i saw my bfriend's BF from a motel..!!!

@janebeth (2032)
Philippines
November 9, 2009 2:28am CST
do i need to tell my friend about this or not?? she loves him so much, she can't live without this guy.. he is her everything, i really don't know what to do.. i love my friend but i don't want her to be sad nor to be hurt, but i know the more worst i will not tell her the more she will be very hurt in the future... help me friends.!! thank you in advance...
6 people like this
41 responses
@rsa101 (37952)
• Philippines
9 Nov 09
I really think that she deserves to know being your "Best-friend" what kind of BF she has. Although I think you really have to confirm that what you see is him and not anybody else or else you might just ruin a relationship. It could be that the person you see is with your best-friend or what. So be very sure that what you saw was really him and with somebody else or it might just be that he slept there alone with for some reasons.
2 people like this
@janebeth (2032)
• Philippines
9 Nov 09
i am really sure rsa that the one coming out from the motel riding on a taxicab with a girl is him, the boyfriend of my best friend.. and i know he saw me, we never met again after that day.. maybe he is afraid of me or what..
2 people like this
@rsa101 (37952)
• Philippines
9 Nov 09
Okay then you need to make the necessary thing. I guess your best friend deserves to know the truth.
1 person likes this
@janebeth (2032)
• Philippines
9 Nov 09
but i really don't know how to start it rsa, i am really confused now.. huhuh
2 people like this
@Margajoe (4709)
• Germany
9 Nov 09
Well let's put it this way:"If the situation was the other way around and your friend new that your partner was having an affair but did not tell you, how would this make you feel?" Personally I would be mad as hell if my best friend did not tell me about this.
2 people like this
@Margajoe (4709)
• Germany
9 Nov 09
No it is not easy. But you would want your friend to be truthful to you too. I think it is best to think of your friendship first. Good luck.
@janebeth (2032)
• Philippines
10 Nov 09
@ marga, yes you are right, i will really feel so sad to her.. and i will not trust her anymore if she will not tell me that she knew everything, so i think i should tell her now or else our friendship will be destroyed.. @ LK, thanks to you my friend, i will treasure our friendship first before thinking about the guy... have a nice day..
1 person likes this
• Philippines
9 Nov 09
Yeah, and if that happens, she will be devastated and might not trust both her best friend and bf anymore. people change when things like this happens she might not get the chance to recover that quickly. it's no joke if you don't tell some one unless you have the guts keeping the guilt to yourself. i think the best friends weights better than the one you have in relationshi[
1 person likes this
@neildc (17239)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
9 Nov 09
I also think it's the best way to do is to talk to the boy. I think if your friend had introduced you to him, he will also consider you as a friend. Let him tell her the truth before someone else tell her about his unfaithfulness. If you can't do that, you can try to talk with her. I think, the best way to tell her is for both of you to sit down and tell her everything. It's not that you are trying to ruin their relationship, but it is to save the relationship. Not only theirs, but also yours with them. You can try to tell her the truth, by story-telling of someone else's story. What I am trying to say is, tell her what you saw but not telling her that he was him, that you actually saw coming out of the motel with another girl. Give her the story using another person. I think that will be the starting point of it, and later on, she will think about their own relationship in the picture. She will have doubts, so she will try to investigate and assess her bf. When after you have talked, and you learned that he did not confirm, accept or "plead guilty", that will be the time you will tell her the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, as your BEST FRIEND.
1 person likes this
@janebeth (2032)
• Philippines
10 Nov 09
yes neil you are right on their, i can tell her a story based on what i saw but it's for her to picture out this situation and after that i will ask her what will she do on it, will she shout, cry or kill her own self?? thanks for it friend.. take care!
• China
11 Nov 09
Yes,I think this is the best way to resolveth is problem .If I were you ,iwould choose this way under this circumstances.
@mentalward (14691)
• United States
9 Nov 09
I've never been in that situation but, if I were, I think I'd rather talk to my friend's boyfriend first and ask him if he truly loves your friend or not. I'd tell him that I saw him at the motel and let him explain why. I'd also tell him how much my friend loves him and how this would tear her apart if she found out. Maybe he has another explanation other than cheating, although I kind of doubt it from the way you've written this discussion. I'd want to hear his side of the story before talking with my friend. If he seemed to not care about my friend's feelings, then I'd have no choice but to tell her in the most supporting way I could. When I found out my first husband was cheating on me, I was completely crushed, but I recovered. Your friend will, too, and will even be stronger because of it.
@mentalward (14691)
• United States
10 Nov 09
Excellent advice, muscles! Giving the guy a time frame to do it by is necessary so he doesn't put it off.
@Opal26 (17679)
• United States
11 Nov 09
I'd have to agree with both mentalward and muscles! I would think that the best thing to do would be to talk to the "cheating boyfriend" first and give him the choice! But, I definitely agree that you need to give him an ultimatim that you will tell you friend!
@janebeth (2032)
• Philippines
10 Nov 09
oh i am so sorry to hear that MW, oh you have changed your avatar.. i was not used to it, lol.. well yes i think i should ask him first before i will tell it to my friend.. and if he explains to me very well maybe that's the time i will tell my friend and let them talk personally.. thank you MW, GOD bless..
• Philippines
9 Nov 09
hello janebeth, Oh, NO BUsted! i guess some or most guys can't seemed to have enough because if they can't fling with the one they love, they'll d on some one else, play around with some one else and have a degree of excitement and pleasure. it seems he will be guilty for the rest of his life until your dbfriend finds out. i believe if you're a true friend you should tell her and probably if she doesn't believe you, the next you see him bring a camera.
1 person likes this
@janebeth (2032)
• Philippines
10 Nov 09
i also think of it, that i better get an evidence for her to believe me easily, but on the exact time i saw him with a girl i really don't know what to do, will i shout to him or what?? well i need to do the right thing, and to tell her the truth and if she will not believe me, well it's not my problem anymore..
• Kenya
9 Nov 09
Tell her you saw him from a motel and let her decide what she thinks he could have been doing there and if need be to ask him about it.You might save your bestfriend a lot of heartache in the long run.
1 person likes this
@janebeth (2032)
• Philippines
10 Nov 09
yes plast i think i should do the right thing, and that is to tell her the truth.. thank you.!!
@KrauseHome (36449)
• United States
14 Nov 09
Personally in situations like this, I am sure it is tearing your Heart out for sure. If I were you I would be investigating this a little further to make sure he was cheating, and then find a way for him to get caught by your friend without you being the one to Break the bad news to her about this as well. I think overall if this guy is truly cheating then he is not the one for your friend, and it would be Best for them to break it off now, and not go any further in creating more problems later on as well. Hopefully you can find the Best way to deal with this one for sure.
• Philippines
4 Jan 10
First of all, in this time I really don't think if you already shared this problem to your bestfriend. If you already did you can ignore my response, but you can still read this. This is my respone, when you saw your bestfriend's boyfriend , was he with a girl? If he is I guess you have to tell your bestfriend. Is your relationship with your bestfriend is strong like everything you will say she will believe instantly, like she have a might turst and faith in you? When the answer is yes, then you should tell her. This is because your bestfriend will seriously believe in you which will avoid for you to start a fight or doubted you making stories, because it is never easy to divulge yourself in their personal problems. About you avoiding them to argue about it, your intention is real. Your sympathy is on your bestfriend because you don't want her to be fooled by her boyfriend. You are right on your reason you are avoiding a future big problem. actually you are just helping them. Tell your bestfriend everything with good intention.
@Canellita (12029)
• United States
16 Nov 09
On the one hand, their relationship is between them and not really your business. On the other hand, if she knew what was going on she could make a decision about whether she wanted to stay in the relationship. More than likely she is not going to believe you without proof and then she will be angry with you and probably break up with you and stay with him. Unless you know all of the details about why he was there you should stay out of it.
• China
10 Nov 09
i think ur friend deserve to know the truth.. and will be ok due to u are here.
1 person likes this
• United States
11 Nov 09
I think it would be best, if you send an ananomus note by mail and explain that it may be the wrong information, because you seen him only once with her, but that she should be cautious and keep an eye out for any signs that it may be true. And also to maybe confront him and say that someone saw him with another girl, but didn't know who it might be. Hope this may help. God bless.
• United States
11 Nov 09
Oops I typo ed anonymous.
@junmae (1586)
• Philippines
10 Nov 09
If you didn't tell it to your friend it seems like you are betraying her. Tell her and its up to her if she wont believe you at least you didn't have any burden.
1 person likes this
@rg0205 (2636)
• Hong Kong
9 Nov 09
I wouldn't know what to do. Part of me feels obliged to tell and another part of me feels like it isn't my place to get in between her and someone else. Who knows, the guy might've been there to meet a friend. Sounds crazy but it's not impossible.
• Philippines
9 Nov 09
If it was in a hotel...maybe BUT in MOTEL... I don't think so... What else will he do in a motel? And who is he going to meet in a motel... There are lots of decent place, why in motel???
@rg0205 (2636)
• Hong Kong
9 Nov 09
Did I say something to offend you because what's with the eye rolling? I think it's possible for a friend to drop off another friend in a motel. I am not saying that it's impossible for him to cheat but since I do not know the whole situation in its entirely, I am less inclined to make impulsive judgments like a lot of people do.
• United States
17 Nov 09
I would talk to him first to see what is going on. If he is cheating, I would encourage him to tell her, and to let him know that if he does not, you will, but it needs to come from him. The truth hurts a little while, lies hurt forever.
@bagumbayan (2705)
• Philippines
13 Nov 09
Dont just say about it. But if you feel, of course you can see the guy when they are together if the guy really needs to be forgotten then advice your friend. Person can do something against his love one but there are some reasons why.
• India
13 Nov 09
Don't tell her directly. She'll probably just go to her bf and ask him directly, he'll say "No" and she'd 9/10 trust him and stop trusting you altogether. Then there are chances that he'd say that you are trying to come in between them and then she'll obviously trust him over you. I'm not saying that she won't trust you at all. But majority chances are that she'll trust her love. As they say, "Love is blind". So here's what I'd have done if I'd be in your place. Just tell her that you find something fishy in him and tell her to keep an eye on him. Just casually. Help her catch him red handed but don't tell her directly. If the matter goes to the guy, he'll probably manipulate the whole thing (if he's smart) and then neither you nor your friend would have a second chance... So all the best buddy, take care and all the best...
• India
11 Nov 09
Hi....first you find out the reason why he went to motel...If you are clear that he is bad..having relationship with others then better to say than to hide from your best friend. It's a life time issue not one days or two days. Better to say her in a good way like she not getting much excited about this issue and do this and that....convince her saying that you have seen with your own eyes....I believe that she listens to your words.....Good luck for her....
@aerous (13434)
• Philippines
11 Nov 09
You must tell this in good way so that your friend did not suspect you to make something to put in trouble about their relationship. Don't make nay actions that is not in timing because your friend being angry with if he knows that? Just try to show something evidence to support your arguments to your friend. So that she can believes you and not manufactured something words that makes their relationship gone..have a nice day!
@hagirl (1295)
• United States
12 Nov 09
The question How would your friend feel if they found out you know about this and do not tell them.....would it tear up your friendship..... Don't let your friend make a mistake and maybe marry this person..... If they already are cheating now they are going to hurt your friend feelings later.... You may need to tell your friend now before they really get caught up in their relationship and then maybe things may work out between the two and maybe not.
@cerebellum (3863)
• United States
11 Nov 09
She does need to know because she must think he's something he's not. Maybe he has a good reason, but it doesn't seem like it. Maybe you could talk to him and get him to tell her. Tell him you'll tell her if he doesn't in a certain amount of time. If he acts like he doesn't care if she finds out maybe he wants out of the relationship anyway. She may be hurt but, she'll get over it. If it were me, I would want to know. I would feel like a fool if I found out all my friends knew and I didn't.