I have been thinking a lot lately

By Gabs
@gabs8513 (48715)
United Kingdom
November 8, 2009 8:09am CST
As my Friends here know I have emphasema, COPD and a couple of other Isssues I was diagnosed with this Illness 6 years ago, I was bullied out of my 8 year Job because of it, which caused a few Breakdowns while fighting the Company, in the end my Doctor said no more, as I was killing myself, it also turned out that after 8 months later, I was written of work for good by my Doctor, due to constant infections on the Lungs and not breathing right When after the 6 months of tests showed I had it, it also showed that I had alredy had it a few Years before I got as bad as I did, the Consultant I was seeing at the time told me, that one, I have had weak Lungs from Birth, two, he asked if anyone in my Family has this, I asked my Mum and she said not on her Side, I do not know my Dad so not sure what is there Yes I smoke, please no lecture on that, I smoke a lot less now then I did then, going through a hell of a Marriage for 22 years, it was what kept me sane, yes I know some People will say it is just an excuse, well it isn't, Anyway, for the last few Nights, I have been thinking back a lot, and things have come to my mind that have happened 1. When I was a Child, from the age of 6 years old, I was sent away every year by the Doctor for 6 weeks, it was always to places like the fresh Sea Air and that, when I moved to my Mum at the age of 5 it stopped, I remember my Grandmother going mad at my Mum for not carrying on taking me to the Doctor 2. I was born with Chronic Bronchitas so I have always suffered with that every year in the Winter, but was used to it and made no big Deal out of it, I would still go to work and not go on the Sick, 18 years ago I had pneumonia bad, I also suffered a couple of times with pluracy, at those times I was forced to take time of work but apart from that and getting the Flu, I have been healthy, well in my eyes 3. Now this is the thing I have been thinking of more and more My Grandmother never smoked in her Life, no one lived with her and me that smoked, but I remember her having a bad cough all the time, also being out of breath a lot Thinking more about it, I am now wondering if she had it, either it was never detected then, or she did not tell anyone about it, but thinking back, I see a lot of signs that she had which I have now So I am seriously wondering if she had this Illness It is the first time to be honest that I have so deeply thought about it, as I never wanted to accept my Illness and did not want to think about it, once I did things like this came into my Memory I know she had a weak Heart and was a Diabetic but could I be right that she possibly had this to???
9 people like this
19 responses
@Hatley (164485)
• Garden Grove, California
8 Nov 09
hi gabs this may post or not, today is iffy here on mylot as mylot again is goofing up and not posting every response. I also think I had diabetes way before I was told Ihad it, eventhen it was a fluke. I went to this little sub clinic run by interns from the U c I irvine county hospital with an ear ache. the current doctor said, Mrs. Hatley did you not know you have diabetes? I can give you antibiotic for you ear, but you need to be on diabetes medication as well. It seems the test which showe I was diabetic had been on my chart for nearly a year . the last intern had been a vietnamese doctor and he had never told me that I had diabetes. So my new intern at that time put me on glyburide three times a day and had me lose weight. I soon got down to a more reasonable weight,and he took me off all medications. Now some forty years later I am again overweight and am on two diabetes medications. I remember feeling horrible after thanksgiving dinners. the pies made me very groggy ,eating them I mean. I came to dread holidays as the feasting always made me feel sick a nd I think I was already a diabetic then and nobody knew or if they did they did not tell me.
@gabs8513 (48715)
• United Kingdom
9 Nov 09
It is terrible when they do not find it out till after you have been through the Pains and that I had Pains and shortness of breath for a few Years we also for 4 years lived near an RAF Camp for 4 years and I worked as a Cleaner on the Camp so I was always in contact with the Pollution of the Planes and Chemicals to
@Lakota12 (42684)
• United States
8 Nov 09
You know you very well have hit on it. and I bet your grandma didnt go to the Doc with it at all.
3 people like this
@gabs8513 (48715)
• United Kingdom
9 Nov 09
Yes I think I have to
@Lakota12 (42684)
• United States
9 Nov 09
yup hugsssssssssssssssssssssssssss
1 person likes this
9 Nov 09
Hi Gabs, yes with what you are saying about your grandmother, it seems likely that she had it and never bothered about it, how she must have suffered too, so it seems that you have carried from her, you must take it easy hun and rest as much as you can and keep warm, love and hugs. Tamara xxxx
3 people like this
@gabs8513 (48715)
• United Kingdom
9 Nov 09
Hi Sweetie I am believe me I feel a bit better but I am so cold and it is not justy because the Flat is cold it is also that my Body just feels constantly cold If I could afford some of those Heavy Winter Curtains I think the Living room would be a lot warmer and my Bedroom to But hey I am here and still typing lol so my Fingers have not frozen yet
@leenie50 (3992)
• United States
8 Nov 09
Hi Gaby, It's not unusual to be in denial about an illness that changes your life. I completely understand the smoking for stress relief. It's one of those things that people have to experience themselves to be able to understand. As for your grandmother having emphasema and or COPD, yes it is absolutely possible. Not only was the medical field so much behind our time but people didn't go to the doctors unless they were extremely ill and even then, they may have given her cough medicine without ever knowing why. Also for some reason, there was some kind of stigma about someone with asthma or emphasema. When I met my present hubby, he was afraid to tell me that he had emphasema and asthma. He was afraid I'd run. Well, now I have some kind of lung problem and don't know why or what yet. The other thing is about the denial. I also haveother health issues that prevent me from working and limits me extremely from doing housework, shopping or any kind of exercise. Talk about denial!! I had no idea that I was in denial till one day it hit me like a ton of bricks. I kept trying to do things that only hurt me later. How could this task be so difficult to do? I always did it before with ease. My hubby and I both werre in denial about it together and both came to grips with it at the same time. This is what makes Mylot so great. You throw something out that is difficult to discuss or for any reason, and suddenly you realize that it isn't just you. Big Hugsss Leenie
3 people like this
@gabs8513 (48715)
• United Kingdom
9 Nov 09
This is something that People do not understand and I am glad you brought it up I was embarrassed the Illness to I still am in the sense when I am out shopping or taking Gissi out, I start coughing bad or my Breathing starts to slow down and it embarasses me, even more so to take my Inhaler in Public But yes Mylot also has helped a lot as you hear so many People and what is wrong with them and I sit here and think goodness those poor People Hugsssss back to you and thank you for this leenie
• Australia
8 Nov 09
Gaby, chances are your grandmother had emphysema, but really it makes no difference to you NOW. I also believe you should have been receiving medical help years before you did, but again that can't be rectified and knowing it makes no difference NOW. You cannot change anything that is past. What matters is what they know about you NOW and what they are doing about it. What matters is that you accept their diagnosis and their treatment and that you stick to it. I know you have had unreliable help (to put it mildly) in the past, but your medical assistance NOW is good. They are doing the best for you. Gaby the best thing you can do for yourself now, is to accept your situation and follow the consultant's advice. Keep a positive outlook. You know you will never completely beat this thing, but you can still be a victor over it. You are a fighter. You have been a fighter for most of your life. You have known some great victories. You are much stronger now than you were even three years ago. Keep up that fighting spirit.
@gabs8513 (48715)
• United Kingdom
9 Nov 09
Hi there Cloud I think this is my way of accepting it as this is the first time I have really started thinking about it You know how hard I was trying to pretend it was not there, doing things and over doing things that I should not have even though my Body was saying stop my mind said go even that I have calmed down on as I know it was causing me more pain and not being able to breathe You are on e of the People that has helped me along with this since we have become Friends, you have helped with much more then you will ever know, with your wisdom, love and care for me Whenever I was down and wanted to give up, you lifted me back up as soon as you knew I promise I will not give up the fighting Spirit it is there to stay always Big Hugs and much love to you and lots of Love and Kisses from your little Nephew to
@mentalward (14695)
• United States
8 Nov 09
It sounds like she could have had it, but her cough could have been from her heart problem, also. I have chronic bronchitis and have had it since birth, just like you. My mother told me that I had bronchitis every winter since I was born. No one else in my family has ever been diagnosed with it, though. As far as I know, I'm the only one to have any kind of chronic problem. Granted, my mother did smoke but she didn't smoke near me, and my sister didn't have it, so I think it's just a fluke that I got it. I've also had pneumonia and pleurisy. These things aren't always inherited. I've always called myself the runt of the family. (Well, with the exception of one great-aunt, I'm by far the shortest person in my family.) But, with your grandmother coughing like you said, she may very well have had chronic bronchitis or some other lung abnormality.
• Pakistan
8 Nov 09
please dont think to much because i think you are not dangerous
@Hatley (164485)
• Garden Grove, California
8 Nov 09
why , is thinking dangerous?, I don't think you understood this comment.
2 people like this
@mentalward (14695)
• United States
8 Nov 09
Methinks he thinks too much, Hatley. Maybe HE'S dangerous. (Assuming he is a he, that is.)
1 person likes this
8 Nov 09
You must be going through so much my heart goes out to you and I just want to give you a hug! My Dad has emphasemia, he was diognosed 3years ago, he has also had heart problems and recently he has had a pacemaker fitted. He has been fighting to stay in his job for the last 3yrs and he is finding everything very stressful. He is struggling financially because of having to cut his hours due to his ill health. I wish I was in a position to help him but unfortunately I can't financially as I have three young children to support and a house to pay for. I just make sure I visit him as often as possible to show I am here for him and I care. I didn't realise it could be heredatary, which can be a worry as I really don't want to think there is a high chance myself or my children could get this illness. If your doctor has told you that it can be and your gran showed signs then it is quite possible she did have the illness though kept it quiet. I think that a lot more can be done medically now for illnesses like these where as maybe your gran thought there was nothing anyone could do so there was no point in making a fuss. I hope you find peace with your thinking. I don't personally like to dwell on things too much as they can cause more pain then good, sometimes it is just best to accept things and move on.
2 people like this
@gabs8513 (48715)
• United Kingdom
9 Nov 09
Sweet I do not want to scare you , so please do not think that way, the only reason they think that it is or was in my Family somewhere is because I got it at such an early age, I have had this so they say about 5 years before they detected it which would make it the 38 So please do not think that you will get this or your Children because your Dad has it I am so sorry for your Dad and he should get more help as he had to cut his hours I had to fight a long time to get help, it was when they sent their Doctor out to me on my request that in the end his report told them that it is genuine specially when the Peak flow count showed The only way I can accept this is by trying to put the Puzzle together, and as I have started to think about it now after 6 years is a start to me accepting it which has taken all these years, moving on has been hard but believe me Sweetie if you would have seen me the first couple of years after being diagnosed, I have moved on and still am I really hope that you will not brood over this, as there is a very low chance of you and your Children to get it
9 Nov 09
You haven't upset me at all, but I hadn't even considered the possibility of hereditary links with the illness. As far as I am aware my Dad is the only one in a line that has suffered. He used to smoke a lot, but he gave up 7yrs before he was diognosed. He got the illness much later, he is 62. I'm not going to worry about what might or might not happen in the future. I mean cancer runs in my family, but I am not going to worry about it unless it happens. Thats the way I am, as life is too short to worry all the time about might and might nots. I must admit when I am finding times hard I do like to have time to myself to think things through, as to me it is my way of making sense of things.
1 person likes this
@gabs8513 (48715)
• United Kingdom
12 Nov 09
Hi there Sky I am so glad that I have not upset you as that was not my Intention And ye thinking does sort things in your Mind eventually Hugs to you
@royal52gens (5380)
• United States
9 Nov 09
Yes, you could be right. Older generations usually attributed their ailments to old age and did not seek out medical help. My uncle did not know he was deaf in one ear until he applied to the army for enlistment. The army found out he was totally deaf in one ear. After that he lived his life as normal. He never had hearing aids as they were very expensive. He adapted to his situation. It came to light he probably was deaf since birth but no one ever knew it until the army pointed it out. Now that you know what to look for, you will probably be better able to identify relatives who have ailments similar to yours.
2 people like this
@gabs8513 (48715)
• United Kingdom
9 Nov 09
Well I am the only one in the Family to have it believe it or not My Grandmother has 5 Children and 17 Grandchildren and goodness knows how many Great Grandchildren, she did pass away about 14 years ago, but none of them have it Never mind not a lot I can do lol but it is starting to put another piece into the Puzzle
@jillhill (37383)
• United States
8 Nov 09
Sure sounds like it to me.......maybe you have found the root of your problem...I know how many things do run in families in the genes etc so it's entirely possible that you did get if from her!
2 people like this
@gabs8513 (48715)
• United Kingdom
9 Nov 09
Hi Jill, well it took me all these Years to accept it My Body has had enough of being pushed and pushed I have accepted the fact that things will take longer to do It is still hard but I am getting there
• China
8 Nov 09
Do not think a lot, something is not complex so much.
2 people like this
@gabs8513 (48715)
• United Kingdom
8 Nov 09
I have to think to come to terms with things
2 people like this
@blackbriar (9080)
• United States
10 Nov 09
Wow gabs! I knew you were going thru a lot of health issues but didn't realize it was this bad. I'm betting your grandmother had it as well and, like you said, either hid it well or possibly didn't even know but I lean toward hiding it cause with a cough like that, how can you not know something is wrong? The reoccurring bronchitis is what finally made my decision to quit smoking and stay that way. I was coughing so hard at times that my lungs/chest would hurt really bad and it would take months before it would clear up with tons of antibiotics. It got real old real fast with me so talked to my doctor about it and he put me on Chantix. Now, I very seldom cough and can breathe so much better. As much as you probably don't want to, not lecturing here, just saying, you really do need to quit smoking completely, gabs. One way or another. Been smoke-free for over a year now and happy I was able to quit even if I got a lil' help with meds.
1 person likes this
@gabs8513 (48715)
• United Kingdom
12 Nov 09
Hi Sweetie I know I have to quit but I have to do it my Way, the Chantix are the ones that made me so Ill I just could not take it any more So I am now working on doing it my way Lets put it this way, the Consultant is talking about a double Lung Transplant in about 5 years, I am on the list already now as he said it will be hard to find 2 Lungs so I will stop well before them, due to the respect of someone letting me have the Lungs of the one they have loved and lost and also of course to not make myself as bad But well I might have all these issues but I am still me and I have a lot of wonderful Friends in my Life like you So no worrying feeling sorry for me as something good has come out of this, I have met you and all my lovely Friends here which I would not have done as I never used a Computer then lol I was to busy working all hours Big Hugs
• United States
12 Nov 09
-smacks head- Didn't say to use it, Gabs. Just happy you are coming to terms with your illness and know what needs to be done to help ease it, is all. Double Lung transplant? That is something I've never heard of before. Will pray they find a donor for you and soon. We want our gabs to be healthy. ???
1 person likes this
@gabs8513 (48715)
• United Kingdom
12 Nov 09
lol well when I do things I do them all the way lol I don't just go half way You will be happy to hear that my Breathing test was better today then 5 months ago so that was good news to me But well one of the Blood Test should something with my Liver which now they will be keeping an eye on They said they will keep an eye on it to see it will not cause problems but if it does they will have to take action which could be a few Years away though, I have to be honest I cried when I left the Consultant, I keep wondering what is happening, for 40 years I was fit, hard working for 30 years, hardly Ill, apart from Pneumonia 17 years ago and a couple of times pluracy , I was always healthy now well I will get over it I guess lol Big Hugs to you and I know you didn't say for me to take them lol and I did not read it that way
• India
9 Nov 09
Maybe, maybe not *shrugs* what difference does it make Gabs? You’ve lived your life as it was meant to be, you gave your best to the people you love and you have your own self to take care of now. I know you’re doing a lot to stay as the doctors asks you to…OK it might be genetics, but nothing can be done about it anymore…we cant really choose our genes so why bother with them now? If you were younger and had a full life ahead then maybe understanding the cause of the disease and its implication could have given you better insight of events and maybe you could have planned your life better…such as choosing place of residence.
1 person likes this
@gabs8513 (48715)
• United Kingdom
9 Nov 09
Hi there Sud I am only 48 lol and I have had this since the age of 37 according to the Doctor being told at the age of 42 that your working Life is over is not a nice experience to be honest I have always worked and it was hard to accept it Now if I was in my late 60s or something like that yes it would be easier to think well I have had my Life, but I haven't really, I should still be out there fit and energetic working and doing things But hey, I have adjusted my Life to the Illness and I am still doing a lot of things, I guess even though it is things that do not need to much Energie lol But I do agree with you in a sense I guess I was lucky I managed to have my 2 Children and be able to work for 30 years and I hold onto that
• India
10 Nov 09
I'm so sorry Gabs if I've rubbed you the wrong way...it was definitely not my intention. I just wanted to say that with all your illness, genetic or otherwise, you've been able to achieve a lot and so you have a lot of mental strength. Hold on to that and dont ponder over the past or from where you got the illness...you've managed thus far inspite of so many impediments and you've much far to go...so, be strong, be safe, dont worry too much and be with us.
1 person likes this
@gabs8513 (48715)
• United Kingdom
12 Nov 09
Oh Sweetie you haven't rubbed up the wrong way you where right in what you said so please do not think I took it wrong or personally I haven't I knew what you where saying and I knew you where not having a go at me I will always be here with you all I just had to sort things out in my mind after denying the Illness for so long that is all Hugs to you
@zed_k4 (17627)
• Singapore
12 Nov 09
Hi Gabs, I'm sorry that you have to go through all of this. I think what you need is a very relaxing environment right now. Just live life a day at a time, and try to use organic things, eat organic foods and just your best try to stay out of the city, if possible. Avoid inhaling smoke from the roads and stuff like that. Well, since you said you have cut down on smoking; that's good. In fact, that's a good step towards stopping someday. You can also try chewing on a gum or two to help prevent urges. Do take care yeah...and try not to worry so much. I do worry about things too but trying my best to take things in my stride. Not easy, especially with all the pollution nowadays..
1 person likes this
@gabs8513 (48715)
• United Kingdom
12 Nov 09
Hi there Zed I am doing just fine, now that I have started to accept it I feel better instead of constantly trying to do things and pushing my Body to things I know I can not do any more I am fine as I have always got my wonderful Friends to keep me going to
1 person likes this
@zed_k4 (17627)
• Singapore
13 Nov 09
Glad to know that, Gabs..
1 person likes this
@KrauseHome (35517)
• United States
11 Nov 09
This is interesting, as I have had problems like this from time to time in the past, but have always hoped that it is from the Blood Pressure medications I had taken there for a while, and due to being Diabetic and have had other issues in my past as well. I know that about every other yr. I have gotten Bad cases of Bronchitis etc. which is no Fun for sure. But at the same time, I would often think that there would be other easier ways for people to be diagnosed with things that are really wrong, instead of before they really get sick with something as well. But sometimes anymore they just wait to see if they really can find something else before diagnosing someone with something for sure. But I do wish you the Best my friend, as I am sure there must be days when it can be quite frustrating.
1 person likes this
@gabs8513 (48715)
• United Kingdom
12 Nov 09
Hi Tina Yes there are many Days it is very frustrating but I have to deal with it and do as I will not let go thinking what is the point, there are still lots of Points for me to stay me , like all the People I love, my wonderful Man, my Children, Gissi and of course all of my Friends including you
@MsTickle (24993)
• Australia
11 Nov 09
Well I'm no doctor Gabs so it's hard to say. If I took a guess I'd say it's highly likely she did have it.
1 person likes this
@gabs8513 (48715)
• United Kingdom
12 Nov 09
Hi MsTickle yes I think so to the more I thought about it the more I believe she did have it
@dawnald (84146)
• Shingle Springs, California
10 Nov 09
Well the doctor did ask if anybody else in the family had it, so there must be the possibility of a genetic connection. So yeah, I'd say it's possible.
1 person likes this
@gabs8513 (48715)
• United Kingdom
12 Nov 09
Well that is what I thought to I just had to sort things out in my mind that is all for all these years I did not want to accept it but hey I am still a very lucky Person and I am grateful for that
• United States
9 Nov 09
Hi gabs8513 Sometimes babies are born with certain lack of nutrients due to their mom's bad nutrition. Maybe is your case for being born weak or with weak lungs. Please visit my profile to find more information on what I'm going to say here. Check a post I posted titled "pH Levels and your Health". You wil learn that if you keep your body alkaline the disease whatever it is will go away. Germs and bacteria can't survive in an alkaline environment. Also I read about a nutrient named "Biotiquin" that have healed a lot of people from all kind of disease including cancer. A man who had destroyed his lungs being adicted to a sniffing chemical was healed because her wife was feeding him Biotoquin when she visite him at the hospital. Amazing, you can see it on you tube. That supplement is not shipped to USA but they have a website that you can contact them and see how you can get it. They sell it in Mexico. Now have you prayed God asking for healing? I was healed by the power of God from my kidneys. I have had an operation of my right kidney which had stopped working and the surgeon left me with a tiny piece since the rest needed to be removed. After that surgery my other kidney also got damaged. I was about to die when I was preached about the Lord by a believer and I asked God to heal me. I felt a current all over my body and I was completely healed. When I went to my doctor appointment he found out that the bacteria had disapeared from my kidneys and later when I had a sonogram done my right kidney was completely formed, God had created my right kidney the day He healed me. I hope you get well and I expect to see your post saying how you got healed. God bless you.
1 person likes this
@gabs8513 (48715)
• United Kingdom
12 Nov 09
Hi there Seastar Thank you for this and I shall be looking into it Thank you for your kind response to me
@abbey19 (3129)
• Gold Coast, Australia
9 Nov 09
It's very possible that your grandmother had emphysema Gabs, but never sought any medical assistance(if there was any medication for it at that time). If she did have it, it's just another piece fitting in the whole jigsaw puzzle of your life. What matters to you is the present - what you can do for yourself NOW. You seem to have good medical assistance now Gabs, so you just need to be diligent with your medication and your lifestyle. You have gone through many turmoils in the past and overcome them with your determined spirit, and you have become a stronger person. The main thing for you is to stay positive!
@gabs8513 (48715)
• United Kingdom
9 Nov 09
Hi there Abbey oh I am staying positive do not fear, thinking about it is a progress for me as I never wanted to because I tried to pretend that no I did not have it but well it might have taken 6 years (I am blond as you know) to sink in but it eventually has and I am fighting my way through it so do not worry I am nt getting down about it I am just well I guess you could say .....accepting it Big Hugs to you
@bing28 (3798)
• Philippines
9 Nov 09
I feel sad reading your post Gabs, though I feel your much better now and nothing to worry. Yes fresh sea air is really that good to cure weak lungs. Even now gabs, I think this still can do you good. Perhaps your grandmom have it but since she did not smoke, it didn't surface. I have an online friend Gab, with same illness, she was telling her friends that she's dying as this illness has no cure. She can't lift heavy things as she sufferred severe chest pains once she do. She's quite hopeless. I emailed her Psalm 91 for her to read at 6am 12nn 6pm and 12mn as these are the times where El Shaddai members recited this prayer for whatever prayer request they have. (El shaddai a charismatic movement who conducted prayer meetings, worship and sings praises to the Lord, El Shaddai, a hebrew word, meaning God Almighty) My friend told me she grew up without a religion, but she sincerely read this Psalm91 and am so happy hearing from her that she gets well. She of course reported to her doctor for check ups, regularly. I know she's better now. I know you're already well, gabs but should you have time you can read Psalm 91, I know this could be of big help. I wish you're fine now Gabs and always. Huggs...
@gabs8513 (48715)
• United Kingdom
9 Nov 09
I am ok at the Moment Bing, but it is getting really cold here now and that is hard The Illness is not curable no but it is treatable Like your Friend I can't do any of this things either but that is the Illness, I will never say I am dying as I know I am not as such, yes I could but then again I could die from anything As long as she takes her Meds and that she will live much longer then what she is saying she is Yes I also have a Lung Consultant who I see very regular Honest Bing Sweet do not worry, this Illness hits me hard a lot of times with Infections and that but I fight it and I win Thank you for your Advise and I will look it up Sweetie, even though I am not religious either, I believe in God but I believe in my own way but I will look it up Sweetie Big Hugs and much Love to you