How much would you give for love?

@ongtina (1232)
Singapore
December 29, 2009 7:35pm CST
If after knowing that your husband had cheated on you, had managed to maintain the marriage because you hanged on and refused to divorce, after a year and a half, had finally seen the breakup between them, but the breakup came because your husband is financially down and in credit debt. Would you agree to sell your house so that he will be able to clear all debts incurred from enjoying with the other woman? My good friend did it once and is going to do it the second time. I did that 18 years ago. How much would you give for love? Do you think we shouldn't, that it's not worth it? I don't regret that action, love is blind I guess.
8 responses
30 Dec 09
You don't have to sacrifice everything just to get him back. After all, marriage is just a piece of paper, it is still upon the two heart. However, if you have your children, settle on.. Give yourselves a chance and do it for the future life of your child. I have a friend, no matter how the guy cheats to her, he keeps on understanding him because of his two kinds. But at the end of the day, the guy still settle with her and the other woman is out of his life...
@ongtina (1232)
• Singapore
30 Dec 09
Well, we don't sacrifice everything to get him back, we just didn't leave and in the end, when our husbands became broke, the other women left. It is just that after all the hurt, we don't go sneering at him or rubbing salt into the wound, instead we agreed to sell our house so that our husbands needn't be sued bankrupt. I don't regret the first time I did it and if there's a second, most probably I'll do it again like what my friend is going to do. We belong to the stupid group perhaps, and we know it is not going to secure anything in the future, but we will just do it. How to stand by and watch?
30 Dec 09
Love really is blind... Because we love a person, we didn't see her/his mistakes, his/her bad doings even to you because you loved him/her. Either you agreed to sell the house because of your husband, faced the consequences after that, if your husband will remained faithful to you or not.
@rosgill (45)
• United States
30 Dec 09
I'd have left him a long time ago. My xhusband cheated on me and when I found out he claimed it was over and he was still seeing her. It destroyed all the trust I had in him and he only blamed me for it. It's not worth letting his afairs destroy your life. There is so much you can give to a failing marriage but when the trust leaves there isn't much left. I'd keep the house and kick him out in the cold to live with his mistakes. My opinion of course. Finances can break a marriage as well as cheating, unless you work on it together there's no hope to fix it. Marriage is a two person deal, it takes two to put it together.
@ongtina (1232)
• Singapore
31 Dec 09
I understand what you said. When my husband had an affair, I was hurt of course, but I reflect on myself as well. Like what you said, it takes 2 to work. I have my flaws as well, but of course he too have to reflect. Both sides have to know to reflect, change, appreciate. That's how to carry on. Everyone makes mistakes but YES, trust is important. So if he doesn't know how to reflect and then appreciate you, but tell lies to you instead, yup, it is difficult. It takes 2 to fix. My friend is facing this problem now, where the trust is kind of lost. SAD
@edu4625 (188)
• United States
30 Dec 09
The fact that you don't regret your action says that you did the right thing. We all do things at times that are challenging because of love. It is the feeling of love that gives us more power to be kind, compassionate, forgiving, generous etc. I also believe there is nothing to gain in regreting past action. If you do something you think was not in your best interest then you have learned an important lesson and the situation was not in vain.It may prevent you from making the same mistake at a higher price in the future. Parents do miraculous things all the times for their children. We can care for others a tremendous amount and show it in our physical actions. When we continue to do something for a person whom has hurt us it is because we may be taking the higher road. Even though we are hurting we still may want to or choose to assist them. This is our choice. As long as we donot at a later date say that we were the victim and the person" made us do it."
@ongtina (1232)
• Singapore
31 Dec 09
Very well said.
@bingchen (1126)
• China
30 Dec 09
i think that i could not find the balance point in a marriage,some people devoted to much and finally they could not feel happy in their marriage,i dont understand why it happend in a marriage,why did he/her devoted all for him,but at last the his parnter can neglect his love and easy hurt her love,maybe the love is very selffish,they only think about his mind and dont care about his lover,i find that it is horrible for this results.
@ongtina (1232)
• Singapore
31 Dec 09
I guess it is called "taking for granted". It happens when one partner knows how to think for the other but that other does not. People very easily get accustomed to things and then they forget to think for the other. These are the people that are more dominent and self centred. When they start thinking only of themselves, the partner that knows how to think for him/her, start to get hurt.
@esjosh (915)
• India
30 Dec 09
Okeyyyy, 18 years is too huge time you have give to some relation. If there is some extra one sided efforts are costing to maintain some relation, then it's better to get separated from that relation. Before getting separated try to forgive him, because, that guy will live his life very offensively but you may live you life in glimpse only. But if you will forgive him then and then only you will be able to forget him.
@ongtina (1232)
• Singapore
31 Dec 09
I agree that if it is all one sided, then a relation cannot possibly carry on for long. So, our husbands do have their good points too, like being a loving father.
@advokatku (4039)
• Indonesia
30 Dec 09
there are two advice wise that I remember about love and sacrifice ... advice that is: "Love requires sincerity and honesty and not sacrifice. They are willing to sacrifice for love is the one who never understood the meaning of true love" ... "Disability love not because 'Love That Blind' but because they are always playing love" so if you ask, what do you give in love? My answer, sincerity and honesty. Love does not need to sacrifice because of the sacrifice is only a means to play the love itself
@ongtina (1232)
• Singapore
30 Dec 09
I'm sorry I'm a little dumb but the few times I see you, I don't really understand what you wish to say. DEEP! But yes, just sincerity and honesty. There really is no need to prove anything and definitely no need to sacrifice to say love. I didn't mention anything about sacrifice, it's just giving and of course when we give, it is willing. Perhaps when there is unwillingness that's where it becomes sacrifice???
@myramae19 (667)
• Philippines
30 Dec 09
No way, he did it once, twice, now that he's financially down, he wants you to sell your house??? no way, If i were in that situation i would have leave him long time ago. you still have a choice, you should learn to love your self first,before giving everything to your husband. How if after selling your house,he'll be in another affair again?. anyway the decision is yours.Goodluck.
• Philippines
30 Dec 09
I would not do it if i were in those situation as it also mean being conceited it is like agreeing to a foolishness and i do not want to be part of conspiracy. If someone do not like me then say so in advance and no string attached, everyone happy and s on gives him the ultimate freedom and not sticking around for hoping for something to renew the vow of love when it no longer effective when one felt lifeless and unloved.