Would you tell a person the truth,

@jugsjugs (13045)
December 5, 2009 12:26pm CST
if you knew it would only upset them,or would you never say anything as that way they would not be upset.
6 people like this
47 responses
@Hatley (164506)
• Garden Grove, California
5 Dec 09
hi jugsjugs I think that depends on what this truth is,if it would jeopardize their lives or income or something really serious let them be upset as they may need this information. if its something that maybe even just in your own mind,unless you know this person closely and know they will not be angry at you, just keep this to yourself. why hurt some one for silly things.
@jugsjugs (13045)
5 Dec 09
I think you are right i will keep my mouth closed.I just do not like the thought that if they find out for themselves and they found out that i knew they would be happy with me either.I will keep my mouth closed for now as it is christmas.
@vandana7 (66896)
• India
6 Dec 09
I agree with Hatley on this. There are issues that need to be told softly. It is better that they come slowly rather than like a bolt out of the blue. That might hurt more and may have severe consequences for health as well. I also think that it is possible to find some solutions, and suggest them along with the bad news. Something like that last fairy of sleeping beauty. :) So though the beauty has to sleep, it is possible to wake her up. :) That softens the blow I suppose. :)
@vandana7 (66896)
• India
6 Dec 09
Hi Hatley, one moment you are yellow, and the next you are red? :) How do you manage that? :)
@bellis716 (4806)
• United States
6 Dec 09
It depends on the circumstance. Would someone be in serious physical or financial danger if the truth were not told? If not, I'd try to keep quiet. I would never lie, though.
1 person likes this
@jugsjugs (13045)
6 Dec 09
No they would just be very upset at a truth nothing that will do damage as such only upset them really bad as they would not want to be hearing it from anyone at all.
@Downwindz (2231)
• Netherlands
7 Dec 09
So like the problem is not a secret but maybe more towards their behavior? Just as an example, mmmh that would be though it depends on what you feel with it related to your personal ethics then, and if you feel it is okay not to tell it... Sometimes the truth can also ruin a friendship...
@jugsjugs (13045)
7 Dec 09
I have now spoken to the persons relative and they are going to tell the person as it will be easier that way.
@allknowing (68896)
• India
6 Dec 09
As Somerset Maugham said in one of his writings that one need not be unnecessarily frank and I follow this to the tee. Unless the person concerned is close to you and benefits immensely by your revealing the truth I would advise you not to do it.
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@jugsjugs (13045)
6 Dec 09
The person is a nice person and they do need to know the truth and they need to know it,but it can wait until after christmas as i think they do not need to be unhappy this time of the year.
@allknowing (68896)
• India
6 Dec 09
Will they forgive you for having kept the truth from them for so long?
@jugsjugs (13045)
10 Dec 09
I have now spoken to a relative that also new and they are going to have a chat to the person as that way i am not involved,but i am here if the person wants or needs a shoulder to cry on.
@alicia812 (648)
• Australia
5 Dec 09
It depends on what that truth is all about. In normal circumstances though I would usually tell them straightaway as long as I know that telling them will bring out a positive result. There are truth that will make a person upset, but still, I will say it and tell him/her if I believe that it is the right thing to do. It really depends on the issue or topic involved.
1 person likes this
@jugsjugs (13045)
5 Dec 09
I do not like to upset anyone and what with it being christmas now is not a good idea i do not think,so it will have to wait.
• Australia
5 Dec 09
Of course jugs, proper timing is important as well.
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@jugsjugs (13045)
5 Dec 09
I think so.I will wait.
@benny128 (3621)
5 Dec 09
I would always be truthful and tell them the truth. I always use the anology that if it was me would I rather be lied too, or told the truth. And I would rather be told the truth no matter what.
1 person likes this
@jugsjugs (13045)
5 Dec 09
I know i should tell the person what i know,but at the same time i do not think this should come from me as i am not the one who has done the wrong thing.
@niara25 (148)
• United States
7 Dec 09
It's always best to be truthful no matter how it hurt. Some people follow the "Don't ask and I won't tell" mode of operations. I'd rather tell the truth and have a person angry with me.
@benny128 (3621)
7 Dec 09
well as the saying goes 'sometimes the truth hurts'
@aerous (13474)
• Philippines
6 Dec 09
I think it depend upon the truth that should be reveal or tell. You don't make any definite articles here. please give us more clearer details to expand this conversation in more conceptualize figure..have a nice day!
@jugsjugs (13045)
6 Dec 09
I can not on here as i think they may be on here as there are alot of my friends on here as well as a lot of people that we all assosiate with as well.I have decided to tell the person after christmas if the person do not get told before then.
@aerous (13474)
• Philippines
7 Dec 09
Okay, that is your opinion. I respect that...But I think this discussion is being good as it be if you elaborate what is really matter here...
@celticeagle (119325)
• Boise, Idaho
6 Dec 09
I'm too honest. I would say something regardless. Once years ago I was working as a cocktail waitress and I saw something that unnerved me and I wanted to tell the person who needed to know. There was a couple that I knew and the guy was having an affair. I thought about but couldn't bring myself to say anything to her until one night the opportunity arised that I couldn't step away from. She cornered me in the bathroom and asked me outright if I knew anything. I told her the truth. I remember several of the other cocktail waitress got mad at me because I told her. They wouldn't have. I did and I am glad I did.
@jugsjugs (13045)
6 Dec 09
Yes i can understand that you needed to say something,but it is nearly christmas and i do not want every christmas as a reminder for the person as a bad memory,so it will wait until after christmas as then would be a better time.
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@celticeagle (119325)
• Boise, Idaho
7 Dec 09
Yes, after Christmas would probably be a better time but for me I would probably forget and I am usually in the moment. The best time is when it is fresh and of the moment.
@quita88 (3716)
• United States
6 Dec 09
Well, now? that depends on the situation. Mostly, I believe in always telling the truth, but there are those people who no matter what you tried to explain to them, would come unglued and then you'd be the bad guy. In other words: DON'T SHOOT THE MESSENGER It's all a matter of knowing who and what and how bad the truth could hurt them or you.
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@jugsjugs (13045)
6 Dec 09
I know the person will be really upset so i think that there is a time and a place to tell the person so i would say that after christmas the truth will have to come out.
@quita88 (3716)
• United States
6 Dec 09
It's a judgement call on your part. Take care how you deliver the news--- Be gentle and be supportive.
• Boston, Massachusetts
6 Dec 09
Hi Jugs, I will assess the advantage for telling the person about "the truth". If i find it helpful for the person to know it by all means i will tell her/him the truth. It may upset her/him but i know it will help her/him become a better person. Being upset is temporary, but the positive thing it will bring her/him will be a porcess and can be lasting.
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@jugsjugs (13045)
6 Dec 09
I think i will have to tell them in the end,but i am not going to tell them now until after christmas as i would hate them to have a horrid christmas,as i think it will take them time to get out of being upset.
• Boston, Massachusetts
6 Dec 09
If you think delaying it will really help go ahead. Make sure it will not complicate things at the end because you withhold the idea of telling it earlier. I just hope your being so considerate will result to positive reactions and responses. Goodluck friend!
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@Lakota12 (42684)
• United States
5 Dec 09
If you dont tell the the truth and they find you knew it , it would be worse when they found that out!
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@jugsjugs (13045)
5 Dec 09
I know it would be worse,but once there was something they never told me,plus i hate to upset people and it is nearly christmas.
@Lakota12 (42684)
• United States
5 Dec 09
well wait till after Christmas!
@savypat (20246)
• United States
5 Dec 09
If I felt that not telling them would cause more pain or danger then I would tell, it wouldn't matter how they felt about me. If they asked a question and I knew the truth would be painful I would want to make sure they really wanted me to answer. No matter what kindness must always be the rule, and you must make sure of your motives, often we have hidden motives, hidden even from ourselves.
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@jugsjugs (13045)
5 Dec 09
I think just to ensure no one gets hurt or upset i will keep it to myself as i am sure sooner or later someone else will say something rather than me having to upset anyone.
@savypat (20246)
• United States
6 Dec 09
It's because we all sit around waiting for someone else to help that so many end up jumping off the building. Better to remember it's about the person you are trying to help not about you. To make a better world we all need to step up to the plate, even if we don't hit the ball we tried.
@robertx (150)
• Romania
7 Dec 09
You seem to be in quite a bit of trouble here, but hence you decided to tell the truth after Christmas, guess the question is no longer if you should tell, but when to tell. Its good you decided to say it, as its more common to lose friends if found hiding stuff. You should also be worried about yourself in this case, as it seems you won't have a great Chrismas, cuz it really upsets you to stay silent. So i think the sooner you tell, the better, for everybody. Plus there could still be enough time to bring the bad news and not ruin the season. Of course it all depends on what is there to be told. And sure enough there are things wich are better left unsaid, especially those you are not 100% sure or can't be proven. But do note any Christmas that is saved, by telling lies or hiding truth, could prove more horrid in the end, and might become even more bitterly remembered then those ruined by truth.
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@jugsjugs (13045)
7 Dec 09
I had a chat with a relation of theirs and they also had known and they are going to have a long chat as then it do not come back on me,so i hope that will sort it.I am here if the person wants a shoulder to cry on as well as a hug.
@Downwindz (2231)
• Netherlands
6 Dec 09
I will be telling the truth none the less, because it often happens if they find out the truth, the fact you have been lying to them, makes it less likely they will trust you in the future and that may destroy your friendship, is it worth sacrifying?
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@jugsjugs (13045)
6 Dec 09
I am going to tell them after christmas and if the person finds out before then well i will explain that i was going to tell them after christmas as i did not want them upset and not upset for christmas.
@Opal26 (17690)
• United States
6 Dec 09
Hey jugs! If I knew that telling someone the truth about something was going to hurt them then no I wouldn't tell them. I had that happen to me the other day. My girlfriend has a problem with her eye. It is a complicated situation to explain. She asked me how I thought it looked and I didn't want to tell her how bad it really looked so I just lied and said it looked fine. What purpose would it have done for me to tell her the truth, but to hurt her and make her feel worse. There just are times when you have to make that decision to hold back the truth if it isn't for the best~
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@jugsjugs (13045)
6 Dec 09
They do need to know,but it will wait until after christmas as i hate to see anyone upset as well as have a horrid christmas.I am hoping that one of the others tell this person before they make a real big mistake.
@merlinsorca (1123)
• United States
6 Dec 09
No, I would say that, all things considered, I would lie to a person if it meant that their feelings would not be hurt. In the end, I would not give the whole truth, and then things would be left at that. I wouldn't want to make the person upset, so I would probably not say anything at all.
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@jugsjugs (13045)
6 Dec 09
It is not that i have lied to the person as that would be very wrong it is that i have not told them that i know what had happened as i do not like to upset anyone.I think i will tell the person after christmas.
@erikmama (12929)
• United States
6 Dec 09
I consider myself to be "real". I am outspoken,and try to say what is on my mind and how I feel.I usually will tell the truth,but try to so it in a way where the person will not be offended or upset.Sometimes telling the truth from the getgo is much better than someone getting hurt worse later.
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@jugsjugs (13045)
6 Dec 09
I have thought about it and i am going to wait until after christmas as then at least the person will have a nice christmas as i do not want to make them upset over the seasons fun.
@sweetyethot (1738)
• China
6 Dec 09
Im not sure about that.Anyway,I will try a nice way to tell them and try not to make them feel bad.I think a liar is more forgivable if he tells truth eventually.
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@jugsjugs (13045)
6 Dec 09
There is not an easy way to tell this person so in one way i hope one of their other friends slip up some how so they get to find out another way rather than me getting put into a posision where as i have no choice as well as it is christmas.
@williamjisir (22903)
• China
6 Dec 09
It depends on what matter it is. It is something related to him a lot. Then I think that I will let him know about it. Otherwise I will just keep silent about it. Minor things can be neglected anyhow.
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@jugsjugs (13045)
6 Dec 09
I just hope one of the other so called friends tell them rather than me having to be the one as i do not think the way this person is being treated is fair and they do need to know what is and has gone on,but after christmas would be a better idea.
@eurekafemme (5881)
• Philippines
6 Dec 09
Truth sometimes hurts.If there is the need for it to be told then, there's no reason why you shouldn't even if it'll upset the receiver. Also, by not being told of the truth, the person is deprived of his chance to move on the right way and to decide for himself what to do next. knowing that you were lied upon can be more upsetting than being told the truth. It is not fair, whatever good intention you have, to not to tell the truth.
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@jugsjugs (13045)
6 Dec 09
They should be told,but what with it being christmas i think i will leave it until christmas has been and gone as i know when ever they will be hurt as well as upset.
@derek_a (10902)
6 Dec 09
I would speak the truth if a close friend really needed to hear it because it was important to his/her quality of life. I would not use the truth as a cosh though, just to upset someone. Some things are better off never being said, even if they are the truth, and something just need to be said if withholding them would be dangerous in any way to a friend or loved one . It's down to a case of assessment I guess.. As a therapist, it is my job to help other seek the truth for themselves. At the end of the day we cannot really judge what effect truth has on another's life. It has to be up to them. - Derek
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@jugsjugs (13045)
6 Dec 09
I just want or should i say wish they could find out another way rather than me having to be the one who is going to be in the position that i do have to end up and tell them.I will wait until after christmas and then i will have to say something to them as that way i will not feel bad for not saying anything.