Pleasing my Monster in law? Is it really necessary?

@happy2512 (1266)
Philippines
November 10, 2009 11:09pm CST
Do i really have to sacrifice my self pleasing my In laws in order for them to accept me and please me even if they always get in to my nerve. She did not even treat my husband as a brother because she is to proud with everything she had the love of parents & trust. She may have all the things in the world now and has the so called fair weather friends but life is a cycle when everything she has will be gone in a wink of an eye then all she have is the brother that she always ignore will she not feel ashame of what she did to him? What will you do if I were you?
2 people like this
13 responses
@rg0205 (2638)
• Hong Kong
12 Nov 09
I wouldn't care. I am always respectful and civil, even when I don't like people. If they don't like me, that's fine. I can still keep a civil tone but I won't go above and beyond and out of my way just to get them to like me. I don't think you should, too.
1 person likes this
@happy2512 (1266)
• Philippines
12 Nov 09
LOL!yeah right! Thanks...
• Philippines
11 Nov 09
philippines - i love the philippines
Just ignore her. The more you think and see her, the more you will hate her. . . Stay away from her so you will have peace of mind. Never expect anything from her too. Have a good day.
1 person likes this
@happy2512 (1266)
• Philippines
12 Nov 09
Yes right! Thanks!
@krajibg (11936)
• Guwahati, India
11 Nov 09
Hi happy, This is absolutely nonsense that you have to please your mother in law. that daughter in laws are made subordinate is a universal phenomenon especially in India. Just follow your principle and do the necessary task and let her walk her way.
@happy2512 (1266)
• Philippines
12 Nov 09
Okay I will thanks!
@nachtzz (29)
• Philippines
11 Nov 09
You need not to please your in-laws for them to accept and please you in a way you wanted yourself to be treated. It is because no matter how you please them, and no matter how good you'll show to them, if that people don't like you, then we cannot forced them to like us either. The best thing to do is to be yourself. It doesn't change at all even if you'll change for their sake. By then they'll realize how worthy you are to them to be their sister-in-law.
1 person likes this
@happy2512 (1266)
• Philippines
12 Nov 09
Thank you!
@Godmother (476)
• Indonesia
11 Nov 09
No ! It's alright to do the right things..the good things...and the nice things to your in-laws ( as well as to all other people, just because you are a sweet person. But don't do anything that makes you feel its a sacrifice, because you will feel so bad when they don' appreciate it. And those feelings may be a little fire for a fight between you and your husband later on. Ask how your husband feels, does he really wants you to do everything ? Why not suggest that you move far away, be busy, and see them only in family parties ? Why not put all your efforts in supporting your husband so he will become a success one day (and more successful than them)?
@happy2512 (1266)
• Philippines
12 Nov 09
I thank you for that idea I will surely think about your advice.
@Rftink (1)
• United States
12 Nov 09
You should try to please them, because if you don't...there will be HELL for the rest of your life. You'll always try to avoid them, and it could mess up your relationship with your husband.
1 person likes this
@junmae (1592)
• Philippines
12 Nov 09
You didnt have to do something just to please them because it is there problem if they cant accept you. As long as you know that you didnt do anything wrong there is no necessity to change yourself.
1 person likes this
@lindiebiz (1013)
• Canada
12 Nov 09
In my opinion trying to please people is a waste of time because no matter what you do, people will always complain about you so I don't try to please people all I do is try to do what is right. Just treat them with respect like you would treat members of your family. As for problems with hubby and sister I don't say anything. There is a saying that when you butt into a quarell between a husband and wife and you take a side, when the eventually reconcile, you become a object of ridicule to them, so since I don't know all about thier relationship before I married the husband, so why should I butt in.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
12 Nov 09
Just be true to yourself & your husband he is the one you marry not your in laws just enjoy the moment between you two.
1 person likes this
• United States
11 Nov 09
Okay, as of now, you already dread going to see the in-laws right? Well, wouldn't you hate it that much more if every time you had to go see them you fought and made your husband miserable? You're being civil with them for him and his happiness. Marriage is a two way street and it is hard. Sacrifices have to be made unfortunately. Try talking to your husband about how you feel and see if there's any way you could maybe visit less. As for right now, just try to grin and bear it. That's all I can tell you. Sorry I couldn't be of more help.
1 person likes this
@cher913 (25889)
• Canada
11 Nov 09
fortunately, you are married to your husband not your mother in law (or father in law for that matter). i feel that way quite often too.
1 person likes this
@mommyboo (13198)
• United States
11 Nov 09
Nope. You do not ever have to sacrifice your own happiness in order to please people you don't even like. Why should you? Why does ANYBODY do this? I don't get it. I hear people say 'I should do it for the good of my family. Or 'I should because it's right'. I say 'should' is a burden placed on people out of guilt. If you don't want to and it will only make you miserable, don't. Why is it so important for them to accept you? Who cares? You married their son, not THEM. It is up to your husband to state to them that they need to treat you with respect and that includes them not treating you unfairly or expecting you to cater to them.
1 person likes this
@mansha (6301)
• India
11 Nov 09
I would stay away from her and her brother, even though he is my hubby, believe me I have burnt my finger once and for all. I am not going that way again. One thing I can tell you from experience stay away, do not get too close to you in law side of the family, its not your family and its never going to be. No matter ow much you do for them, keep your dignity and let your hubby deal with his sister, if you say something it will back fire at you only and do not go over board trying to please her, just be yourself whether she likes it or not. I used to feel the same way, but I have learned my lesson for ever. It is a formal relation and it should stay formal.
1 person likes this