Who should have to pay for the meal, me or my mother-in-law?

I think you are over reacting due to how she might of treated you in the past. She did tell you upfront you needed to pay for your own meal. You assuming she is bringing $40 to pay for others meals, or maybe she wants the 22.99 prime rib plate and is the one leaving the tip. maybe, she is going to see the chipndales after dinner and needs to save some cash for the male strippers, Wich also could be a plan to get you trouble wit the hubby if that were the case. She should pay if it was not metioned, that you needed to pay for your own meal, However she did tell you that you would have to pay your way. There are so many possbilitys of why she need $40 other than to pay for her other girl friends meals. It also could of been mentioned cause she wanted you to come but would not be able to cover the cost of the bill. Anyway I would not take this as a attack on you. There are some many out comes of this dinner, I would take my own $40 and go just to see what happens and if this was what you expected or not. But if she is mean to you. Stand strong you do not have to take abuse from your mother in law and show her that you wont. I am not saying start a fight or argue with her. If shes rude (leave) If she makes sny remarks towards you (leave). Dont give her the satisfaction of thinking she got to you either just saying something thanks for invinting me out but I would like to get back to my husband now. I do not know your the whole senerio of course, like if she would be driving and picking you up or if you would be taking your own car. but leave your self a out to go home even if it means calling a taxi. This is were you may need the $40 dollars, You could also call your husband to come get you if things go wrong, I would hope he cares enough about his wife that he would come running if you needed him in that manner, If not then I see deeper problems. If it were me I would do this dinner even if was just to set a inlaw straight. You could be the one coming out of this the one feeling satisfied that you stood your ground or even better senerio your husband stepping up and growing a backbone to his mommy in your defence. If she realy is tryfuling, let her be the one that breaks the camels back. Just go out have a great time. If she trys to spoil it. then put the foot down and let herknow you wont fall prey to her games.

well, in the first place you may have find a descent excuse for not attending the dinner if you felt that there is something wrong with the invitation to avoid unnecessary feelings. mother in-laws are hard to pleased. but we can try without being impolite..Good luck!

Hi Cream, I'm not sure who should pay in this circumstance. If I ut tmeet with female friends then we pay for ourselves, as it is just the company we want to share, not the bill. If a man extends a dinner invitation it goes without saying that he would pay. I find it strange that your mother in law mentioned how much money she was bringing with her. It sounds a bit awkward. I think you should decline and suggest that the two of you meet alone for coffee instead, where the cost will be much less of an issue.

oh this is exactly weird, it was her idea so she must be the one to pay for your meal,anyway she'll treat those others that she invite for dinner as well., seems she is up to something., anyway,you should go to avoid misunderstanding to your mom in-law, then if that's the case that you should pay your own, then pay it.. but if she is mean to you, then you must leave the place immediately..you dont deserve to be treated that way.good luck.:)

rather pay for our own meal. it is actually rude of her to invite you and then have the odasity to tell you to pay yourself. if it was me i would have tell her straight that i am to busy to daddle around with someone who seem to forgot her manners. but as you are not me you can either tell her that you have other plans or demand that if someone gets invited, you cannot expect them to pay for their meals. it is just as well that she invite you for a movie or christmas dinner and then you have to pay in any way. or just never ever go out with her.

You are right to expect her to pay for the meal. It was her idea anyway but to be fair, you should've asked who would pay for the meal before you accepted the invitation.

Well she did invite you yes and I think it is awful if she pays for the others and not for you But to be honest Cream at the sound of your Mother in Law, I would never want to be in her debt for anything and I would pay my own way, so she can never throw it in your Face that she paid for your Meal I mean if everyone was paying for themselves that would be different but for her to pay for the others but not you that is rude and awful

While it's true that she invited you to lunch...it was nice that she thought to include you. I think that it is better that she told you that it is everyone pays for their own meal before you went out to eat rather than waiting until you got their and ate then the bill came and everyone starts paying up and you did not know this in advance. My in-laws and I will talk about who will pay before we go out. I am the type of person that if I ask someone to go out to eat I usually will pay unless it is agreed on before hand that we go dutch. Sometimes people think of others to ask out to eat but they can not afford to pay for the other person. I'd take the invite for what it is, a thoughtful thing for her to invite you. That at this time you either can or can not afford to pay for yours if not then politely decline the invite. If she asks why then tell her.

The one who invites you should be paying unless there is an understanding that everyone pays for their meal. The only way that you should have paid is if she invited you out a lot and you said "but this time I will pay." If she paid for the other ladies, she should also pay for yours. If the other ladies are paying, she would have said that they are going Dutch.

Hi cream,I see where you are coming from. Whenever I've invited someone out I feel it is right for me to pay. But since she made it clear that you were to pay for your own meal then I guess that wipes out her obligation to pay for you. 40.00 is really not a lot to go out to dinner on and certainly not enough to cover 3 other people. Most dinners at a restaraunt are at least 10.00 or more depending on the type of place it is and what you order. Then there are drinks and a tip. It adds up fast. Oh and lets not forget the entrees. I really think you should count on more than 8.00.If you don't have the money then you should just decline the invitation and say you can't afford it. It actually sounds as if it would be kind of intense with these people that you don't really know and are uncomfortable around. I think if it were me, I'd decline the invitation but then offer to take my MIL out to breakfast or coffee or something where I could spend some time with her one on one. You mentioned that you feel she might be mad at you. Maybe you two should talk. Good luck, Cream. I hope this all works out for you.

It depends on how she said it. If she said it like, "I'm inviting you to dinner. Oh and btw you need to pay for your dinner", that's not right. You don't invite a person out and then ask them to pay. On the other hand if she said, "I'm getting together with a group of people. We all pay for our own dinners. Would you like to come?" That would be OK to me and you'd have the choice of coming and paying or not.

She has invited means she should pay the bill.This is the general courtesy and if she know that she has invited four people she should brought enough money for all. I do not know what is the relation between you and her I think she did all these intentionally to hurt you . Or may be she want to put you down in front of others that's why she did like this. When ever she call you next time take some extra money and you pay for her that will be a big slap on her face

She has invited you for the dinner, so normally she should pay for it. I will get really irritated if my mother-in-law will do the same to me. I don't mind paying 8 or even double th amount, but I will feel bad to know that she paid for all the other people invovled in the dinner, but not for me. I am sorry to say that it would be my last dinner out with her. Think this way, at least she didn't make you pay for everybody. There are some mother-in-laws who even do that.

In some ways it sounds like a power struggle, like she wants to be ontop. Her inviting you. With her friends. And then her putting you in the position where she can leave you out. She sounds awfully childish, I don't think you should have to pat. If you do go anyway, make sure you obviously enjoy yourself and let it be too awkward, then you'd at least have beaten her at her own game!

Thank her for the invitation. Ask for clarification. If she is taking $40, should you also take $40 and if so, what will the money cover? Simply say, "I don't understand. Can you explain this dinner to me in a way that is very clear?" Ask what the menu will be. What restaurant will you be going to? A proper invitation should include all of the details. Since the details have not been provided, you have the right to ask more questions. You mentioned that she has not gotten back to you about the dinner. It has been a month and no word about it. Perhaps it was canceled. If so, you don't need to worry about it.

"It seems like she is going to pay for their meal and leave me out." I got this impression as well and I don't even know your mother-in-law. LOL I don't get invited to eat out very often, but when I do it's usually with my mother. She's invited me as well as me invited her, but she always ends up insisting on paying no matter who invited who. At one point she did say that the one that does the inviting should be the one that pays (and I happen to agree with that), but for some reason she always insists when it's time to pay the bill and I'm too scared to tell her no. She's got that mean Filipino blood in her that can scare just about anybody! LOL Going Dutch is acceptable too. But only if everyone pays their own way. Otherwise it doesn't seem quite right. So, did you find out anymore about it? Do the others have to pay as well or not? Happy mylotting!

Hello cream. In our culture, if one is invited to have dinner, usually it is the one who invites you to pay for it, not the one who is invited. So I think that your mother-in-law is supposed to pay for it out of question. You should not pay for it unless you feel like paying. Take care, friend.

Hi cream97, wow, what a rude thing to do. Invite you to dinner, and then expect you to pay for it your self. I agree that your mother in law should pay for it as she did invite you. If you wanted to go out for a dinner and asked for a company then it is OK that each one of you would pay for your own meals. I think that was not so nice of her, well the thought of you getting out of your busy homedutys yes, that was a nice tought, but not that you would have to pay for it your self.

cream97 its a trap!i wouldnt go either. worst scenario is, youll be the one paying for everyones order. but then again, its all up to you. you may want to accept the invitation but ask her immediately if its at her expense. a good puchline will help. from there, youll immediately find out who will be the money man. good luck to you

There are times that people would invite you for dinner and the only trick you have to think all the time is you are going to pay for your own. That's the only way to go because we should not expect others to pay for you all the time. Even if they invited you or you invited yourself, it will always be you paying for yourself but if other will pay for you then that's good.