorry but I cannot make cookies for the Pta as we will be on vacation in Georgia that week, sorry. just be gentle but firm, repeat if necessary too.
@lindiebiz (1014)
• Canada
7 Nov 09
You have to learn to say no. There is nothing you can do about it. Maybe you have to get professional help
7 Nov 09
yes , it is very difficult to say no but you may emphasize your point of view without using ,no. as this word makes people un happy so you may use this type of words .........you are right but you may do like this