Do you always go back to your parents' house after you've married?

@kaka135 (14050)
Malaysia
December 22, 2009 2:36pm CST
For Chinese tradition, after we've married, the wife will move to the husband's house, unless both of them stay in another house together, apart from the parents'. My husband and I are working in another city, hence we stay away from our parents. When we go back to our hometown, I will stay in my parents-in-law's house. I always go and visit my parents whenever I have time, or I will stay in my parents' house when I have longer holiday. I always try to find time accompany my parents, as I think they are getting old and they don't see me as often as before I get married. Also, they are very willing to have fun with my baby boy now.
1 person likes this
18 responses
@patgalca (14353)
• Orangeville, Ontario
23 Dec 09
My first husband was an idiot... the type of person who got us kicked out of places. One residence we were living at was the house of a friend. I guess my husband did something to piss them off because we came home one day to find all our stuff on their front lawn. My dad knew someone with a truck who came and picked up all our stuff. We moved in with my parents until we moved into our own home, which we had just purchased the day we found our belongings on our friends' front lawn. I was not fun. I much prefer having my own home.
1 person likes this
@mommyboo (13198)
• United States
23 Dec 09
It is NOT fun living with someone's parents.... or even your own after you are over 18 and married. It's even rougher when you have kids because so often extended family assume they have the right to interfere with the kids. So frustrating.
@Fulltank (2896)
• Philippines
23 Dec 09
Nope, we stay on our own house after marriage. Yes, both of us decided to buy a new house before marriage. And we are happy with it. I knew that its a tradition to go back to once parents house before marriage. But sometimes traditions pass away and replaced by more up to date one.
@krkavsy (192)
• India
23 Dec 09
I would stay separately after my marriage.
• Indonesia
23 Dec 09
I agree with you. Staying in your own house is the best for your family.
• India
23 Dec 09
In Indian tradition women have no such restrictions to go their parents' house. Actually during the first pregnancy , the lady lives last few months b4 her delivery with her parents, and it is the custom that lady's parents must solely take care of the daughter during that time. We have a tamil (southern india) language month name 'aadi' that come in july-august where the newly married woman will go to her mom's house to avoid physical contacts with her husband. whenever the lady fights with her husband she immediately packs up and go to her parents' home , until husband requests her to come back.. it can be said ego. i think it is a casual thing.
@PeacefulWmn9 (10424)
• United States
23 Dec 09
In America, our tradition is usually that a newly married couple will live in a home of their own. But sometimes, when money is an issue or with the Amish sector, newlyweds will live with parents, at least for a while...but again, the norm is for them to begin their new relationship in a place of their own. Wherever we live, though, it is always good to visit our parents :)) Karen
@mommyboo (13198)
• United States
23 Dec 09
Visiting is excellent... and fun. Living with..... bleh.
@se7enthbird (8328)
• Philippines
22 Dec 09
i am married for seven years now and we live seven blocks away from my mother, but we never tried or we dont like to live there with her. my sister lives with my mom and one of my brothers too. we do visit my mother once or twice a week as long as we are not busy. the mother of my wife lives in the province and it is much difficult to visit her. but luckily every christmas she is with us here at our home.
@agv0419 (3029)
• Philippines
23 Dec 09
My mother used to tell us that if we are going to get married we should separate from them or to our in-laws because it is very difficult to get along with them. It is much better if we going to have our own house so we have privacies and we know how to deal to with married life. Like our parents did before they live far away from their parents. Here in the Philippines it is seldom practice anymore to still live in the parents when you got married unless you can't afford to rent or to have a house of your own for practical reason they are still living with their in-laws.
@bubuth (1816)
• Philippines
14 Sep 12
After I got married my parents told me that we don't need to move or look for another house because we can stay with them so we are living with my parents right now. My husband's family relatives are just beside mt parents house so he can still visit his family everyday. It's good that you always visit your parents even you are married because visiting them can make them so happy..
@besthope44 (12145)
• India
3 Apr 10
I believe chinese and indian traditions are more same. Well me and my hubby visit our parents are we are staying away for our work too. But we take time to spend for them as they miss us so much and so as we, and we leave our kid to them.
@coolcat123 (4392)
• India
29 Dec 09
Yes, why not. They are parents and deserve to meet the child every few days. People here when married, always come to meet their parents time to time. It feels as if they have not being anywhere and always been here.
@JamesKYTan (1607)
• Malaysia
29 Dec 09
We are Chinese. We live in Petaling Jaya. But my mother lives in Johore. During Chinese New Year we go back to home town. Nonetheless, We just visited my mother during the December holidays. Personally, I pay my mother a visit often as I am a salesman and travel a lot. Merry Christmas.
@jkcokley (267)
• United States
25 Dec 09
In america - you usually moved out or the parents home an into your own. We go to visit the parents often but not to stay in their home. As for why parents are so willing to have fun with your baby boy now - thats because they are grand parents and don't have to provide food, clothing, shelter they can simply enjoy the child without the worries that come as parents. In american it seems a custom for grand parents to spoil the child as much as they can and then send the child back to you to deal with all the spoils they gave.. Enjoy.
@ifa225 (11099)
• Indonesia
25 Dec 09
hi kaka, that is one thing that i often did. I feel like i have no best home beside my child home. so I just go back to my parents house again and again... such a pathetic right? but unfortunately, i can not help my self..uh-huh...
@ElicBxn (60869)
• United States
24 Dec 09
Well, I don't know too much if there is a "tradition" so much in the west. I think most couples expect to move into their own place. Here a couple will spend time if they live in another city with which ever family had the most room and welcomes them.
@jilshi (271)
• Malaysia
23 Dec 09
It is important for me to go back to parents house at least once a month. i will drive around 4 hours to reach another state. i hate to travel by bus because i feel uncomfortable. i know that my parents miss me and i love them too. why not pay visit to them as they are getting old.
• Indonesia
23 Dec 09
I am also Asian, married and now currently stay with my parents in law. BUT it's because we don't have our own house yet. We are saving though hopefully to buy a house next year. I don't like the idea of staying with either your or your husband's parents. Living with other family tends to trigger problems and you just cannot make any decision without them knowing and agreeing. How can you expect to be adults when you are still depending on your parents after you are married? That's why we are saving hard right now to buy our own house.
@mommyboo (13198)
• United States
23 Dec 09
No. Here in the US, it is much more common (and wiser) for grown children who are married to live on their own in their own home with their children. We don't generally live with parents or other extended family, although some people have more recently due to economic issues. There are major culture differences between China and America.
@tholitz (1127)
• Philippines
23 Dec 09
Hi kaka135! Seems like we have the same tradition or culture. We, Filipinos also took care of our parents even though we have gotten married already. Whenever my parents visit us here in the Philippines for their yearly vacation (they are currently based in the USA), I always make it a point to go home to our house and frequently visited them. Sunday have become a regular family reunion for us where every sibling of mine will come to our old house and gather. I also make it a point to join them in their siesta or hobby, which is going to casino to play the slot machine. Just like you, I always make it a point to spend time with my parents whenever possible to compensate for the lost time we are not together. Have a nice day!
@bingchen (1126)
• China
23 Dec 09
i find that i could not always go back to my parents's house,when i have married,i spend my time to my work and my life,even i have free time,but i like to do what i want,so my parents often want to see me.they said that i have grown up and do what i want and often forget to see them,why did i leave free time to be acompanied with them?sometimes i find that i am regret for them not see them.they get older and older,the time get less and less for them.so i should go back to see them and share happy with them.
@clorissa123 (4930)
• United States
22 Dec 09
So, ever since you are married, and if you and your husband don't have to work another town, would you and your husband living with your in - laws. Most Chinese tradition would done that. Or you and your husband would keep a separate family from both side of parents?