Do you ever feel ashamed of your behaviour?

December 18, 2009 7:13am CST
When was the last time to felt ashamed of something you've done or haven't done? What did you do? I just read an interesting article about feeling ashamed and wondered when I last felt bad about my behaviour. I stopped contact with a friend a few years ago - we just had nothing in common and the friendship was very one-sided with me always listening to her issues and her not being able to understand my worries. I felt bad about just reducing contact until it stopped, but I thought it would hurt her more if I'd tell her that we no longer have anything in common. As a child we were always told to feel ashamed when we did something bad, but nowadays it seems that everything is acceptable and people don't feel bad anymore. So I wonder if you still have a sense of being ashamed.
7 responses
• United States
19 Dec 09
I feel really bad when i say hurtful stuff to people. Sometimes when i get really really angry or someone says something that hurts my feeling/gets me upset/angry i slip and say something mean that i don't even mean to hurt the other person. I hate when i do that! I always try to say sorry and stuff but sometimes i think it isn't enough.
19 Dec 09
It happens to all of us. It is good though that you are able to apologise. It shows people that you didn't mean it and just spoke out of temper.
@clocks123 (1229)
• United States
19 Dec 09
yes, i feel ashamed of my behaviour for bad things i have done or do. i don't believe everyone believes everything is acceptable. you were correct to leave this friend as it appears he or she didn't want to be a friend to you in return. you have shown your feelings and are caring. it is good to be this way and yes, being ashamed of our behavior is good too. it shows what we have done wrong and either will teach us or not make us do something like that again. best to you
19 Dec 09
Thanks. It just feels at times that people push the boundaries too far without realising. Thanks for the comment. Learning is the most important.
@edu4625 (188)
• United States
18 Dec 09
I most definitely still have a strong awareness about my behavior. I try to stick to doing things that are morally acceptable to myself. I don't like the word "ashamed" because I think it is a negative word. Many people don't change their behavior because they feel ashamed. They change their behavior because they choose to be better or they feel more confident. Having said that I will admit that I engaged in some behavior which I didnot think was worthy of myself. I felt embarrassed. I guess that's the same as ashamed. I thought about it and I realized that what happened was a "red flag" that I needed to re-think some things about myself and that I was not as strong as I thought in that particular area. It actually ended up making me more conscious of how vulnerable I was and anyone . At any time all of us can make a mistake. The most important think is to be conscious of your mistakes and take responsibility for your actions so that you can move on to bigger and better things. If your friend didnot try to contact you I'm thinking that she may have been feeling the same way you were. She may have also felt that the friendship had run its course and the both of you were ready to move on.
19 Dec 09
Well said. Yes I think being embarrassed is the same as feeling ashamed. And the drive to be a better person is the most important. I try to live to the saying "Don't do to others, what you don't want them to do to you."
@Java09 (3085)
• United States
18 Dec 09
I've had times where I've felt ashamed of something I did.It's probably good to feel that way,then you know when you did something wrong.Well,when I have done something,I feel I need to apoligize for doing something.especially if I've wronged someone.I had a few friends like that,that I drifted away because had no more in common with them.I just stopped socializing with them.They weren,t good friend anyways,because they never called me on the phone,I always contacted them.They acted like they didn't even notice,I stopped talking to them,and that's because I was the one who always made the first contact.I think it's ok to get rid of friends like this,so this I feel no shame for.
19 Dec 09
I agree. It was a bit different in my case. My friend contacted me a lot, but every call was a burdejn for me. It was about her problems, her life, her worries. When I told her from my life she listened for a bit, but she didn't understand - so she switched quickly back to her problems. I just felt that her calls frustrated me more than make me feel good.
• China
18 Dec 09
Yes of course I have. The most terrible thing I have experienced was when I was in college. Then I was resiponsible for the study stuff of our class. For example,it was my duty to inform my classmates of whatever related to study and to fetch the forms that all classmates need to fill in from the administration offices and distribute them among classmates and then collect them and hand them in. One day when I was a junior it turned up in my mind that I had forgotten to inform a girl in our class of the information about the make-up examination. She failed the Calculus one year later, and she should have been able to take the make-up examination one semister ago but in fact I fogort to inform her then. So at that moment I felt so bad and found her to apologize to her. She forgived me but I had been ashamed of that for more than a year until she passed the re-examination. Don't you think I am not bad for having some sense of being ashamed?
19 Dec 09
That must have been quite a shock when you realised that you forgot it. It's good though that you were strong enough to admit it to the girl and she must be a good person to have forgiven so readily. I think that people do wrong things at times - accidentally as in your case or unknowingly. Feeling bad about it doesn't make it go away, but it shows that you have a sense of right and wrong and try to become a better person. And that's what makes the difference between a bad person and a person who does mistakes and is imperfect.
@divkris (1163)
• India
18 Dec 09
Well, i do feel ashamed when i get angry and yell at somebody (the victim, of course). But apologies reach them depending on how i feel about them. Right now i'm in a very tricky situation in my life and i've become very temperamental. So i do feel bad when i have these dirty mood swings and somebody becomes a victim :)
19 Dec 09
I often think that apologising makes you feel better afterwards. Just by admitting that you were wrong it makes other people feel better about yourself and you'll feel better, too. I hope your life becomes less complicated soon. Until then, just try to see the positive things, even if they are well hidden.
@bhav27 (443)
• India
18 Dec 09
yeah in childhood we used to feel ashamed of many things but now we are not ashamed of anything we say or do but i am really ashamed of one thing , i still remember that day , oh gosh why i can't forget that day but no problem that was also a good day , i am very short tempered girl and one day i shouted at my teacher and i had a genuine reason for that also and even she knewed that she was at fault but still i felt ashamed because i think i did wrong by shouting at her even though she was at mistake.nevertheless she learnt a lesson from a student lol :p
19 Dec 09
Well, you never get too old to learn! Even as a teacher.