Do you know how to say "No"? Can you do it with out hurting?

India
December 13, 2009 10:20am CST
Life is giving and getting. Your friends and relatives may often ask you for some help. If it is genuine request you can help them within your capacities. If it is not genuine and if it is not with your capacities, you have to say "no" to them. It is very embarrassing to say "no", is it not? But you can do that with out hurting them, it is an art. Can you say"no" with out hurting them?
7 people like this
52 responses
@dpk262006 (56591)
• Delhi, India
14 Dec 09
Hi vij! It is difficult for me to say 'No' to anyone. I feel that I should learn the art of saying 'No' to someone, withut offending his/her feelings. It is also true that in case the request is beyond me and I know that I won't be able to accede to, I will have to but say 'No' to other fellow. I feel it is better to tell the clear picture to the other fellow rather than keeping him in dark, if that is the case, he would feel more hurt later on.
1 person likes this
@vandana7 (68959)
• India
16 Dec 09
Oh! Well, deepak are you a girl? LOL.
@dpk262006 (56591)
• Delhi, India
17 Dec 09
Vandana! Does a man not say 'No'?
• Philippines
14 Dec 09
I am not close to my relatives to be honest. Eversince I grew up I came to realization that my relatives is not being helpful with my family. They only want our money (my mother side) and on my father side they are all boostful. So I can say NO to them instantly. ABout my friends, if they are my close its hard to say NO to them. Like when they need my help, my first thoughts is they really need me so they asked my help. I do my best to help them, even not about money. Just a support or advice and being there at their back, I can do that. I can only say NO to them when they are inviting me to meet with them and I am not feeling well or I am tired to go out, I can instantly say no and honestly I know they feel that I am being true. Of course they are my friends, they know if the NO is a real NO and not.
@khizfarm (18)
• Philippines
14 Dec 09
hello vijayanths! saying "no" is very difficult for me especially if it is a friends who is asking or making a request. i am afraid it would hurt their feelings...
1 person likes this
@madteaparty (2761)
• Japan
14 Dec 09
When you have to say "no" it`s better to think more in yourself than in the other party. We can`t always say yes, or people will end up trying to get advantage of us all the time. If we say no is because we have a good reason, and it`s better to focus on that. We might hurt the other person, but we have to remember that we`re not trying to hurt him or her with that word.
1 person likes this
@vandana7 (68959)
• India
14 Dec 09
Tough call actually. One thing I noticed vijayanths, there is this thing about taking freely. If we offer, that is with heart. If we are giving because we have family obligation - it is like I help you today, if I need you tomorrow please be there for me. If there is a third category, and believe me, there is they have everything and they have more than we do, and still they've got so accustomed to taking that they dont realize that it has become a part of their nature. It becomes difficult to say no because they ask at such odd times. They enjoy the predicament we are in. They see opportunities to beg and I'd only call it begging, in every situation. They'd beg even from beggars. I think it is right to snub such people, and snub them really harsh so that they come to their senses.
@vandana7 (68959)
• India
14 Dec 09
If I have, I give, if I dont, I say so. That doesnt put me in good books. But then, I am too self respecting to keep asking others when I need something. So I think it is better to safeguard my interests first.
@mods196621 (3631)
• Philippines
14 Dec 09
Yes I agree to you it is hard to say "no" to friends and relatives when they need help. But if we cannot afford to give what they want or ask we don't have a choice but to turn them down their request. For me i make it easy by turning my answer into positive response. I make it easy in a way that striking them into a jokes. With sympathy and love. Have a nice day friend!
• India
15 Dec 09
wow, that is the best way of telling "No". you have mastered that art. mods.How about offering me an online coaching?
• Philippines
15 Dec 09
Why not sir? but it is hard to do online coaching.. Thanks and have a nice day!
@ladysakurax (1163)
• Canada
13 Dec 09
I like this question because alot of people go through this. I don't know if it did hurt somebody but i don't think it did. When someone asks me a favor and that i am really busy, I tell the truth so the person will understand. I am currently in university and i barely have time for my own hobbies. So I simply tell the person that I can't because I simply have other priorities to follow. I ask if I can postpone it another time. I know for sure that if I fail to pass my classes, nobody will be able to help me. During the exam, it's only me and my pencil. So I have to put myself first. When it comes to monney, it does become tricky. I never came to me that a friend came to ask me monney. but it hapenend to my mom. A friend of her called and asked 5000$. For us it is a huge amount of monney. MY mom asked for what it was and her friend said that it was to open a business and that she will repay back. My mom said that she will think about it. It's a way to put it without hurting as well. On the other hand, her daughter secretly called my mom and said to not give her anything because her mom was an avid gambler. When her friend called mom again, my mom said no because someone told her she would use it for gambling. She admitted but kept on nagging for the monney.
• India
15 Dec 09
Yes, you should not help people who don't deserve it. But University lady, I think whenever we say " no" people are definitely hurt. They may not show it openly.
• Canada
15 Dec 09
Well it depends on some people. Of course some will be vexed. But sometimes, there's no choice to say no. I learned this from a friend. She is a person who has alot of stress at school, take anti-stress pills, has insomnia and many other problems with her parents. However her sister is in a worse case. She is despised by her parents and got into an accident recently. She lost her job and uses a wheelchair to move. My friend, who's her younger sister wants to help her big sis but she is already negative herself. How can someone negative can help someone negative. Her older sis told her that in order to help someone, you have to get rid of your own problems first. My friend is feeling bad for her sis, then her sis feels even bad for her young sis. Alot of people has problems and needs help. They should simply look for the right ressources. This is just my opinion and I don't intend to hurt anyone. But anybody who keeps on nagging for help and can't understand the situation the other person is going through is simply selfish.
• China
13 Dec 09
The problem is I almost never say "no" to my friends' request if I can do it.But sth. trouble is one of my friend always make me unhappy. She always let me do sth. for her even though she can do it herself.That makes me very uncomfortable.But I don't know how to reject her.
@Orea15 (281)
• United States
14 Dec 09
It can be scary to say no, because sometimes people will get angry, but part of growing up is finding your backbone and not letting people use you. You and your needs and welfare matter, too. :-)
• India
15 Dec 09
Yes, betty this is a problem for many people including me.
• United States
14 Dec 09
well yes i would think so if a person asked you to help them they usually think you will but sometimes there may be a situation to where you can't for reasons of your own if they do not understand then i truely do not believe they are that much of a friend. you don't just flat out say no of course you explain the reason if you prefer and hopefully they will understand but if they don't then they just don't you may loose your friendship but remember a person is no friend if they don't understand. you on the other hand would probably do your best to help them and a lot of times there may be certain situations to where people can take advantage of you especially if your notorius for being nice and helpful so the bottom line is that you can say "no" it will be alright now if you are worried about saying no to someone or feeling guilty then you may have an underlying problem that you must address and this is something you must attend to some people may feel guilty or maybe the person will not like them anymore but if your concerned about hurting a friend or relative because you can't help them all you can do is explain to them and make them understand.
• India
15 Dec 09
Yes Marty if they really know us well, they won't mistake us when we say "no".
@katisaurus (1038)
• Canada
14 Dec 09
Yes. I do it a lot. A lot of my friends and family usually ask me for advice and help with situations and when I'm stressed I don't usually like to have more nonsense on my shoulders. So I simply say no and explain why. I have way too much on my shoulders, I don't want to make it worse. They usually understand. Sometimes if I just don't want to I flat out say no, though. Something people have to deal with, I guess.
• India
15 Dec 09
Yes, kati, some people understand that we are really not able to help them this time.
@snafushe (795)
• Canada
14 Dec 09
I hate saying no to people! It makes me feel so guilty. I guess I'm just really a people pleaser. I don't like to reject people in anyway because I know how painful rejecting can be. When it's something I absolutely can not say yes to though, I can say it, I have a back bone. I also really don't want people to think I am a door mat and I'll let them get away anything. Because I'm not like that. I just really have a hard time saying no to people, especially if I like/get along with the person well.
• India
15 Dec 09
You are too soft snafushe. You need not feel guilty when it is beyond your capacities.
• Philippines
13 Dec 09
Hi. If the request is NOT within my capacities/capabilities as a person, I could always say "No." But I don't think I could turn down other people's requests without hurting them in any way. By saying "No," I know that I would always disappoint them and in the process hurt their hopes.
• India
15 Dec 09
Yes, it will hurt soledadcliakz, but they will not hate you much if you say no with out hurting them.
@weasel81 (2501)
• Australia
13 Dec 09
i'm usually easy going and don't mind helping people, cause i know i'll get their help back at some stage. but then there are times when you want to say no but can't, it is embrassing and can cause trouble with people. but there are people out there that abuse people's generousity. also how do you tell someone to leave with out being extermly rude.
• India
15 Dec 09
Yes, it is true that some people try to exploit our helping nature wease.
@dodo19 (34280)
• Beaconsfield, Quebec
13 Dec 09
I usually do what I can for my friends. At least, when I can. However, it is not always possible for me to do so. Sometimes, I have to explain to them that I can't help them. I don't usually just "No" straight out. But I will explain them in a kind way why I can't really help them out.
• India
15 Dec 09
Yes dodo that is what matters. You need to explain and they need to believe it, then there is no problem at all.
@thea09 (18327)
• Greece
13 Dec 09
Hi vijayanths, I don't consider it embarrassing at all to say no, and wouldn't do something which I didn't want to do just because someone asked. If one doesn't fuss around about saying no then why would it hurt someone; it would only do that if one dithers about it and says yes whilst wanting to say no, and then changing ones mind and letting someone down. I really don't see the difficulty in saying no.
• India
15 Dec 09
Nice to note you can say no easily thea.
@umabharti (3976)
• India
13 Dec 09
Hello, Life has many things.giving a negative and positive answers is there in our daily life.saying the negative answer in a positive way can be better.if we tell anyone just "no" then its hurting.but if we tell the reason for " no " then they might understand better.everyone are having the same feelings.if we can hurt ourselves then only we can hurt others.so we should practice saying no to ourselves first rather saying no to others.
• India
15 Dec 09
Yes, Uma some people understand when we explain why we are unable to help them at that time.
@jaiho2009 (39001)
• Philippines
13 Dec 09
Hello my dear brother, There are times that our capabilities give us limitation. And this is what i hate the most. I will always try to give my best help,and,if in any case,i really can't do anything to extend my help anymore,i will be sorry. I know it won't hurt them,becoz,i know i did my best,and i gave my all before saying "NO"...i can't go any further.(whoooo...i can't recall an incident like this ugh!!!)
• India
15 Dec 09
Learn to say "no" to certain things and to certain people jai.
@mtvmtv (600)
• India
13 Dec 09
Hi vijayanths, You are right that the life is giving and getting.Our relatives and friends may always ask us for some help.It's very difficult to say no to that even when we know that they are wrong.This way i have spent many things i.e.money,time or things.But afterward i could understand that i was wrong. So,in short we should learn to say no to others.Otherwise when we are in need we will get the answer 'no'.
• India
15 Dec 09
yes, mtv.I am also learning to say No slowly now.
@Buchi_bulla (8299)
• India
13 Dec 09
This is the biggest problem with me. I can say it is my weakness too. I always avoid saying 'no' to others, end up with a problem and finally get good scoldings from my husband. Then he says, know and learn when to say 'yes' and when to say 'no'. Otherwise you cannot survive. With great difficulty, now I am slowly learning to say 'no' without hurting others.
• India
15 Dec 09
Yes, Buchi if you are too good people take you for a ride.that is really bad.
@missweety (628)
• Latvia
13 Dec 09
Hello! For me saying no sometimes is hard when people are asking for help and in real I know that I wouldn't have time for that if I am too busy on that day or something else... however, I always try to help. I don't like to help people who are just asking from others something but not giving anything in return for those ones I can say no...so I would say that I know how to say no without hurting...I try to explain why I have said no or just say no if I don't really appreciate that person. ..
• India
15 Dec 09
wow, you really know how to handle people and situations missweety.