When is begging just too much?

United States
December 8, 2009 3:37pm CST
My neighbor comes to my house for so much. My daughter is getting ready to speak up about it. I told her not to do that ever. My mother gave me a box of aluminum foil. My neighbor has already had her share of half of it. She send s for a piece almost every day. Not to mention all the other stuff. I am getting quite tired of getting the door now. My shopping cart is one of her all time favorites. My friend said I should buy her one for Christmas. I don't think so buddy. When is begging going too far for your neighbors? I don't mind sharing but there comes a time where it has to stop.
2 people like this
18 responses
@coldmoon (1092)
• France
9 Dec 09
Do you think of doing the same thing to her, coming to her house, sharing what she has,...If I were you, I might ask what she wants when knocks at the door and then I could say that I'm busy if I didn't want to let her be in.
• United States
9 Dec 09
I just try not to even answer the door to her these days. Which is too bad. She could really have an emergency one of these days.
@xtedaxcvg (3191)
• Philippines
8 Dec 09
Well, I'm not a saint but I guess it's enough when your heart is already tired of giving. You can help your neighbor by sending him/her to the right path. Try to get them motivated to get a job. If he/she is too old to get a job then I guess you should just give and never expect something back. If your intent to help out is really sincere then you wont get tired of an old man/woman knocking at your door and asking for food just to survive.
• United States
9 Dec 09
This person gets over 600 dollars a month in food stamps. I wish I could get that in my family. I have no problem helping anyone out. When your taking advantage of me it hurts. She is not even 40 yet.. Thanks so very much
@cher913 (25895)
• Canada
8 Dec 09
why should the neighbour go by some? they are getting it from you. you just need to say that sorry, you cannot lend them anything more. i think borrowing from a neighbour is fine but there is a fine line between being a good neighbour and being a pest.
• United States
9 Dec 09
I have to agree with you here. Thanks so much..
@Downwindz (2231)
• Netherlands
8 Dec 09
Begging is to much when they come daily and never deliver anything back they have borrowed... I personally have no problems by lending my neighbour a cup of sugar because she ran out, the shops are closed and she need it for the cake she is baking. Simply because i know i can always borrow a cup back another time, or that she will deliver it back as soon she have visited the supermarket.
• United States
9 Dec 09
This neighbor will not bring anything back. I mean my salt,pepper even other things I have given out. I do understand your reasoning as well. Thanks
@maezee (26855)
• United States
8 Dec 09
I would say speaking up is probably the best way to go, actually. I know you probably don't want there to be bad blood between your neighbor and your family, but obviously your neighbor just doesn't get how RUDE it is to "borrow" stuff like this on a constant basis. Maybe you should express to her how frustrated you are about the situation, and she might back off. Otherwise? You could just start saying, no, I can't borrow you any of that, without any explanation whatsoever. I can understand how this would be an incredibly annoying position to be in!
• United States
9 Dec 09
I got to the point where I don't answer the door. I will look out the peep hole to see who it is. I feel bad to even have to do this. I will think about talking to her. Thanks very much..
• United States
9 Dec 09
Well my dear you have a few choices. 1 keep hiding and not answering the door. 2 Speak up and tell the neighbor that your not supporting her home and yours its just not possible to do. 3 Let your daughter speak up (doesn't sound like a good idea) I say don't do any of these things. I had a neighbor who use to do the exact same thing it drove me nuts. She actually got to were she would come over to borrow things while I was at work and my son figured ok. Make things worse this woman was my landlady. I finally got smart. I started sending my son to day camp so he would not be there to ask for things, so she had to ask me when I got home. When she would come ask to borrow coffee and such I would tell her Oh I'm sorry I just used the last I had. Since your gonna need to get some , would you mind picking me up some while your out also. It stopped after a few times of this. I lived there another 6 months before moving and she never asked to borrow anymore. Good Luck
@gabs8513 (48803)
• United Kingdom
9 Dec 09
I would say you have to say something now to her because the more you give the more she will come round, there is helping People and there is People taking you for granted, as long as she knows she can get it from you she will not spend her Money she will keep coming to you I am sorry Sharon, but you have to say something to her and stop giving or start telling her you have not got it
@warvial (1154)
• Singapore
9 Dec 09
Give and take. Of course I don't like to get stuffs from people, but what you mentioned here seems like your neighbor has already taken you for granted. Why not you do the same thing to her and let her do her own thinking about how you felt when she came over to get things that belongs to you? Since she asked you for a shopping cart, how about you asked her to get you a real car for Xmas?
@sid556 (31018)
• United States
9 Dec 09
You need to learn to say "NO". Yes, it is good to share. I sure don't mind helping out my neighbors if one knocked on occasion and needed something. They hardly ever do so if I can help I'm glad to help. It's when it is so frequent that you feel taken advantage of that it is being overdone. You need to find a kind way to tell her that you just don't have it to spare. You may have subdued your daughter from saying anything for now but one day she will just not care and will say something to them. Every time they borrow from you, they are taking from your daughter as well. That aluminum foil....could have lasted you twice as long if you didn't share it with the neighbor. Now you'll be needing more twice as soon. Sounds to me as if you have turned into her own little personal convenience store.
@smartjack (521)
• India
9 Dec 09
ya, just tell her to stop it one day. Speak to her about your problem. tell her how do you feel about it. She should understand. tell her in a very diplomatic way. Talk to her in a loving tone. Make her feel comfortable and tell her why you feel annoyed sometimes because for her begging for things. But If she still persists in her behavior then use the hard way.
@kashers (649)
• Jamaica
9 Dec 09
u just have to be real to her by letting her know how u r feeling right now don't wait,oh it as already gotten up on your nerves that why u r trying to find answer,well u do it don't let the daughter say anything,because it will hurt her more to know what is been said about her in the home let it be just between u and her,so she can have more confidence in u,knowing that u r real,one day a person is in a bad situation,the other day they r u up,so u may never know how the table will turn for a person so just the the one to say it to her how u r feeling right now,pick a time when u both r doing something together and just be as calm as u can be about the situation,she will understand,though it may hurt her and thats how the truth is sometimes it hurts.
9 Dec 09
Hi Sharon, I feel for you as you are obviously a person with a good heart that at the moment a neighour is taking advantage of. One thought popped into my head that when this person comes around again and they will; whatever they ask for you say you haven't got any so sorry but you can't give what you haven't got. If they rub up rough about it then say that you would love to accomodate them but at the moment your daughter or sister in law (or any other member of your family that you can think of), is buying your shopping in and you could not possibly impose on them to do any extra shopping or borrowing of items. This way you are not being impolite or aggressive to them just giving them a gentle but firm verbal prod towards the direction of the shops to go and do their own shopping. (damb cheek! that's what I call it):(
@linda1959 (110)
• United States
9 Dec 09
I have been there too. just say no , or you are out, after a while they will stop. don't leve nothing out for them to see. and they want ask for it. good luck.
• Philippines
9 Dec 09
I was in the same situation long time ago. She was so abusive that she went directly to the table, ate what is there and cooked and ate if there's no food on the table. Aside from giving her something. She even get from our poultry live chicken and brought them to her house, without our permission. I put an end to it by talking to her, and closing our door always. She got the message, and now, she is behaved. In your case, you have to talk to her, not accusative, but point out that your budget does not include expenses for her, also, you need privacy in your house that you don't want to be disturbed any hour of the day. Tell her, that if there are parties, she will be invited. And that you still remain as her friend.
• India
9 Dec 09
She’s getting used to freeloading and taking advantage of your nature and you are encouraging it…don’t take offence but sometimes I feel that our kids can handle the situation better than us, so if your daughter wants to speak up then do allow her to do so. BTW can you just say that you’ve run out of the items yourself? I mean whatever she’s asking for, you too can be short of the same thing and tell her so! Or maybe you’ve already tried that way and failed? Whatever you do, do something…this cant go on forever.
9 Dec 09
I have a neighbor that "makes the rounds" every morning and every evening. Literally, twice a day, to every single apartment in our complex, she goes to each door, asking for $10 or $20. I heard if someone gave her money on a regular basis she would ask for $50 and $100 every time. Well, she only came by MY house TWICE the whole time I've lived here. I get the exact same income she does, and I brought her in and explained that to her. Then I told her that I budget carefully and have no need to borrow or ask for money because I handle my finances responsibly. Then I sent her on her way. I was forceful, direct and "teacher"-like. Then I opened the door for her, and she left. Hasn't come back since. Though she still makes the rounds twice a day to everyone else, she knows better than to mess with me.
• Philippines
9 Dec 09
Personally, I think it would be too much if they start to annoy you already and they come to you on a frequent regular basis. You should find ways to stop it. It is not bad to help but if it is done to the point of taking advantage of your kindness, I believe it has to stop. That is a common thing in the province where I grew up. Neighbors borrow anything from tools to salt or pepper growing in your yard. My father got annoyed by a neighbor who frequented our house to ask for vegetables for soup, pepper, lemon grass and a lot of other things. One time, he gave the neighbor's daughter (who came for another request) a branch of the vegetable to plant and a seedling of the pepper and told the child to tell the mother to plant it in their own backyard. The mother got the hint and never came back to ask for more. Was my father right on that? It is luckier to live in the city ... neighbors do not do that because we are so enclosed with our own fences and we do not know each other that well. It is embarrassing to borrow or ask something from them.
• Philippines
9 Dec 09
Hi. Asking/granting of personal favors from/to neighbors is alright if done sporadically and on an extreme need basis. I guess the best solution is to speak up to her and inform her frankly of how you feel about the situation. But if I were in your situation, I don't really have the guts to approach her and tell her frankly that her behavior annoys me already. Probably, what I would do is just decline her requests from time to time. I would explain to her that what's left is just enough for my family's needs. If that neighbor could not understand, it's' ok - she's not worthy of that good relations anyway.