Has anyone ever stayed with anyone who has cheated on them?

@JenBth (75)
United States
December 19, 2009 3:16pm CST
Many people will say that they would never stay with a person who has cheated on them never having been in that situation. It is easy to say that in theory, just as it is easy to say that you would leave immediately if physical abuse began occurring. I have studied these scenarios in depth in school and my career and have seen many cases where it is not black and white. Sometimes kids, mortgages, marriages and other financial obligations are involved making it more difficult to cut ties with a person you have built your life with. With this considered, I wanted to ask if anyone has ever stayed with a person who has cheated on them? What thoughts did you have about it and what was your decision process like? Also, how did this decision pan out?
3 people like this
11 responses
@gabs8513 (48715)
• United Kingdom
19 Dec 09
I have for 21 Years cheated and abused I am glad that someone can see it is not easy to get out of it I am out of it now and have been for 7 years now, as both my Children are grown up What gave me the strength is when I was diagnosed with a Lung Disease 7 1/2 years ago, which devastated me as I had never been ill, the Ex Husband had the attitude that I would be fine, and that did it, I knew if I stayed with him and carried on taking the Abuse and cheating it would kill me It was a messy break up but I stayed strong I was not scared any more Now I have the most wonderful Man in my Life who has been in my Life for 7 years now he is my best Friend and he loves me for me It is not easy to get out of the Situation and anyone who says they can not understand why we put up with it do not know what it entails and what fear it causes
1 person likes this
@JenBth (75)
• United States
19 Dec 09
You sound like a very strong person to have endured all of these things in your life. I think it is admirable that you have moved on and found happiness. I agree that people that pass judgment on others for not leaving in that situation have no clue what the individual is forced to endure and the emotional roller coaster you are on. Take care gabs!
2 people like this
@gabs8513 (48715)
• United Kingdom
19 Dec 09
Hi Jenbth Thank you and it is good that you have started this as I hope it will open some eyes and also that there is Hope
1 person likes this
@JenBth (75)
• United States
19 Dec 09
I agree... I think to many women in abusive relationships are to scared, isolated and broken down to realize that their situation is not ok and they deserve much, much more from someone who should be an equal and caring partner.
2 people like this
@dmrone (751)
• United States
20 Dec 09
Hi, JenBth! Yes, i did stay in a marriage for almost ten years with a cheater. To begin with i blamed it on the other women he cheated on me with, and on how my appearacnce had changed since i had had a baby. Then i thought what was good for the goose was also good for the gander, and i started cheating on him. Then i decided that this was not what i wanted, the cheating so i stopped. He on the other hand continued, and i stayed with him. I stayed because of the way i was brought up in my religion. I thought for sure that God would not forgive me if i got a divorce, so i lived with the cheating. Then i was talking with my mother one day and she told me that God did not put everyone together, and that got me to thinking. And i thought long and hard and searched my religion, and decided that it was better if i divorced him and ask God to forgive me of my sins. I did divorce him, and he later remarried as did i, but he continued to cheat on his other wife and girlfriends. I can't say my thought process was the best, because my family was trying to tell me the whole time to leave him, but ultimately the decision had to be mine. I finally made that decision, and now i feel that i am with the person i was meant to be with, and we are happy together.
1 person likes this
@JenBth (75)
• United States
21 Dec 09
I'm glad you were able to work though it to ultimately be happy. I think it takes a lot of strength to stay with someone and try to work on things. I think it is admirable to give it your best shot and recognize that it is on them after that and you could not have done anything more in your power to make the relationship succeed.
• United States
19 Dec 09
Hi JenBth, I stayed with my ex boyfriend for a number of years after he cheated on me, needless to say I should have just left when I had thought about it since years later he ended up going out with my now best friend. They have had nothing but problems now so I'm like hmmm that's familiar and not my problem now, I've tried to help but it's a reoccurring thing and I'm sick of it. The reason I had tried to fix things with him and I thought we had for a while was because we had been together since middle school and all through high school, except for a few on and of periods, I couldn't see myself with anyone else. That was until I found him cheating behind my back with someone we had gone to school with, and he had always said he couldn't stand the other girl and she was annoying and so on and so fourth. I should have seen the signs coming because he was talking crap about her but secretly he was sleeping with her and when he said he was going home he'd be at her house or driving around with her in his truck. He was the one guy I thought I'd marry and have a family with, we remain friends...kind of but it's kind of weird when he has dated your best friend and they both had denied having feelings for each other but than ended up going out and even being engaged for a while, now I don't know what they are. I think he's one of the guys who can't be trusted, he can't be with just one girl if you ask me, he cheated on her too but she loves him, and as you know love is blind at times. He doesn't seem as if he'll ever leave his dad's house either because he gets everything he wants, his dad owns his own business and makes a lot and I mean a lot of money so if he wants something, he gets it, end of story. Needless to say if he ever tried to get back with me, I'd say no, I wouldn't put myself through all that crap and drama again. I had always said if a guy cheated on me I wouldn't stay with him but I'm living proof that I did, all I can do is learn from my mistakes, move on and hope to never have them repeated in my life again.
1 person likes this
@JenBth (75)
• United States
19 Dec 09
That sounds awful... I do want to discuss what you said about you making a lot of mistakes. I don't know if you mean staying with him, or if there are other things that went on that you did not mention. If you mean that fact that you tried to stay with him- I really think you should try not to look at this as your mistake. If what you did was try to love a person you built a long relationship with, try to forgive someone and exemplify strong commitment- these are not mistakes. These actually show good character and strong personal qualities in a good person. HE made the mistakes and you can't blame yourself for not meeting you halfway. I wouldn't change these qualities, but maybe just be more selective in making sure your boyfriend has these similar great personal qualities. Take care!
1 person likes this
@piatos03 (396)
• Philippines
19 Dec 09
I have stayed with someone before even after he cheated. I don't know if there's something wrong with me or I just didn't love him enough, but I didn't care either way that he cheated. I mostly stayed in the relationship just because I got used to it. Eventually I ended up cheating on him as well. It should have ended up in a breakup, but he begged for the relationship to keep going on. So I stayed. He remained faithful, and I cheated again. It felt like an open relationship to me after he cheated. I felt like I can do whatever I wanted. It turns out that this decision was one of the best things that ever happened to me because it lead me to the person who I'm meant for. The one I'm with right now.
• United States
20 Dec 09
I had a boyfriend that was cheating on me online. At first I stayed with him because I figured it was just because it was a long distance relationship and I refused to play things out with him online. Then when we moved in together and it still happened whenever he would get upset with me I ended things at that point. For me I feel like everyone normally gets one chance to completely mess up and afterwards that is when you need to break things off for good but the thing with girls today is they get so caught up on the need to have a boyfriend that they stay with them even when they know its not working.
@JenBth (75)
• United States
21 Dec 09
It's crazy that cheating can come in that form now with how technology is. You could be at home and with your significant other almost 24/7, but they can still be on their computer or texting on their phone. Technology is a gift in many ways, but it makes things difficult in many ways too.
• United States
22 Dec 09
I think no matter what is invented or what the item is, there is going to be someone out there that learns how to cheat or steal by using it. You've got scammers all across the internet, hackers, etc. There are child predators all across the internet and even if we got rid of the internet they would still be out there just using a different medium. It sucks, but its life.
@rmuxagirl (7561)
• United States
21 Dec 09
I could never stay with anyone who cheated on me. I dont think i would be able to trust them anymore. I mean how could i trust someone who would be so willing to hurt me like that? I couldn't imagine being able to stay with somene who would destory my trust like and disrespect me, i mean if you want to be with someone else end things with me.
@JenBth (75)
• United States
21 Dec 09
I just think that many people get forced into staying in these relationships because they are financially tied to the other person, or have kids or a house together. Even if you wanted to leave immediately and never speak to the person ever again- you immediately have to think about where you are going to live, how to get out of a joint lease/mortgage/car payment, how to keep your kids, and how you are going to pay all your new bills by yourself. That's why I was curious about the thought process of the people who have been through this situation. How can you live with someone who has hurt you so deeply and ruined your trust and deal with sorting out your joint lives together. It has to be very difficult.
21 Dec 09
i know someone who experienced being cheated by his boyfriend.. they have been for a long time. but the guy cheated on him. it's the most painful thing a guy can do for his partner. a thing called ***. it's really unfair for the girl for she's been a loyal girlfriend not knowing his partner betrays her. but still she knew then. she requested for a break up but his boyfriend still loves her.. i know his been so selfish but still the girl forgave him. she even marry that man. i believe in second chances but first look for sincerity wise. if a guy is sincere enough to apologize to you and open to any consequences he may take, then he deserves a second chance. if he's for you, he's always been for you no matter how you set him free.
• Canada
21 Dec 09
NO. I didn't stay with anyone that cheated on me. Well, not knowingly anyway. I found out that my last boyfriend, prior to the relationship I am in now, WAS cheating on me, while we lived together, before we broke up. I just didn't find this out until AFTER we broke up. So, that just cemented the deal. No take backs. So, when he came grovelling back, I turned him away and that was that. I washed my hands of him.
• United States
20 Dec 09
Yep! More than once actually. My high school boyfriend cheated on me with a mutual friend and I didn't find out till months later. I didn't really care that much when I found out, cause it only happened once and he stayed with me. Also, my boyfriend after that cheated on me multiple times. Those upset me a lot, but we came to an agreement to have a more open relationship which worked for us for a while. We did end up splitting up eventually, but we were together for 5 years. I understand the desire to sleep with someone else. You wouldn't want to eat the same flavor of ice cream everyday, would you? You can dress it up with sprinkles or chocolate syrup, but at the end of the day it is still vanilla and you're craving Rocky Road.
@lilgold (89)
• United States
20 Dec 09
i was thinking about it once but i mean common its not worth they will never be honest to you again, and plus you'll always have that since of disgust when you're around them, i rather live a good, non-worry life than put up with that
• United States
20 Dec 09
Well yes, I stayed with someone that I cheated on. He was very handsome, and we had even talked of marriage, but very loosely. I thought we were serious. No. He ended up being with other people and also ruining my life.