Are you still friends with an EX-INLAW?

United States
November 23, 2009 1:25pm CST
Hi mylotters. I know this may be a strange question for some you but I do have a reason for asking. I have a two sons that have ex wives in their lives. My oldest son has a daughter from his first marriage and a daughter from a girlfriend. My youngest son has two sons from his first wife. I get along great with the ex-wives. I think, well I know that it bothers both of them that I get along with them. I feel that I need to because of the kids. Not to mention that I really bonded with the youngest sons ex. So do you have a good relationship with an ex like this? If you do then how does your family feel about that? Do you think tha I am in the wrong for being so close to them?
3 people like this
8 responses
@felliana (114)
• Philippines
24 Nov 09
Ellow, for me, there's nothing wrong with being friends to your ex-inlaw? Based on my experience, my sister & his hub got separated because of a 3rd party involved, and there's a child...yet they separated civilly. And so, I thought, no matter who's who got fault with that, it's their choice. So,I respect them. As long as they respect each other, no fighting and give more attention to the child, then there's nothing to worry. It's not good to have enemies especially to once became a member of the family, right?So, there's nothing to worry, keep it up!c",)
• United States
24 Nov 09
I totally agree that it is best to keep on good terms with the ex's when there is children involved. The ex's are nice to me and we keep the conversations to the kids or sometimes I will give advice on their personal problems. But there is no conversation about my sons at all. Thanks for sharing and have a great day. Keep smiling.
@felliana (114)
• Philippines
30 Nov 09
you are perfectly right! you too ... smile",)
@kykidd (6819)
• United States
24 Nov 09
Actually, I still have a little bit of a relationship with my ex-stepdad. It is really weird for me, because my father passed away when I was barely 2 years old, and my mom married my step dad right away. He was the only father I ever knew. I have gone periods from time to time without talking to him. But he ended up marrying my favorite neighbor lady, and they moved away together in later years and got married. My mother freaks out when I even mention the neighbor ladies' kids. Even though we grew up together and there was no relationship between the neighbor lady and my step dad when he was married to my mom, or for a number of years after they were divorced. I don't think that your sons should have a problem with you talking to these ex-daughter-in-laws. Especially since they are the mothers of your grandchildren!
• United States
24 Nov 09
Hi kykidd Thank you for your thoughts and sharing with me your past. I don't know why your mom and my sons get so excited when they found out they we are talking to the ex's. My oldest isn't as bad as my youngest son. I have to keep contact with them to keep up with my granddaughters. I don't get to see the granddaughters as much as I do the grandsons. Hopefully that will change in the near future. Once again thanks for sharing and have a nice week. Keep smiling.
• United States
31 Mar 11
I'm sorry but I don't agree with any one of you. I am a second wife who has married into a family that has an ex-wife. We have been together for six years. I feel completely disrespected by my mother-in-law for being best friends with the ex-wife. They do everything together as well as vacation together. My husband (her son) and I are always being left out of the picture. I have no kids and I have no ex-husband and I am constantly feeling like I'm not of value because I don't have what the ex-wife has with my husband's family. The ex-wife cheated on her spouse with several men and her kids are all screwed up because her moral compass is off. I am not trying to belittle her but that is the reason for the divorce. If I had known it was going to be this difficult in fitting into my husband's family - competing with the ex-wife and her family who are taking over my husband's family I would have never married him. I really like the kids but that doesn't take away the pain I constantly feel when I am around my in-laws who love the ex-wife and all her siblings and their kids. By the way the kids are now 21 and 19. - Michelle
@cream97 (29166)
• United States
24 Nov 09
Hi rosepedal64. I don't have any ex-inlaws. I hope to never have them, just as long as me and my husband stays married to each other. I really think that it is very kind of you to be friends with your children ex's. Most moms have some kind of hatred for their children's past lovers. I don't think that you are wrong for being so close to them. Even if your children didn't make it with their wives or husbands that is not your fault. You are just being a great ex mother-in-law. Continue to stay sweet!
• United States
24 Nov 09
Hi cream That was kind words and I thank you for them. I think it makes it easier on the kids if they know that I can talk with their mom without fighting. I don't take sides on the reasons why they are not together. I am a grandma and that is what I need to be. Once again thanks and have a nice day and keep smiling.
@laydee (12813)
• Philippines
24 Nov 09
Hmm.. I find nothing wrong with 'bonding' with the ex's as long as it's not stepping on the others' toes, like when a mother tries to remind the ex in-law of how it would be nice if they were together again with the son or daughter. But as for the bond, I think it's best not to be as close as you were when they were still together. It's just too confusing, and when there's someone new in the son or daughter's life, then I wouldn't like to compare the two. Really, it's difficult when a relationship fails, the people around the couple just don't know what to do. I know the feeling when my brother was too close with the family of his ex-girlfriend. The girlfriend was also close to us, and now that they're apart and he married some other girl. We don't know whether to still communicate or acknowledge the presence of the ex. Whew!
• United States
24 Nov 09
Hi laydee Yes I do watch what is being said to the ex's. I have told them that there is no talk about my sons or what is going on in their lives. I live that to the guys to discuss if they wish. My youngest son does have a girlfriend and I believe she doesn't like the fact that I talk to his ex the way that I do. I honestly don't discuss things that she doesn't need to know about. Thanks for sharing your thoughts on the this subject. Have a good day and keep smiling.
@drmt57 (295)
• United States
24 Nov 09
hello. I have been divorced for 17 years and I have a close relationship with my ex mother-in-law and other family members. your relationship between one individual should not have anything to do with the relationship with the other individual. you have the right to choose who you want to be your friends.
• United States
24 Nov 09
Hi drmt57 Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I know that the guys are probably worried that I will take the ex's side if something was ever come about. I'm here for the grandkids best interest and that doesn't mean that I will take sides at all. Have a good week and keep smiling.
@ersmommy1 (12600)
• United States
24 Nov 09
I say good for you. I am sure it is easier on the kids. Not to mention healthier. I see no reason to end a friendship because their relationship ended.
• United States
24 Nov 09
Ahhh, thanks for taking my side...lol..I think the guys are just worried that I will forget them or not take their sides if something came up. I have always been their biggest supporter on things. Thanks for sharing and you have a nice evening. Keep smiling.
@Trensue (5253)
• United States
23 Nov 09
You are remarkable. How do your sons feel about it? I think your sons come first, children second and ex's third if push comes to shove, but we all know I am feeling very judgemental this week! Really I will be good next week or I will keep my mouth shut and my hands tied.
• United States
23 Nov 09
Hahahaa I like I had said before on another discussions. You will fine. Everyone has an off week. I thank you for your kind words. Oh yes my adult kids are special to me. I will go above and beyond to help them if I can. I have always been supportive to them. I just think that it is wise of me to keep close contact with the ex's. I know one of my sons greatly appreciates it when I can tell him about his daughters. Have a nice day and better tomorrow. Keep smiling.
• United States
23 Nov 09
There is nothing at all wrong with you still being friends with you ex-daughter in laws. It is probably healthier for you grandkids. As strange as this may sound I am friends with my husbands' ex-wife. We get along well and discuss what is necessary when it comes to their sons. My family, as well as his, thinks it is amazing that me and the ex get along so well. They are glad to see that two adults can seperate the issues and come together for the health and well being of the kids. The problems that either of your sons had with their ex-wives are between them. I think you are great for being able to seperate yourself from their problems.
• United States
23 Nov 09
Thanks sleepy I know that I don't feel like that I am out of place. The first ex is really nice to me and lets me talk with her about the boys. The second one talks with me too about my granddaughter. I think like you said that their issues are between them and not me. Thanks for sharing and have a nice day. Keep smiling.