Would you ever help such kind of person in your life again?

Bangladesh
November 25, 2009 8:00am CST
One of my online friend got virus from surfing. And now the only way to clean the virus was to format and reinstall windows. So i asked her to do this. And after installing i was instructing her step by step. And she was doing things right till yesterday. And today when i came online today she told me she uninstalled kaspersky internet security and installed other antivirus and some other anti syware. Because everything was slow. The reason behind her slowness in her pc is (i think) she did not install the graphics driver. And also she does not know what her motherboard brand is. And when i was trying to find that out since yesterday she was just blabbering with me. I was doing my best to solve her problems. And she keeps blaming me that because of me she installed windows or she could go on with the virus. And saying i am not good at instructing (might be true). But what i told her to extract a rar file which she did yesterday properly and can't do it today. Instructed her many times the same thing how to extract but she ignored and could not extract in 2 hours of time. I told her i will help her but she need to follow my instruction. Then i asked her to use msn so i can use remote assistance. And then she said it is installing. I asked her if she is done already or not. But she ignored my message and did not reply to me. Then when i said i won't help her and ask for help to someone else she instantly replied her pc was hanging so she could not reply instantly. After that i let her be and refused to help her out. What do you think? Did i do the right thing by refusing her? Would you help such kind of person who keeps blaming you when you try to help them out?
5 people like this
18 responses
• Boston, Massachusetts
25 Nov 09
Hi Darksorrow, That's the key...blaming you for helping her. So, there's no point of extending help to people like her. THere are other people out there who are really in need and are willing to be helped, willing to listen and willing to do what you advise them to do (of course things that will make their lives easier)- so if you really want to help they are the right person to help not that one in your story.
• Bangladesh
26 Nov 09
Well i help anyone who asks for help if it is possible for me to help. But making me regret for helping is something that i can not accept. Anyways every incident in life give a new experience. So i will be looking forward to it. Have a nice day
• Boston, Massachusetts
26 Nov 09
you are naturally a kind hearted person and that's a good trait. Just make sure that they will not take advantage of your kindness to the extent of using you or putting the blame on at the end. I admire for being so open to extend a helping hand! more power to you friend!
• Philippines
27 Nov 09
actually i got my own problem with my computer but i am always quiet after giving out the problem in my computer. i let them handle it and they give me advice, for now, NO ONE's fixing my pc. but that's alright since i am always doing it in the net cafe. but i would appreciate if there's a nice sould helping my pc revived again
@lindiebiz (1013)
• Canada
26 Nov 09
You did the right thing. For two people to be able to communicate, the need to be on the same wave length. Clearly, she is not listening to you and with that, you can't help he so why waste your time.
• Bangladesh
26 Nov 09
Well she is ignorant on things and blames me that i can't instruct properly.lol Nothing to say anymore. Let her live with her own. Have a nice day
• Philippines
26 Nov 09
She doesn't even know anything about computer yet have the guts to blame you... Very ungrateful...She is really not worth your help. To think you were giving your help for FREE and that she will repays...
• Philippines
26 Nov 09
you have done everything to help.. let him be.. she might realise her fault.. still dont loose ur grip to help people in need.. okey..
• Bangladesh
26 Nov 09
OK
• Philippines
26 Nov 09
That is right darksorrow. Never let the experience with that woman or anybody else stop you from helping others... It is always nice to help, but try to extend your help only to those who are wanting to be helped...
• Hong Kong
25 Nov 09
Hi darksorrow, Poor you. Your online friend's attitude was not so appropriate. As you offered free help to her, she should show her appreciation to you. However, she blamed on you. If she did not trust you, she should not ask you for help and follow what you had told her to do so. So, if she wanted to blame someone, she herself would be the only one. If I were you, I would have stopped the assistance to her, as she does not trust you. Let her seek for help from someone else. Happy Thursday. agonyaunt69 (2:35pm 26 Nov 2009 Hong Kong time)
• Bangladesh
26 Nov 09
Hi agony, i actually tried to help her out again.lol I know she would be in trouble without someone's help. But sad i could not figure out what is her motherboard brand so i could not give her a proper driver for her motherboard. Now she needs to ask someone from her place who can check the pc physically. Have a nice day 12:33 PM Bangladesh Time
• Hong Kong
29 Nov 09
Hi darksorrow, You are such a good person. I respect you. Have a Good night. Wishing you have a Happy Sunday! (10:45am 29 Nov 2009 Hong Kong time)
@Lucky09 (1771)
• Philippines
25 Nov 09
hi dark^^;; you were so kind to do all the instructions to her and all through the internet...arrrggghh. it must've been tough but still you did. why people aren't so appreciating when they are helped out. you did the right thing telling not to help her anymore i hope you won't anymore. let her go to the shops and let her pay that job you offered for free
• Bangladesh
26 Nov 09
Hi lucky, I don't need any appreciation for the help i do to them but what made me feel bad is the blaming. I don't deserve that kind of attitude from anyone.
@Lucky09 (1771)
• Philippines
26 Nov 09
well, yeah... but it's better to appreciate than complain and blame isn't it?
@samawati (140)
26 Nov 09
Hi, Either way you look at it , you would have ended up arguing cause of lack of proper communication. She needed to know exactly what the problem was , and you didn't explain very well to her that it might take some time.It always does with computers since we (humans) operate at the machines speed ..and from what you said ,the machine was slow because of hardware issues. Girls can be fussy about personal stuff , .. and they need to know everything that's happening otherwise they start getting worried and take matters into their own hands. My response to this would be that you don't get angry at her for this but try and work it out and explain things to each other much better ..clear up the communication barrier. Bye ..hope I helped :)
• Philippines
26 Nov 09
Whatever...Even if darksorrow failed to explain fully the problems in her computer, it is still not right to blame him to the slowness of her computer... It is she who doesn't know how to follow instructions... It is rude to blame people who are just trying to help.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
26 Nov 09
It's so kind and patient of you to be giving instructions online. That's quite hard. Well for me, it's just right to refuse and stop helping her if she will just keep on blaming you. She didn't even thank you and appreciate what you are doing for her. She is not worth your help. Better help others.
• Philippines
26 Nov 09
I definitely agree with you santos_mlirs! That woman doesn't even know how to follow instructions... And I guess she is not even listening to darksorrow... Really not worth helping!
@VANILLAREY (1473)
• India
26 Nov 09
You can not force help on someone who does not want it. Its hard for people to back away when one has decided to help. Forget her, help people who would appreciate your help.
• Bangladesh
26 Nov 09
Well i don't need appreciation but i also don't want someone blame me for nothing.
@anne25penn (3310)
• Philippines
26 Nov 09
I hate people who blame you for what they have done on their computers and are ignorant to even follow the simplest of instructions. I can understand senior citizens because computers are really new to them, but cannot tolerate those who are around my age or younger. I am no computer geek, nor have I had any formal education in computers, but everything I know about troubleshooting I learned it as I went about using the computer almost everyday. Even if this means crashing two old computers beyond repair. I would not help her out if she blames you for her PC being slow, I would rather suggest that she contact her computer manufacturer to get help from there.
• Bangladesh
26 Nov 09
Well i wish she knew from where she bought the computer. But she does not know anything. And that created all the problems for me.
• Malaysia
26 Nov 09
Hi, Darksorrow! If I were in your shoes, I would stop offering my help at an instant. It seems like she doesn't need your help because she keeps blaming you if anything goes wrong. Let her handle the problems and finds a way to fix it. If she does ask for your help again, I guess, you have to make it clear to her that you will try your best and tell her to quit finding faults and put the blame on you. If she does that again, it probably means that she does not trust that you will be able to solve the problems.
• Bangladesh
26 Nov 09
Well i know she can't ask help easily from those who can help her. I am the only one who she can ask freely. I offered my help by myself again because i know she is in trouble. But it was not enough because without the proper information i can't give her the proper driver and now she has to get help from those who she does not want to get help.
• India
26 Nov 09
u did right finally, if we think why she was so careless in receiving your help was because you were helping her for free.. so obviously she underestimated your helping nature.. many people does this.. my suggestion if you dont mind is keep helping others but see whether they deserve it while you proceed
• Bangladesh
26 Nov 09
Will be sure next time. People learn from mistakes and i also learned.
• United Kingdom
25 Nov 09
I think that when it comes to computer related issues and problems it's very difficult to offer support and advice to someone who has little or no understanding of computers. I think that it's important to be patient with the person and it sounds like you did your utmost to try and help but it didn't work out in the end, you shouldn't blame yourself though. I'm into computers myself and I'm actually looking for people to help out with their computer problems and I try and respond to some of the computer related discussions on My Lot. I think that remote assistance is a very good tool to use although there has to be a strong element of trust before someone gives you access. I think you did the right thing by politely refusing to help her, you can only do so much. Andrew
• Bangladesh
26 Nov 09
Hi can you please tell me how the remote assistance work actually. I never tried it. Does firewall or something else creates problem for remote assistance?
@sid556 (31003)
• United States
25 Nov 09
I really don't know. It sounds to me as if she was just really frustrated and maybe because she doesn't know much about computers. when you asked her to use msn, it sounds as if she was trying. It could be that her pc is moving really slow.....not sure. I'd be pretty clueless myself on something like that. I would personally rather have someone right there that knows what they are doing than to be taking instructions online. Much of my trouble would be in the terminology....I'm wondering if maybe that is your friends problem??
• Bangladesh
26 Nov 09
Well you are almost right on what you have said. She is hesistant to ask for someone else's help who can fix the problem in 5 minutes. Well she now has to find another source for her to help on this matter.
@happy6162 (3011)
• United States
25 Nov 09
Yes you did the right thing by telling her that you will not help her. She thinks it is all your fault anyway so she needs to fine someone else to help her out. No I would not help out a person that blames me for everything just because they can not follow instructions.
• Bangladesh
26 Nov 09
Well she is hesistant to ask her relative who knows about it and can fix it in 5 minutes. i can not fix the problem without knowing the information i ask.
@spalladino (17924)
• United States
25 Nov 09
Your discussion brings back so many frustrating memories for me. I worked at a community college for many years and my staff was charged with keeping a few thousand computers up and running. Our most frustrating customers were the instructors, who would change settings on the computers in their classroom labs or...worse yet...install software directly on the computers because they couldn't/wouldn't abide by the deadlines for having it installed on the network. When we had to fix their mistakes it was always our fault...or the computer's fault...but it was never their fault. I've also been frustrated many times when helping friends resolve their computer problems while I'm in a different location. Most of the time the problem is that they jump ahead, or they don't fully understand what I need them to do so they say they did it when they didn't. I have never been blamed by a friend or family member but I think that I would feel the same way that you do. Unless your friend changes her tone and makes you feel less taken advantage of, no, I wouldn't continue to help her either.
• Bangladesh
26 Nov 09
Till now one mistake is done by me on computer is that i destroyed one of my friend's hard disk here at my place. But he also did not say a word because i have fixed his problems many times. But it is the first time i got blamed for helping someone on computer. Well we learn from everything and it is a hard lesson for me.
• Philippines
27 Nov 09
hello there darksorrow, this is one of the insensitive person that i have ever heard. it proves that she is taking your help for granted and i don't like it when some one takes me for granted when ever i try to helped them. what you did is a complete blow to the girlie creep. that's her problem now, i think it's better to help me in person rather than online, or at least make her beg for it and never take you for granted ever again
• Philippines
26 Nov 09
I would definitely seek help of others too if I were in her position... BUT NEVER DO WHAT SHE JUST DID TO YOU!!! That is being rude. I mean you are just trying to be a nice citizen by helping her out FREE then that is what you will received from her. It seems to me that she doesn't trust you at all. She doesn't believe that your instructions could fixed her computer... Then if that is the case, find somebody else to help her... or better pay a computer technician perhaps... He is not worth your time... Remember you are just doing her favor, she doesn't have the right to act like that! I just hate people like her...no breeding and doesn't know how to appreciate.
@gabs8513 (48715)
• United Kingdom
26 Nov 09
Yes you did right as I would have done that to She was very ungrateful towards you I mean all she had to do really was just do a total restore yes she would have lost everything but the Virus would have been gone to, but to be like that with after you tried to help her well she is not worth wasting your time on It was good of you to help her out, the least she could have done is be more Grateful and listen to what you where saying