Do you have friends who make plans with you but they do not follow through?

@much2say (18382)
United States
November 9, 2009 11:07am CST
I have a friend who never seems to follow through on her plans with me (and our other mutual friends). It's sort of like the boy who cried wolf . . . we just don't believe her words anymore . . . and now anytime she makes plans, we only roll our eyes. This year for my birthday, she again mentioned several times "Let's get together for your birthday" - "When we get together for your birthday . . . " - "I want to take you out for lunch on your birthday". And when the time comes, *cricket, cricket* - not a peep til the next month - not even to wish me a happy birthday! One time she said she would treat my friend to a birthday dinner. She actually took her to a fancy schmancy restaurant. The birthday girl thought that was so generous and thoughtful - she had been down with money being so tight and all - so a nice dinner was much appreciated. And then the bill comes . . . the friend made no gesture to pay for the birthday girl . . . so the birthday girl ended up paying for herself (ended up having to charge it). Those are just a couple instances. It's one thing when she says she'll call and she doesn't call . . . we can always call. But when it comes to a celebration or something, it'd be rude for us to call her bluff "Um, remember you were going to take me out?". How would you handle a friend like this? And BTW - we, the friends, do keep our word when make plans with her.
2 people like this
16 responses
@hellcowboy (7383)
• United States
10 Nov 09
I am sure everyone hates having friends who make plans and never follow through with them and I think we all have friends like that at one point in our life,and I used to have several friends who were good friends or best friends,and they would always make plans and never would do what they said they were gonna do which annoyed me,and now me and my wife are no longer friends with them,now we only have two real friends and they are best friends and when they say they are gonna do something they do it,and when we say we are gonna do something,we do it.
@much2say (18382)
• United States
28 Nov 09
I think as we get older, we don't tolerate as much as we did when we were younger. Certainly we have weeded out the annoying friends . . . the ones we can't rely on. But some of them do still hang around (in our case anyway). It's certainly better to have a handful of good friends who keep their words . . . having these flakey ones just waste our time and energy. How great you have best friends you can count on!
1 person likes this
• United States
22 Dec 09
I know most people do not tolerate things when they get older like they did when they were younger even though I have always been impatient,and I am blessed to have best friends I can count on,and I will always treasure them and always thank God for them being my best friends,since everything happens for a reason,and everything happens because God wants it too.
• India
12 Nov 09
hello there yes there are many friends of mine entirely like that who makes promises that they couldn't keep. Now they are mostly ignored by others. They are sort of selfish and mean people that do things like this that hurt others very easily. I don't know if they do it intentionally but there must be some problems in their life that they could not have solved which makes them like this. Before coming to conclusion do try to find out their problem, and if found genuine try to help them in solving it and making them good and free again. Otherwise say good bye to them. Good luck, Happy mylotting
@much2say (18382)
• United States
28 Nov 09
Yes, there are many people who are like my friend. However, I think my friend takes the cake when it comes to failing to proceed with plans. I think she is unintentionally selfish . . . but that's no excuse to flake out on her own words. I guess I really should tell her what's going on . . . and that everyone else if feeling the same way - that she is really wearing out any trust that we have left in her. I don't know that we'd say goodbye to her entirely because this issue, but certainly she is driving us away when she wants to do anything with any of us.
• India
10 Nov 09
Hello There Yes You decided the right thing to be away from friends like them i had many friends like this we took great care of them but they doesn't seem to be trying to be caring of anyone else
@much2say (18382)
• United States
28 Nov 09
Yes, people like that are sort of selfish. They're not thinking of anybody else's time and effort except for their's. I don't think I would dump this friend, but surely we have begun to dump this person's planning ideas . . . we just already know what's going to happen - most likely nothing.
• China
10 Nov 09
Commitment to other peole's things to do ,this is the question of sincerity
@much2say (18382)
• United States
28 Nov 09
Yes, making plans and following through with them makes for a sincere friend . . . or at least someone who keeps their words!
• United States
10 Nov 09
Sounds like she isnt much of a friend if she cant follow through on any plans she makes with you, If something else came up, we would understand that but to just not show and never mention it is rude and inconsiderate. I would personally ask her why she always does that to you
@much2say (18382)
• United States
28 Nov 09
I am willing to bet that if we asked her why she does that, she would tell us it's not her fault that other things happpen that her plans don't happen. In fact, she may not realize that she has a pattern of not following through on her plans - or at least see that she is doing anything wrong. As you said, it is rude and inconsiderate . . . most people who are like that don't seem to be aware that they are like that. Sad, eh?
@getbrowser (1715)
• China
10 Nov 09
fox people - If I have some chances to make a decision, I really hope I have been unacquainted with such fox people.
Nowadays, I have been accustomed to coming into contact with this kind of friend. In my eyes, most people here may have met such kind of people for many times. Sometimes, my friend and I have planned to do something in a certain time. But then, when the appointed time is coming, he rejects to follow the plan just for some unimportant causes. Yes, this situation is really common for me, even I can predict his answer to me when we do something together. Everytime, I will pay no attention to his action because I am not willing to get angry. If I have some chances to make a decision, I really hope I have been unacquainted with such people.
@much2say (18382)
• United States
28 Nov 09
Oh, but isn't it sad that it is common that we have to have friends like this to deal with? Since when is it ok to be flakey and not keep your words on a plan . . . I mean, isn't a plan supposed to be a plan? It's sad that we just expect nothing out of people like this . . . we just roll our eyes and already know that their plans will never happen. You're right, I can't get angry over it because I already know what will happen.
• United States
10 Nov 09
Well, this is a talk on promise. People like that hard found a way out to fullfil what ever they say. They do things with self- interest. Promise fail is a heart broken.
@much2say (18382)
• United States
28 Nov 09
This is called an empty promise. And it stinks because the more they do it, the less we trust these type of friends. If these type of friends don't watch it, it's their heart that's going to be broken.
@wgnashze (28)
10 Nov 09
It's a bit different on my end, I'm usually the person planning behind all get-togethers, birthdays or even simple coffee shop meetings. But it does get me disappointed and rather mad for a few days or so, when someone who confirmed wouldn't even show up nor call on the big day. We've grown to know the ones that would probably just cancel or not surface and most of the time we won't count them in, as to not ruin the details we set. But, we're friends and I get over it after a while, then we start planning again.
@much2say (18382)
• United States
28 Nov 09
Well, as the planner, you sound organized and understand what it means to be considerate of others. My friend makes a lot of plans - but it rarely materializes - so we now know not to hold our breath about her so called plans. Whenever she is the one making the plans, we simply cringe - whether it's a big get together or even a coffee meeting. We see her pattern, but not sure if she realizes what she's doing. Like you, we get over it too, so that's why I guess we're all still friends with her.
@justmeh (189)
• Philippines
10 Nov 09
Yeah there are some instances that happen to me like that and it really pisses me off. Making such promises and yet you'll end up like there's nothing to believe in their doings...so sometimes it's hard to believe whenever they say something...it's just making other people have hope in you to fulfill but...hmmmp! just that....
@much2say (18382)
• United States
28 Nov 09
Empty promises - yep - that's all it is. I am tired of it - and have been tired of it for quite some time. The sad thing is now I just expect this behavior out of her . . . and I'll say yah yah yah to her plans, but I won't believe that any of it will materialize. So now I see that she's a person who doesn't keep her word . . . and unfortunately many people see her that way too. Yep - it pisses everyone one off!
• Philippines
10 Nov 09
i totally sympathize with you. i was just discussing with someone about a mutual friend who does this sort of thing to us. she seems pretty sure and hyper during the planning stage and then abruptly cancels at the last minute for some lame reason. it's doesn't do wonders to your friendship. it takes the life out of whatever party, event, or outing you are going to. people like these do not nurture friendships and people who don't respect friends do not deserve my time.
@much2say (18382)
• United States
28 Nov 09
Yep - it makes you wonder what sort of friend this really is, eh? My friend gets really hyper in the planning stages too - to the point that it gets real complex and misunderstandings happen. And then she flakes out - which makes the whole situation worse. Lame is right! I'd kick her to the curb, but then she has other good qualities that I just can't turn my back on. But as for her crummy planning - I certainly can without that!
@LisaGuo (242)
• China
10 Nov 09
Wow,I never met such a friend.If I had some friends like this,I'll try best to cut down the chance to meet her.Sure I hate the people who always eat her own words.
@much2say (18382)
• United States
27 Nov 09
Well, you are fortunate to not have friends such as my friend. Sometimes it takes time to realize that a person has a pattern of being a flake when it comes to planning . . . so surely it would take even more time for us to regain trust in her when it comes to planning (which may never happen).
• United States
9 Nov 09
I was in a situation like this once. I became so irritated that finally when she said she was going to do something with me that friday and not to make plans, I said "Good, then I'm free to hang out with [insert name of other friend here] on friday." When she got upset I made her sit down and explained to her that she never kept dates, and it made her have a very unreliable reputation. I also explained that all of our friends weren't sure how to tell her, so I took on the job of telling her we loved hanging out with her, but she always ditched us and that wasn't cool. I said "So until you prove to us that you can make a date with us and keep it, you won't be taken seriously." Maybe you should try something similar? An intervention of sorts? Sit her down and give her examples that she's done that irritate you and your friends. Use the birthday dinner example, if you want. Best to have other friends who agree with you there so they can back you up. Tell her you still love being her friend, but it's not much of a friendship when she makes promises that she has no intention of keeping. Good luck, I hope I helped some.
@much2say (18382)
• United States
27 Nov 09
I think the only way my friend will "get it" is if we explained it to her, like you said. Good for you to be the one who stepped up to the plate and told your friend exactly how you feel! Yes, we still love her has a friend - she has a lot of good qualities otherwise - but this bad planning habit of hers just drives us nuts. It's no surprise that she has flaked on me 4 times already this month (she was supposed to come visit us today). Argh!
• United States
9 Nov 09
I don't appreciate it when people duck out of things at the last minute, so i make an incredible effort not to do it myself. However, I try to be aware that the individuals I'm planning with are aware that I'm setting aside time and possibly other plans in order to hang out. I know many people who will ask me to hang out off the top of their heads at an odd moment, for example if we are watching tv together and a preview for an interesting movie comes on, the person or persons might say "oh we should go see that." that itself is not binding enough for me to hold them to it , or be upset they cancelled, but if they say "we should go see that tomorrow evening at seven, and go for pizza after," that is binding and I will definitly be justified in getting upset if he or she calls at 6:45 to tell me they can't make it. Also, if you need to cancel plans, it is most considerate to do it as soon as possible.
@much2say (18382)
• United States
24 Nov 09
The only time I can recall ducking out of a plan was when I was sick - but even still I made the courtesy call as soon as I knew I wouldn't be able to make it. "Binding" plans - that's exactly it. If it was something where I knew it was just "talk", I wouldn't hold my breath about it . . . but if it's a definite plan, I would be plenty upset if it didn't happen - or that they didn't bother to call to cancel. Canceling plans is the considerate thing to do, unfortunately some don't think to do that either.
@JoyfulOne (6243)
• United States
9 Nov 09
I used to have a friend like that. She'd make plans with you, then if something 'better' came up she'd do that and not even let you know. Then you'd be sitting there waiting. After a period of time I gave up on the friendship and us friends referred to her as an 'energy vampire' (because trying to have any form of friendship with her just sucked the life out of you lol.) People like that are just not considerate of anyone else except themselves. When you think about it, they're not truly a friend at all, they're just opportunists of a sort. I don't keep friends like that for very long, it's not worth it to the soul, mind, spirit of friendship, OR pocketbook.
@much2say (18382)
• United States
24 Nov 09
Oh yes, I had another friend like that. Actually he'd take in all his "options" and last minute give the decision of which "plan" he was going to go forth with. What a little stinker! It was very annoying because last second he would go for the "better" plan - or at least what he thought was better - leaving the rest of us in the cold at times. Yes, those type of people only think of themselves - how selfish of them, eh?
@dorannmwin (36611)
• United States
9 Nov 09
I have some friends that are like this, but not to the same extreme. Most of my friends were made through a playgroup and in doing that we are asked to RSVP for events that are hosted through the playgroup. There are the majority of us that RSVP responsibly, but on the other hand, there is also the group that never shows up when they RSVP. Do we call their bluff, no, we don't. However, when we see that these people say that they are going to attend an event, we just don't count them in our final numbers.
@much2say (18382)
• United States
19 Nov 09
Ah, playgroup moms - good example of where these type of "friends" can be found. I know a few moms like that too . . . they say they'll come, but then they don't. I remember the last time that happened, I was so worried about one mom and her daughter as she told me they would be there the night before. So when we finally received contact, she just said "sorry, we had a bad morning". Hmmmm.
@rg0205 (2638)
• Hong Kong
9 Nov 09
I have friends who are like that. I tend to stray from them because I don't like it when they do that. I mean, if you commit to something, it's okay if you don't follow through one or two times. If you keep doing it, I'd get irritated to the point where I probably wouldn't go out with you anymore. I had friends like that and I chose not to hang out with them anymore.
@much2say (18382)
• United States
19 Nov 09
I really should choose not to hang out with these type of friends . . . but it's hard. It's the other good stuff that make up for their bad planning habits - but still it's no excuse to lead people on about plans. If anything, I guess I'll still keep the friendship, but continue rolling my eyes about getting together with them. It is highly irritating.