Should I leave my boyfriend since both of our parents don't allow us?

China
December 13, 2009 5:20am CST
I had knew this guy for years... He was born in a rich family...his father had a big company...he used to be an oversea student But I am relatively a poor girl...Actually, I am not that poor...Both of my parents are teachers and I get a good job now since I graduate from a famous Chinese university as a master. Even though, his family hopes that he will only marry someone who will be well-matched with him in social and economic status. Apparently, I am not good enough to match him in his parents' opinion... My parents worry about me so much. They know I am not a teenage girl. I shouldn't run the risk to waste my youth on a childe. On the other hand, he doesn't even have the audacity to let his parents know he is still with me. The thing is he does me love me so much...So do I. At the same time, I have other admirers who I turn down from time to time because of him. Once in a while, I couldn't help thinking sometimes...am I doing the right thing? I really worry about the future, which will let my parents down. Should I leave him and see some other guy?
4 people like this
23 responses
@gabs8513 (48764)
• United Kingdom
14 Dec 09
This is a Decision only you can make I know that things are different in your Country as such but you have to follow your Heart, if you both really love each other you will get through this and only you 2 can know that Good Luck to you both on what ever you decide
• Mexico
14 Dec 09
Hi gabs: exactly it's an important decition you both need to take at some point and it's better to do it as soon as it's possible. But if there's love enough everything is possible. Thanks for your answer. Have a nice day. -Alvaro.
@Ddraig (12)
13 Dec 09
It is not a reality to have people of western cultures answer this for you.We in Britain only have a miniscule approach to social status when it comes to relationships.Not that it does not exist but is not built into our social building structure as is with Eastern society. If you are looking for a western perspective then stay ,every relationship has bumps in it and misguided opinions and pressures from family. The knowledge I have of Eastern society though makes me feel that this will give you a big headache. Also you mention nothing of love and ou say he is a child,so assume he is a lot younger than yourself. My suggestion is concentrate on your career and suggest he do the same as his parens obviously have high aspirations for their boy.Only he can achieve their aspirations and if he fails and you are around.You will be the scapegoat.x
@Ddraig (12)
13 Dec 09
correction you stated he loves you .But by stating you have to turn other suitors down because you are with him makes me feel you are already begrudging his presence.
@paula27661 (15899)
• Australia
14 Dec 09
It is up to how you both feel about each other and where you would like the relationship to go. If you decide that you want to be together each of you will have to deal with your families. He is going to have to stand up to his parents and let them know you are who he has chosen and they will have to respect that. You are going to have to reassure your family that he is the man you love and this is the right thing to do. I think it is paramount that your boyfriend puts your first instead of his family and is not afraid of standing up for you because if he is not willing to do that, you will not ever be first in his life. I’ve been through a similar scenario and we ended up breaking up because my ex was not willing to put me first.
@ankush19 (156)
• India
14 Dec 09
hi.. what i feel is that if u really love that guy then u should not care about anyone jus have faith in urself,ur love..don't think so much about others.. if u really love him from the bottom of ur heart then jus go with it.. my advice to u is dat go with ur love and don't think much about others,even ur parents..
@Nancy23 (36)
• China
14 Dec 09
Why am I not encountered it rich?
• Romania
14 Dec 09
i say that the best thing 4 you to do is what your heart tels you if you say yes on leaving him you mai regret it your entire life if you say no you mai be the happyest girl but you heart tells you that you love him be with him ;) go 4 it dont stand back becouse you have only 1 life and wat is the worse that could hapend if you stay whit him ? nothing absolutili nothing i have to say that my feuter wife is very rich but i'm not im a normal person no huge bugget and not a low bugget either she loves me and she never loked ath my incomes never she loved my becouse i m loving , im sensitive and i care about hear very much not tu mention that i love hear like no one i whant to live with hear and she whants to be together alone whitout the help of shes family , we whant to have our own life to know how is to live not to have everything at our feet, if we get maried we will think our own way to make money just how she's parents done , you have to learn how to live in this world and not expect everything frome your parents becoouse they ar rich . So my advice is to stay whit him an live the moment to think so much about the future beouse u are just waisting your time thinking about dis kind of thing's ;) Best wishes!!!
@BART78 (2933)
• Canada
14 Dec 09
if your boyfriend doesn't have the balls to stand up and tell his parents that you are still together, well, think it many times if you should still continue your relation with him..if you are so precious with him he can turn againts the tide just to prove to you that you are the one for him no matter what..
• China
14 Dec 09
Is is really hard for you to make a choice.I think you also have a good background such graduating from famous university as a master and you can match him.If he loves you very much,he will choose you no matter what his parent said.If he cannot keep strong attitude when facing his parents,I suggest you leave him and choose another one.
• China
14 Dec 09
hi,hiddenwing,if the realtionship haven't both parents' wishes,you cannot shappy at all,if your boyfriend's parent agree their son marry you,i think ,you can live well in their family,they will find many bad things from you,you will feel upset at that time.if i were you ,i will leave him to find someone fit me more .i'm just suggestion,the most imporant it's up to you.
@katisaurus (1038)
• Canada
14 Dec 09
I'd say no, and I'll keep saying no. Don't let your parents ruin something with someone you LOVE. If you believe this is the right person for you, then don't listen to them! If you don't feel that he is the right person for you, THEN do it. But don't do it because of your parents. Do it for your OWN reasons. Because YOU think it's the right thing to do! Your parents don't know BEST. They only know based on their own learnings and experiences. They can't dictate your relationships. Talk to the guy, if he wants to suck it up and tell his parents you're together, then you guys should just do what feels right to YOU. Not to them.
• China
14 Dec 09
well. that's really something hard to tell you to leave him or not. but i think love is between both of you and not your parents. none of them will live with you two for life's long and i'd like to suggest you not to leave him if you still in love and he can tell his parents the truth and ready to leave his parents' rich. if not you'd better think about your own future.good luck.
@bingchen (1126)
• China
14 Dec 09
small tree looks very vigorous and let me see hopes,but it could not accept attempt of large wind and rainstorm,it could easy be dropped down and could not avoid this pain,recieving your parents advice,they always love you.
• Mexico
14 Dec 09
Hi hiden wing: My only is advice is: follow your heart that will tell you the truth. It's time for you and this love to make a balance and see how important your love for eachother is important for you as a couple but it's not only your decition is the decition of you too. Love is a state of grace, we all have a true love, someone in this world just for you. Will you leave him just because his parents disaprovved you? You only have the answer. Hope everything will go well in your emotional life. Have a nice day. Keep mylotting. -Alvaro.
@rocketj1 (6960)
• United States
13 Dec 09
Are you looking to get married to this man eventually? Are you interested in doing that soon? Then this guy needs to make his intentions clear to his parents right now. If he cannot do that for you, then you may be wasting your time. Don't wait around for him to be a man about this. Be very clear about your own intentions to him. Tell him exactly what you want. If he can't give it to you or is too cowardly to do it, then you should move on. Clear communication is the key. You need to know where your relationship is headed. If he can't answer that question then maybe he is not the one for you.
@Opal26 (17691)
• United States
13 Dec 09
Hey hiddenwing! I think that you are old enough to make your own decision in this matter! It is between you and this young man! If you both discuss this and decide that you two really want to be togther in spite of what your parents think then I feel that you both are adults and should do what you want! If you truly love and care for each other then the rest will eventually fall into place. Both sets of parents will eventually come around if they love you and understand that the two of you are in love and really want to be together! They should be happy that you found someone who really cares about you and the rest is just not important!
@Nameless_ (1181)
• Australia
13 Dec 09
I would love to say to you that you should just follow your heart and do whatever it wants to do, but I want to be very very honest with you, and give good advice, so I will refrain from telling you what you want to here, and tell you what you should hear instead. The thing is: Are his parents refraining him because of your social status? If that is the case, then even if you get him in the end, you will either have to prove yourself worthy enough or suffer lots of talk behind your back from his parents. You parents thinks that he is tool small for you. Does it matter? Love can close the gap between age differences, but remember that if you die before him, he will have all those years of misery. Also, love may last a long time, and it may not. There will be quarrels between you two, and will you be able to go through that? His parents doesn't know that he is with you: then how do you know that his parents really don't like you? Perhaps they are only saying that, but if they know that he loves you, they might make way for you. So this is what you have to do first: Get him to tell his parents. Or it is never going to work out: How is he going to marry you without his parents knowing?
• Malaysia
13 Dec 09
Hi, Hiddenwing! I am sorry to hear that you're in this difficult situation. Both of you love each other so much, but sadly that he does not have the courage to stand for you. It seems that he is still very much depending on his parents and sooner or later he will have to choose between you and his parents. Before it happens, I think it's best for you to discuss with him where your relationship is heading to and how he will handle the situation if his parents ever find out that he is still going out with you. It's cruel if both of you have to part ways, but the longer he's with you without his parents knowledge, the harder it will become for you to decide and of course, it will only hurt you and put you in dilemma like forever. If both of you think that your love deserves to be fight for, go for it together, but if he's still so unsure about it, I guess it's best to give yourself a chance to love and be loved freely.
@AmbiePam (47811)
• United States
13 Dec 09
Honey, if he won't even let his parents know he is dating you, he is NOT good enough for you. I would recommend breaking up with him. Any time spent with him, is time taken away from letting a real, honest, kind man find you and fall in love with you. Don't settle. You deserve it ALL.
• Malaysia
13 Dec 09
Hello hiddenwing... I think you should give him the chance to listen to his parents. Sometimes parents konw what is the best for us and our future. We should not leave them and ignore all what they say just because we have meet the one that we really want to spend the rest of our life with. Maybe, if you marry him you will have big problem when your parent in law didnt like you. You will face them everyday. But it will be good if you can change their stand. But I dont think it is easy to do. Plus, it will be good for you to have someone else. Try to find someone that fit with your life. But if you really meant to be together with him, just be strong with what you going to have after your marriage.
@goldeneagle (6775)
• United States
13 Dec 09
If he doesn't have the guts to stand up and be a man and tell his family that you are still together, then I would say to leave him. If he loves you, then he should have no problem telling his family that he is going to be with you whether they like it or not. You should give him the ultimatum that you are going to end the relationship if he doesn't tell his family this, then follow through on your word. Either way, the issue will be resolved. He will either tell his family that he is going to be with you, and you will be together. OR, he will not tell his family that he is going to be with you, and you will leave him and wont have to worry about it either way.