break up with someone without hurting each other emotionally?

Philippines
December 3, 2009 1:05pm CST
is it possible? if my relationships doesn't work out well, i always wanted to break it up in a nice way because if my partner agree,i would like to stay as friends that is why,as much as i want to i still haven't experience such... that is why i am wondering,is it possible? all of my break ups had no proper communication,we just stop seeing and communicating,sometimes i tried to communicate but they will just not return call,,huhuhhuh... i just want to know how will i restore some of the good things,even if we are not gonna be couples anymore...
1 person likes this
15 responses
• United States
3 Dec 09
P.S. Friendship is out after a break up. why be friends with someone you've slept with? It will damage your new relationship, and you'll just end up stringing some poor sap along with dreams that he could get you back. Unless you wnat to keep him in your bullpen just in case the new relationship doesn't work out. That way you have him to fall back on until something better comes along.
• Philippines
3 Dec 09
hehehe... i don't intend to let the guy just be a reason for me to fall back on whenever my relationship after him didn't work out,,but i got your point there,it is more painful on both part,right?
• United States
3 Dec 09
musik, lol, you got it. A clean break up is best for both parties involved.
• United States
3 Dec 09
it all depends on the situation and what happens, saying that it's not possible at all is completely wrong, there are conditions that have to be there for it to really work out and honestly it is rare but it can work. You have to be totally mature about it and not selfish. If it's a one sided break up, then there is no possibility for being friends, but if both parties agree to the break up and really do care about the happiness of the other person, it can happen. Like I said in my post hardly any of my ex's are my friends except for one and har and I are really close friends now, course there's the jelousy thing that happens once in a while but that's normal but we're still friends and before that when we were dating we were vary intimate... yes pain is about growing up but it's also about how you deal with it. Saying it's "Not possible" is wrong, but "Possible" is very hard to attain
@simonelee (2721)
• China
4 Dec 09
Hi! I don't think breaking up will not cause pain. If the person is inlove and both parties invested their emotions but the relationship didn't work pain is still there. Love is always accompanied with pain. Breaking up is not easy especially in females because when we are in a relationship we always give our best, pour everything we have. We are more likely planning the future with our partner, always "we". "I" is set aside.
• Philippines
4 Dec 09
that is true! females are more of a "we" than "I"... i think if you decide to love someone, you also agree to be hurt by that person.. i believe that all things work together for good because there are reasons behind everything that we encounter, you will not appreciate your relationship and the love you have for each other if there are no little conflicts right? i think friendship is a good basic foundation of a relationship and it is therefore in true love nothing is impossible..
@simonelee (2721)
• China
5 Dec 09
Good morning. Yeah. You got my point. Ladies are always like that and will always be like that. When you love, you get hurt. Conflict is needed in a relationship in able to have spice, to deeply know each other, a test of love, and to grow. A role of conflict in a relationship is to bond both parties.
• United States
3 Dec 09
That's a really hard thing to do, but it is possible. If it was miss-communication then it's really had, but if you and your soon to be ex agrees on it and you both understand then it is possible. I've had a lot of break-ups and almost all of them ended poorly and we never stayed friends... except for one girl, we both loved each other and it both hurt us but we both had needs that just were not being met and we agreed to break up as BF and GF, we still talk and hang out as friends, sometimes we laugh and remember the "old times" and sometimes we wonder what would have happened if we had staid together, but we're still friends and I don't think that'll never change. It depends on the person and situation. So it is possible.
• Philippines
3 Dec 09
wow.. i really never thought it was possible but with what you experience i am more determined to do so if m relationship doesn't work anymore...
@rmuxagirl (7569)
• United States
3 Dec 09
I agree that it is hard but it is possible. Sometimes two people dont work out as a couple, but work as friends. I have several friends who started out as a couple. Heck i still go to lunch with one of them, but we talk about the people we are dating and ask for advice. It is possible, but it takes a lot of work to do it.
@Amber4106 (541)
• United States
4 Dec 09
First of all I just want to say that I think it's great that you would want to remain friends. And yes, it is possible to stay friends with someone you shared a relationship with. It may not happen right away, but with time people forgive and forget and get on with their lives. There's probably some that just can't let go, but most of us are able to move on. If both people have mutual feelings about the break up, then I can't see one reason why they couldn't remain friends. Unless that too is a mutual decision.
• Philippines
4 Dec 09
yeah, friendship is impossible if it is mutual..hehehe(",) if the reasons of break up is really that painful, time will be needed to forgive first and then friendship may occur..cuz i really wanted to have a best friend of the opposite GENDER and i think an ex would really make a good and real friend..
@epikna4o (49)
• Latvia
4 Dec 09
i think its imposible because when you brake whit someon you hort him and thats hort you too and thats is on very long time :(
• Philippines
4 Dec 09
but i believe hurt will be lessen if you both accept it and try to move on...but what i want to learn is the possibility of being friends even if you've been lovers before becoz there are instances that they start being friends then as time goes by, they become great lovers right?what i have in mind is that the opposite way around..
@smartjack (521)
• India
4 Dec 09
hey thats a good thing to do. Even if you are not in relationship you can still be good friends. that best advise for you will be that you should personally meet her and sort this out. tell her the reason why you cant carry it further. make that person understand in a nice way. And give a friendship hand. All will be fine.
• Philippines
4 Dec 09
good conversation will really settle things in a nice way, give and take of ideas about anything and everything and also a big lending ear or what we call good listener will surely put things alright for both of you and chances are you'll both be much better friends than lovers....that is what i really want to attain if ever things don't work out between us as couples, but i am now more eager to never give up on what i have right now...
@agv0419 (3030)
• Philippines
4 Dec 09
It really up to you if you still want your ex to be your friend but it is hard to do. Most of the time they separate ways and stop communicating with each other. It really up to you if you really want to continue your friendship.
• Philippines
4 Dec 09
yeah,,most couples would just stop communicating, i think because they just want to forget the pain as soon as possible specially if you broke up because of infidelity or other major reason that really brings a lot of pain and tears, in that situation i think,friendship will be really hard to attain, maybe only time will tell,but first they must learn to really forgive....
@jambi462 (4598)
• United States
4 Dec 09
Well I'm not sure if it's really all that possible. It would either take two really stable people or I guess you just never really loved each other that much. I have one girlfriend where things were okay when we broke up I was in a juvenile detention facility and she had to move away to Indiana. I still liked her but she still lives their. It's weird because we lived in Michigan and I got sent to a juvenile detention facility in Indiana too.
• Philippines
4 Dec 09
maybe you have a point there,,,about never really loved each other much, for if you are really that in love,you'll be as persistent as ever and never settle for less, in what i have heard others were saying, you must go the extra mile for your relationship to last longer if not forever....(",)
@happy2512 (1266)
• Philippines
4 Dec 09
First it is impossible to break up without hurting somebodys feelings except you are just playing around. If you want to break up a relationship do it in a formal way speak your heart out why you want to break up with him. If its possible for you to give time to do it then do it. Its usually hard to restore the friendship if the relationship is broken in a very bad way even if other people say that time heals ^ it would just be alright then but it will not be the same friendship you have while you were not couples yet their is always a gap in between so better end everything in a nice way.
• Philippines
4 Dec 09
i also believe that all break ups should end up in a formal way... yes it is painful to have break up but what i mean is to lessen it.. i think acceptance plays an important part, cuz i think that it is more painful not to accept the fact that things don't work for both of you and that the solution would be separation...if acceptance would not be there definitely there will be gap...but what i want to have is that even though you have separated aleast there will be friendship that should remain..
@Fulltank (2896)
• Philippines
3 Dec 09
never give up. All my past relationship ended up of getting us a good friends. The only way to do it is by talking. Closure would be the best thing to do. In your case, better to talk to the person personally and never give-up your friendship.
• Philippines
4 Dec 09
oh, i am glad to hear that it is possible...and what a nice thing to say NEVER GIVE UP...
• United States
3 Dec 09
I do not think it is possible at all to end a relationship (with any real emotions) without any hurt. You may be able to do things to minimize the hurt, but nothing to completely elminate it.
• Philippines
3 Dec 09
yeah i got it, but what i also mean is that what if you just decide to break up without any problem,you just both agree,then can that be a reason enough to be friends?
• United States
3 Dec 09
Sorry, it's just not possible. Someone will get hurt. Pain is a part of life, it helps you grow. what hurts worse, however, is the "cheating" a woman will do because she doesn't want to "hurt the feelings" of the guy she wants to dump. the problem with this is, the "cheating" causes worse pain than breaking up. that "cheating" as I called it isn't really to keep from hurting the other, but is just to keep the one (the woman, usually" from having to have a "confrontation" and breaking up. Trust me, break off the current relationship before starting a new one. there's less pain that way, and it's better for your reputation. If you "cheat", the new guy, the one you're "cheating" with will be fully aware that you will probably do the same thing to him. Not very conducive to a long lasting, trusting relationship, now is it? No matter how you might not like it and want to change it, men think differently than women. Get used to it, even if you never understand it. ajust except it, because it'll never change, and even if it did, you wouldn't like the result, anyway.
• Philippines
3 Dec 09
that was really a mind opening for me and i agree on men think differently than women,so thanks for sharing your thought...
• India
3 Dec 09
its very tough or i would say impossible to hav the feelings of friendship for the person u ever loved. so i guess u should nt even try for it becoz then it is not a good friendship even. if u want to have a breakup peacefuly communicate it with ur partner and do it with peace no need of being friends nemore.
• Philippines
3 Dec 09
oh,okay...just a weird thought of mine..lol..but thanks for your sincere answer...
@kokila19 (102)
• Kuwait
4 Dec 09
Its impossible :(
• India
3 Dec 09
no it is not possible to break up with somebody and you are not getting hurt basically the point is that is you love somebody and then there is break up you will surely get hurt but if you don't love and then there is breakup then there is a term coined for it and its called move on.