Teens are cruel

United States
November 27, 2009 4:10pm CST
Why are teens today so cruel.. Not just in the schools but in the home. Right now I am out on disability and had to downgrade on my housing and I seem to be getting worse because of my teens. I have been ill for 5 years, almost died twice and all my teens seem to care about is why don't I get a job and get them what ever they want. The reason I say Teens is because before my son became a teen one year ago , he use to love me because I was his mother. Now they hate me and talk bad about me all the time. I do the best I can, give them spending money everyday, I buy the things they need first. My son wanted a wii, I brought a play station 3 after some time and now he is still waiting on the wii. My daughter gets her hair and nails done sometime and wants new name brand clothes all the time. I can't do it. I have a neg in my bank account now. I don't know what else to do except leave.
3 people like this
12 responses
• Philippines
28 Nov 09
They are not actually cruel---it's the influence from the outside world is the one who drove them crazy. I've seen a lot of teens like that. I'm only twenty one, and I have two teenage siblings. They are still loving as ever. Maybe it's because we're used to not getting everything what we want. Our father is not a spoiler, though our mother sometimes is. We can talk them through and make them buy the things that we want, but when it's a "no", then it should stay that way. You can say that we are well-disciplined kids, though not all the time. As the eldest kid in my family, I tend to keep us intact. I talk with my siblings how we should deal with our parents---treating them with high respect and unconditional love. It's not easy. We tend to keep on slipping. But we always remind ourselves. When we're alone, we keep on crying about the bad things we do or say against our parents and feel sorry. I guess, your kids have other peers. One positive factor in our "sibling-hood" is that we don't get out too much with our friends. We keep ourselves closer. We depend on each other and we trust each other. We fight, yes, but we easily make up. My point is that, in our generation today, it matters who our friends are. I've seen my friends who doesn't have a good relationship with their family because they are closer to their friends. The sad fact that a parent must confront is----the feeling that your kids doesn't need you anymore. They are grown ups and they are already aware of their rights--that is to be taken cared of by their parents, giving all their needs at all times. But children doesn't realize that you are only entitled to give them their every "need" but not their every "want". Our father has educated us the value of family and what's so important about it. He says... "You can choose to love your friends better than us. But always keep in mind that they also have their own family. If time comes that you're in a bad crisis, there's no one in this world that your can depend on-not even your friend because they also have problems of their own. And the only people who will accept you with open arms and will go with you through it all are your family. Always remember that. No matter how you turn the world upside down, we're still your parents and we will always care about you." I think you should talk this through with your children--heart to heart talk. That's what keeps my family intact. We have regular meetings in the house wherein we can say what we appreciate and what we hate about each other. Teenage in this days needed that. They need guidance and assistance--but they won't admit it because they don't want to look helpless. But always keep in mind that if you don't pursue your authority as a mother/parent, your children will continue to be wild. And I say, they will become the worst. I hope it's not too late for you to talk this matter over with your kids... Let me pray for you.. GODbless!
• United States
28 Nov 09
Thank you so much for your kind thoughts and advise . It is so difficult. I want to be able to see a light at the end of the tunnel.You and some others say to talk to them and I will do this again. Right now I just want to get my tears out alone and then I can speak to them. This way I can speak without crying. They hurt me really bad and I have to handle it. I will read your words of encouragement and others for idea. Thank you again. There are kind people left in the world.
• Philippines
28 Nov 09
Hey! Let me tell you, crying in front of your kids doesn't diminish your power as a mother. It will help you to become more loved. That's what my mom do sometimes. And it drives us insane--making our mother cry makes us feel so bad. So, it's okay... I even remember my dad who once talked to me alone. He told me that he's having a hard time because of the way I'm responding to him. He was on the brink of tears. And maybe he didn't cry because I know that men are good at that---controlling their emotions. Please tell me, what happened... I would love to hear the outcome of your meeting with them... Sending you some hugs! Mwah!
• United States
29 Nov 09
Thank you lady. I will let you know what happens.
• United States
29 Nov 09
Upon reading this I was mortified! How can we live in a world that has become this superficial where wii's and PSP's are more precident than the health of a loved one period, we won't mention parents (the ones that have the option to share life or not). Then to have the parent feel as though they have in some way done something wrong or committed some crime. There are certain characteristics and attributes that must be instilled in children from when they are young. No sense in trying after they reach a certain age because they basis of what they believe is already there. I hate it that WE have ALLOWED our children to become as children who are greedy and selfish. All they care about is cell phones and all sorts of electronics and clothes, and cars and money! It is the fault of the parent and not the child. The child is only behaving the way he/she has been allowed to all this time and now that things that were once afforded to him can now not be, the true nature of his heart shows itself. Was the love based on what was once provided? Can't say it is exactly true, but it closely resembles. I am sorry if the way I feel offends, but this type of foolishness cannot stop until we as parents put our foots down and teach our children the values that raised so many of us to even want to be good parents who provide. We have run rampant too long on this far too long. Today's children don't know the value of earning a dollar and what it means to make ends meet. When will they learn and who is going to teach them?
• United States
29 Nov 09
I have to say you are right. when I was working I did give me more. When I could no longer work, I sat them down and explain what would be happening and that I would do the best I can to provide for them but they would only get the extras if the grades were good and they respected me. See now I tried to show them this one article you wrote and my daughter got annoyed when she saw what it was about. My son read the whole thing and said yeah I know and left. At least he read it. I know I made misstake, but I never knew they would hate me for it in the end.
@sethbabs (38)
• Philippines
28 Nov 09
I am a teen a year a go but I never did what your children did I only get things I cant buy for myself like a PSP 2 years ago the psp was very Expensive but I only requested it as a joke during that time I already had a Nintendo ds that I bought for my self but some games are only available in the psp so I had to buy one. another thing was a Laptop. Because I am taking up computer Engineering I really need one for projects and programs we need to make so I decided to request my parents to get me one. but I don't totally depend my Luxuries to them up until now I strive hard to save money so I can spend it on what I want although others may say that the money I save still came from them Its still me who budgets it to be able to save money that I need. I hope your teens will realize soon that Earning money is not as Easy as it looks like and I know someday they will understand you and thank you for the things you gave them. And about the ps3 in about January 2010 they will have a same gadget as the wii's remote so I wish your son will know that and Games on Ps3 is much more better that the wii It wouldnt be so expensive if the games where lame. I hope this helps You and Your children!
• United States
29 Nov 09
Thank you. It is a plus to hear from a Teen because you know what it is like today. But I was this sort of teen in my day. You have picked up some very good values. I wish I knew how to instill with because I have tried. I know what you are saying about the games and you are correct, but I know he wants both because he had a good report card. Take care. Keep up the good savings.
@ronnyb (6119)
• Jamaica
28 Nov 09
WoW I am so sorry to hear that but at that age they are into looks and are under so much peer pressure to look good and be in the latest trend.I dont think they mean to be cruel its just that the need for fads takes over and they become so motivated .When I was a teen I didnt realise the effort that my mother gave until i was in charge of myself.Granted I wasnt insenstive but they will soon understnad when they are on their own ,just be as patient as you can and keep teh faith
• United States
28 Nov 09
Thank you. I know there is peer presure, but nothing should make kids talk so badly about their mom. I will try to hand in there and keep the faith.
@jennysp8 (855)
• United States
28 Nov 09
I think that the majority of teens are like that - not all - but a lot of them. You shouldn't take it personally, even though it can be hard, especially if you are already handling a lot emotionally. I hope that your comment about "leaving" doesn't mean you will abandon your kids. What you are experiencing is a normal thing. You shouldn't give up on them because you weren't prepared for what teens bring into a household. No one seems to think about the future, they just think about how cute babies and little kids are...then they are not so cute once they start talking back. This is a phase and one that you need to stick through. If you "give up" then you are only teaching them to give up when things get rough and I am sure that you don't want them learning that. You have to be the strong one, after all , you are the adult. I don't know how old your teens are, but if they are old enough to work, even cutting grass or shoveling snow for money, tell them that if they work, they can buy whatever they want (within limits of course)... Good luck!
• United States
28 Nov 09
Thank you. I like that answer. My daughter plays she does not want to work in a fast food resturant ,but they are really the ones that hire teens because of the little hours they can work. The clothing stores she would like to work in won't hire teens under 18. When they start again about what they want I will answer over and over get a job. In my day I had a job from 14 and up. I loved getting my own money because back then you don't dare ask your parents if you wanted to live. I was really thinking about leaving because enough is really enough. But again you are correct, leaving would not show much strength.
@free_man (7337)
• United States
28 Nov 09
Hello Vwilliams and welcome to my lot. If I was your teens parent I would tell them if they want these things go to work and buy it themselves. You can't do what you can't do. Maybe you was able to do this when you was working but sounds to me that they don't really care about how you feel they need a spanking on their backsides. If I would have ever done my mother this way she would have put me out the door and told me to go make a living on my own. My children didn't do me this way I told them when they were young that they would have to get a job if they wanted anything special. I hope and pray that things gets better for you soon. It says in the bible spare the rod and spoil the child. Which means if you don't use discipline then the child will be rotten. So stand up and tell them to grow up and get a job or be happy with what they have and you can provide. Have a great day!
• United States
28 Nov 09
Human being, in general, are cruel.
@reploid (1331)
• France
28 Nov 09
I don't know if all teens are cruel. Maybe it depends on the mood and the way these children have grown up. If you've always given him everything he wanted then there's no doubt he'll be cruel towards you..
@happy6162 (3011)
• United States
28 Nov 09
You are not alone they are other teens who think they need to have everything they want. You need to just be patient and if some of them are old enough to work then tell then to get a job so they will have money of their own. The girl does not need brand name clothes just tell her that you can not afford brand name and will have to wear what you can afford to buy her. Many kids and teens think that they are not cool if they do not have brand name clothes but they have to learn that their parents can not afford to buy all brand name clothes.
@Jayervin (64)
• United States
28 Nov 09
Many teens are cruel, but not ALL of them. The teen's behavior also reflects upon the parents most of the time. Sometimes they get too influenced by their friends, TV, or stuff on the internet that they forget the true values of life. They're still in their development stage and they will mateur when the time is right. Yes, many spoiled teens do take things for granted. But I'm pretty sure all they need is some strong discipline.
@wallacb3 (88)
• United States
28 Nov 09
The worst thing you could possibly consider is to leave. It would not only devastate your children, it would ruin your conscience. Your children are not cruel, they are spoiled. Pardon my harshness but you are their mother...not their friend. Let their peers act like their friends, instead take the role of their caregiver and teacher. You are in an unfortunate position... being disabled not only hurts your ego, it makes the children secondguess the stability in their life. First, I would suggest you take sometime for yourself... take an hour and read a book or meditate- try to clear your mind and search for goals you want to set for yourself. Next sit your children down individually and ask for their thoughts. Try not to give in to their fits, it will be hard because you want them to be happy. Talk to them about what they want to do with their future, tell them what you want to do with yours. Try to reach a common ground about your current financial situation. If your daughter doesn't want to try fast food there are other ways. She could try to work in a grocery store or by babysitting. If your son beats a video game, he can try to turn in his game at the game shop. Most stores will buyback used games and give you a discount on new ones. Or give him a choice... he can keep the ps3, or save up to get a wii. Tell him that if he saves up half, you will try to match it and he can get it next year. Or he could always sell the ps3 or rent a wii on the weekends from the local video shop. Ask them to help you around the house. Try to make dinner together one night a week. Try to spend some quality time with them doing things that you enjoy, while not spending money. Times are hard for you but they don't have to be impossible. Your children only have one mother-you. Keep your confidence, and believe in your abilities as a mom. They do love you.
@madteaparty (2761)
• Japan
28 Nov 09
Not only teens. Kids, since young learn to have a very bad personality from other kids, so they will illtreat, badmouth, insult and hit them at school. When they become teens seems that the wrong things they learned at school explode, and they become a wilder version. That's why they will take it on parents too. Unfortunately they learn that from their teen friends too. You will have to be patient until they grow up a little and they realize that they're hurting you. I hope they will realize soon :(