If you had to choose between marriage and living together

India
December 26, 2009 12:13pm CST
What will be your choice and why? In India living together form of living was not there a few years ago but now we find these form of living in all metropolitan cities. Both forms have their own plus and minus points. When there is no legal commitment in a living together form of living you are enjoying more freedom, is that good for the family?
4 people like this
24 responses
@Buchi_bulla (8299)
• India
28 Dec 09
In India marriage is an institution and living together is a contract. Marriage is solemnised either by religious rituals or by registering it. Whereas living together is carried on by a gentleman's agreement. In my opinion marriage is better as it carries some bond between man and wife. In case anything goes wrong, elders will try to solve it. Since marriage is performed on riligious rituals, people feel they have a bond with each other. But now-a-days many divorces are taking place. Many are haing extra-marital relationships. It is not like before.
• India
3 Jan 10
As an Indian I can understand your views easily Buchi and I am of the same opinion.
• India
27 Dec 09
Hi, What will your choice? Well my choice will be Marriage. As I live in India. I don't prefer living together . It is against my principals . I enjoy more freedom in being married . Have a nice day
• Indonesia
27 Dec 09
I totally agree with u, Angelindisguise.
• India
3 Jan 10
My choice is marraige Angel.
• India
3 Jan 10
Even i believe in Marriage
@jaiho2009 (39001)
• Philippines
28 Dec 09
hello dear brother, There is nothing bad with living together. The only difference is,the couple's are living together without the papers(marriage contract). But same situation it is...and LOVE is best ingredient ever. Living together is not acceptable in your country,and even with other countries too. I never say that i totally agree with living together,but,people had no choice but to live with it,due to some circumstances. Maybe the community has left them with no choice,so,they resort to living together,or maybe their family doesn't accept their relationship. Or maybe,both were separated from previous marriages,so,they can't get married again. Living together is not a great issue,it is how one individual looks on this aspect. It is a matter of acceptance...if you think this issue as bad...then,it looks bad,if you think it's fine,then it's fine. Marriage is a paper that legalized the couples for living together. Living together without the marriage contract is not legal in human law. But for the two people concern,it is worth more than the marriage contract. I have seen couples living for many years and live a happy life with their kids. They can't get marry becoz they are both separated from previous marriages. I have seen legally married couples living in hell under one roof. So,i guess,it's not the matter of taking the marriage vow...it is how one relationship lasts...with LOVE and RESPECT. And freedom?...i know a lot of cheater who are legally married,so,we can never say that...marriage will avoid someone to cheat...this is a funny idea(hahaha) Have a good day dear
• India
3 Jan 10
I can't agree with some of the points , yet I enjoyed reading your views dear.
@jaiho2009 (39001)
• Philippines
3 Jan 10
my mere bhai, I know you can't agree with me in some points directly,becoz,you don't want to agree.But,if you will open your eyes and mind...what i am saying is based from facts of life. Married men will always cheat if given the chance to do so...(i am not saying all...but generally)and if there's a woman who's willing to connive. So,it's not the marriage that gives security...compared to "living together". It is LOVE,RESPECT and HONESTY ......(speaking from experience).
@ckyera (17261)
• Philippines
28 Dec 09
hello vijayanths... i have nothing against people who choose to live together even without marriage... but as far as i am concern, i would choose marriage...simply because i am a bible believer and i believe that a man & woman should get married first before they live together coz if not, they will be committing a sin... well this is just my opinion & belief...
• India
3 Jan 10
Yes, ckyera there is nothing wrong in living togother, it all depends on the culture and the environment you are living in.
@ckyera (17261)
• Philippines
3 Jan 10
yeah, and depends on one's preference...
@ongtina (1232)
• Singapore
3 Jan 10
No. I don't agree with living together. It's a sort of irresponsibility and disrespect and definitely not beneficial for children. I know marriage is a paper cert but that is also a status there that maintains a self respect for woman. But I'm a rather traditional person.
• India
3 Jan 10
Yes, ongtina, I do want to be a traditional person in this aspect of life.
@sonusd (1548)
• India
28 Dec 09
Marriage is a tie up between a man and a lady as you have said about India if some one get marry with out love also then they have to stay together for rest of life by doing compromise or may be love can come later on but I will prefer for living together because with out any commitments it will give us chance to know each other and we will judge our mutual understanding
• India
3 Jan 10
I do agree living together too has its own advantages as you pointed out sonusd.
@Hatley (164484)
• Garden Grove, California
28 Dec 09
well vijayanths I am an elderly widow but if I was young and in love it would once again be marriage. not living together as I feel there is no committment and the freedom is making whor@s out of men and women alike. no marriage is the only' honorable way for two people who love each other to be together then you make a family and the children are legally' yours. I hate this living together crap myself.
• India
3 Jan 10
I know Hatley that you would choose this option.
@vandana7 (67705)
• India
27 Dec 09
Define marriage, a set of rituals that neither the bride groom or the bride understand, to live together, so that they get rights on properties and children get a social sanction. Honestly, at my age, I think I'd prefer a marriage solely because it implies certain level of safety for me.
• India
3 Jan 10
For any ages I prefer marriage vandana.
@srganesh (6349)
• India
27 Dec 09
I accept that there is much freedom in living together style but those couple holds more responsibility.marriage has its bond and it is hard to break it.One has to answer all the friends and relations and so they will not think of coming out easily.that is one plus point in marriage.In living together,most of them didn't concern about their relations and hence if there is a break,they have nobody to console.that is the drawback of it.
• India
3 Jan 10
yes srganesh as you rightly pointed out it is not easy to break up a marriage in India.
@bhawanee (174)
• India
27 Dec 09
Living together is not at all good for the family because you don't have any right on your spouse. If he or she is interested in other person then again they have to depart and more over our society will not accept living together policy. Neighbors will create lot of stories with this kind of relationship. So it is highly advisable to have legal relationship in the form of marriage.
• India
3 Jan 10
Yes I am of the same opinion bhawanee.
@harmonee (1236)
• United States
27 Dec 09
my husband and I lived together for over 2 years before we got married. I think it was a good think because we knew exactally that we were getting into when we tied the knot! It makes the wedding and everything less stressful and you are sure you really know the person if you have lived with them. It worked for us, but I understand that in many religions, this is not acceptable. I think it's good, as long as you have no moral objections to it.
• India
3 Jan 10
Yes if you live together and marry then you won't feel the stress, it is true harmonee.
@PeacefulWmn9 (10424)
• United States
27 Dec 09
My "moral core" has been taught that marriage was the right thing, not just living together. But....I stayed a long time in a very abusive marriage that about killed me, literally. I think I shall never, ever marry again. To me, it is too much as though I had sold my soul to the devil. I really now see nothing wrong with living together. There is so much less difficulty saving yourself and your sanity if the other person turns out to be an ogre.
• India
3 Jan 10
oh, I can understand the way you have traveled your life Karen. I wish you will have a very happy life hereafter.
@shobhan51 (376)
• Malaysia
27 Dec 09
Living together under the same roof outside marriage is termed 'cohabitting.' It has its advantages and disadvantages. Since there is no legal bondage, the parties can go separate ways without any legal tussles. If there are children, then there is the problem over what is to come of them legally and who is to fend for them. Marriage in the true sense is not a license but a commitment. Therefore a license does not bind marriages, it only legalises it.
• India
2 Jan 10
Shobha, I believe marriages can keep the relationships stronger and hence breaking up is not easy.We need this for the sake of children.This is my opinion.
@Pose123 (21667)
• Canada
26 Dec 09
Hi vijayanths, I think that it depends on a lot of things, including how the law of the country looks at it. I live in Canada and here the law recognizes both. This means that should the relationship break up, both must share any assets and the man is responible for helping provide for any children, whether the couple is married or not. I know people who have lived together for over twenty years and are still very happy. They have also raised children that any parent would be proud of. Personally, I perfer marriage, but that is just my opinion and I do not judge anyone. Blessings.
• India
2 Jan 10
thanks for the information about Canada law. I also prefer marriage, thanks for your participation Pose.
• India
27 Dec 09
Hmmm, sure I don't prefer living togather my friend. I'm a sort of guy who gives a bit importance to a specific features in our country's culture my friend. According to me, if a couple live togather they must be married my friend. This is India my friend. Thus it has its own actions. If a girl lives with a guy, even if the relation was a good friendship, the country don't accept it. This causes a great more trouble in the girl's life my friend.
@calai618 (1781)
• Philippines
27 Dec 09
I am a girl and I believe I will be the one on the losing end when I enter a serious relationship (living together) out of wed-lock. I value family so much so i would never enter into a relationship without ensuring that it would be at least close to perfect. I know there isnt any perfect relationships in this world but I dont want the idea that any of the couple can easily walk out of the relationship. i value relationship so much so I dont want to just walk away when I feel like it. I think relationship needs not just love but hard work as well for both the man and the woman. Once a relationship is entered, especially if there are children involved, I want the couple to be serious about making it worked and not just stay together until they feel they dont want to be in the relationship anymore. This is why I dont ruch into relationships. I want to be sure that the guy i choose to be with forever is willing to stand by me forever too. also, i want to make sure that no matter what negative traits i discover about him (those i still didnt discover beforehand) would be something I can learn to accept.
• Philippines
27 Dec 09
I like to live together as marriage for me is like a ceremonial decoration and for the sake of formality for the public to know the two of you are couple. As dictates by the society being married encourages more respect and security on the part of the married women. Wherein if romance and true love have to consider two couples could live together in harmony and trust without the pressure of getting married. Both could live together and that is an experimental period as when two sweetheart both becomes so nice with each other during their relationship it is only then when both live together they could discover other hidden character of their partner. So living together and being married is like a gamble to me and you would never know it unless you experience it. Then, out of it, both could achieve more understanding and if they fully love and trust each other it is then a marriage could proceed or even without it as long as both have a deeper understanding and both love each other faithfully then happiness could be attain for the long run even with the absence of marriage..Whereas, if the two couples realize that their love for each other disappear and each receive cold treatment. I could say that their is more freedom when two are not marriage and since it is my self who are the main involve and have more knowledge which is best for me then just go for the things which makes one happy and that is the freedom to choice the best entirety..
@atebuds (187)
• Philippines
27 Dec 09
Let's admit it, we're now living in the modern age. Living together before marriage is already acceptable. I think somehow, it gives plus points to a couple to live together before thinking of getting married. They can learn more about their partner, they can adjust better to each other. But I'm not saying that if and when they get married in the future, their marriage will be successful because they know each other well already. Everyday of living with your partner has new discoveries to offer. That's until you grow old together. It's still up to you, how you will accept the changes and new circumstances that will arise.
@eshaan (6193)
• India
27 Dec 09
Living together and marriage ...is there any big difference between the two?..to me its same thing only going through legal process doesn't mean that you are really bound to each other...even married can go apart from each other..and even those who are just living like that together may have good relationship than the married ones..its just the question of the kind of society you live in...if it allows and accepts such people or you are bold enough to go out of the rules of society and at as you like ..then you can do anything...for me..i am already legally married...and life is going good.
@allknowing (69526)
• India
27 Dec 09
The fact that the Institute of Marriage has survived right into 2009 shows that it is here to stay.The Living in concept is new not just for India but globally too as, if at all it did exist it was considered taboo even in other countries but slowly this mode of lifestyle is now being accepted even in India. It is only when marriage is not possible or the responsibility that follows a marriage is difficult to fulfil then rather than stay single people opt for this lifestyle and to say categorically whether it is good or bad needs time.