How Do You Talk To A Friend About Something They Are Doing?

@erikmama (12929)
United States
December 29, 2009 7:46pm CST
How do you tk to a good freind about a problem you have with them. It is a really personal issue in whichshe will probably be offended, which I do not want to do. It involves the cleanliness of a child. Any suggestions of how to say something without offending or hurting someones feelings? Or should I keep quiet and mind my own business?
8 responses
@atebuds (187)
• Philippines
30 Dec 09
I understand how you feel. There are people who just don't want to hear any advice from anyone, maybe because they think that they already know what they are doing. But, if she's really a good friend, then you shouldn't hesitate to tell her what's on your mind . Just be ready to accept what her reaction will be. If she gets offended, then just apologize for intruding. It will also depend on how you will say it. Don't sound like you're imposing. Ask her first in a nice way, if you could give her a suggestion. Then start from her response. From there you'll get the message if she's willing to listen or not. Good luck and Happy New Year!
1 person likes this
@erikmama (12929)
• United States
30 Dec 09
This is one of those things,thoguh I dont want to go into any further details about it,that is very uncomfortable.I do not evenknow there is a right way to approach her about it, even if I should. I think it would be embarrasing for her, as well as me to even bring it up. We are oretty good friends, but this is a very awkward situation!! Thanks for your help,and Happy New Year to you as well...
@maezee (33011)
• United States
30 Dec 09
The thing about having a good friend is that they'll usually tell you what's on their mind. It's called being honest. And your friend deserves the same. They trust you to tell them the truth, and how you feel, and if you can't share concerns with your friends (who you care about), what's the point of being friends in the first place? If there's something on your mind, I would encourage you to talk to her about it and confront her. I don't think you should mind your business because that seems like a child-welfare-type concern. If she gets mad at you, she'll probably forgive you.
@goddey1 (129)
• United States
30 Dec 09
Telling or advising a friend when he or she goes wrong may be a pretty hard thing to do because you definitely know, you'll change his temperament. A friend indeed will not however might the way his or her friend will feel. Because, when true friends look themselves eyeball and call a spade a spade, their relationship gets better.
@erikmama (12929)
• United States
30 Dec 09
i try to be honest. Usually you will find me ssaying whats on my mind all of the time. But for some reason this is really awkward,and im not sure how to tell her. If I do say something, I am afraid no matter how I say it she is going to be offended. In other ways I feel it is none of my business. I am stuck as what to do. I dont want to ruin a friendship, I dont wna the baby like this,and im not sure if it is even something she realizes!!!!
• United States
30 Dec 09
I think the way that I would talk to her about child cleanliness, would be bringing it up casually. I would just start talking about what I saw or something that showed how unclean a child was and then I'd wait for her opinions on it. I don't know if I'd be brave enough to talk to her about it right on. It is pretty personal though. Does it involve her child? If it did, yes, there's a pretty good chance she will be offended unless she's a really open person. I think you definitely should hint at her about it but not tell her straight out because it might really hurt her feelings and affect your friendship. I would just bring up the subject casually and see what she says concerning it. Maybe she might realize it if she hasn't already. You're just trying to help and that's understandable, but you have to be careful of their feelings too, so it can be a little more difficult to try and help someone while at the same time, not offend them too.
@erikmama (12929)
• United States
30 Dec 09
It's not something you would casually bring up. I have no clue how to even begin a conversation about it, or if I should. I think it is something she simply isnt aware of, this is her first baby. But I know it is something that would embarrass me.I dont know if I would get mad for someone telling me, but I would be embarrassed. I think the world of this person as well as the baby and dont want a frienship to be ruined but at the same tie she needs to know!!
• United States
2 Jan 10
Well, you are right, you can't just up and tell her, hey your kid is dirty. My suggestion? First of all, be sure you are setting a good example yourself. Do you have children, and are they perfectly clean all the time? That is nearly impossible, and makes it easier to bring up the topic. Maybe start up a discussion of how hard it is for YOU to keep your kids clean, you know, make it like you are wanting to just talk about it, without accusing her. It might be that she needs help, it might be that she doesn't know better. Offer to help her sometimes, she might just be overwhelmed or a little depressed, who knows? Be a friend first, offer to help her sometimes.
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
2 Jan 10
Well, I think that something needs to be said about it simply for the fact that if their child is not clean it will cause the child to have social issues as well. Now, I understand that there are people that can't afford to be totally clean all of the time. There are children at my daughter's school that only have a couple sets of clothes that they can wear to school. But, I think that all of them try. As for my children, I try to make sure that they are clean all the time, but there are times that we all slip up.
• United States
31 Dec 09
If it puts the child in danger then yes you need to tell them, if it just a tradition or something weird, differently family's do different things.
@minazd (67)
• India
31 Dec 09
If you both are good friends and have taken feed backs positively then there shouldn't be a problem this time as well. however, if this is the first time that you would like to correct her then either tell someone who is closer to her and she wouldn't mind being corrected.
• United States
30 Dec 09
Maybe you could anonymously send a bar of soap to the child in care of the mother.