Ladies - Is it Necessary To get Married once You Get Pregnant?

Philippines
December 3, 2009 9:03am CST
Hi ladies, nowadays there's a lot of women who get pregnant even if still in singlehood stage of life. Is it really that important or necessary for women to get that wedding gown right away once you've found out that you are pregnant? or you do not see any reason that pregnancy should immediately lead to an immediate wedding?
13 people like this
92 responses
• Philippines
3 Dec 09
For me it depends on both of person. Most of the young parents love each other and lead to immediate wedding. But for those who just making fun doing it and accidentally got pregnant, its not necessary for her to get married because she is pregnant. In my own opinion if the girl was brave enough to face the consequences of what she did then its her decision wether to get married or not. But if they both love each other and they both willing to accept the obligation then go for it.
3 people like this
• Philippines
4 Dec 09
Hi mrssator2002, I agree with you... Even if it is an accidental pregnancy but both couple love each other and will accept both responsibilities, then they have that wedding ceremony as soon as possible. But if it is accidental pregnancy and that both couple are not yet sure about building up a family, the girl must be wise enough in her decision... if she thinks that his man is responsible and will take the necessary obligation then there's no problem with it, but if the man is not that responsible enough and thinks he is not serious about the future relationship then the wedding should not be done.
• United States
6 Dec 09
I agree with you mrssator. I know many people who have gotton married due to a unexpected pregnancy. A few of the couples are still together, but a few have also seperated. Marriage is such a large step, and if that is coupled with another large step (such as a baby), your chances of your marriage surviving is slim. But, there is also that large majority of people who stay single and raise the child together. So, I concur with you...it just depends on the person.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
29 Dec 09
yes, I agree with you... If the girl got pregnant because they both love each other then I don't see anything wrong,and if they're bot willing to take the responsibility as a parents to their child then why not get married,..but if the girl got pregnant out of love, then they should think it over and over before getting married.
@PeacefulWmn9 (10424)
• United States
3 Dec 09
Many couples who have a child together no longer marry because of that. Unless they are in love, that is perhaps a wise decision. Better to raise a child on your own than in a household where love does not exist. The problem with marrying simply because a baby has been born is that one or the other partner, if they didn't really want to marry, will end up bitter and resentful and behave accordingly. Karen
3 people like this
• Philippines
4 Dec 09
Hi Karen, and you are right for that... It is really a wise decision to raise a child on your own than in an household where love does not exist. It will have a lot of psychological effect to a child and surely a lot of family problem will arise in the future.
1 person likes this
• United States
4 Dec 09
Thank you for honoring me with "best response." Karen
@Hatley (157947)
• Garden Grove, California
3 Dec 09
krystalheart it depends on the age and circumstances of each woman who is pregnant. a kid who goofed and got pregnant might opt not to marry the father and live with her parents and keep the baby or if she is older and loves the man she should marry him if the feelings are mutual.If both know they want to marry for goodness sakes do it now before its apparent she is pregnant. no one answer for this complex question.
3 people like this
• Philippines
4 Dec 09
Hi there Hatley, I have a cousin who got pregnant at the early age of 17years old and obviously she cannot get married because the legal age for marrying is 18 years old. Even if her man wants to marry her, he still needs to wait for the right time. My relatives advice both of them not to rush on the wedding ceremony., instead focus on being a responsible parents and finish both their studies first before deciding of anything. If when they are both prepared and ready for all the responsibilities of having a family of their own, that's the time they can tie the knot if they are still both in love with each other.
• Philippines
5 Dec 09
the legal age of 18 means only that one can enter into a contract like that of a marriage without the consent of his/her parents. Yet they still can enter into wedding even if they are below 18 as long as they have their parents consent.
• Philippines
3 Dec 09
necessary for me if your both in love and financially ready to build a family, marriage is a major decision, so if for example you are still a student and you got pregnant well for me immediate wedding is not the only solution,cuz for some people it might be a big problem,anyone doesn't want to tie the knot unless they are willing to take full responsibility,right?
3 people like this
• Philippines
4 Dec 09
and that is definitely right... sometimes accidental pregnancy leads to unwanted pregnancy... so it is best that if both couple love each other and think that they can handle all the responsibilities of being a parent then it is necessary to go for the wedding ceremony. And yes marriage is a major decision, you should know that marriage is made for a lifetime devotion and is not just a game that you think you can quit anytime you want too.
@rosepedal64 (4192)
• United States
3 Dec 09
That is a good question. It would really depend upon the situation. If the girl is a young girl and she has only been dating the guy for a little while then maybe it is not a good choice to get married. If You are living with guy and have been for awhile and the marriage has been a topic before you got pregnant then maybe it just might be the right time. I don't think that you should get married just because you became pregnant. Have a nice day and keep smiling.
• Philippines
6 Dec 09
Hi there thanks rosepedal69 for responding, It really depend upon the situation to what is really the right choice or answer to make. If love is there for a long period of time, even if it is an unexpected pregnancy, then there's no point of not getting married. But if the relationship is not quite long and both couple are unsure of their real feelings, then marriage is not a good idea. Have sometime to think clearly if it would be best to tie the knot or not.
• United States
7 Dec 09
Thats is very true. I think that their is too many young pregnancies happen now days. The kids are afraid to talk to their parents about their feelings. I am a firm believer that a teen or child should be able to talk with their parent or a relative before making any rash decisions are made.
• Philippines
8 Dec 09
Hi krystalheart, i'm nOt a lady but i just want tO cOmment. PardOn me fOr my sarcasm, i just wOnder why lOts Of girls nOw are getting pregnant when they knOw they haven't tied the knOt. Pregnancy is nOt a reasOn fOr getting married althOugh sOme girls think that getting pregnant wOuld preempt a wedding. It's always the girl at the lOsing end when the guy wOuld run away and tells her he is nOt ready tO have a family. FOr me, it's best and necessary fOr a girl to have first her marriage vOws before getting pregnant....and NOT to get pregnant in Order tO have that wedding gOwn.
• Philippines
9 Dec 09
Hi there, yes it is really necessary to get married first before anything else. But in the case that the girl will get pregnant in an unplanned way, then the decision should be clearly decided whether both partner really love each other and that they are willing to take the responsibilities of being a parents; or they are unsure of what they feel for each other. If it is areal love, no need to wait but go for marriage, but if love does not exist then it is really a bad idea to tie the knot.
1 person likes this
• United States
4 Dec 09
If you are pregnancy with a man you are dating exclusively I would consider getting married. Try not to move in with him, don't give away all the benefits you have to offer as a girlfriend its sooo not worth it. It is better to either date and not marry b/c the relationship is not serious and not live together. Please do not move in with him, and put yourself fin a situation where you end up having to depend on him financially if he is not your husband. He may then claim he does not want to marry you, after you have lived with him through the pregnancy and birth of the baby. If you are talking about getting married do it. Set a date, go to the courthouse if you have to, and plan a ceremony at a later date.
2 people like this
• Philippines
6 Dec 09
Oh i see.. It is quite true that people living together but still not married might face a lot of possible problem in the future. So if you are pregnant don't think of moving in with the man unless you want to marry him. Think first all the possible consequences that might happened in the future.
@lillake (1635)
• United States
4 Dec 09
No, not unless it is what the couple really wants. Pregnancy is no reason to enter into an emotional/legal contract with someone you would not otherwise be in such a contract with.
• Philippines
6 Dec 09
It is wise to marry someone you want to spend the rest of your life than with someone you just marry because of pregnancy. In the future, conflicts and regrets will surely arise if married couple just decide to be married because of unplanned pregnancy.
@jennybianca (12918)
• Australia
3 Dec 09
There is no way a pregnancy need lead to a wedding. In our society it very often doesnt.Usually these pregnancies are unplanned. The women doesnt necessarily want to marry the Father, nor do fathers here feel obliged to marry a pregnant woman. Naturally though, the Father is obliged to contribute to the childs welfare, once it is born.
• Philippines
6 Dec 09
Hi jennybianca, I agree with you... If pregnancy is the only reason for marrying then it is a not a good idea to make. And yes it is quite true that in our present society, unplanned pregnancy is not a valid reason to tie the knot. It would be unfair for the child to have a family but love is not present. Better raise the child on your own than with a family that is full of conflict and regrets.
@happy6162 (3011)
• United States
3 Dec 09
No just because a lady is pregnant is no reason to rush into a wedding. Sometimes a lady and the father of the baby rush into a wedding and then later on start blaming each other for things going wrong in their life and the baby sometimes suffer from all the arguing and fighting going on. The couple needs to be their for their baby but do not necessary have to be married.
2 people like this
• Philippines
6 Dec 09
For me, marriage is still necessary in building a family but love must be present. If both couple love each other even if they had that unexpected pregnancy then there's no point of not getting married. But if it is unsure love, well better not rush into it... give yourself sometime to think clearly before making any decisions.
@Fulltank (2896)
• Philippines
3 Dec 09
Nope. In today's world it is better if both are financially stable before getting married. Pregnancy is no longer a valid reason for getting married. If both couple were not emotionally prepared for a married life, then it would be better if the marriage to be postponed.
2 people like this
• Philippines
6 Dec 09
That is true fulltrank, in this 21st century, pregnancy is not a valid reason to rush for a wedding ceremony. Marriage needs a lot of time, couple should be emotionally, physically, spiritually, and financially prepared to prevent any regrets in the future.
@airasheila (5460)
• Philippines
3 Dec 09
Dear Krystalheart, With reference to your question, I dont think that immediate wedding is the remedy for the unwanted pregnancy. There are times, unwanted pregnancy is only the result of abrupt decision. That the previous abrupt decision cannot be corrected by another quick decision. Getting married should be think about a 100 times because marriage life is quite complicated. You must embrace all the do's and dont's that you will going to see to each other.
• Philippines
6 Dec 09
And that is all true airasheila, if you think it is a mistake to have that unexpected pregnancy, then don't get another mistake of marrying just for the sake of pregnancy. Getting married is really a tough decision. As a woman, it is best to think a thousand times for marrying, because a marriage life is not a game to play but a real life to face. It is a life that you are willing to live for the rest of your life, and not just for months or years then give up with it. People must understand the true meaning of love and marriage to truly make the right decision regarding marriage life.
@barehugs (8992)
• Canada
3 Dec 09
This is an old ploy that women have been using since time began, If you can't get your man to commit, get pregnant and use that as leverage. It used to work nine times out of ten, but lately people have been slower to get hitched. Perhaps they are getting smarter as they see the Statistics on marriage. (51% of all marriages fail.) Would you buy a car if the stats on cars were no better than those on marriage? I doubt very much that cars would be a big seller! Lets face it - marriage has outlived its usefulness. Just ask Tiger Woods!
2 people like this
• Philippines
5 Dec 09
what does car have to do with marriage. i quite don't agree that women have used this ploy to get their man to commit. that is a very lame reason. for one, women of today's generation have different perspective about marriage already. it is a lifetime commitment and women knows the consequences of it. a child should never be the reason for marriage. a mistake can never be corrected with another mistake. unless both parties are willing to take the consequences of marriage, then they should not get married at all. as one the responses here, love is still important in a marriage. that is the most essential ingredient and not the child. the law employs the parents of their responsibilities to the child but never to marriage.
• Philippines
3 Dec 09
Nope , it is not the basis to be married it is a wrong notion and its is a old tradition. As long as the guy guarantee t support the baby it is alright for me as i do not like to get caught up in marriage it very expensive to get annulment after finding out in a couple of years you are not really compatible. being pregnant is not an excuse to get marriage as i myself like to maintain my freedom. i like to postpone marriage unless i am very sure of my feeling at least i think many times which would hope not end up in a lots of regrets. Though, in other country being pregnant is not a big deal and so is getting married as anyone could divorce quickly.
2 people like this
• Philippines
4 Dec 09
Hi there, I understand what you are trying to say... and yes that is true that nowadays, in some people pregnancy is not a reason nor a big deal to get married. They don't want to tie the knot unless they are sure that the person is really the right one for them that in the future they will not regret their decision. People made a lot of mistakes, and one of it especially to ladies is to get pregnant in their singlehood life... yes it is unavoidable and we must take the consequences of our actions. Sometimes marriage is not a solution to a problem like this, it is more wise to be more careful to your decision that going with the old tradition of marrying.
• Philippines
10 Dec 09
If the women is very religious and if her parents doesn't allow this things to happen without marriage i guess it will lead to marriage. But on our modern world today, some of them are living in one house or the guy is living in the house of the girl because he is the father but they are not married. I saw it here in my neighborhood. For them marriage is not necessary as long as they are together while the child is growing. It never happen to me and I hope it will not, for me the right thing is to lead to marriage. Because they will be having a future family growing, it has to lead to marriage. they have to do the right thing over the mistake they had done. However some of the women today do not just accept marriage. For them although they are having a baby, they are not ready for much deeper responsibility of having a family. It might takes time for them and there are things much more important than getting married. I guess the decision is for the girl or women.Because me if I am not ready to get married I will not get married, but that is not the right way.
@krkavsy (192)
• India
3 Dec 09
In my view point it is necessary if ladies dont have the guts to face the society and prove that she can look after the child. Forget about the society. Their first battle begins at home. The girl can be like that but what about her family. They have to answer to the society. The girl has to earn her living to fend for herself and the child. Medication, school fees, clothes etc has become very expensive.
@830425 (52)
• China
7 Dec 09
I am still in singlehood stage of life. but I insist on once get pregnant I will hv the baby.. as you know, the first baby is the best one in women's life. But it is too early for me talk about it. But I would like to get married when get pregnant if I love the man.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
8 Dec 09
...and yes marry a man only when you love him. It is a good idea to raise the child on your own that with a father but love does not exist in the family.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
8 Dec 09
I mean "than" with a father but love does not exist. Marrying should not be taken for granted, marry the man whom you want to spend the rest of your life.
1 person likes this
@jdyrj777 (6558)
• United States
5 Dec 09
Certianly not. Those olden days are gone. Stay single. Give the baby your last name. If the dad wants to be involved fine. But your probably better off never getting entangled ina marriage.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
6 Dec 09
Yes it could be better not to tie the knot to someone whom you are not sure of spending your whole life, but if you are sure enough there is no reason for not getting married. Pregnancy should not be the only reason for marrying, but love and devotion should one.
@jdyrj777 (6558)
• United States
6 Dec 09
You can still have love, devotion, and all that. You can even have a family. A single woman giving her child the fathers last name is also giving him the power to take the child away from her. Just dont get caught up in the legality of it by tieing the kNOT in the first place. The governments are the one that designed all those trappings anyway. Their friends the lawyers are right next door waiting too.
@dorannmwin (36692)
• United States
4 Dec 09
Well, you've actually hit on a subject that is near and dear to my heart here. Today is my daughter's seventh birthday and she was born before I was married. So my answer to this question should be fairly clear. I don't think that it is necessary to get married just because you find out that you are pregnant. I did end up getting married to her father, eventually, but we decided after Kathryn was born that we were going to wait to get married until she was old enough to participate in our wedding as well. We waited until she was almost 20 months old to get married and she was our flower girl.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
4 Dec 09
Oh that was so sweet dorannmwin. At least you have a flower girl of your own... How I wish I was able to witness your wedding ceremony. I believe that you have a very wonderful family now. Praise God. Thank you for sharing your wonderful story. I really love it. God bless to you and to your family. =)
@dorannmwin (36692)
• United States
4 Dec 09
Well, we've been married for over five years now and in addition to our wonderful daughter, we also have a beautiful three-year-old son. Our family is complete and for that I am so very thankful. It's never made a difference to Kathryn to know that she was born before we were married and I was so happy to be able to include her in our legal union.
1 person likes this
• India
3 Dec 09
Sorry for answering this because i am not a lady but i still want to say somethings.When a women becomes pregnant she can start taking birth control pills.But these pills wont have great effect on you.So you will get pregnant even before marriage.It will be a real shame for you.To avoid this you should have to make an immediate wedding....
1 person likes this
• United States
3 Dec 09
I definitely agree with you here. A pregnant woman may need some extra help along the side, don't you think so. Also, a baby needs a father too, and he/she can grow up in a both parent family. That is what you want for your children, don't you?
2 people like this
• United States
6 Dec 09
It is medically unadvisable to take birth control pills when you are pregnant. When you are pregnant, your health care provider will put you on prenatal vitamins to increase the vitamins/nutrients you and your fetus receive.
1 person likes this