They have not sent me any Christmas Cards?

@jennybianca (12915)
Australia
December 14, 2009 11:40pm CST
Can you believe this? My husband and I separated 6 weeks ago. His large family immediately cut me off. All except one sister in law, who has vague contact with me. I had been very close to most members of my ex husbands family for 7 years. We had exchanged Christmas and birthday presents, I had them here for meals many times, that I put a lot of effort into. We shared family celebrations together. I decided to send them all Christmas cards as I usually do. Not one has sent me a Christmas card yet, not one. Even the families that are Chruch going Christians have not sent me a card. Of course, there is time yet, but I dont hold out a lot of hope. It is very disappointing and I dont know what my 16 year old daughter thinks; she was just as close to his family as I was.
2 people like this
20 responses
• Philippines
15 Dec 09
Hi. It's really a sad experience because you and your daughter have already established connection with them. Well, let's just hope that the cards are now on the courier. They still have time. But what's important is that you have remembered all of them on a special occasion like this. You will be blessed, just keep the faith. Have a great day.
2 people like this
@jennybianca (12915)
• Australia
15 Dec 09
Thank you. I cant cut off my good memories like my ex husbands family did. The number of times I had his family here for meals and the amount of presents I had to buy. The outings we did together. Its hard to believe they may all turn out believing my ex husband.
• Philippines
15 Dec 09
I hope they don't forget you and your daughter. But in case they do, you have no choice but to move forward. Just continue praying for them. Maybe they are yet to accept the situation. I hope and pray that they will soon realize the goodness of your heart.
1 person likes this
@free_man (7337)
• United States
16 Dec 09
Hi Jenny. Some people are just plain A holes. When I got my last divorce seems like his family just wrote me off too. I tried to contact his aunt we were pretty close when we were together. We emailed each other almost daily. But as soon as we are not together her email comes back. I emailed his sister and she tried to get money out of me that my ex owed her. I told her to kiss where the sun don't shine. These are those supposed to be Christians too. I don't have family ties with my ex's family anymore it is like one day I was the best and the next day I deserved all of his abuse. I know how your feeling and I am so sorry these people can't see what a loving person you are. Maybe one day they will wake up and smell the roses and see that it is none of their business what went wrong in your marriage your still the same person you was with your husband. You haven't changed they did their loss. Wipe their dust off your feet they aren't good enough for you. Your a special person and if they can't see it then they are the one's missing out. Don't let them get you down God made you and God only makes good things.
@jennybianca (12915)
• Australia
16 Dec 09
Thanks for this. Your situation with your ex-inlaws sounds very similar to mine. Hard to believe people can be like this.
1 person likes this
@free_man (7337)
• United States
16 Dec 09
Hi Jenny. Your discussion just touched my heart. I have felt really down about losing the friendship I thought we had when I was with my ex. I feel betrayed because they didn't even listen to my side of what happened. They didn't even care that I was beaten and abused mentally either. I thought we were all real tight but I guess I didn't know my bottom from a hole in the ground. Oh well they lost a good friend when they cut you out of their lives. And my ex's family lost a good friend when they cut me out of their lives. As long as God still loves me and my husband that I have now loves me everything is great. God loves you and I think your a special person. Pray God brings you many blessings!
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@jennybianca (12915)
• Australia
17 Dec 09
Thank you very much for your kind comments. I hope I find another loving partner eventually.
1 person likes this
• United States
15 Dec 09
Did you send to them?
1 person likes this
@jennybianca (12915)
• Australia
15 Dec 09
Yes I did send them Christmas cards as I wrote in my discussion.
• United States
16 Dec 09
well in truth it is a hard situation for an "ex" family to stay in close contact with their child (family's) ex. We have been the family in a similar scenario. Twice actually. With one my brother in law could care less if we spoke to his ex wife and her family who we had all become close to. With the other brother in law though, he would become very irritated and down right beastly if we had contact with either of his ex wives. Hard considering the second wife we had grown up with and where friends with years before they had ever even met. It is still early and they may not know what lines have been drawn and be lying low so as not to be taking your side over your ex's. For all you know he could be making a big deal about you even being nice to them, also ( I don't know your ex but it is pretty common) you do not know what he is saying about you. They may believe you are ruining his life and taking him for all he's worth and basically being a total B. As for your child if she asks questions tell her you do not know why they are behaving the way they are and then have her ask them herself. If it bothers you so much call and ask to speak to them about it to clear up any hard feelings or clear up what might have been said.
1 person likes this
@jennybianca (12915)
• Australia
17 Dec 09
Well, he probablyis making a big deal about me not being nice to them.. who knows.. they simply wont contact me and I have tried.
@cerebellum (3871)
• United States
15 Dec 09
Since you and your husband had a child you would think they would want to stay in touch if only for her. When my husband and I got a divorce we had no children but his family still stayed in touch with me. I used to talk to his sisters and his mother on a regular basis and they would still send me birthday cards and stuff. His mother has since passed on and his sisters moved out of town. I always liked his family, in fact sometimes I liked them more than him. I am sure your daughter will be hurt if she doesn't hear from his family at Christmas. I guess they feel it would be disloyal for them to contact you, but you'd think they wouldn't feel that way about her.
1 person likes this
• United States
16 Dec 09
I guess her not being his child explains why they don't keep in touch as much. When you were together though, they probably got close to her and consider her their relative. Do you think your ex-husband would care if they stayed in touch with you?
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@jennybianca (12915)
• Australia
16 Dec 09
Yes, he would mind, as he is the vindictive type who lets anger go on forever.
• United States
17 Dec 09
His family is probably just like him and holds grudges. If they are not like him, they probably figure he would be mad at them and are trying to avoid that.
1 person likes this
@thea09 (18324)
• Greece
15 Dec 09
Hi jenny, I wouldn't bother about things like christmas cards but I think it is terrible to treat you and your daughter as if you are no longer part of the family if you once were. It may well just be the initial split though. Has he moved back to stay with his family and thus influencing them?
1 person likes this
@jennybianca (12915)
• Australia
15 Dec 09
On the first two days , he moved in with sister, having a big influence on them. Thats when the latest trouble first started. Even though he is not living with them now, he has a big influence on them, being in regular contact.
@thea09 (18324)
• Greece
15 Dec 09
Did you think of them as family jenny? If you did you won't want to lose them and there's no reason for them to push you out. Hopefully it's just the initial blip and then they'll be back in touch. I actually met and was very close to my Greeks family before I met him, and I was a little wary in case things went wrong that I'd lose them, but we keep it separate from the family.
1 person likes this
@jennybianca (12915)
• Australia
15 Dec 09
Yes, I was close to most of them, especially Daves neice and nephew. Im hoping its a temporary thing, but my ex carries anger with him forever, and this will influence them.
@daliaj (5689)
• India
15 Dec 09
That is a common thing to happen. I would have done the same if I were in the place of your husband's parents or relatives. I personally don't prefer to keep contact with my son't ex-wife. Once she divorces my son, she is out of my family, especially if the divorce happened due to her. That is how relationships work. Once a girl gets married to a guy, on a sudden the guy's parenst become her own parents and the his parents treat her as their own daughter and there will be lots of love. But, a similar, but opposite reaction will happen when the girl goes out of the relatioship. She will become stranger on a sudden. Hope your ex-husband's won't consider your daughter as a stranger. I'm sure that they won't do it because she is his blood and she is one who will represent their family in future.
1 person likes this
@daliaj (5689)
• India
15 Dec 09
I'm sorry. I feel I wrote the response in a rude way. I just wrote my true feelings. I am from a very traditional family. That may be a reason why I think like this. I don't know your situation or what made you to get seperated from him. Yes, we can't get rid of sweet memories. Hope you will be able to adjust with that. Wish you a good Christmas. God bless you.
1 person likes this
@daliaj (5689)
• India
4 Jan 10
I'm sorry. Please don't worry about the people who don't care about you. Think about the other people who care for you and be happy. We can't make anybody love or care for us. Caring or love should come from mind. Forget about those people and look at your future. You are yet to find lots of nice people and going to have happy and fun times with them.
@sid556 (31006)
• United States
15 Dec 09
Hi Jenny, I'm going to hold hope for you that they do end up sending you a card or contacting you soon. For some it is a really awkward time when a couple first separates and they aren't really sure what to do. Divorce is painful enough without feeling that you are divorcing the entire family. I was lucky when my ex and I divorced in that his family made sure to let me know that they still wanted to be a part of my life. It's been years and I am still in contact with them. So anyway, hopefully they are just running a bit late in getting their cards out.
1 person likes this
@jennybianca (12915)
• Australia
15 Dec 09
When my brother & his wife separated, my parents and I stayyed in contact with his ex, and my brother doesnt care.
@sid556 (31006)
• United States
16 Dec 09
that's how my family is also. It should be that way I think.
1 person likes this
• India
15 Dec 09
Feeling very sorry about this…just goes to think how people can hardly rise above personal relations and equations…its definitely distressing for you and your daughter but I think it would be a good lesson for her too to be more cautious in her own relations.
1 person likes this
@jennybianca (12915)
• Australia
15 Dec 09
My daughter says very little about it, except that she likes it at home much better now, without my ex being here.
• Belgium
16 Dec 09
In my eyes, christmas isn't for the cards you send and recieve. Have a nice time, thats what christmas is about.
• United States
15 Dec 09
Thats really sad! Lets just hope that you will be getting a card or two in the next couple of days. Wouldnt it be really funny if they sent gifts. LOL! If you and your husband just separated maybe the family is just trying to lay low just until you and the hubby can work things out. Everyone has to adjust when it comes to situations like that. I'm sure this is hurtful to you and your daughter,but keep your head up and continue to be strong. Thing always seem to work out for the best.
@jennybianca (12915)
• Australia
15 Dec 09
I am sure they wont be sending Christmas presents. Im afriaid my ex husband and I wont be working things out. We separated due to domestic violene.
• United States
17 Dec 09
Well, i'm sorry to hear that. Your a smart woman, i can tell that your a strong human being. Its their lost honey. I'm sorry you were involved with domestic vol. Maybe they dont deserve you. Pray for them and move on.
• Philippines
15 Dec 09
hey jenny.. whoa.. i feel sad with you.. its very sad to hear that you and your husband have separated after those long years together.. i believe that they are really shutting you out of their tree.. this is so sad.. i wish i could cheer you up in any way coz i think this is really a sad moment.. i hope your daughter can cope with this.. be strong and hopefully you and your husband will get back together..[u][/u]
• Philippines
15 Dec 09
i hope and i pray that they wont forget you.. and of course i pray that you will have a happy holiday and a prosperous new year.. be strong jenny.. if you want someone to talk to, we are just here on mylot ready and very willing to help you out..
1 person likes this
@jennybianca (12915)
• Australia
15 Dec 09
No, there is no chsnce of that. Our marriage consisted of domestic violence over the years, which he cant accept and neither can his family. You are very kind, like a lot of My Lotters here. Thank you.
@pastorkayte (2255)
• United States
3 Mar 10
How sorry I am about that but usually families are very close and they see everyone (sometimes) as outsiders for a number of reasons. I have seen families cut off exes because they dont know how to be friendly without hurting the feelings of loved one, especially in situations of a new love. I dont know if this is the case. But I have watched some people get really upset because they love their brother or sisters ex and want to invite them but the brother or sister has a new girlfriend or boyfriend they have to invite and they are afraid of the situation so they find it easier to just get out the way and alienate the ex. I am truly sorry this happened to you though as you are such a nice person. I am really sorrier for your child who may have formed an attachment to his family.
1 person likes this
@jennybianca (12915)
• Australia
4 Mar 10
I can understand in many instances when a couple separate that contact with the rest of the family may cease. When my brother & ex sister in law separated, my parents and myself kept in contact with his ex wife, and still do after all these years. With my ex's family, the stopped contact was absolutely immediate. I had been close to them for nearly 7 years. They offered me no support whatsoever. I even told them that DV was involved for 2.5 years. They simply cant or wont believe this, so instead of offering some sort of support, they have decided that I am evil. Anyway, there is a lot more to it than that.
@gtargirl (5385)
• United States
17 Dec 09
Hang in there, Jenny. This will all work itself out when the right and fair information is brought to the forefront, so to speak. I think you did the right thing by sending them Christmas cards. I'm sure his family doesn't quite know what to do or what to believe or they're all in denial. The possibilities are endless. You need to have a wonderful Christmas with those you have in your life still. I've been on this journey so again, hang in there.
1 person likes this
@jennybianca (12915)
• Australia
17 Dec 09
They are in denial, thats for sure. My daughter and I are planning a great Christmas, and we are going to my brothers. Hope you have a great Christmas too.
@stephcjh (32328)
• United States
16 Dec 09
That is awful. that sounds like some crap I go through and I am still married to my husband. His family never did acknowledge me. They never did send us a Christmas card either and we have been together for 17 years, married for 14 of those. His family cannot accept that his ex cheated on him and they divorced, she remarried with the guy she was cheating with, and he married me. they accept her though. It makes no sense.
1 person likes this
@jennybianca (12915)
• Australia
16 Dec 09
That is so totally stupid. You have been together 17 years and they still dont acknowledge you or send a christmas card. That is so bad.
@Janey1966 (24127)
• Carlisle, England
15 Dec 09
You know what they say "Blood is thicker than water." Unfortunately, families close ranks when one of their siblings splits up with someone. I am quite sure that if (God forbid) me and my hubby ever split his parents will take his side, even if it was his fault and vice versa. I try to keep my dealings with the in-laws as brief as possible. In my experience "religious types" can be the cruelest of all when it comes to ignoring others although I do realise that most are wonderfully caring and compassionate.
@jennybianca (12915)
• Australia
15 Dec 09
That is a good summary of the situation.
@benny128 (3622)
15 Dec 09
well I guess this is just one of those things, I know personally if I split from a wife then I would not stay in touch with my partners family. I guess theres one of two reasons - A) they dont know whether to send you a card or not B) Maybe they don't want to have any contact I know may seem harsh but maybe this is the reality. Though if you have sent them a card then personally I think its the latter (B). Looks like they might of closed this chapter of their lives, and to be fair you need to move on you have done all you can if have you sent them cards the next move is up to your husband and his family. If you don't get anything back then close the chapter its hard but maybe time to move on. Also your daughter at 16 is old enough to reliese whats happenning, I guess it's life. Hope it works out.
1 person likes this
@jennybianca (12915)
• Australia
15 Dec 09
I do know that some of them want no contact at all. The others havent really said.
• India
15 Dec 09
You have already mentioned,my friend,that you are seperated from your husband 6 weeks ago.Dont you feel that its better not to feel unhappy that no cards have come from his side.Isnt it taking things too far.His family may be unhappy at your seperation.Try to make your daughter understand that it is better not to keep high expectations during these times.She is 16 years and quite old enough to understand.
1 person likes this
@jennybianca (12915)
• Australia
15 Dec 09
Well, yes, his family are unhappy that we separated, but they support my ex that he separated from me. I dont think its taking things too far to expect that in laws I was close to for 7 years, should keep in contact.
• Philippines
15 Dec 09
Hi, jenny. It is too early to think that they have cut you off that soon. It is still December and there is still time. How do you send Christmas cards to one another? Do you mail it through the post office or you email? Remember there is a heavy load of mails during this season, who knows it is already forthcoming. If they do it via email, maybe they are still busy to do that and it is early yet. It is so quick and easy using the internet, that must be the reason they have delayed doing that. If they really don't, life still goes on, doesn't it? Divert your mind and attention on other worthwhile things. God bless!
@jennybianca (12915)
• Australia
15 Dec 09
We always post Christmass cards, and yes, the post office is over loaded at the moment.
• Philippines
15 Dec 09
I understand how you feel but cheer up friend. As what they used to say, there's always sunshine after the rain. Never lose hope. I am sure you will be able to receive Christmas cards from any of them one of these days. And if not, just be happy and move on with your life. Enjoy Christmas because it only happens once in every year. Advance merry Christams to you. Happy mylotting
@jennybianca (12915)
• Australia
15 Dec 09
Yes, I guess moving on with my life is the best move. I mostly am anyway, its just with Chrisatmas coming up I thought some of my ex -inlaws would contact me.
@s2mmy17 (65)
• Estonia
15 Dec 09
Hi jennybianca! Thats just rude. Even after seperating, most people are still remembering each other, exactly on the christmas. Put i hope, they still send you christmas cards. Sry for my bad english:P
1 person likes this
@jennybianca (12915)
• Australia
15 Dec 09
No worries about your english.
@hoodwinks (158)
• United States
15 Dec 09
hey sorry to hear that, yeah that's ashamed some Christians can act kind of funny, always judgmental, not saying all are like that but some are.like if you don't do what I do then we can't talk, whats that about. for them not sending any cards back well that's on them for losing out on a wonderful relationship. they took you for granted and didn't see the good person that you are. their lost. two wrongs don't make a right but I guess they want to be the wrong with out even realizing how rude they are being.
1 person likes this
@jennybianca (12915)
• Australia
15 Dec 09
Thank you, that is the way I feel. My ex husband has told them a lot of lies, and they dont even want to listen to the truth.