What if I don't want to go?

United States
December 8, 2009 3:27pm CST
I was invited to a baby shower on the 20th. I don't want to go to the shower at all. Not because of anything with the mother or the baby. I have not been able to even hold a baby after having my loss. I am not being mean or anything about it. But,it would be torture for me to go to her shower. I want to give her some money in a card and not go. She came by the other day to ask if I were going to be there. I told her I don't know anyone who will be there. She told me she invited a mutual friend. This friend is embarrassing and so very loud. So now I am stuck on how to get out of it. Telling the truth would be telling my personal business. So that is not an option what else could I say to her? Thanks
2 people like this
13 responses
• China
9 Dec 09
maybe you can have a try.every baby is an angle.
1 person likes this
• United States
9 Dec 09
I could not go through the pain of it any longer. Just knowing I could not hold it would kill me. Thanks so much
1 person likes this
@much2say (40878)
• United States
8 Dec 09
Oh gosh, I am sorry about your loss. I understand your reason for not wanting to go to the baby shower. We tried so hard to have a second baby for the longest time . . . it was hard when everyone around us was pregnant. I didn't want to hear any news of people getting pregnant when we were trying so hard . . . and I nearly cried when I saw people with preggo tummies. It is a personal thing - not something you would want or need to explain to everyone. You don't have to go to any event you don't feel comfortable going to. I think the money gift in a card is just fine. The excuse I've used before was that "I think I'm coming down with something" . . . meaning you're getting sick! With the swine flu and everything else out there - no one wants to get sick during the holidays - especially any pregnant women who are due - so I'm sure they'd understand.
• United States
9 Dec 09
Oh this is the best idea so far. I can't imagine wanting to get others sick. I do have a slight cold coming as well. My lips are chapped and I have Flem in my throat. Oh your a life saver. Thanks a lot.
@much2say (40878)
• United States
9 Dec 09
Well, hope the excuse works out for you then!! Sounds like you may be coming down with something . . . so really, you would be telling the truth. But hope you feel better soon! Yep, no one will argue about sick person not being able to come!
@much2say (40878)
• United States
10 Jan 10
This is a belated thank you for best response! I hope "the excuse" worked out and that your slight cold actually went away quickly!! Happy new year to you!
@maezee (34436)
• United States
8 Dec 09
You don't really need to tell her any of your personal business, just say that you've got something going on that day that you need to do. You have plans. Whatever. I sometimes find it hard to turn down requests - like birthday parties and showers and bachlorette parties, but the "Oh, shoot, I have to work that day!" line usually works pretty well. Be sure to send a gift (or drop it off) sometime, though, and a card I'm sure would be nice. (And be sure to say "I'm sorry I couldn't make it!!" That's what I've done in the past.) Anyway, you're not OBLIGATED to go to a baby shower, especially since you don't know the people in it very well. But I think a "I have plans" excuse, a gift, and a card would suffice just as well as your presence would.
• United States
9 Dec 09
You just made me feel a whole lot better. Thanks so very much
• India
9 Dec 09
She’s said exactly what I wanted to say, so no repetitions…BTW you could also report sick you know…can call her up on that very day and feign sickness…I guess she’s not too close to you otherwise she would have known about your loss and not invited you at all.
• United States
12 Dec 09
Your right she is not that close to me. Just a really good neighbor for a year now. Thanks
• Netherlands
9 Dec 09
Don't do anything you don't want to, never.. Life is supposed to be good, you have to do what you want, when you want and how you want it.. because it's your life, although this might not be possible all the time, you know what I mean, you should decide, and if you don't want to, just don't do it.. it's that simple.. Me, I don't want to work for money, so i just don't..it's that simple
• United States
9 Dec 09
I have decided not to go to the shower. I will just say I am coning down with a cold. I am sick a bit right now as well. Thanks for the great message. I do feel you understand me.
@smileonstar (4013)
• United States
9 Dec 09
hi, well... if you really dont want to go cuz of your own reason then you can tell your friend the truth. She would understand if she is a reasonable person. you know some people don't care what other people's situation... but I hope she does. Plus, your other friend that make you feel uncomfortable too then it is could be another reason. If you can't tell her that then, just dont show up on that day and then make a phone call from home and saying you dont feel good or pick up some emergency thing to tell her. hope it helps
• United States
9 Dec 09
My other friend who will attend is 7 months pregnant. I don't feel like being around that at all. I do think I will say that I am sick. Thanks a lot for the help.
• United States
9 Dec 09
I wouldn't tell her your personal business. Just tell her you have something else planned or just tell her you aren't going to be able to make it on that day. If you want to send her some money or gift card in a nice card you could do that and just mail it to her or take it to her on another day. I think it would be hard to go to a shower after having a loss too so I understand why you don't want to go.
@quisha89 (76)
• United States
9 Dec 09
If it would hurt you/make you upset to go, then I wouldn't go. I know last year around this time, I had a miscarriage and after being so excited about expecting then losing our baby, it hurt to even look at baby clothes. It was even more upsetting because all of my boyfriends cousins, and one of his brothers were all expecting so I didn't even want to be around them. If they know about your loss they should understand, even if you don't say that's the exact reason. I don't believe you "owe" her a reason unless you're comfortable with telling her. Or just tell her you can't come and it's personal.
@missweety (628)
• Latvia
9 Dec 09
Hello! Not very pleasant situation. I would say if you don't want to go, don't go! If you don't want to tell your persona thing to other prson, don't do that! It is such easy - just don't do it!!! Tell her that soething happened ...or that you just forgot that on that day you promised to go to a ...I don't know think something out! And remember - LIE IS SO SHORT!!! thant don't waste it by spending time on a things that that you don't want to do!!!! Good luck!!!!
• India
9 Dec 09
I know..sometimes its very hard to turn down requests especially parties weddings babyshowers etc..But if you dont want to go somewhere its really simple to get away from it..just give some excuses or reasons which seems legit like I've a lot of work to do or I've got another business which is very important to me or something like that..but it should not hurt anyone..Make sure you sent some gifts or cards for the event..
@sid556 (31003)
• United States
9 Dec 09
It would be perfectly acceptable to send a card with some money and a short note saying that you are sorry that you were unable to attend this happy event with her but wish her the best etc. When I had my showers, some of my closest friends were not able to attend but did send a gift and a nice card. I did not feel in the least bit upset....I understood and I'm sure your friend will also.
@Khushi309 (139)
• India
9 Dec 09
simple. dont go. your friend would understand and so what even if she doesnt? you are not trying to hurt her by not going, you are just protecting yourself from hurt, and there is nothing wrong with that, trust me. if i were you, i will not go. this is a personal issue and i know you wouldnt like to tell everyone about it, thats perfectly normal. my advice, send her a card after... if she is your friend, she will understand that it must be some really important reason why you couldnt attend something that matters so much to her...
@clocks123 (1228)
• United States
9 Dec 09
due to a personal matter i don't want to attend your shower. i don't want to offend you but this is the way i feel. if she is a real friend, then she'll understand. if she gets angry after all this, then i don't think she's a true friend. If she is your friend then she will consider your feelings not just her own. All the Best.
@barehugs (8986)
• Canada
9 Dec 09
You don't have to spill the beans to tell the truth! Be honest and tell her you will be sending a card and some money instead of attending the baby shower. Lengthy explanations can sometimes get you into more trouble than a simple truth.