How to stop loving someone and start hating someone?

@Genericbe (1378)
Philippines
November 25, 2009 7:31pm CST
I have a friend who fell in love with a wrong guy. Wrong because he has 7 children and still married to his wife not to mention 20 years younger than my friend. I know in the first place that this guy wants is her money to support his family that is why he asked my friend to be his girlfriend when he got fired from his job as a construction worker. My friend fell in love with him that is why she did everything to support the family of the guy, gave him new clothes, expensive cellphone, and jewelries in exchange he has to be with her all the time in her house although twice in a month he visits his real family. The guy has no stable job while my friend is a government office worker. As time passes she realized he just love her because of her money but she can't leave him because she loves him and she needs him where it's obvious she can't live without him. I gave her many options on what to do but she don't listen to me. She wants to stop loving him but she can't because she needs him to be not alone and she will miss him a lot. She is so pathetic cannot live without him and doesn't know how to hate him. Does anybody knows what to do with this stupid kind of love?
1 person likes this
10 responses
@mommaj (22779)
• United States
26 Nov 09
First, I would have to say this isn't love. This is obsession and the need to be loved. She needs help as does he! Second, until she figures out that he does NOT love her it is her problem and you just have to let her live her life. When she falls on her face and she eventually will because he will either find a job or she will realize what's what, then you will need to be there to lend a shoulder. Good luck to you and your friend. Nothing good ever comes out of an affair.
@Genericbe (1378)
• Philippines
1 Dec 09
Hello mommaj, thanks for expressing you thoughts. Your right about it, it seems she is unstoppable she told us she will drop him off someday once she found someone better. But the truth is there are many men around her it just seems she doesn't see them and I wonder how long will takes to drop him off or maybe she is waiting for him to drop her off. Which is which I am just gonna wait and see her fall I hope I can catch her right away or better I hope her "Mr. Right" will arrive soon before it is too late.
@mommaj (22779)
• United States
1 Dec 09
I wouldn't worry too much if I were you. She may not want to find that special one to marry. Maybe she just needs someone and she decided he was it. It's convenient for her without the possibility of commitment. Maybe that's what she wants right now. I would just let her do her thing. As a friend all you can do is be there.
@Genericbe (1378)
• Philippines
8 Dec 09
Yeah be there for her to realize that I will be just the single person that will try to understand her. Until the time I will be be the only person left beside her to comfort her because the others already hates her for her decisions.
• China
26 Nov 09
I think that would be a really poor decision for your friend to keep on in relationship with the guy any longer.. I mean,time is everything,if your friend decides not to see him again(I think the guy doesn't worth it at all),of course she would feel sad for a time,but the feeling won't lasting for too long,I'd like to suggest you to persuade your friend to give herself more chance to meet other guys...
@Genericbe (1378)
• Philippines
1 Dec 09
Hello sharonlyn, thanks for your reply. I guess I also did that to her. There are many men out there she needs to interact with them to feel something to like them. But it seems she is blind right now cannot see other person rather than him. She listens to nobody when against their relationship. I am having a headache when she always asks me what will she do to stop loving him and starts hating him. I said everything what she should do but she is not doing it. I told her next time do not ask me again about that question if your not ready to accept the truth about him.
26 Nov 09
love who loves u don't follow that who don't love keep in mind love will do only for one time
@Genericbe (1378)
• Philippines
1 Dec 09
Hello faceofdeath, thanks for your reply. I guess that saying is not applicable to my friend she is deaf and blind until now. She don't care about anything or anyone else but him and she don't care if he is fair or not when it comes to love as long as she loves him. She will do anything whether right or wrong just to keep him.
@lelin1123 (15645)
• Puerto Rico
26 Nov 09
So she knows she is being used for her money and she stills wants to stay with him. That is so pathetic. Most women would find this out and kick him to the curb. How could any women want to be degraded and used like this. You would think a normal person after finding this out would begin to dislike him and sooner or later despise him. It think an intervention needs to be conducted with her family and friends to wake her up because this is a form of abuse and she needs to wake up from the fantasy. If she is afraid of being alone, sometimes that is the best medicine and I'm sure she won't be alone for long time. She needs to develop some self esteem and realize she deserves better than this.
@Genericbe (1378)
• Philippines
1 Dec 09
Hello lelin1123, thanks for your reply. I really feel sad about her and with regards to family member interventions they did it also but it is just that no one can stop her from wanting him even if all her relatives and friends are against him. She chose him inspite of everyone. She is like a time-bomb that explodes whenever someone prevents her to be with him even to her own family.
• China
26 Nov 09
Dear, I was trapped in the same situlation you mentioned, But much better now.the way to forget someone you loved deeply is devoted yourself to work.It's work effectively for me,maybe It work for you.
@Genericbe (1378)
• Philippines
30 Nov 09
hi tracyzheng, thanks for the response, It is my friend who has same situation like you, my friend has work too but still she is not devoted to it, instead she is always absenting herself from work, just to follow the guy wherever he maybe.. she do not care loosing a job, but she care only for the guy... how i wish, she is like you who is strong enough and determined to work out for a change to a better life..
@pxm204192 (160)
• China
26 Nov 09
not,but not all,the people have all kinds of the love between them, they have privilege to enjoy themselves,all of us have a adult ages,they have a normal standard to crited what right or what not right, and what is the better for them and what not for them,you have a good mind to advice for her point, but she didnot listen,not worry about it,as far as you were concerned, you did the best for her,for her not doing or doing, is her business. you are her friend,you have a necessary responsability to her.donot worry about it, and not remorse yourself for a long time.you have a the best time to think of your business. to do your business is the very important thing for uselves.
@Genericbe (1378)
• Philippines
30 Nov 09
hi pxm204192, thanks for the response.. You are correct, same with your view, i am also optimistic about life..I continuously encourage my friend to other good things life that awaits for her..I never give up my role to her as a friend..because, i treasure my real friend.. It is just this time in our lives, she is the one who is in depth problem, so i comfort her much..
• India
26 Nov 09
Always be selective in ur love
@Genericbe (1378)
• Philippines
30 Nov 09
hi rohithkalpaka, thanks for the response, Being selective in love is the most efficient way to remove some unhealthy love.. but in my friend case?..I wish she was selective in love like your opinion. Love really does not choose what status you are from.I never imagine my friend to get involve in that kind of relationship until now, which is happening to her..
• Indonesia
26 Nov 09
My opinion, You have to give understanding to your friends that the actions she had done wrong. If your friend does not want to listen to your advice, you can ask for help to someone who has the ability to communicate and provide understanding that her actions were wrong, or you asked for help from the most influential person in your friend's life, perhaps her parents, her religious leaders, or a marriage counselor.
@Genericbe (1378)
• Philippines
30 Nov 09
hi terapidoe, thanks for the response, I gave several options to help my friend, i told her to divert her activities and routines like keeping herself busy with many things, do all the things she wanted in her life since she has many money to spend, patch with her long lost friends before and even to have a travel to different countries.. still, none of those she did or at least given a try.. There is no influential person for her right now that she can listen too.. for she is too madly in love with the guy.. Her mind is closed for any suggestions, when we talk? she just listen, but the determination to work things out is none.. despite she is the one telling me "how to forget that guy?'so what i did was? whenever she wanted to talk with me? i give her the time and listen to all the things she wanted to express..i help her sort things out..but still, all decision is in her for she is the one involved in the situation..I am worried for her for i know? my friend is deprived of many things and being used for an advantage..and i am sure that if you are a friend in my position? you will still feel the same way..
@cream97 (29168)
• United States
26 Nov 09
Hi, Genericbe! Welcome to myLot! You know this guy really needs to get out and find a job! Why is he having a woman taking care of him?? He is very lazy!! This woman that is your friend, needs to know the truth about this scrub! He is a free loader and he is downright selfish! I understand that she loves him, but he does not really love her. If he did, he would not depend on her to take care of him. He needs to be a man and handle his business! I hope that she listens to you one day before her heart gets broken into a million pieces. You are a great friend. But she will have to learn this one on her own if she chooses to wisen up. I feel sorry for her. It is hard for a woman to make a lot of money, and this guy is not helping at all. All that he is doing is taking away from her until she has ran dry! What a shame! I hope that she thinks smart and not think about her heart!
@Genericbe (1378)
• Philippines
30 Nov 09
hi cream97, thanks for the response.. your opinion is realistically true, that man is selfish or if in a word to relate him? he is a user.. he take advantage of my friend because he knows that my friend is totally blinded in love with him.. and my friend logical/ analytical mind just flew in air.. my friend knows all the stupid doings of the guy and she is aware that guy does not truly love him but she is in denial stage of accepting the real score.. I empathize with my friend and i always tell her ask God's guidance..because the only key to solve the said problem? is acceptance of the real situation.. But it was her own choice even she knew her risks is not worth of it..i even told her that GOD will never give you trials you cannot overcome, God works in many ways..believe in your faith and do not fear loosing a guy, who knows? God is only giving you a test and wake up call..
@amybrezik (2123)
• United States
26 Nov 09
Unfortunatley I don't think you can do much with this type of love. I think we all wish there was a button you could press to turn the love off. Especially when you know that you are loving the wrong person. However, I personally don't think that you can help who you love. She obviously loves him for a reason and there is probably something there besides wanting to not be alone. In my experience, your friend will have to hit rock bottom before she is truely able to realize how wrong the man is for her. You have done your duty as a friend by giving advice. She has made her choices. She won't be ble to stop loving him until her heart is ready to stop. It will still be hard and extremely painful for her, the best you can do for her is be there when she does hit that point. Be a supportive friend as it sounds like you have been. Hopefully things will work out for the best in the end.
@Genericbe (1378)
• Philippines
30 Nov 09
hi amybrezik, thanks for the response.. You are right, i have suggested her many possible solutions for her heart problem in love.. and the only thing i told her was? I am here as your friend, i understand you and what you are going through..but whatever it takes or no matter what will be the end of their relationship? i will stay still as her friend..For i believe this are the times she need a friend to understand her the most..