Living together

@mnflower (1299)
United States
December 29, 2009 9:58pm CST
Ok here is the deal, I have been living with my boyfriend for 9 years now..all of a sudden everyone thinks that we should get married but both of us are just as happy not being married. He has 3 kids and one grandbaby and they all love me and accept that we are not married..We both been married once and divorced and this just works for us am I wrong for not getting married?
3 people like this
13 responses
• United States
30 Dec 09
I dont think you should feel pressure from those around you to get married. You have found a place in your life that you enjoy, and people to enjoy it with. If you are happy, and so is your family, forget about the rest of the world.
@mnflower (1299)
• United States
30 Dec 09
Thank you I am very much in love with my whole body and soul and very devoted to my man and I just don't believe having to sign a paper to express that is necessary.
• Canada
30 Dec 09
i think the idea of marriage should be one's own opinion, if your happy with your situation now, marriage might make things complicated. Just because it's the ways of the people around you, don't mean it has to be your way. I would love to be married one day, but i don't think my boyfriend is much for that kind of thing, and thats fine, marriage isn't on the top of my must do list anyway. So i think why be pressured into doing something other people want when it don't involve them anyway.
1 person likes this
@musicman6 (2406)
• United States
30 Dec 09
I think you should do what you want to do, I think a lot of people make a big mistake getting married , I know I did, twice!
1 person likes this
@anyabee (363)
• Philippines
30 Dec 09
don't let anyone dictate your life. that's what i learned from life. if you're happy with the way things are, you don't have to change things just because people are telling you to change them.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
30 Dec 09
Like you, I am also living with my six-year boyfriend now and our neighbors always tell us to get married to make it more legal. We are still young and we still want to enjoy life outside marriage though our situation seemed to be married. We still want to have good savings before we start and make a family of our own. Well, I understand your situation and I guess you should not listen to what other people tell you. You have to listen to your own heart and mind. If you are happy by just living with that person even without marriage, then continue doing it. But honestly, I think having a wedding is somehow important especially for a woman. But then again, the decision is still up to you. Just think over about it. Happy mylotting
1 person likes this
@saphrina (31552)
• South Africa
30 Dec 09
if you both are happy with the relationship as it is, do not dwell on thoughts of getting married. It can change your relationship for the worst, as you know each other from the inside out. I am living wih my boyfriend for 17 years now and we are as happy together as the first day we met. Do not let other people tell you what to do. Live your life as you see fit and with all that makes you happy and content.
1 person likes this
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
30 Dec 09
No you are not wrong, mnflower. If you are happy with each other then that is all that matters. If you both are perfectly content with not being married then you should not listen to others telling you that you need to do something different. It is a decision to be made between you and your boyfriend. It is not anyone elses business.
1 person likes this
@skysuccess (8858)
• Singapore
30 Dec 09
mnflower, Having read most of the responses, I am going to play the devil's advocate here and ask if marriage would make the current relationship anything different or uncomfortable or wrong between the both of you? Marriage per se means nothing if it doesn't lead to overall emotional and spiritual fulfillment that many seek to attain. Some people got hold of it without much problem, while others desperately fight to source it. Nevertheless, one cannot divorce Love from their life without feeling some form of inadequacy? Everyone has different internal root reasons and perceptions about marriage. People might be similar, but no two developmental process and the attitude towards those processes are the same. My question to you is simple. 'Why ain't marriage important?' Or Love, for example, if marriage seemed a little too far fetched. You probably might want to understand why would you place yourself in such pessimism and negative attitude towards it. You might want to analyze the route tracing to your innate belief and then seek to undo some of the negative values that might have been unconsciously promoted during your growing up years. Then you might just answer your own question unwittingly. Take care and compliments of the season.
@mnflower (1299)
• United States
30 Dec 09
I appreciate your response although I will say that without being married we still have the overall emotional and spiritual fulfillment . We have both been married and have seen many friends get married and divorced. We have bought house together, both names,cars both names so I don't think that I need to look back to see what is missing..My mother was married twice has been married now for 49 years, I am not against marriage, just for me it is just a piece of paper to sign and a big expense. I believe I can get my relationship blessed without getting married.
• China
31 Dec 09
that's nothing wrong since both of you are living together happy.but if talking about the social right and responsibility i'd like to say if you not married then you have no right to share the other part's heritage.ofcourse that do not matter if you do not care about that at all.good luck.
@edu4625 (188)
• United States
30 Dec 09
Of course you have to do what works best for you but I do have to say as a woman you would probably "lose" more than he would if you too seperated. Men usually make more income than women. Also if you decide to have a child this is going to dramatically change your relationship. I believe that most women are waiting for the man to ask them to marry. If your boyfriend asked you to marry him would you say yes. If you would then that means being wed is important to you. Since you've been married before you know the benefits of marriage. Is it fear that keeps you from committing you.
@andy77e (5156)
• United States
1 Jan 10
Are you wrong? Well, that depends on your religious views. If you are Christian (let's say), and you believe there is a God in Heaven, and he has the right to determine how you live... Then yes, you are wrong. The Bible clearly, and undeniably says you are sinning against God, and should not be living or sleeping with someone you are not married too. Now if you don't believe in God, or do but don't care what he thinks, then all that doesn't matter. From a practical economic view, this is a risky deal. Since you are not married, all financial transactions are considered a partnership under the law. Say you have a joint bank account. Your partner, the live in boy friend, can clean out the account and leave town, and you have no legal recourse. (I've seen this happen) If you have a joint retirement account, he can clean out your life savings, and skip town, and you have no recourse. (I've seen that happen) If you have both your names on a mortgage, and he leaves and refuses to pay, the debt collectors can sue you for the total amount of the mortgage, and there's no divorce court to separate debt. You owe it all. (been a witness to that) That includes credit cards and other lines of borrowing. Same thing if he has his name on the automobiles, he can ditch you and take whatever he wants. No court to separate ownership. So, basically, from a money perspective, I would be completely separate from him, or you are taking a big risk. So is he by the way, which makes it a game of chicken to see who will screw over the other first. From a family standpoint, parents tend to be role models for the next generation. Granted maybe that situation works for you, but are you sure it will work for your children or grandchildren? Fact is, 95% of all move in, unmarried couples fail. The average life span of an unmarried move in relationship is 3 years. It seems from your post, that what really matters is what works for you. If what works for you is what matters, then I don't think you will worry much about what everyone else thinks. You should just go about doing whatever you want. Why change now?
@Genericbe (1376)
• Philippines
31 Dec 09
No, In my opinion, there is nothing wrong about your decision preferences in your relationship. If both of you agreed It will suit your relationship best. Aside the fact of your bitter past experiences. Then, have it your way. For, I believe that the greatness of effective relationship is in the hands of the partners. Others views may give you other choices but still, everything depends on both of you. Do things that will make your relationship growing and happy till lifetime. Wish you all the best.
@coolhaze (28)
30 Dec 09
Ooopssss...marriage is only a legality purposes for me. But of course, every women dreamed of walking in the altar, while waiting his husband to be, like a fairy tale story some kind of that. But in your case, you both married once, and you fell in love again and packed in a situation that you enjoy each other even though without any marriage as of now, but what if another years come and past by and you decided that your relationship failed, you are not compatible to each other and you have things that can be fix, you and him ended the relationship? You failed again, and nothing left to you? what happen to you as a women, as a person? think about it mnflower. If you decided that you will stand to this situation, find, faced the consequences, and you decided to end, also faced the consequences that might happen.