Who suffers most?...the victim,or the family ?

@jaiho2009 (39034)
Philippines
November 14, 2009 10:05am CST
Hello friends and dear mylotters, I just come from hospital visiting a friend who is a victim of a hit and run and,she's in a very bad condition right now. I was thinking...if she could live and survive...who will suffered most? What if,after recovery,she can't be normal like she was before? What if,she will be in a wheelchair all her life?(hope not) Who you think suffers most? Is it the family?...her husband and kids? Or,she herself...becoz,she can't do all the usual things she used to do for her loved ones(especially to her husband and kids)? What if,this would happen to anyone of us? What do you think friends and dear mylotters?
4 people like this
16 responses
@gabs8513 (48803)
• United Kingdom
14 Nov 09
I think they both would, as it causes big changes The Person injured will have to learn to accept that she is not able to things like she used to which will be very hard on them, they get moody, they push People away that they love The Family has to deal with it and be very patient, help them through this bad time as best as they can which will be very hard on them as they will not know the Person their loved one has turned into So I would say it would be very hard on both Parts
@jaiho2009 (39034)
• Philippines
15 Nov 09
hello gabs, Yes,both and every family members will suffer,but the weight is not the same i guess. It depends on how the victim and family members will ever accept the reality that,it would change their lives. It won't be the same again...it would be a big change and adjustment for each and everyone,and it is very hard of course. thanks for your response and have a great day always friend
1 person likes this
@gabs8513 (48803)
• United Kingdom
19 Nov 09
jahoi thank you for the BR
@jaiho2009 (39034)
• Philippines
21 Nov 09
you are most welcome friend!
@mobhomeir (7565)
• Philippines
15 Nov 09
Hello again bonita..if the family of your friend has a strong family ties I think the situation would like a domino effect, I mean everyone would never go their usual routine because each and every one of the family would share their time in taking care of their mother..I think they could just minimize this if they would hire services for their mother that's if they can afford.. It would just be like " a pain in the tip of the fingernail would be the pain of the whole system of the body"...well, it depends on how the family would manage to overcome it....thanks my bonita
@jaiho2009 (39034)
• Philippines
15 Nov 09
Hello Martin, It is like a domino!!! yeah i guess so amigo. Everyone stumbles when one get's down(strong family ties) They maybe can manage each time and preference,but,still the fact remains that,it leaves them a big changes in everyones life. Everything won't be the same as it is like before. And,it is hard to determine who really suffers the most. It could be the victim,becoz,she will always be sorry for being a burden...and it will end up for self pity. It could maybe the family member becoz,just like what you have said,everyone will take turns to give her her needs...and it is another extra time and effort for every family member. Whew...it is really hard to tell who suffers the most. thanks for your response amigo and have a great day always
1 person likes this
@mobhomeir (7565)
• Philippines
15 Nov 09
Hello bonita mia...there's an exemption to that..that's if they a broken or troubled family, most probably they would never care for that. I mean they would never care for each other unlike family that has a strong family ties...I hope this would not happen to our coming children..good morning and take care always...
@olepmis (843)
• Philippines
14 Nov 09
The victim will suffer most physically, mentally, spiritually, self-esteem, self-pity and most of all being trap in a condition that is beyond her control. His family will suffer, too, because she can no longer provide the help and love she could provide to her husband and kids instead it is vice versa.
• Philippines
15 Nov 09
I agree with your statement olepmis...
@jaiho2009 (39034)
• Philippines
15 Nov 09
hello olepmis, Absolutely,being trap in a condition that is beyond her control. No one ever likes to be in situation which we never had any choice. I can't imagine how it is being like in such situation like this. And,i can't even more think of a way...how people facing this kind of situation feels,act...and accept fate like this. We had no right to question or asked God about this,i knew and i believe,everything has had reasons...misfortunes and blessings... Thanks for your response and have a great day always friend
@Sreekala (19267)
• India
17 Nov 09
Hi jaiho, I think both may suffer equally. In her side, she is suffering mentally as well as physically and she must be more worrying on her family and kids. She will worry for them because she is not a position to take care of them as usually she did. The kids are the worst affected they even don’t understand the situation if she have small kids. Mentally she wants to do lot for her family and it is really heart breaking to live like a helpless person.
@jaiho2009 (39034)
• Philippines
19 Nov 09
hello sister, You are right dear,both parties suffers with this situation. It may differs with how much weight each party would take and how much each will accept the reality. The victim literally suffers with physical aspects and with emotional,it would be very difficult for the victim too. The family also suffers the same dilemma... I am so thankful for having friends in here on this site,that shares my sentiments and emotions with my previous discussions regarding my friend. This helps me a lot to express what i am feeling inside and reading all your responses helps me ease some pain. Thanks again dear sister..have a great weekend ahead
@bodhisatya (2384)
• India
16 Nov 09
I am so sorry to hear about your friend. Hope she comes out well. But to answer your question I believe it is the victim who suffers most and it is the trauma that he or she wouldn't be able to to do things that they could so easily before. I guess it takes tremendous courage and determination to hang on if anyone has ever been through a serious accident. I pray that your friend wouldn't have to go through that and she turns out hail and hearty from the hospital.
@jaiho2009 (39034)
• Philippines
19 Nov 09
Hello dear brother, The victim might suffer much,becoz she was the victim,she suffers emotionally and physically. The family will suffers more emotionally,but i guess,both parties suffers,only with different weight and how they will be dealing the situation and circumstances. Thanks for always being here and sharing your opinions and comforting words dear.
• Malta
15 Nov 09
If she remains alive she will suffer most, both emotionally(post traumatic stress) and physically injuries which could affect her future life. The family will feel compassionate and worried but consider themselves lucky not to have lost her, so she would definitely suffer most.
@jaiho2009 (39034)
• Philippines
15 Nov 09
hello buzzjunky, You maybe right there my friend,the victim suffers most,becoz of traumatic experience and physically injured...that would leave a lifetime scar...both mental and physical. It would leave everyone a big changed in their lives that is for sure. Thanks for your response and have a great day always
@raja1980 (12)
15 Nov 09
well it is very hard to answer who suffers the most. becase the agony and pain is equal for both. but if there are kids it cant be explained. the vitim suffers and always thinks of the family that she wish she could do something if the vistim was alright.
@jaiho2009 (39034)
• Philippines
15 Nov 09
hello raja, Both parties will be suffering it is for sure,but,i guess,every party had different pain and suffering,depending on how they accept and see the situation. The kids would surely won't understand,especially the smaller ones,it could leave some questions on their young minds...some questions that may affect them. but,whoever suffers the most,one thing is for sure...it would make a big change to everyones life. thanks for your response and have a great day always
@sid556 (31018)
• United States
15 Nov 09
If she is in her right mind then everyone suffers equally. If she has extensive brain damage and is not aware of what is going on then it would be her family and loved ones that suffer the most, I would think. I hope I never have to be in a spot to know the answer for sure on that one.
@happy6162 (3011)
• United States
15 Nov 09
They will all suffer but the victim will suffer more. The victim will not be able to function as they did before the accident and could be in lots of pain. The family will suffer knowing how much pain the victim is in. Sorry to hear about your friend hope she will recover very soon and continue with her life like it was before the accident happen.
@jaiho2009 (39034)
• Philippines
15 Nov 09
hello happy, You are right dear,the victim and family suffer the same pain. The victim for seeing her family suffering for her,and vice versa. Sometimes it is very hard to explain things that happens in our lives,but i also believe there is always a reason for everything,it maybe good or bad. Thanks for your response and have a great day always friend
@rg0205 (2638)
• Hong Kong
15 Nov 09
Everyone of them suffers but I think it's the victim that often times suffers the most. Being in an accident can cause a lot of stress whether it is emotional or financial. I'd have to say, in my opinion, it is the victim.
@jaiho2009 (39034)
• Philippines
15 Nov 09
Hello rg, It could be the victim...yah maybe,or everyone in the family. The victim suffers emotionally and physically...becoz,she is the caused of every members sufferings. The family members suffers the same pain,plus,financially. The kids also will be having some questions in their young minds. A lot of changes in everyone's life,the family,the victim and the people around them...a changes of a lifetime that was caused by an accident that happened in a split second. Thanks for your response and have a great day always friend
• Italy
14 Nov 09
Probabily all of them are victims. though I really hope for a quick or at least full recover so she'll be able to go back to her usual life, that for her, her husband and children.
@jaiho2009 (39034)
• Philippines
15 Nov 09
hello paleorainy, Precisely,they are all victims...becoz everyone and every member of the family suffers same feeling emotionally and physically. Maybe it differs with the weight and intensity,but,still the fact is...everyone suffers and this even would changed everyones life too. thanks for your response and have a great day always friend
@qamarep (4453)
• Pakistan
14 Nov 09
you cant ignore the suffering a disable person has in life so she suffers more where the work of her kids is concerned some of it husband should do and they should hire a nanny and her and his parents should get involve too. cause they share a relation and a relation is not only to be happy about saying i am a grand pa but work is required for that.
@jaiho2009 (39034)
• Philippines
15 Nov 09
Hello qamarep, The victim surely suffers...but i guess same feeling with people around her too. her husband and kids and other family member will feel the same pain and burden. A nanny is a good help,but,kids especially smaller ones will surely have questions in their minds...and this will add more pain to the mother's sufferings. thanks for your response and have a great day always friend
@kush20006 (515)
• India
14 Nov 09
according to me kids of that lady will loose the most as they will not be able to get full care and also the health will not allow perfect nurturing the kid husband and other family members can sustain themselves without her but child who have seen mother cant adapt a life without their mother easily
@jaiho2009 (39034)
• Philippines
15 Nov 09
hello kush, you had some point in here my friend,it could be the kids that would suffer the most,seeing their mother in a bad situation and condition would surely give scar to the kids mind. kids especially smaller ones won't understand fully what has had happen and will be left with lot of question on their young minds. thanks for your response and have a great day always friend
• Philippines
14 Nov 09
I am sorry to hear that..I think all will be affected but most especially the victim. The feeling of not being able to do the things she used to do coupled with the pity of those around her and the selflessness she feels inside will make it harder for her to go back to her previous life. Hope she feels better in time..Regards!
@jaiho2009 (39034)
• Philippines
15 Nov 09
Hello loyalfreelancer, Yah,all family members will be affected that is for sure,and also people around the victim. Everything won't be the same again...but still hoping for the best. thanks for your wishes and response and have a great day too to you friend
@MJay101 (711)
14 Nov 09
I think it is the victim that suffers most, although the family also has a burden to bear... My partner was hit by an uninsured driver whilst waiting at a bus stop. She was hospitalised, had broken bones, etc.; it took months before she could walk again, and she may still end up in a wheelchair. The 'accident' has also caused psychological harm: my partner may never drive a car, because of the negative associations. I think the family - or friends, partners, etc. - have a really important role to play in showing support. It's so important that nothing adds to the pain of the accident!
@jaiho2009 (39034)
• Philippines
15 Nov 09
hello MJay, It is true my friend,the victim may suffer some trauma...and i guess it is the hardest part of it. The fear for the event to happen again...and it will give a total change in the victims life...it would never be normal as it was before,unless the victim can get over it. I hope your partner will surpass the trauma...just a little perseverance and support will give her more courage to do same things she used to do. thanks for your response dear and have a great day always
1 person likes this
• United States
14 Nov 09
Thats hard to answer. It all depends on the outcome. If she is paralyzed and cant do anything. The victim and the famiy will suffer equally, because the family would have to go by a different routine and hurt just looking at that loved one suffer. In most cases I think the victim suffers the most, because he/she has to rely on someone else's help. Not being able to do things on your own and having to start over or never get that chance again isnt easy. It does damage you on the inside, especially mentally. I just hope nothing like this ever happens to me or my family. My mom was in a wreck but she suffered more than me and I did whatever I could to help her. Even though I was 8 months pregnant.
@jaiho2009 (39034)
• Philippines
15 Nov 09
hello swaggalicious, I also think the victim suffers most,mentally and physically. But,considering all the burden our loved ones...they also feel the same way as the victim did. They pitied and also feel the same pain...and,they even feel more pain for the victim becoz,they know how hard it is being a situation that,she never used to be. It is really hard to know who suffers most...but the truth is,both sides feel pain maybe not the same intensity,but still,it pains to both parties and would make a change for everyone's life. thanks for your response and have a great day always