Do you share or suffer in silence?

@AmbiePam (45702)
United States
December 21, 2009 4:57pm CST
On another site I was reading about how a couple of members were nominated for some prizes because they had fallen on hard times. People couldn't nominate themselves of course. I wasn't aware of it, but of the few I know who won, they had certainly been having troubles. Because they told us about. Now a lot of people share troubles, money or otherwise. But two people in particular (one of whom didn't win apparently) have shared everything that has brought them down financially. Don't get me wrong, that is fine. It's good to share burdens. But it made me think about the people who suffer in silence. The people who are losing things around them (money, house, health) and they prefer to keep their troubles to themselves, for whatever reasons. Do you share a lot of what goes on when things go bad(and this has nothing to do with what the people on the other site shared), or do you find keeping your problems to yourself is your preferred method of coping? And please don't mistake the sharing I mentioned with whining. I'm not accusing people of whining. I'm really talking about sharing.
7 people like this
25 responses
@gabs8513 (48803)
• United Kingdom
21 Dec 09
I will only share a certain amount not everything I have gone through the loss of my House a few Years ago and so much more but it is something I had to deal with and dealt with there are certain things that I will suffer in silence and work out how to deal with it
3 people like this
@AmbiePam (45702)
• United States
21 Dec 09
I guess that helps us build character, or strengthen the character we already have.
2 people like this
@Lakota12 (42794)
• United States
22 Dec 09
WEll I shared my cancer and heart attack and my moms health here so I really do shre what goes on in my life I think alot of people do here its away to get it off chest and all freinds are so nice to respond with well wishes and prayers and energies
2 people like this
@AmbiePam (45702)
• United States
23 Dec 09
It's people like you that make me feel like a wimp. LOL Anything I have gone through is nothing like what you have overcome. I am amazed at many people here in mylot.
@Lakota12 (42794)
• United States
23 Dec 09
yes we are a tough lot arent we!
@cobradene (1171)
• India
22 Dec 09
There are many who suffer in silence. And, there are many who share, and there are many who drag other people into their troubles and they pull everybody else down into their sinking boat. It's good to share your troubles, but not good to trouble others with your troubles. By sharing, you may find some solutions. But the ones who not only share, but in a way command you to take part in their problems and involve you in a manner, where you also feel, you are getting trapped in their problems, those are the ones you must stay from. It's good to share, but not whine. I do share my problems, but I don't try to lynch on somebody to get a release from my troubles. I know that my problems are mine, but I just discuss for a while in a mature way, as in, how to find a solution, and once the discussion is over, I just say thank you and leave. But I don't follow up with phone calls after phone calls, which some of my friends do to me. I have this friend, who needs a Tarot reading for every damn reason and that really irritates me to the core. Some people just make it a habit to bother others for a solution, and for them to find a solution to every small thing is only a problem, and they are unable to handle even the smallest of situations. They can't even make the simplest of decisions. For me, I know I can make my decisions and if I can't, I do ask some people as in what I should do, but I try not to be a pain in the wrong places for anybody, which most of them do.
2 people like this
@AmbiePam (45702)
• United States
23 Dec 09
I give my best responses out every two weeks, but in this discussion I must make an exception.
1 person likes this
@cobradene (1171)
• India
23 Dec 09
Thanks... :-)
1 person likes this
@SomeCowgirl (32273)
• United States
22 Dec 09
I am one who likes to share my emotional burdens, but as for monetary, I won't. I suppose it's out of pride that I wouldn't share, and the same goes with health, only certain few may know... Then again there are some thigns I will share.
2 people like this
@AmbiePam (45702)
• United States
22 Dec 09
I don't think anything about it when someone shares how they are going through hard times and money is tight. Or how they are cutting down on things they love to get by. But sometimes when someone starts talking about money, they go so far, very far, as to where I start feeling like they are almost asking for money.
@RieRie (822)
22 Dec 09
I suffer in silence unless I get absolutely desperate (not happened quite yet)I know the people I could share my problems with will only tell me about there problems which are WAY more important, so I listen to them and keep quiet.
2 people like this
@AmbiePam (45702)
• United States
22 Dec 09
That is how I feel sometimes. That even though I have problems, other people have worse problems and I shouldn't go into my own.
@chubit (122)
22 Dec 09
postsecret.com is a wonderful site for sharing and secrets. Every sunday he puts up secrets he's been mailed over the past week. Years ago it was really small, these days its massive. I'd prompt everyone to go have a look.
@AmbiePam (45702)
• United States
22 Dec 09
I had forgotten about that site.
@catdla1 (6005)
• United States
22 Dec 09
I don't like to make my problems any one elses problems, so I guess I just keep them to myself. People have enough problems without mine being added to theirs. Just being able to talk with people about other things, and share camaraderie for a while strengthens me, so that I can then go and address whatever the issue is. It is said that laughter is the best medicine, and I find that to be true. Sometimes it's pretty darn hard to find anything to laugh at, but if you can it sure helps.
2 people like this
@AmbiePam (45702)
• United States
22 Dec 09
I prefer to share the details of major problems with select people. I don't really like to air it out on online forums.
• United States
22 Dec 09
I think i tend to see myself as a sort of guarded person in real life only because i live with someone that finds it unexceptable to take to others about problems. I find my way to vent and not get any hassels from it at home is in my online life. I have some great friends online and they are good listeners. I think if you keep things bottled up inside for so long you start to feel like you are going to explode which will only cause you more problems in the end.
2 people like this
@AmbiePam (45702)
• United States
22 Dec 09
Very true.
@coolcat123 (4392)
• India
22 Dec 09
I prefer to chose suffer over sharing silence becoz one should have someone to share the secrets with and I dont have such a person in my life who is very close to me and with whom I can share things. So the only option left with me is to suffer with silence.
2 people like this
@AmbiePam (45702)
• United States
23 Dec 09
It's not a good feeling though, is it.
@Trensue (5265)
• United States
22 Dec 09
I tend to share my emotions here, because I live with someone who does not handle emotional things real well. War tends to take that part of a person and put it away. So my emotions come out with virtual strangers on line. Scary huh? The other things that are dealt with at home probably stay at home most of the time. If I need ideas though I would certainly look for some here on mylot. There seems to be a very wide knowledge base if you can just tap into the right people. I am guessing that I am much older than most people who are on mylot as well and that may make a difference.
@AmbiePam (45702)
• United States
23 Dec 09
I say share away. Nothing wrong with that. I don't know how old you are, but it seems the median age, at least from my own observations on mylot, is around 50. A woman on my friend list is 83, and a lady on my friend list is 18, so there is a bit of variety.
1 person likes this
22 Dec 09
When I am in emotional turmoil, I share rather than stay in silence. I think this is common to women. Sharing what I am going though makes me feel better. It's not that I want someone to give me advice but I just need someone to listen to me. I tried staying in silence one time but that just made me suffer more.
@AmbiePam (45702)
• United States
23 Dec 09
That is a good point. Women do tend to share more than men. Maybe that's why women live longer, we don't keep it all in. Well, that and we aren't too stubborn to go to the doctor when we're sick - unlike men.
1 person likes this
@paula27661 (15900)
• Australia
22 Dec 09
I do share my burdens with others if I feel they can help me and if I am not adding to their problems. I am a fairly private person but I cannot keep things that upset me entirely to myself. I think it is much healthier to share one’s burdens in the right circumstances, after all as you’ve mentioned, there are a lot of people who love to help but can only do so if they are aware of another’s troubles. I don’t necessarily expect anyone to physically assist me, just being listened to can do wanders!
2 people like this
@AmbiePam (45702)
• United States
23 Dec 09
Amen to that.
2 people like this
@jillhill (37354)
• United States
22 Dec 09
I usually in the past have kept silent.....I don't do alot of sharing unless it has gotten really bad....but for the most part...I don't share info like that...but I have a few friends that do share....because I am their friend so I think they need someone to vent to....and it's perfectly fine as long as they are really trying.
2 people like this
@AmbiePam (45702)
• United States
22 Dec 09
That's another good point... if they are trying. Goodness so many people suffer so many horrible things. But there is such a distinct difference in the vibe you get from someone who lays down to die (not to rest, but to just die), and someone who won't give up the fight.
1 person likes this
@bdugas (3584)
• United States
23 Dec 09
I have a friend that I share my problems with in life, thank god she is there and willing to listen. Some times it is like lifting a burden off my shoulders to just get it off my chest. But in return she is a very silent person, never says much about what is happening in her life, and when you do find out she has suffered in silence and you ask her why she didn't say anything she just says don't want to bother you with my troubles. I find she is down a lot, where once I get it off my shoulders, it makes life a lot easier to take. I think if she could just let it go and get it off her chest instead of holding it in and trying to deal with it alone, she would not be so sad all the time. We all need someone we can share hard times with, it isn't whinning, and oh yes I do know some of them, wouldn't matter if someone dropped a trillion dollars on them, they would find something wrong with it. I have to talk about it, even if it was to just come here and discuss it on MYLOT, holding it all in, caused me the stress that gave me the heart attack in 1998.
2 people like this
@winterose (39931)
• Canada
22 Dec 09
I share my life with people, I share the good and the bad and I write about it, that is just me. I find many people but a negative spin on anything, if you share bad times, then you are whining, if you share good times then you are boasting. I ignore these people, I share my life with whomever is interested, I always have.
2 people like this
@jazel_juan (15767)
• Philippines
22 Dec 09
i tend to keep things to myself and suffer in silence. i tend to suffer alone and solve it on my own which i found out is kinda bad stressful for me but i do not want others to be burdenedof my problems
2 people like this
• Philippines
22 Dec 09
To be real its hard to keep problems just by yourself. YOu can't hide the fact that you are suffering. IT will lead to heart attack if you just keep it. Me, when I have problem I keep it to myself I do not share to my family, but i share it to my trusted co-workers and some friends. I don't want the one add to the burden of my family. We already have really tough times and it is not just one problem but ample of it so I just keep my personal problems with myself. I can still hide it to my family although they will see me sometimes I am so down. But I can't keep it for long , after a day I will share it to my trusted friends in the office and when I already did I will feel okay. I believe my parents knows what i am doing.
@atebuds (187)
• Philippines
22 Dec 09
Personally speaking, I find it very relieving to talk to someone about what's going on in my mind. I don't want to call them problems, because, there are people who dislike listening to other's problems. Maybe because they too, have their own and wouldn't want to burden themselves more. It's nice to share your troubles because you also learn from the other about their insights. When you like the idea, you apply it then to your life, and you get the results you want. Even if the other doesn't respond or give any comments, the mere act of pouring out your hurt is a therapy in itself for you. Don't you feel better after? It's as if you have unloaded a whole bunch of negative energy, and you feel positive again. I have a friend you keeps everything to herself. I feel it is selfishness. It's as if you don't want to reach out for help. No one can stand alone. Everyone needs somebody. I don't know, maybe they feel that you are intruding their privacy if you try to listen.
1 person likes this
@AmbiePam (45702)
• United States
22 Dec 09
I was afraid my post my not be clear enough. What you're talking about isn't really want I meant. I know, it's hard for me to explain. Everyone on mylot talks about stuff in their life. It's great to do. I think we should all do that.
1 person likes this
@vikkiz (519)
22 Dec 09
How can you call it being selfish if someone wants to keeps their problems to themselves?? I keep most things to myself because thats the way i like it, I hate whiney people who go on and on about their problems because i just think to myself ''oh go get a grip and grow up'' Not everyone likes to shout their problems from the roof tops and cope better when they keep it to themselves eg like me!
1 person likes this
@atebuds (187)
• Philippines
22 Dec 09
I'm sorry. It's just a personal opinion. As I said, it's nice to talk out what you feel because it takes off your chest whatever it is that is hurting you. I was speaking about my friend, being selfish. Not everybody who prefers keeping their problems to themselves. It's a general opinion. Talking and sharing is a therapy. Everyone needs someone. No man is an island. How long can you take it? If you feel better that way, then be it. Because some people get crazy if they keep their problems to themselves.
1 person likes this
@pergammano (7756)
• Canada
22 Dec 09
Good morning, dear lady! The only place in this life that I am verbally prolific, is basically here....and even here, I try not to share the parts of my life that are dragging me down. I really, really try...on a day to day basis..to have an "attitude of gratitude"....be thankful for small miracles, and let the chips fall where they may! I would just like to impart one small example...I have the maintenance contract at a Sr.'s Home,....that includes shovelling the sidewalks. Last Tuesday...it snowed like crazy! First I was depressed, as I was in pain, with my hip...but turned on the deck light...caught some snow flakes..looked at them under a magnifying glass....and it sure improved my thots. What beauties, what miracles...snowflakes are! What a gift! Happy holidays & cheers!
1 person likes this
@AmbiePam (45702)
• United States
23 Dec 09
I hope you feel free to share here. You never complain, and even if you did, you could complain for three years straight without catching up to me. lol Plus, sharing doesn't have to mean complaining, and that is what you undoubtedly would be doing, sharing.
1 person likes this
• Canada
23 Dec 09
Thank you, ambie...what a treat you are! The best to you and yours this Holiday Season!
@ANTIQUELADY (36491)
• United States
22 Dec 09
I do share things w/some of my close friends but i try not to do too much of it because everyone has troubles.
• Canada
22 Dec 09
Ambie...this is one lady, that I share my foibles with...she is so kind, and understanding...and NEVER, EVER does anything but care! I am truly thankful for myLot...and the wonderful people here!
2 people like this
@ANTIQUELADY (36491)
• United States
23 Dec 09
tHANKS Shirley for the kind words. U know i feel the same way about u. Hope u both have a good night. love & hugs.