Do you know what you would do if

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your spouse became incapacitated and required 24/7 care? I thought I had all the answers until it happened to us. In attempting to get him more help, I made decisions in haste that I now regret at leisure and it's destroying us. My husband had a massive stroke from which he will never recover. The right side is destroyed completely. He can no longer tell me his wishes or do much of anything except feed himself with his left hand. My son wanted us to move to be near him so he and his wife could help. Without thinking it through, I checked to see if my husband could get care he needed in PA. The answer was yes. Within two weeks, I moved him from FL to PA by ambulance, found a rental house for us, put our house on the market as a short sale, and moved to PA. Just prior to moving, I started getting ill myself,but wasn't sure what was going on. My first full day in PA put me in the hospital with a severe bleeding ulcer, requiring a week in a teaching hospital where they kept trying to cure everything with morphine, protonix by the bag and five bags of blood (plasma). Ever concerned about my low blood pressure, the morphine made no sense because it pushes the pressure lower still. Talking to them did no good. Once out of the hospital, I had to rest for a week, but couldn't bring myself to stay put that long knowing my husband was wondering what had happened to us with the move, etc. I had thought Bruce would receive more long-term care. But, after six weeks, they said they couldn't keep him any longer, so he came home to a rented house with bathrooms so small I can't get him in them for a shower or on the toilet, so a portable toilet is necessary. We are in the country without close neighbors or any stores nearby. We used what little savings we had to move here, so I can't afford in-home care while I shop. My son works nights and sleeps days and my daughter-in-law works 10-16 hour days, so I don't feel right calling on either of them and their visits are few and far between. Christmas this year was a disaster. We celebrated on December 20 so my daughter-in-law could spend two weeks with her sister. My son has to work December 25th. I got guardianship of my husband in court yesterday and as a last note, the judge told me I cannot leave this miserable place without court permission. In other words, I have to come up with another $3,000+ to get a lawyer to go before the judge and beg to let me get out of here. No one explained that to me before the court proceedings and it has sent me into a downward spiral of despair and depression. We are prisoner's of a benevolent guard, but prisoners nevertheless. There is little if any chance to meet people, so we are alone. My husband cannot talk, our daughter has Down's syndrome and is not a great conversationlist. We have lost all of our friends, including those my daughter got to see each day, cannot get out of this house to even walk around because instead of the flat streets of Sarasota, FL, we have hills - nothing but hills which, I can't trust my husband on with his new electric wheelchair. He is mystified as to how to use it. And don't forget the fifteen inches of snow blocking the way. This is akin to a death. No decision should have been made for a year at least. Hurrying has done nothing but lose our home and many of its possessions since there was no room for them in this house. It took three months to get a ramp for the wheelchair although ten people kept promising to build one. I finally discovered a portable one and bought it. It sinks so much when one person walks on it, I'm afraid the wheelchair will break it. Would you have been as stupid as I? Would you have let youself be talked into moving to a strange place? I came up to look at houses for three days and discovered rental agents do not work on weekends! That gave me one day to find a place to live. Renting is so different from owning. After forty years of owning my own home, it's even more depressing to have to beg permission to do anything around this house. Don't get me wrong, my landlady is awesome, but still, it's her house, not mine. My beloved Florida, where we hoped to live the rest of our lives is gone and so is any hope of ever returning. For the first time in my life, I feel it isn't worth going on. If you are ever in a similar position, NEVER let anyone talk you into anything at your moment of weakness. You will suffer the regrets we do, if you aren't careful.