broken heart

United States
November 10, 2009 7:27pm CST
some one help me as im typing this im crying, theman im with i love him so much but it seems like my whole relationship has been a huge disaster to him, we have been arguing lately about our cellphone bill i fixed it so it was cheaper that still didnt make him happy so i tried explaining it to him and yes i was raising my voice because he wasnt listening to me, then he tells me since he has been with me his life hasnt progressed at all and everytime he had money he has to put it towards a bill or something in the house and everything is my fault because i dont do enough overtime at work mind you i can do overtime but not to have extra money it would be to cover what he doesnt want to pay and another thing he also said that his credit is screwed up because of me because he couldnt pay on his car note or his loan cuz of me this is all stuff previous to our relationship. we been together 7 years almost and never used anything where our credit would be involved but thats all my fault that its like that and how he is tired of me and has been tired of me but wanted to see if things were gonna change my question is am i wrong for feeling like i ruined his life or should i head for the hills because now that he said that i feel like he never really cared about me from the beginng should i try to work it out or just let him go please tell me i dont have much experience to this subject
3 people like this
18 responses
@solared (1210)
• United States
11 Nov 09
Are you married? if not I don't see how you could effect his credit rating. Seems like to me this guy is just making up excuses to get rid of you, and make you feel bad put the blame on you, so you won't see him as the dog he really is, he most likely is cheating, you should call him out for what he is, so you get your closure and realize your not at fault.
@rjvb26 (2518)
• Philippines
11 Nov 09
Ok try first to find out the real reason, maybe he is right something bad is not happening or he is cheating if he does think! If you will accept the suggestion of my friend, but be sure not to blame him or have a regret on it.. but if not cheating rad my response carefully and think...
@rg0205 (2638)
• Hong Kong
11 Nov 09
A true test of your relationship is when it is under strain and when you are angry with your partner. I don't see why you take his abuse. I would say leave him. Even when you're under financial or emotional stress, I don't think it justifies saying mean things to the person you say that you love. He is emotionally abusive to you by saying cruel things. When things get tough, you're supposed to work together and not work against eachother. If he makes you feel like you ruined his life, I suggest that you leave the guy. Love yourself. Don't give all the love you have to him. Never love a man more than you love yourself.
1 person likes this
@rjvb26 (2518)
• Philippines
11 Nov 09
Dude be careful i disagree with you this time, do not advice and suggest like that, cause if some terrible things happen you will be the one to blame or much worst blame herself so much and something bad will happen to her. i suggest just to guide her.. sorry for that dude... But you can also ruin her life for that kind of advice if she will follow you.. look on to the statement carefully, she really love the guy, they are seven years now.. I know you are only thinking for the good but if you were on the guys position what will you feel? It is very hard right? And very hard to choose.. easy to say hard to do.. Sorry dude anyway we have different principles in life but try not to give a hint that will make the situation worsen. I like what you are thinking right now but it is not applicable all the time, she have to be more careful on deciding.. She love herself why put herself in a situation that will make her feel more painful? Sorry man did not mean to disagree with you right now but it is not really how to work things out. Try reading my comment on this discussion at the second page.. i at number 10.. then comment also.. than you so much dude! Sorry again.... happy mylotting.
@rg0205 (2638)
• Hong Kong
11 Nov 09
First of all, i am not a DUDE. And if anyone would blame me for giving my advice, I think that's silly. This is the internet but even if advice is given in person, the receiver has the brains to take it or not. No one is forcing it. Try not to give a hint where the situation is worsen? You're young and you're a male that's why I can see where your comments are coming from. You're looking at this situation from a man's perspective. Think about the guy? I think he's not a man if he disrespects his woman like that. In no circumstances, whether years or decades is it okay to disrespect your partner like that. If you let it happen, then you have self esteem issues. Since when did that become acceptable? Since when did it become acceptable that just because of SEVEN years and just because of LOVE, one person can abuse their significant other? If she loves this guy, that is entirely up to her but for you to go as far as saying that I might be the one to blame if she follows my advice? DUDE - you're right I don't agree with you.
• Philippines
11 Nov 09
Wow.. You must be really tough to hear all those forsaking things he said. Do you realize where this is going? From my own judgment I can see that he grew tired of doing his responsibility as the man of the house, and now he is blaming you for his failure in doing so. Blaming you for everything is really very unfair on your part. Did his actions never made you think that maybe he has fallen out of love? I would think so. A man would never do such heart-breaking actions if he really loves his partner that much. But then again, are you also doing your best in the relationship? I don't know your current setup (are you married?) but what I am sure of is that you have a serious problem, and problems like this when never willingly attended by both partners are doomed to end a relationship. You only have two options: let him go or let him stay. Think..think..think..
1 person likes this
• United States
11 Nov 09
were not married we both work 32 hours same job different shifts wego half on the rent and their are time where i fall beind on the bills but only by a month and tend to catch up quick to them, but i guess he doesnt wanna have to chip in on the bills this has come out of nowhere i never ask for anything unless it involves our son i can be a bit pushy for affection cuz if not he wont come near me unless it to bed for sleep i have changed all my ways for this man and i just dont know what it is he wants from me i have 4 kids 3 from a previous relationship and 1 with him my kids are my responsibility i never ask him for anything pertaining to them as far as the bills arent we suppose to help each other out we both live here.. i get it loud and clear though i need to leave beacuse i dont wanna be around someone who feels i am destrying their life
• Philippines
12 Nov 09
What are you waiting for..go for it.
@lelin1123 (15639)
• Puerto Rico
11 Nov 09
After seven years and that is what he had to say to you. I think he is inmature and had these problems before you came along. Since you are not paying his way completely he is not happy so I would let him go. You deserve better and you don't need a man talking to you like that. I know its hard for you to hear this because you are still in love with him. Please remember if he really loved you he wouldn't be talking to you like that and he would be taking care of the bills that he needs to take care of. He has not a bit of respect for you and you really need to let him go before he starts to physically abuse you. Right now its mental abuse. You can do so much better for yourself. Good luck to you and stay strong.
1 person likes this
@mansha (6301)
• India
11 Nov 09
mine said the same thing after fourteen years of marriage, and since then no physical abuse but only mental one ..so you never know men, I can vouch for the fact that he is not so immature too. He has great relationships with everyone else but me. Why so..I still have to figure that out.
• China
11 Nov 09
In China, there is an old saying: poor couples had everything in sorrow. It is because you had to cauculating every dime to keep the balance. Now, the economic crisis had make us suffered a lot in our earnings,and quarrels had been arises by it. In my opinion, if a man couldnot understand your just let hin go, it is his lose as a the woman who love him most was leave, for you, you just lose a man, a normal man in your life. An saying in China also:A person who love you won't let you cry. Best wishes.
@jbfong88 (50)
• Philippines
11 Nov 09
a broken heart cannot be fixed. only time can tell whether you've moved on or are you still stuck by the moment when time still has you and your ex was still happy. in primitive years, the woman has to adjust to the mans needs and wants but i guess in the modern days such as now, there is no such. bothe male and female predominates the whole species fairly, nobody has to be on top and stay down low. You have to stand up! fight to what you know is right, don't let any fool shove your pride and dignity away, try to save some for yourself, it doesnt matter if you win or lose as long as you know that you have fought for your right.
1 person likes this
@rg0205 (2638)
• Hong Kong
11 Nov 09
A true test of your relationship is when it is under strain and when you are angry with your partner. I don't see why you take his abuse. I would say leave him. Even when you're under financial or emotional stress, I don't think it justifies saying mean things to the person you say that you love. He is emotionally abusive to you by saying cruel things. When things get tough, you're supposed to work together and not work against eachother. If he makes you feel like you ruined his life, I suggest that you leave the guy. Love yourself. Don't give all the love you have to him. Never love a man more than you love yourself.
1 person likes this
@Nicapol (67)
• United States
12 Nov 09
let him go. if he is willing to put the blame on you then he is not mature enough to face the facts. instead of working through it he is pointing fingers. it is ridiculous. i say leave him. and give it time. seven years isnt something to throw away. if you leave him maybe he will realize what he has done.
• Italy
11 Nov 09
Get away, he's abusive. It's clear that is an abusive relationship, find a safe way to get rid of him and do it. Look up online for resources, but you are into an abusive relationship, the sooner you realize it and the sooner you'll set free.
@mansha (6301)
• India
11 Nov 09
Please don't cry, sometimes, people say things in anger and men are men, they have inflated egos and just know where to hurt. I have been through the same thing with my hubby. He accused me of ruining his life, saying he wanted a simple life, I said what luxury can he spot in the house, he says he meant no kids,no curtains, no beds just mattresses and no show pieces (which I have bought or made from recycled things). It had hurt me so much. We had fought over me not going for abortion of my second one.It had hurt me so much, and still I am trying to cope up with the hurt and trying to forgive and forget but so far it has ruined our relationship real bad but I feel each day is a new day so I just keep hoping that some day,he will be able to see my point too. I started working too but still its not enough to appease him , but it does give me satisfaction of doing something worth while and keeps my self confidence intact, I should say sanity intact. DO the job for yourself not for him, and keep trying. Once you are financially independent you will feel better.
• Malaysia
11 Nov 09
In a relationship, you both need to learn from each other. You both should tell your problem to each other and solve it together before it getting worst. You cannot say it is you fault that his life screwed up. In my opinion, he should voice it out once he feels any dissatifaction with you. I mean, he should tell you at the first time he feels you screwed up his life. Both of you must always discuss and solve problems that occur before you. A relationship is about honesty, both of you need to be honest to each other and tell each other your feelng once you feel something is wrong. Besides that, you shouldn't blame each other because since you have been together your problem is his problem and his is also your. Blaming each other won't solve a thing but it will just make things worst. My suggestion is that, you must go and have an nice talk with him about your problem and both of you solve it together but remember, you must talk to him in a good manner and make sure he is ready to talk to you (I mean, make sure his emotion is stabble).
@laydee (12811)
• Philippines
11 Nov 09
I think he's just being unfair. I think he's making these things up because he wants to leave but can't. I sure am sad for you, but you know what, I would ask him what I did that made him happy, and if he doesn't see anything that is worth staying, then I'd let him go. No one deserves to be nagged like that. No one is completely at fault in everything that is wrong. It's not like you were lazy in bed all those 7 years, you have had your share in working hard. I'd say, he's just making some excuse to end the relationship. But don't decide for him. Ask him directly if he still loves you or sees your relationship as something worth it. If not, by all means, let him go.
11 Nov 09
god that is sad and annoying both..for all the time u spent with him he seems tired of u..that is sooo wrong because i heard that relations grow stonger with every moment spent..and i think u should try and talk it out from him..maybe he has this behavior because of all that stress and trust me,stress do ruin relations..GOOD LUCK !!
@aking888 (66)
• China
11 Nov 09
once a man really falls in love with a girl,i think he will do all his heart to her.when i was a college student,i fell in love with my classmate.at that time we have not ecnnomic questions.after we finished our study,we would face the economic problems.we must ear more money and could not get money from my parents.economic problems has been the reason for us quarrel,comity between hot problem.
@rjvb26 (2518)
• Philippines
11 Nov 09
You know my friend you are the only one who can answer and solve your problems cause it is yourself and no can decide for you but you only. Anyway, you are almost 7 years right? Do you experienced this all the time? Or just now? And why only you? Does he doesn't have a participation on this? Who chose to love you? Did you forced him to love you? Why don't you try to talk with each other in a peaceful manner, i am sure you can. You cannot just sacrifice a real relationship just for credits? Do you love each other? or... Do you still love each other? You know if you really love each other.. No matter how hard the things will come to you, you will still help each other and never blame each other, cause you both have a participation on this. You are not the only reason why this things happen to you, He is also with you, Don't tell me he is not committing mistakes and you do? Both of you of course! Why tired of you? Are you always making him feel that bad since your first years? Then why stay with you? And How bout him? Doesn't he done anything wrong to you? What do you think is the best decision and answer for all those questions i have given you? Do you think it is ok to talk to him again? Do you think it is best to leave him? You said you love him.. Do you think it's best to let him? You love him right? Why allow it? what do you think will happen if you let him? Do you think you will be happy? Do you think he will be happy? What do you think is the best decision for you both? The decision that will make you both happy and not a looser in the end? A decision that you think will further strengthen your relationship if you really love each other? We cannot help you nor advice you! It is your problem not ours, it is your self not ours, if we advice you and then the decision made is wrong or will do terrible things! Whom you will blame? Us? of course not, you cannot blame us cause you follow us... Cause you decide to follow us... Decide freely and critically and also do not regret anything that you will decide. You have lots of options to choose from i just gave you already an idea and a guide.. If you can answer those questions correctly and with no regrets of deciding.. You will be ok... Be strong, be mature, be a critical thinker. That's all have a nice day, hoping for your better future, happy mylotting!
• United States
11 Nov 09
My friend and her fiance would fight a lot about money. It's probably like the #1 thing that couples fight about. You didn't ask to have these money problems. He needs to stop talking down to you and talk WITH you about it. It's important to have good self-esteem, and it sounds like he's really putting you down. You mentioned that you're working overtime. Is he working a lot too, or is he relying on you to work your butt off while he just complains? You should sit down and talk with him about this. If he's not even willing to sit down with you and talk like adults, dump him. You don't need a man who chooses to TALK DOWN to you. You deserve better.
@cupkitties (7606)
• United States
11 Nov 09
Get some confidence in yourself and leave. I'm saying this because the fact that you can sit there and agree with him that you are to blame and stay with him when hes throwing all this emotional abuse at you , shows you don't think very highly of yourself. The guy is manipulating you big time.
@weili163 (24)
• China
11 Nov 09
economic problems has been the reason for the young couples quarrel,comity between the two of you can go,as we all take a step back,moved him with your love,do not give him too much pressure on, you will find that his attitude will change.