HELP ME.....! I am a bad mother...

@ifa225 (11099)
Indonesia
January 1, 2010 1:57am CST
uh-huh....ny son tell me that he hate me. I deserve to have that since i often yelling to him because doing some mistake that really annoying me. But unfortunately, it seems i can not stop from my bad habit. Now, every little mistake that he did, i yell at him. I know i should tell him nicely. But i can not help my self to do some nice way. Ohhh what should I do?
2 people like this
11 responses
@kashers (649)
• Jamaica
2 Jan 10
u have a temper problem,and u need to get it under control,the child is very young and fragile at such an age,your temper and rage is too much coming at the child,u r driving more fear into the child more than love and respect,u can't pretend to b a loving person if u r not,so it would b hard for u to show the child more love than rage,love is natural it comes through a process of relaxation,peace,understanding,observance,truth,and patience,if u posses more of these qualities then u will understand more how to live with the child,and not be so rage full,u r not a bad mother u just need to learn control of your emotions,
@ifa225 (11099)
• Indonesia
9 Jan 10
I do have some problem in anger management, but all this responses help me to be a better person. Wish you luck kashers ....
@kashers (649)
• Jamaica
11 Jan 10
ur welcome just take the time with u first and then u will c how u can help the child more,cause i am not going to say that handling kids,is easy,but u need to understand ur ways then u will know how to deal with the child,or even anyone else
@PastorP (1174)
• United States
8 Jan 10
Hi ifa225 . I see many good suggestions here! Very good on the part of the respondents! Permit to add this. Take the time and ask God to help you and direct you! He will. God bless you.
@ifa225 (11099)
• Indonesia
9 Jan 10
Thank you PastorP, those suggestions really helps. may God help me too...
@ANTIQUELADY (36489)
• United States
2 Jan 10
If one of my sons had told me that they hated me it would break my heart even tho they are grown. Normally boys are very close to their mother's growing up so since u seem to know u are doing wrong it's time to change your ways & noone can do it but YOU.I believe i would start today trying to make up for all those lost times.
@ifa225 (11099)
• Indonesia
4 Jul 10
i know it is the time for me to change. i need a great willing to change it.thank u
@jalucia (1435)
• United States
2 Jan 10
yeah, I don't think that you are a bad mother. you are a human being with emotions - like all mothers are. And, the fact that you are on here making yourself vulnerable by bringing attention to your flaws makes me think that you and your son will be alright. All kids say that they hate someone at some point. And, chances are it's gonna be someone who didn't give them their way - like mom. I am in the same exact boat as you. Same age of child, same problem with yelling. You are looking for a solution just by posting this, so I am sure that you will find one. What I do think is that you are getting very frustrated. And, when this happens oftentimes we don't take time to think things out. When you are not so frustrated, and not in the heat of the moment, have a conversation with your son. Let him know how you are feeling and hear what he has to say and try to come to some sort of modification of each others behaviour. It also helps to come up with a system of rewards and punishment. So, when he does something wrong, you don't have to yell, you can just take away one of his video games or take time off of his bedtime. Also, I urge you to get the support that you need. Don't be scared, or have too much pride, to ask other adults that you trust for their assistance. You probably feel overwhelmed a lot of times. Get a babysitter. Get out of the house and do fun things by yourself and with your family. Have at least one person that you can talk to. Don't forget about you. Doing things to make yourself feel good and relieve stress is a good thing for you and a great thing for those around you. Make sure your son is busy. Get him involved extra curricular activities, let him spend time with friends and give him duties aroung the house. This way he is not just sitting around getting on your nerves. These things are easier said than done, but I'm sure you will be alright.
@ifa225 (11099)
• Indonesia
9 Jan 10
well Jalucia, i guess it is hard to apply it, but i will try. Thank you.
@ruchimom (280)
• Australia
2 Jan 10
Hi Looking at your situationi think you should bemore relaxed and patient. I too have my days when I yell at my kids but they are quite small.I think because of his age your son knows that you are angry for soem reason and you will yell at him for something or another he does things to annoy you. Take things patiently and learn to ignore.My own mother used to yell at me for every damn reason therfore after a certain age ,it didn't bother me I think patience is the only way to sort this problem and please dont think of yourself as a bad mother.. As there is nothing called a Bad mother
@ifa225 (11099)
• Indonesia
2 Jan 10
thanks a lot ruchimom, i guess i have to stop thinking i am a bad mother...
@charblaize (1030)
• United States
2 Jan 10
I know it is hard, I am in the same situation with my son, he is 6. I have him in behavioral therapy for him and many times I feel I should be in anger management also. I feel alot of my reaction is from my mother when I was younger and how she treated me. You know you always say you don't want to be like your parents--guess what many times we are them. After this happens, I feel so bad, especially when I have so much going on, he don't want to listen or talks back, then I get even more stressed out. I many times, have to go to another room, calm down, sometimes I can sit and listen to what he has to say, whereas other times it doesn't work and just end up doing whatever I told him to do myself. They always tell you to pick your battles and the minor ones you usually have to overgo, major ones stick to your discipline and let them know that is not tolerable. I wish you luck and know in todays economy, society, it is very hard.
@ifa225 (11099)
• Indonesia
2 Jan 10
Yeah charblaize, you are right. nowadays is very hard....good luck to you too.
@tawny_24 (351)
• United States
2 Jan 10
YOur son has already learned to tune you out because you are always yelling at him. His self esteem is probably lower than yours. Don't look to your son to do the things you expect of him, he doesn't really know what you want, he probably feels like there is nothing he can do to make you happy. You need to figure out a way to feel good. Make a list of things that you love about your son and put that list where you and he can both see it. He will expect you to act like how you feel about him and you will have a constant reminder to behave that way. Eventually he will trust you again. Figure out all of the places and times that you feel compelled to scream and yell and put your list there, keep adding to your list, look for good things to add to your list about your son. Write down everything that he is good at, everyting you are proud of him for, everything good about him.
@ifa225 (11099)
• Indonesia
2 Jan 10
hello tawny_24 thank you for sharing here, i will start to make some list then..
@Hatley (164672)
• Garden Grove, California
1 Jan 10
ifa make yourself hug him and say forgive your mom, I made a booboo too, you have to do this, you are his mom, love him, he is not just someone to y ell at he is your son,love him really. what is stopping you, you think it wrong for adult to apologize to a little boy,you are forgetting he is not perfect he is a little child, he willnot behave like a teen or grown up,little boys get into mischief, just being a boy. help him, show him you love him,its not wrong to be kind to a child as well as teach a child. Yelling really is so ineffective as the child turns his hearing off, talk soft and stern works better. I had children. now I am elderly but do know what I am talking about.you are not a bad mother you are just a human being,you err just as children do so apologize,hug him and just love him. some day he will be grown and moved away from you. love him ifa.
@ifa225 (11099)
• Indonesia
2 Jan 10
Thank you sooo much Hatley, Thinking that he will be move makes me realize that i have to love him more...
@danitykane (3192)
• Philippines
1 Jan 10
hi ifa225, I don't think you are a bad mother, I think you are a good one because you acknowledge what is wrong with you and positive to change your bad habits or qualities. For me I think it is not right to nag or shout at someone especially if it's a child or a kid. They usually misinterpret your action and they fear you as a result they often not trust you and most likely hate you. I think you should practice to be calm and be open minded on kids behavior, avoid yelling without any valid reason. Seeking some help to professionals or experts like your local psychologist is a good way to solve your problem. Good communication with kids are important for them to know they are being treated right and are being loved. I know you can do it mom! Happy Lotting!
@ifa225 (11099)
• Indonesia
1 Jan 10
Dear Danitykane, thanks for your comment. You really supporting me to keep the faith.
@eddify (413)
• Pakistan
5 Jan 10
Not sure about your little one but my sisters son is so hand ful few days back I took him with me to a clinic and in the split second he was out of there and nobody knows where he is. Now me, my sister, her hubby and two kids we were searching for him like a mad person. He was found but I feel like slapping him on the road. U kids are so over smart and daring these days.
@anyabee (363)
• Philippines
2 Jan 10
i think you already know what to do. kids respond better when you talk to them and explain things. teach them to listen. i don't have kids yet but i have younger cousins and that's what i do. i only resort to anger when they won't listen after 2 or 3 times.