There is no logic

United States
November 18, 2009 2:18pm CST
I broke up with my boyfriend, moved away and was having a wonderful time being single. He asked me to come back and try it again...things will be different he said.So I left my job, my apartment and my firends to move with him. He wants me to give up all contact with any male friends change my number and delete my MySpace page. But started an argument with me when I asked if he's going to do the same. This is a joke, he didn't want this relationship, he was just lonely because the last girl left....I wonder why?? Not really I should have stayed where I was at.Now I have no job,no money, and pretty soon no place to stay. That is if I do not accept him as my Lord and Savior.....I woonder whats next
3 people like this
27 responses
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
18 Nov 09
We all make mistakes and the most we can do is learn from them. If you value your happiness, I would not look up to him as your lord and savior. He is a control freak and sounds as if he could get abusive. Do you have any family that you could stay with until you get back on your feet? If not then you may have to stay there and make the best of things until you can get a job and save up some money to move with. Is there any way you could go back to your old job?
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
9 Dec 09
Good for you! Really glad to hear this! Best of luck to you!
• United States
9 Dec 09
I am happy to say that I was able to leave. I overdrafted my bank account and left in haste becuase of an argument. I just couldn't take it anymore. I was tired of all the bs and listening to him yell. I now live thousands of miles away from and am working. So it will be a very slow process but I will be rebuilding my life. I am so glad that I have people that really love me and are able to help me in my time of need.
@lindiebiz (1006)
• Canada
19 Nov 09
Hi, jealousy is not health for any relationship and I would advice you to end the relationship and move on with your life, try to get another job or your old job back and end it with him. He is not worth any sacrifice.
• United States
9 Dec 09
In life sometimes we learn these lessonsso late. Luckily he wasn't a psycho and I am alive and able to start over again. Now my focus is getting my real estate licsence and getting my life on track.
@dreamr802 (985)
• United States
19 Nov 09
We all usually wish and hope that things will change, especially if you are in love. If you weren't in love, then you wouldn't have even considered going back to your boyfriend. I hope that you are able to move back out and be on your own. good luck.
• United States
9 Dec 09
Oh I wished and prayed that things would be different. I loved him so much and I missed my house and my garden and all the other things that I had worked for during that relationship. But the I really woke up and realized that I deserved better than what he was giving. I have moved and picking up the pieces.
@qmeyers (42)
• United States
18 Nov 09
Just take it as a life lesson learned. The next time you get involved with a guy you will know to find out the agreement/understanding that applies to both parties before taking such drastic steps.
• United States
9 Dec 09
This was one long and expensive lesson, but I feel where you are comin from. Next time I will take more time thinking wisely about the next major relationship decision I make.
18 Nov 09
the guy is being self-centered or commonly known as "selfish". Have you heard of that song titled "love can keep us alive"? definitely thats not true....love alone cant feed your hungry stomach nor provide you a decent home. cutting off your communication with friends is also way beyond selfishness.
• United States
9 Dec 09
The most disturbing thing about the cutting communication with friends was that I use to do their hair and would tell him stories about it while I was single. I would talk to him when I over there hanging out with them. One of his issues was that I would text them and not text him while he was at work.So when he mentioned it I started texting him but he wouldn't text me back. What was the point? Thats why I said there was no logic when it came to that situation.
• Philippines
18 Nov 09
oh my god!..thats not fair!..why not kill him and laugh at him then while his struggling for his damn selfish breathe!..he is too selfish for you!..you know what its not yet too late,use the things you still have for a help and get out of that crap as soon as possible!..your killing your self by depriving you your rights!..ask help from your friends then find a job and move on!..you don't have a bright future with that guy..don't let him step on you and make you as his slave!.. you still have chance.. things are up to you..!.. show him that you are tough and your not born to be a slave!,,fight against him!..
@suspenseful (40193)
• Canada
31 May 10
He sounds like an abuser. Do you have family that you can stay with? I would not go out with him anymore. I just hope you did not do what he wanted. By the way, are the police able to help you? If he starts to beat you up, then you can charge him with abuse.
@laydee (12798)
• Philippines
6 Jun 10
Sheez.. It's really frustrating when you do your part to help the relationship then you realize that he's just not into it really. Worst is because you have given up your new life that was happy!!!!! I am so sorry that you had to go through all these for someone not worth it. But, if you were able to do it first time around, you could definitely do it again! Show him he's hasn't destroyed your morale.
• United States
18 Nov 09
Sometimes we all want something we know we shouldnt want. The doubt of things actually changing and working is a valid concern. We all give up someting to be with someone else, knowing there is a chance it wont work and we will end up at square one all over again.
• United States
9 Dec 09
I was scard to start all over again, but now that I have moved I am ready to tackle the world. I am however a little dicouraged to begin another relationship. I don't want another person to pay for a past relationship. So for the moment I'm going to focus on getting myself back together again.
• Kenya
18 Nov 09
you see the problem most people have with their relationship is that the ladies follow their heart in some very obvious cases instead of using their head. We should stop allowing our love to be blind. love is not blind
• United States
9 Dec 09
This is so very true. I spoke with my mother about it and she told me to never feel bad about being compassionate but to be smart about the people I give my heart too. I will always be compassionate because in life there is a need for it. I just won't fool myself again and love blindly.
• United States
13 May 10
Good news is... next time you won't take him back. I hope you have healed from this by now and that you are doing ok.
@PeacefulWmn9 (10420)
• United States
9 Dec 09
Hello Msshockley, and welcome to MyLot. The best things we can do in matters like this is to remember the lesson. We all make unwise choices and land ourselves in trouble. Determine to begin again, and seek whatever help is available to do so. This is not easy, but I have done it and so have many others. Never ever give up your independence for anyone, especially and unstable control freak. Avoid them! Karen
• United States
18 Nov 09
It was wrong for him to have asked you to do all those things and him not give anything up. You were right to have told him to so the same that he was asking you. You can't just tell someone to do something that you yourself are not willing to do. That is just idiotic!!! Next time think about it really long before going back to an old boyfriend!! You have to make a list. Dont' just let him tell you what you are going to change look at what he is going to change as well. When you started the discussion I already had the idea that he was going to do something like that. He just wanted all for him and none for you. That is wrong.I hope that you get your job back and your apt back too. If you talk to your friends and they are true friends they will be hurt but they will understand you and give you a chance again. Hey you never know they might be the ones that will give you a helping hand. Just talk to them and tell them what you are going through. Give it time because having friends is like having a relationship and they get hurt too for what you do to them. I know that if your friends love you they will listen and understand you and give you a helping hand. Goodluck with your search to happiness.. I hope I gave you some good advice happy mylotting maria s.
• United States
9 Dec 09
Well I did leave but I did not get my job back, but its ok because I found another job in a place where I can focus on putting myself back together again. All my true friends understood and when I came back I realized how much of an impact I had on other people's life. It felt nice to be wanted. I am excited and scard at the same time but most of all I am happy to be away from him.
@mrfdg1972 (3237)
• Philippines
18 Nov 09
whats next, your gonna get pregnant and later on he'll treat you like a trash, for the time being,Go now and look for a Job, from then on you will find a better man who really loves you.
• United States
9 Dec 09
Yeah I thought of all those consequences so I left. There was just one argument too many and I just couldn't take anymore. Now I have the chance to work on me and allow the next man to come along and treat me life the divine queen that I am.
• India
5 Dec 09
u r so totally stuck!!!!!
@missweety (626)
• Latvia
9 Dec 09
Hello! Sad to hear something like that! I would say if you once had decided to be with him, then you shouldn't try again because if you one time left/split up then there was a reason for that and if something like that happened then it could happen again... if he has these kind of rules towards you and he doesn't want to accept your rules, then try to agree on a compromise... say that you will delete all your male contacts but mySpace you will leave...(contacts you can save in a small notebook where he will never look) :) try to find a compromises, talk with him more about problems and lets hope that it will become better!!! Try to be nice till you can take a step back (till you have a plce to live or have made some saving to move...so you don't depend on him!) Be happy!!!!
• South Africa
9 Dec 09
I think everyone has said it, I just want to add that your mom said it just right. Don't give up on love, because loving makes us alive, but be smart about it and if something bothers you talk about it, and if you can't talk to your partner then talk to a friend and don't give up on those things that make you who you are (friends family, your job, your hobbies). A relationship should be one of sharing and accepting what can not be changed and changing what can be changed on both sides, i.e. its a two-way street. Good luck with your new relationships and may there be many great ones on your path.
• United States
1 Dec 09
I'd say get a job asap and get your feet back on the ground. You want to be independent and not have to lean on him for ANYTHING, otherwise he will take advantage of the "help" he's giving you. Get work, get some money, and get out of there. Go back to where you lived before and back to the way things use to be without him.
• United States
3 Dec 09
Get out. I was in your situation a few years back only he wanted me to lose communication with everyone I know and love, To up and walk away pretending like my life before him never even exsisted. It was the worst experience of my life and I dont know how your boyfriend is but if I did not listen I got the good old hand to the face. He made me feel like I had done something wrong and it took me a long time to realize that it wasnt. Finally I ran and have not seem or heard from him since however I did not run home knowing that he would find me there. Maybe someday I will have enough courage to go home but for know the fear is still there. I do however have full contact with my family and friends yet again and am with a loving caring man who would never ask me to give up anything. Just a forwarning this does not sound like a good situation from someone who has been there. Good luck
• Philippines
9 Dec 09
much better u find other guy that give his full love which he will not look with other girl..your guy just appear coz the his x gf disappear..that guy was so selfish