Is spanking a bad child abuse or a punishment? Is spanking bad or good?

United States
December 4, 2009 3:51pm CST
If spanking a child that is acting out a good way to teach that child to behave? Do you think is abuse or just a punishment? Do you spank you kids? Why or Why not? Do you think this will affect the child in a good or bad way?
5 people like this
24 responses
@deebomb (15323)
• United States
4 Dec 09
It all depends on what you mean by spanking. I don't believe a couple of swats to the behind is out of line if it is used after all else has failed. It shouldn't be done in anger. I spanked all of my kids when they were young. Some say that it will teach the child to hit but mine never did. Spanking doesn't work for all kids. It didn't work with my daughter and her tantrums. They stopped when I threw a glass of water on her a couple of time. Some times you have to get very creative.
• United States
5 Dec 09
So do you think spanking should stop at a certain age? Should it only be done to young kids... i guess if you did it to older kids they could try to fight back or something.
1 person likes this
@mommyboo (13198)
• United States
5 Dec 09
It definitely should be discontinued after a certain age. I do not agree that it is even an acceptable punishment or form of discipline for some kids, but for sure it is only effective when they are little - and also ONLY if it is used sparingly and only in the most dire of circumstances, after OTHER avenues have not worked. I'm really not sure what people are doing honestly, because even though I have friends who end up resorting to spanking, whenever I have taken care of their kids, I NEVER have to go that route. EVER. Other things that I use to help reinforce good behavior or redirect or defuse bad behavior work and I never have to go to step 2 or 3.... I think the biggest part is clear expectations and consistency. As long as kids know from the beginning where the lines are drawn, they will probably behave. If they don't, then they get a consequence THE FIRST TIME and ANY TIME thereafter and trust me, they will stop going over the line.
1 person likes this
@mommyboo (13198)
• United States
5 Dec 09
Oh, btw if you try to do it to older kids, they can go around behind your back and report or accuse you of abuse. They can go to school and say 'my mom hit me' and if they play rough sports and get marks and bruises from it, they can go around and claim the bruises and marks are from a parent or sibling hitting them. I've even heard teens talk about falsely accusing their parents of things like this to 'get them in trouble'. By all means, if you happen to be a person who would welcome someone hitting you, feel free to respond to me and I'll find someone who can come hit you lol. I just doubt I'd actually find someone who would welcome that.
1 person likes this
@IamSamm (75)
• Indonesia
5 Dec 09
I'm just wondering tp some of the responses who don't think spanking is ok as long it doesn't leave marks or some sort i have a Question -Will you hit yourself if you done something wrong over and over again you get into the same mistakes again to make yourself learn your lesson? some psychology called that self abuse btw if you do ,a disorder. -Will you slap yourself to make you realize that you done something wrong and make sure you're not doing it again?and are you sure you wont make the same mistake? i mean like completely sure you wont? i deeply thankful if you answer those questions honestly :) do note that you are an "adult" who understand whats wrong and right
• Indonesia
5 Dec 09
Oh so many bad typos excuse my english * who do thinks that spankin is ok
• United States
6 Dec 09
I think spanking is sooo wrong!
@IamSamm (75)
• Indonesia
5 Dec 09
didn't adult need to be discipline too? should we spank/hit them when they make mistakes? a child is not grown enough to know which are right or wrong so whats the use of disciplining them by violence. we need to ask our self will i want to be hit/attack/judge when i make a mistake or by gently and wisely told that i have done something wrong? treat a child as you want to be treated.I just caaan't understand parent who thinks spanking/hitting/pinching/screaming and another abusive act (mentally or physically) will make their kids "learn their lesson". If you teach violence to your kids don't be surprise he/she grown as a violent youngster.The wound might heal but it still remain in kid's mind and memories
• United States
5 Dec 09
thats a great point and the biggest reason i dont like spanking because i feel like the kid is still growing and learning and does not full understand right from wrong! How can hitting him make him understand what he did wrong... it could just confuse him more!
• Indonesia
5 Dec 09
Totally agree with you!! it won't teach them kids nothing but anger and disappointment to their parents parents supposed to make kids feel saved not scared!! why are parents so protective from the outside world when at home parents hit them?? oh so confusing this world.......sighs A child is the best gift god lent to us,who on earth you think to hurt them? just because you have them in your tummy for 9months and because you feed them doesn't mean you own them! if a parents wants to discipline their kids they need to discipline them self first!! sorry if i sound rude or anything i didn't mean to but it just bothers me so much to see a mom spank her kid just because she was playing water at the park and her dress got wet ...sighs
@ladym33 (11008)
• United States
5 Dec 09
I think spanking should be a very last resort and should never be done in anger. I think if you are going to spank a child you had better have a really good reason for doing so. There are other ways to punish that don't involve man handling them. Putting them in time out for a period of time is usually effective enough. Even if you have to sit next to them to make sure they are doing it. I used to do creative punishments with my kids. Like if they were yelling, being mean or disrespectful they would have to sit with their hands on their mouth for a short time. If they hit someone they would have to sit there with thier hands on their head. It reminded them of what they did and why they were in time out and it was a little more uncomfortable then just sitting in time out, they would usually get the message very quickly. Now they my kids are older just threatening to take their computers away for even a day will make them behave immediately.
• United States
6 Dec 09
I agree there are 10000 different way to teach a child right from wrong. No one should be like oh my kid is acting up let me hit him
@jewels49 (1783)
• United States
5 Dec 09
I personally don't believe in spanking and have never used it as punishment. I have always believed in accountability and consequences from a very young age. I think discipline needs to begin when kids are very small. Kids only do what we allow them to. My neice is a holy terror with her mom (she's 3) because her mom just threatens her over and over and never follows through. At my house she is a little angel because she knows that I am going to tell her once and then she's going to the naughty chair if I have to repeat myself. It only took a couple of visits before she learned I meant what I said.
• United States
5 Dec 09
Good for you for finding other ways than spanking maybe you should try to help your sister and teach her what you have learned!
• India
5 Dec 09
I can't say that spanking is good. Probably you will agree with me if you can understand the reason behind their mischief. Kids tend to do wrong things because they are not aware of the result and they don't understand or think as we do. That's the difference between an adult and a child. But when a child keeps on repeating the same mistake, it makes feel irritated and you may spank at that moment. Now it depends on how the child reacts to it. Some children are so emotional and some are careless, In either case it will affect negatively. Still parents are human being and it happens. Even I've done once or twice. But the good thing I do is the very next moment I ask sorry and make my child convinced that why I did it. I also promise not to repeat, that makes my child relax and understandable.
• United States
5 Dec 09
Everyone makes mistakes! i can understand when you kid is doing something really annoying/dangerous and he keeps doing it over and over and over again. Even after you tell him to stop and why he cant do that he keeps doing it and your so upset and don't know what else to do you spank him. I don't think if someone spanks their kid that automatically makes them a bad parent it just not something i want for me kid.
@billi65 (29)
5 Dec 09
I am now over forty years old and was brought up in a culture where it was quite common to be spanked when you were naughty. Did it do me harm? Possibly!! When I get very very annoyed and angry I have resulted to lashing out at the person. I personally think that there are many ways to control childrens behaviour. My step dad used to use, what i consider to be a bit of a cruel method- if you did not tidy up after you, what ever you left laying around was thrown in the bin! Your childhood does ultimately affect our adult lives but it is up to us to allow the good bits through and supress the negative.
• United States
5 Dec 09
Wow that must have been very hard growing up that you for opening up and letting us know that... I'm sure it wasn't easy but that info can help this post... you are someone that got spanked and say it could have hurt you and stuck with you as an adult.
@mommyboo (13198)
• United States
5 Dec 09
Would you like to be hit? Do you believe any situation would warrant another person hitting YOU? When you can answer those honestly and without regret, then you can answer the question you just asked all of us. People go round and round on this topic and I don't think there is a clear cut answer - although if hitting another person can be considered abuse, assault, or punishment - and spanking is a form of hitting - then how could it be GOOD? Discipline is important yes, because it reinforces the correct behavior. However, discipline does not equal PUNISHMENT, and it definitely does not need to be physical. I don't spank my kids because a wise parent has OTHER ways to discipline and they do not need to resort to physical violence to get their point across or control behavior. Besides, why would I want to teach my daughter that you get people to do what you want them to do by hitting them, threatening to hit them, or simply threats and fear itself? I'm not saying she never frustrates me or makes me angry, she sure does, but it doesn't mean I have to act like a crazy person either. All kids are different and I don't think the majority of kids need to be threatened with physical violence, any more than the majority of kids need to learn in a completely different way. There is a small percentage who DO, but for the most part no. As a parent, you just keep learning and you just keep growing, and you simply know your own kids.
• United States
5 Dec 09
I don't have kids yet but me and my husband have talked about this a lot and we agree that spanking is 100% wrong. We just don't have it in our hearts to do it. I just think of what woudl i do or feel if someone hit my child.... i would be upset, i'd be hurt, I'd go to the police... so how could i myself hit them? I think its good to ask yourself questions like that. I agree a good parent can find other ways of controlling there kids other than violence... if they have to spank to make their kids listen maybe they shouldn't have had kids!
• Brazil
4 Dec 09
I know that waht i'll write here is really a poor example, but, let's go: I had a dog... a bad dog. He always scratched my bed and pissed in my shoes. So, i starts to spanking him. And its really don't teached nothin' to him. He always did the same things and I always had spanked him. So, one day I tried to teach him with a talk, some games and stuff... and he had learned. A dog. A child, that is millions times more smart than a dog, feel it more deeply I guess. =)
• United States
5 Dec 09
Well that could prove something. Hit hitting an animal doesn't teach and animal than it wont teach a kid. You thought of something else and it worked. I dont think violence can teach anyone anything. p.s- its never a good idea to hit an animal
@lillake (1634)
• United States
4 Dec 09
Spanking is illogical at best, cruel at worst. it does not teach a child to act in a proper manner. It only teaches the child that his actions bring a threat of violence from someone he should be able to trust and love. It teaches the use of violence over all else. It teaches that might makes right and that the only reason to change your actions is if threatened with harm from another person. It is shameful and absurd. If a husband were to spank his wife for her actions it would be abuse. if a police officer were to spank another adult for speeding he would lose his job. There should not be a seperate set of rules for children. They are human beings also. http://mama2mamatips.com/physical-punishment-is-ineffective-and-harmful/
• United States
5 Dec 09
Very well said, i couldn't have said it better myself!
@dodo19 (31998)
• Beaconsfield, Quebec
4 Dec 09
To be honest, I have a problem doing that. I don't see how it can teach a child anything. I really have a problem with using this method, when I have kids and it comes time to punish them. This issue has come up between my husband and me one time, and if I remember correctly, we didn't fully agree about this topic. Which bothers me a little now that I'm thinking about it.
• United States
5 Dec 09
awww I'm sorry to bring up a disagreement you had with your husband! lol I don't think i could ever spank or hit my kids (which i don't have any yet..) although i bet there are people they say they never have or will but in the heat of the moment have spanked their kid. I would feel so guilty.
@Galena (9123)
4 Dec 09
I don't see how it can teach anything good. we expect people not to use violence to acheive what they want, and yet people still hit their children to get them to behave as they wish. it gives the child a bad message about life.
• United States
5 Dec 09
yeah isn't it kind of hypocritical to tell your kids not to hit eachother of anyone else than hit them!?!
• United States
7 Dec 09
I think its good and bad. the reason i think that it is good is because it teaches them disaplin and they learn from it and they remember how much it hurted to get spanked when they knew they did something wrong to begin with. the bad part is that it is still abuse you are hitting your child, i would never hit my kid, if i had one, it hurts them and it hurts there feeling and they prolly think tht you hate them and you are a bad mother or a bad father.
• Philippines
5 Dec 09
hola jennifer_lee_88. in my own opinion i dont think its abuse nor punishment. its just teaching the children some manners. but not too much hush. after you spank your children explain to them why you did it to them in a low manner. sometimes children will get angry or get mad at you because of what you did. but its normal.
@kafueenu (1073)
• Philippines
5 Dec 09
My father and mother never spanked me not even once in my life, and yet I'm still a very disciplined child I must say. I think its about how the parents would raise their children, and my parents have done a very good job of that. When I will have my own family, I really hope I can be like my father, and my child as disciplined as me.
@syankee525 (6295)
• United States
5 Dec 09
i dont think its abuse to spank a kid, i used to spank my when they were growing up and i was spank as well. i think as along if you dont leave marks or get carry away with it i see nothing wrong.
@junmae (1592)
• Philippines
5 Dec 09
I cant see any good reason in beating up a child because you physically hurt them and it can traumatize them. They may became afraid in you but for the exchange they wont respect you. I cant spank my kid for punishment but i will do some punisshment that Im sure they will learn from it.
@agv0419 (3029)
• Philippines
5 Dec 09
I think spanking is a good discipline when I was a kid our mother also spank us. Now a days chidren are misbehaving parents needs to punish them because if now they going to be rude to older people and they would not listen to their parents. If I were going to have a children I'm going to spank them also so they would learn there lesson and they going to behave.
• United States
5 Dec 09
I believe spanking is child abuse and nothing good will ever come out of it If my toddler acts up I will put her in time out( aka her crib) she can cry and scream all she wants I just ignore her cause her i want her to know that is not the right way to act for attention or anything else positive or if she gets into something like the dresser I will slap her hand but not hard and tell her not for baby she gets the message most of the time
@happy6162 (3011)
• United States
5 Dec 09
I do not see anything wrong with spanking a child if no other discipline has worked. Now spanking means a few slaps on the bottom. Child abuse is the beating of a child and should never be done for any reason. My dad spank me when I was growing up and only if after telling me not to do something many times. It did not make me not love him and I have never been in trouble so spanking does not always make kids not like their parents or affect the child by them not knowing right from wrong.