My daughter and her relationship with her boyfriend.

@jugsjugs (13045)
November 25, 2009 4:15pm CST
My daughter is 16 her boyfriend is 20 they have been together now for about 6 months and they have both got part time jobs.My daughter also go to school as she is in 6th form.She keeps asking us if her boyfriend can sleep the night as she tends to sleep with him at his house,i have kept saying no.What would you do or say would you let him stay if it was your daughter?
13 people like this
36 responses
@cream97 (29166)
• United States
25 Nov 09
Hi, I would tell her no that she could not go and sleep at his house. She is just too young for that. They both are. She is not an adult yet. If she would do this she maybe putting herself at risk. If this was my daughter I would tell her no. If you don't feel comfortable with her going over to sleep at his house, then don't do it. You are her mother and your instincts may very well be right.
2 people like this
• United States
26 Nov 09
I agree. If your daughter is only 16, you can have the rights to say no. But if she reaches 18, she is alowed to do what ever she wants so you cant say no. I think it is totally up to the parent's decision too because wrong choice can lead to rishks in her daughter.
2 people like this
@mpkool (84)
• India
26 Nov 09
i would be doing the same...its the decisions in life that make the way for our future...you must convince her what you feel about all these things and make her understand the pros and cons of having a boyfriend...hope she will definitely cooperate..
2 people like this
@olisaur (1932)
• United States
26 Nov 09
I would not let the boyfriends sleep at your house. After all its YOUR house, right? You get to make the decisions, not your daughter. You can tell her that when she gets her own place, she can have the boyfriend over if she wants.
2 people like this
@dlr297 (5418)
• United States
26 Nov 09
No their is no way i would let my 16 year old have her boyfriend stay over, and their is no way she would stay at his house. 16 is way to young for them to be doing something like that.
2 people like this
@Lakota12 (42684)
• United States
25 Nov 09
HECK NOOOOOOOOOOO and she wouldnt be staying at his house either!!!!
2 people like this
• United States
25 Nov 09
I would not allow it because they have not been together long enough. If they had been together a year or more then I would say it is ok. I was with my fiance a year before we started spending the night at each others house.
2 people like this
@IceTroll (77)
• Philippines
25 Nov 09
jugsjugs, does she tell you that she is sleeping in her boyfriends house?! Have you met the guy? if not. I would suggest you let them sleep in your house so that you can assess what kind of relationship their having plus you can see the guy's intentions if it is good or bad. Do take care of your daughter. Although a much older guy tends to be more careful with a girl. Back then i had a girlfriend i was 3 yrs older than her. Her being immature made me be mature. gud luck
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@gabs8513 (48715)
• United Kingdom
25 Nov 09
I would say yes I mean they have been together 6 months so it is not a one of and they only met a few Days ago If she tends to sleep at his I can not see any Problem of him sleeping at yours, I mean you must trust her as she stays at his house
2 people like this
@maean_19 (4662)
• Philippines
26 Nov 09
I would say "NO" to that and explain why. It is not because I do not trust her or that I think something will happen between them, rather because it is not the proper time. As you mentioned, she is underage. Those ages are very crucial stage of the youth where they begin to be curious on everything. Big things come from small things. So better be strict for now and wait for the right time. When you allow and let them sleep together, then they will ask you twice or more.
1 person likes this
@sid556 (31005)
• United States
26 Nov 09
They are already sleeping together.
1 person likes this
@SomeCowgirl (32270)
• United States
28 Nov 09
If you let her go to her bf's house and spend the night and she's openly admitted she sleeps with him in his bed at his house then I don't see why it would be any different for him to come to your house. I guess what I am saying is if you trust her to go to her bf's house alone, why not trust her at home where you can keep guard?
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (119865)
• Boise, Idaho
28 Nov 09
Well, it is a decision you have to make. I had this same thing happen this summer with my granddaughter. The boy was of age and my granddaughter was under age. That is statitory rape in this state. It was a hard sell that it isn't right and that being said I would make your decision and stand by it. A big war will undoubtedly break out if you tell her she can't see him and why. It is your right as a parent and you could charge him. Up to you! They will be together regardless and it depends on whether you want to make war with him and her.
@mizzk1 (56)
• United States
28 Nov 09
I agree with ronnyb, I'm 18 and i know my parents wouldn't allow me to bring my bf home n let him spend the night.....that is a big no no. So i think that you are doing the right thing. you are only doing what u feel iz right!!!
1 person likes this
@ranixx (2)
• Nepal
27 Nov 09
If that was my daughter, I would like to say her that "don't sleep with him but if you are aware of the future and you could take the right decision and responsibility about the future happening then you can go to sleep with him. You have your own right to take the decision, I would not interfer but by sleeping with him you may be the victim of s.. and you may be mother, being mother in this teenage will be harmful to your health and to your child so i would suggest to you wait for few year when you are complete mature. And if you are only sleeping with him for the love and confirm that he won't have s.. then you can go to sleep."
1 person likes this
• Philippines
26 Nov 09
That reminds me of me !!! I use to do that . Well being a mother now, wife of the man that I was talking about on my first lines, I would definitely say the same thing... I understand you, for I am a mother now too, though my son is only 3 years old... I would not want him to sleep to his girlfriend's house or him to have his girlfriend sleep over our house in the future. I think it is not appropriate. Well I know some will say that it is okay but it is still depends on the country where you are in. Some are really conservative and others will think if they see your child sleeping with their boyfriend or girlfriend's house, not necessarily they sleep together but there is still somethings that will run on the minds of others...
1 person likes this
@MAllen400 (830)
26 Nov 09
Oh I do not envy you this situation as I had exactly the same thing a few years ago. I must admit when my daughter mentioned it I was very much against it with the attitude "not under my roof". Anyway in the end my daughters boyfriends Mum and Dad came around and we talked it over with them out of the way of the young adults, as I wont say children lol and then with them present. The outcome of it was that yes I changed my mind. Why? because if they want to sleep together they will without your consent and you should be very pleased that you have such a good relationship with your daughter so that she feels that she can ask you. I let my daughter and her boyfriend alternate times between us and his parents - after a chat about comdoms etc. and it worked out very well. Isnt it better under your roof than at one of their friends? Oh and by the way they stayed together for about 3 years and we got very fond of him but in the end they split up, friendly though as they had just out grown each other but neither have regrets.
1 person likes this
@aerous (13474)
• Philippines
26 Nov 09
You did the right thing, my friend. Because to let your daughter be with her boyfriend together in bed means you drive your daughter to ruin her life. Because that is age is not old enough to be with her boyfriend and even they are both 18 they should first get marriage before they are both sleep...If I am in your situation simply my answer is big no no...
@sid556 (31005)
• United States
26 Nov 09
Well, if you let her sleep at her boyfriends house and are ok with that then I don't really see what the problem would be at your house. It all depends on what you are ok with.
@missybear (11396)
• United States
26 Nov 09
Since I don't have any kids I really shouldn't answer this but here is my opinion. At least she asked you and she don't want to do it behind your back, they already sleeping at his house so at least if there at your house you can keep an eye on them. She sounds like she responsible going to school and working. But there is also the issue that she is under age so it's kinda tricky.
1 person likes this
@xannebull (1806)
• Philippines
26 Nov 09
If she was my daughter, I would not let her sleep in her boyfriend's house nor her boyfriend sleeps in our house, it's not a good idea since they are still too young especially at the age of 16, 16 is not yet a legal age and i don't want my daughter with that age to get pregnant and have responsibilities at that early age. I want her to enjoy life as a single, true love waits.
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@eurekafemme (5881)
• Philippines
26 Nov 09
Under normal circumstances, I will not allow such nor I will allow my daughter to sleep at his bf's place. It has nothing to do with the culture but it is for their own safety. 16 is just too young to get involve with someone that serious.It is better to be a little cautious than be sorry for my daughter later. However, if there's really a need for her bf to sleep over the night in your place ( but what reasonable situation a young man wouldn't be able to go home? )then let him, provided he will use a separate room sans your daughter in it.Call it conservative but I believe this is the proper way no matter how modern our civilization is. Goodluck.:-)
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