What if you couldn't have children?

November 8, 2009 11:41am CST
I am currently phasing the possibility never to have children. I'm not giving up yet and am positive and determined. But it makes you think - what if you couldn't have (had) children? Could you imagine a life without children? Would you consider adoption or fostering? What would you put your life energy into instead?
1 person likes this
9 responses
@ckyera (17261)
• Philippines
16 Nov 09
hello tara... i am on the same boat like you! my husband & i are also having difficult time in having a baby. we are already 5 years married, actually going 6 next year but still no baby for us... that was sad yes, coz of course i want to give my husband a child and yes for us to have our own and start a family. we keeps on praying for it and hoping that one day we can also have our own child... i am just thankful that my husband has been always so supportive with me, what we just do while waiting to have our own child is to enjoy each others company...taking care of each other. and when time comes that we are not really meant to have our own child, i think, i won't mind adopting a baby, as long as its also fine with my husband... its a big decision to make that really needs much thinking and praying... have a nice day and don't lose hope...lets just wish that we can have our own child...in God's time... blessings! and may i ask? how long have you been married?
16 Dec 09
Support is the most important part when suffering subfertility. I am also very pleased that my husband is there for me. Thanks, I'm still hoping. I wish you all the best, too. My husband doesn't want to adopt a child unfortunately - so for us it is either being lucky - or nothing at all. We have only been married for 2 1/2 years, but already have been diagnosed about 2 years ago. Thanks for the comment and the good wishes.
@ckyera (17261)
• Philippines
18 Dec 09
yeah, support is very important in times like this... 2 & 1/2? hmmm not so long, you know, i know someone here in my place that they are married for 14 years before they were able to have a child...actually they already lose hope but to their surprise, when they are no longer thinking about having a baby...the wife gets preggy and i think she's on her 40 that time...but thanks God that the baby is healthy... so lets not lose hope...for nothing is impossible with God... wish you all the best! blessings!
@suspenseful (40316)
• Canada
9 Nov 09
I had a baby I gave up for adoption before I was married but I go secondary infertility (will not go into how) and after I got married, we adopted. If one is unable to bear children themselves, one can always adopt or be a foster parent. Unfortunately due to this "you are not a real mother," or "no one will be good enough or will love my child so I will kill it in the womb," or "even though I am as poor as church mice and am unmarried and irresponsible, i will keep the baby because I am a better mother then those who cannot bear children," attitude, it is harder to adopt nowadays and going overseas is very expensive. Do feel that when you can bear children, and do so, that you become more mature even when you are young. I know I do not feel as confident as my friends who did go through the birthing process after marriage, as when we adopted our boys were three months at the time so for a long time I was afraid that if I had to take care of a newborn, I would fall asleep and he would die or someone would grab the infant. Of course, there was also the bonding issue. I felt that if my sons were in a terrible accident and I was at home, I would not know until the police came. Of course, that was when there were a lot of shows such as "I knew that he was really my child," type plots about girls whose babies were taken away and years later, they found them.
14 Nov 09
You must have been very sad. I think an adoptive child can still be your real child and you can be a real mother. It is an option for many people if they can't have children. But as you say it takes a long time to make sure everything is good for kid and parents.
1 person likes this
@suspenseful (40316)
• Canada
16 Nov 09
I went through certain cultural periods in my life. Up until the later 1960s it was the wonderful adoptive parents and the poor girl who loved her child so much she gave him or her up for adoption. Then there came the shows about the horrible childless selfish materializtic people who were too selfish to try to get pregnant and wanted a child as a status symbol. Now it is the wonderful single mother who keeps her baby and sacrificies, not to mention she is able to br*st feed and bottle feeding that most of us adoptive mothers do is worse for the baby. No wonder it is confusing. You do not know as an adoptive parent whether you are the good person or the bad person. My sons turned out all right, they went to University. makes one believe that cuddling and holding them as babies made up for the lack of mother's milk and that small amount of br*st milk they got at the hospital fitted them for life.
@alkivt (34)
• Cyprus
9 Nov 09
A child is a joy of life. I have a daughter 6 y. and now I am having a son in a month or so. I cannot even think of myself not able to have children? I know of people who cannot have children and it really has a negative effect on them. But I would definately go for adoption if nothing else worked.
14 Nov 09
Good look with your second baby. I hope I'll be pregnant one day soon and have a healthy baby. I don't want to give up yet.
• China
9 Nov 09
hi,taraelocin.If one have courage to do something,then he or she can,no matter what it is,including live without any child.without children,young couple can enjoy their dingk families more fully,not only emotionally but also economicaly.we all know that raising children take a lot of energy,emotion and money.still,some couples whose relationships with their partners are not very stable,attempt to sustain marriage by chilren,and some lack of passion intend to make their life colorful and meaningful by children.Of course,there are some who genuinely love children and enjoy being parents,and some have to bear children due to responsibility or social custom.anyway,if you've truelly decided not to give birth to children,you are expected to save plenty of time ,energy and money to do whatever you like,for example,travelling,collection,art or fashion clothes ...and when one hope to inject his or her love for children to children,he or she can take part in some social work to take care of children who need help and love,raise money for them,instead of bearing one.
14 Nov 09
Sure, everyone has to take their own decision if they want children and everyones choice is acceptable. But having to give up on a dream can be painful and hard. I for one won't give up just yet!
@lelin1123 (15644)
• Puerto Rico
9 Nov 09
I couldn't imagine life with out children. However, if I couldn't have children then I would definitely adopt a child or two. If that was not an option then I would put all my life energy into protecting children from the predators of the world.
14 Nov 09
Children are such an important part for the future of the world. It's good that you feel so committed.
• United States
9 Nov 09
I hope I can have children. I guess if I can't then I would look into adopting. I know that adopting a child is expensive and it can be a long process. Also, I am not working right now which really frustrates me. I often sit at home crying and being depressed. I try to talk to my husband about it and all he keeps bring up is how expensive everything is and how we can afford anything. He does not come right out and say it, but I know he blames me for not working. I definately want kids, but once I get a job I will have to save up to adopt. I am not sure of any agencies that help with adoption.
14 Nov 09
I hope you find a job soon. Maybe once you were able to save a little more you can talk again about having children. Talk to your husband though when you are so sad in the moment. Make him understand and help you.
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
8 Nov 09
I always knew that I wanted to have children and when I was pregnant with my oldest daughter, it was one of the happiest times of my life because that was when I learned that I would in fact be able to have children of my own. The idea of being a mother was so important to me that if I had not been able to concieve children on my own I would have looked into the other alternatives, I would have checked into foster to adopt or even adopting a child from another country. Since I know that I am able to carry children, I even once offered to be a surrogate for a dear friend of mine that has had many pregnancies but is unable to carry them to term.
14 Nov 09
Offering to be a surrogate mother must be a hard decision. I hope your friend now has the family she's been longing for.
@rg0205 (2638)
• Hong Kong
8 Nov 09
I'm young but I'm not really interested in having children. I doubt my thoughts would change later on. If I would be interested in the future, I would likely adopt instead because there are so many children out there who could use a good home. I'm not really into the fostering idea because then, if you get attached to a kid and the kid needs to go away, it's hard. I would most rather adopt.
14 Nov 09
Adoption is a good thing, but it is a long process and often children are quite old by the time they are ready to be adopted. It would be better if kids would be given the chance younger. Both for the kids and adopting parents.
• Italy
8 Nov 09
I cannot have children, and I don't even want them so I'm even lucky. Should I ever want them I'd go for adoption, but I'd go for adoption even if I could have them, I just think it's not right to make more children just because they have your own DNA while there's a lot of them that will never have a house or a family, I think it's selfish and I don't believe in that.
14 Nov 09
Your lucky that you don't want to have children as you can't have any. It saves you a lot of heartache.