Mothers Should be Responsible for Men’s Derailments?

men's derailments - mothers should be responsible for their sons' derailments.
China
November 9, 2009 4:02am CST
Recently, a medical expert has published a book, which found a laundry list of excuses for men's derailments. It is the mistake according to the medical expert and he thought that men look for the women who resemble their mothers so much in unconscious minds. The more absurd one is the problem followed, which caused by pending contradictions between mothers and sons. According to his ideas, mothers should be responsible for their sons' derailments. In my eyes, men are always the wreckers, oppositely women are victims.Men actually have so many excuses. Perhaps, from certain point of view, the expert is right, but the social phenomenon can not be explained by the only reason indeed. Does he mean that mothers influence their sons? Mothers should be responsible for their sons' derailments, is it right?
8 people like this
23 responses
• Malaysia
9 Nov 09
A woman needs many reasons to cheat a man, but a man just needs another woman to cheat. That is the philosophical explanation to discern oneself about the habit of one man and one woman. Regarding your highlighted issue there is one more saying to make an answer; Don't blame woman for pregnancy but must blame man for not wearing the 'rain coat'.
2 people like this
@laglen (19782)
• United States
9 Nov 09
I disagree, plenty of women cheat and plenty of men do not, even when given the opportunity.
@Sreekala (23435)
• India
9 Nov 09
Hi getbrowser, Mother is the first women who close to the son and if there is no sisters and mother will be the only lady who closes in contact with the son upto a particular age. Son may get influences from his mother may be that is the reason for this assessment. I don’t believe in the resemblance theory but I agree if a person don’t have any contacts with girls and only know his mother then it is natural the mother become the role model. But do you think in the present world boys are living under the feather of mother.
@Margajoe (4720)
• Germany
9 Nov 09
What is wrong with everyone? Don't these kids grow up with a father and a mother? Fathers have no influence? I thought the reason of having children was to have a family. A family is something fathers and mothers do together. (Normally speaking) I can understand you saying this about single mothers who are babying there sons. But even there the sperm influences a character as well!
1 person likes this
@Sreekala (23435)
• India
9 Nov 09
Wait wait dear, usually sons are close with mother and daughters are close to father. It varies from person to person and situations. I have replied within the topic only.
@celticeagle (118680)
• Boise, Idaho
9 Nov 09
This is a very basic psychological fact. Men can have all the excuses they want. I think mothers to some degree do have some responsibility for their son's derailments. Because they are typically the one who is in their lives mostly early on and there fore form their psyche to a great degree. This is stereotypically speaking for this is not always the case.
1 person likes this
@Margajoe (4720)
• Germany
9 Nov 09
But, the women did not make the baby by herself. They man delivered the sperm. That means he also has influence of the baby's character. The mother does not do this alone! When the kid grows up a hero, wow he is his fathers son! When the kid grows up a nothing , it is the mothers fault???? Something wrong with this picture don't you think?
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (118680)
• Boise, Idaho
10 Nov 09
Yes, that is certainly true, BUT, in alot of cases judges give children to the mother and so the child are under the mother's influence and daily scrutiny or lack out it, day in and day out. This is what I meant.
@rg0205 (2638)
• Hong Kong
9 Nov 09
I think parents are responsible for raising their children and to ensure that their kids grow up into productive members of our society. However, there are a select few that do not want to be, no matter how a parent tries to discipline their child. In the end, the child makes his own decisions whether good or not. I think it's quite sexist to say that mothers are responsible for the derailment of men. This, to me, is just another one of those blame shifting things that people do to point fingers. I wouldn't believe anything I read. Any person from the medical field can publish whatever report they want and they'll easily get attention from it, whether it's actually true or not. You can't keep blaming people for your mistakes. That's what I think. When you can distinguish right from wrong, you should then on learn to make good decisions. When you're already old and gray, would you still blame your mother or father? That's just silly.
1 person likes this
@catdla1 (6005)
• United States
9 Nov 09
Excellent and very well said rg! Getting into the habit of placing blame is a very dangerous thing. Eventually one would start believing that they could do anything they wished, right or wrong, because they had a fall-back excuse of blaming some one else. A book like that, written by a supposed medical professional just plays into that dangerous viewpoint. Just because some one is a doctor doesn't mean they are wise. Half of them graduated at the bottom of their class.
@cbjones (1157)
• United States
9 Nov 09
Maybe I'm in the minority here, but I don't want a woman who looks or even acts like my own mom. That would be quite odd. My mom is cool and everything, but what I'm after isn't a sequel of her. What happened to adults taking responsibility for their own actions? I was taught that as a kid...From my mom and dad. Coincidence?
1 person likes this
@dragon54u (31615)
• United States
9 Nov 09
We raise our children the best we know how and then it is the responsibility of those children to run their lives in a good manner. It is no longer the mother's fault once the child is an adult capable of recognizing and changing bad behavior. Men will always try to blame a woman for their shortcomings. If they would use their brains once in awhile and forget for just a few moments about what's between their legs (and ours), they would be more successful and happy. Too bad there's not a way to turn off the hormones. Even in their 90's, men continue to have those urges and molest women.
1 person likes this
@Hucheng (163)
• China
9 Nov 09
What?!!!
1 person likes this
• Philippines
9 Nov 09
I don't agree with that, i think it happens to some but to most, the mother is actually doing their best to give a good discipline and upbringing to their kids, but if outside influences tends to take over them, then it's not the mothers fault, they're actually in pain to just seeing their child going to the wrong path and then get the blamed for it? i don't think it's up to us to judge since they made that choice
@kalav56 (11503)
• India
9 Nov 09
I cannot understand the significance of the term "derailment" in this particular context. Can you clarify please?
• Philippines
9 Nov 09
i think what he mean't was the problems, negative attitudes and possible rebel kind of attitude should be blamed on the mothers and not the child. all the failures of men, should be blamed on the mothers, which was irrational to me.well, it depends on your choice
• China
9 Nov 09
Men's derailments means that men cheat on women in a marriage. Usually, when men no longer feel satisfied in their current relationship and are too cowardly to end the relationship, then they will tend to find another beautiful girl and get married again. Perhaps, men cheat on women just because they like various partners.
@kalav56 (11503)
• India
9 Nov 09
I am convinced that the relationship between a man and a woman is solely dependent on the chemistry between the two , the mental compatibility and tolerance [ the lack of it can mar the chemistry] between them . Mothers cannot be blamed for this but I do agree that upbringing plays an important part in any one's life. But even this has some limitations. As far as cheating their women or infidelity is concerned, the male species being what it is does not look for security in a relationship.On the other hand, the woman is the one who looks for security in her relationship.
1 person likes this
@Margajoe (4720)
• Germany
9 Nov 09
Personally I think that is just an easy way of looking at it. How do you explain the women that always have excuses and derail? Is it there fathers fault? Come on, we are all responsible for our own actions. We got our own free will. Everyone derails some time in life, it has nothing to do with men or women. I used to believe that only men had affairs. But, what do they have affairs with? Other women!!! We are no better than men. When a man gets beaten by his women, he won't talk about it. Where as a women will say it faster. Sorry I have learned that women can be just a bad if not worse than most men. Does not mean men are good! Of course they are just as guilty as we women are. hahaha! Take care.
• China
10 Nov 09
Yes, you are right. If mothers should be responsible for men's derailments, then, it is the fathers faults if women cheat on men in a marriage. If a couple gets divorced at for some reasons, both women and men should be responsible for this divorce. Men are just as guilty as women are. Of course, it is wrong to let parents to understake the responsibility of divorce.
1 person likes this
@nachtzz (29)
• Philippines
10 Nov 09
The idea that mothers should be responsible for mens' derailment is seemed to be a bias opinion against mothers. Although mothers influence the growth and development of their children, they should not be judged as per aspect of mens' derailments. It is simply because there are some factors which actually affects the child's growth and development. Others would judge a children's behavior basing on the parents, but it's now always the parents specifically the mother who deemed to be responsible of such derailments. Environment also place an important factor to the child's growth and development. We are all responsible for all our actions and if such scenario occurs, we cannot blame it to the mothers alone but we will try to see the other aspects that affects the behavior of the child.
@Bradpete (822)
• Philippines
10 Nov 09
Some mothers very low discipline they did not bit their children. Some using their bulgar mouth that is more offensive to the minds of the children. That's why most people telling a bulgar word about mothers. Mother "F" Son of a "B". But I saw many great mother including my mom & grandma they are great examplar of motherhood. They raise us up in good living. I'm having been born in goodly mother. I love my baby photo with my beautiful mother.
@Ruby722 (798)
• China
10 Nov 09
I disagree with that expert's point.Men if he wants cheat on his wife their will find a lots of ridiculous excuses and it does not mean anything.Mothers is the greatest women in the world.She already responsible for a lots of things.This 'derailments' I dont think is mother's duty.when kids grow up parents give them freedom.So they choose their paths.You can't blame it on mothers .It's just unfair.
@Hatley (164629)
• Garden Grove, California
10 Nov 09
hi getbrowser well I suppose some women are not fit mothers and might well' mistreat and misguide their sons, but dads too should have something to'do with the way a boy is when he grows up. and also a lotof the socalled derailment' belongs with the adult man who does a lotof hisown damage to himself. it cannot all be caused by his mom. that is so silly it is ridiculous.Sure mothers influence their sons but once a son is an adult he makes his own decisions and should be responsible for his own derailments as you call them.you cannot blame the parents for allof an adults wrong doing.you can instill values into children growing up but once adults it is up to them whether they heed those values or change to something else.
@mariposaman (2967)
• Canada
10 Nov 09
If there are 100 men cheating there must be a hundred women cheating with them. Why do we blame only one side. When a man cheats he is a pig. When a woman cheats it is because she is unfulfilled, it must have been the man neglecting her, so the man always gets the blame and the women always get a free pass. Unless all these men are cheating with the same busy woman, or are gay and cheating with each other, then why are you saying men are always the wreckers and the women are always victims. That is a load of B.S.
@PeacefulWmn9 (10424)
• United States
10 Nov 09
Mothers AND fathers influence their children, sons and daughters both, to be sure. Other studies say females subconsciously seek out mates who resemble their fathers, for instance. But as for derailments, many other factors enter in: abuse in childhood, glitches in the brain the are present even before birth, teachers, friends and relatives, peers, society...too much influence from to many sources to lay all of that on mothers alone. There comes a time that a sane person becomes totally responsible, once an adult, for their own personal choices, decisions, mistakes, successes, and actions. So my answer? No, that study is not correct, for it left out to many other important factors that contribute to anyone's derailment! Karen
@musicman6 (2369)
• United States
10 Nov 09
Well one thing for sure, you can't always assume, these 'experts' are even right, because they write a book to make money, and gain notoriety, and you can't always bank on them having any information to substantiate their writings! I always go by what I have experienced, or what I have seen, to be more accurate!
@mipen2006 (5528)
• Australia
9 Nov 09
Hi getbrowser, I can see what you're saying, and I think mothers can have as much influence over sons as fathers. I also think subconciously, we look for wifes that remind us of our mothers, but only if our relationship with our mother was a happy one.
@drannhh (15229)
• United States
9 Nov 09
As they say in half of the world, I think, "women hold up half of the sky!" Therefore while disagreeing with this so-called expert in his theories, I cannot attribute all of the evil in the world to just one gender. If you look deeper into the derailed relationships between mothers and sons, however, there is a common thread--the absence of a suitable FATHER. So why should the father get off free just because he ran away from his responsibilities? So while there are many fine and decent men in the world, I do agree that more than women in almost every society most of the men do get by with more excuses. It also seems to be true that women get more of the blame in situations where perhaps the blame should be divided equally, and often even when the woman has no culpability at all. So in that sense I think you are right.
@catdla1 (6005)
• United States
9 Nov 09
This is silly, and I think the 'medical expert' has issues. First and foremost is the support for a practice where blame is placed somewhere else for every negative action that a child does as an adult. If a man or a woman cheat on their partner...they are to blame for their own actions. It was their choice, no one elses. All of us face temptation at some point in our lives, and if one is weak-willed it's their own fault. Secondly, while mothers do have some influence in teaching morals and values, so do fathers, grandparents, aunts, uncles, teachers, siblings, and peers. Not to mention outside influences like television, movies, music and art. Why is only one on the list picked out for blame? I feel bad for this author's mother, and the disrespect he has shown her. What sad, is that this book will probably sell well. Wishy-washy loose men (and women) without morals, who can't keep their clothes on will flock to a book like this. It's in their character, and easier to place blame than it is to look in the mirror.