How would you feel if.....

United States
January 2, 2010 8:41am CST
You gave a family member some of your beautiful expensive jewelry, which meant a lot to you, but since retiring most of it just sat in your jewelry box only to find out yesterday that most of it had been sold on EBay!! When I questioned this I was told how could I start the new year with an attitude. I then asked to get all the pieces back which had not been sold and was told NO as I had given them as as gift. Some of the sold items were almost given away for nothing (one ring worth $200.00 sold for $9.99). What do you think I am wrong to have an attitude? I was really hurt and shocked.
14 people like this
20 responses
@pyewacket (44036)
• United States
3 Jan 10
No whiteheather you don't have an attitude, I would be ticked off myself if this had happened to me. Technically speaking since you did give the family member the jewelry she could do what she wanted with it, but she should have had at least the decently to TELL you of her plans to sell it and then you could have given your objections about it..uh, since I know a bit about your background..was this your daughter? In some ways thinking back I'm ticked off at my grandmother and mother. Now it wasn't like the family had "heirlooms" so to speak but did have old jewelry that had been handed down, like my great-grandmother's cameo brooch with platinum filigree all around it ---wasn't an expensive piece but was of sentimental value more since it WAS my great grandmother's (and think it had been handed down to by her mother)--so it was real old. Then there was my great-grandfather's old time pocket watch---well my grandmother and mother sold/pawned both of them..to this day I'm still ticked off about that
3 people like this
• United States
3 Jan 10
Yes it was my daughter. We had no contact for 3 years then I decided life was to short to hold a grudge. So according to other family members she had changed and we have had a new relationship for about 6 months but I can't help thinking a leopard doesn't change it's spots.
2 people like this
@TheCatLady (4695)
• Israel
2 Jan 10
I would be really hurt that someone would sell things I gave them. Maybe ask them to buy the stuff back as it doesn't have any sentimental value to them and they want 6to sell it anyway.
3 people like this
• United States
2 Jan 10
We already had problems with money being used without my permission. So I will just add this experience to my list of lessons learned.
2 people like this
@taraelocin (1140)
2 Jan 10
I would be hurt like you are. They might not have realised how important the jewellery was to you. Legally they are absolutely right - it was a gift and they can do with it what they want to do. But morally and emotionally it is a different question. Try to forgive them. You can't turn the time back.
• United States
2 Jan 10
Forgiving seems to one of my characterics that seems to always come back and bite me in the a$$.
2 people like this
• United States
2 Jan 10
I think I would be disappointed as well. I know I would not act on it at all. I for one who is always pissed off. You gave it to them out of the kindness of your heart. it was then up to them to do what they wanted with it. They could have told you their plans. But,they would not have received the gift from you. Learn from it and move on. next time pawn your own things if you have no use for them.
3 people like this
@Porcospino (18385)
• Denmark
2 Jan 10
At first I would probably get angry and hurt, but I would ask my familymember why she had sold the jewelry. If she had sold it because she desperately needed money for rent, bills, food etc, I would be sad that that jewelry was gone, but I would understand why she did it. If she sold it, because it didn't mean much to her or because she wanted to buy something else that would be a different situation, and I would be angry at her. I would feel that she didn't appreciate my things, and I would regret giving my things to her.
2 people like this
• United States
2 Jan 10
No it was not because she had to pay bills but just to squander.
2 people like this
@dragon54u (31615)
• United States
2 Jan 10
Your family member has a bad attitude. Gifts should not be given away but treasured. Are they having financial troubles? I read something in Reader's Digest last month that really inspired me and that addresses your situation, in a way. It talked about a couple that was inspired to start giving away things that they treasured so that other people could enjoy them. They eventually felt more free than they ever had in their lives and feel a real joy in giving things away now. I can't find it online but it's on page 69 of the Dec/Jan Reader's Digest. I don't understand why your relative would do such a thing, but when you give something to someone, it's theirs to do with as they wish. No doubt someone else will be enjoying your jewelry and appreciate it much more than your relative did! Think of that, all the happiness it is responsible for and not your family member's actions.
2 people like this
• United States
2 Jan 10
That is good advice. According to the feedback she received the buyers were very pleased with the jewelry.
2 people like this
@MsTickle (24980)
• Australia
5 Jan 10
No one will ever appreciate your precious things the way you do. I have many precious things myself and I would like to hand them down so that in generations to come there will be references to me ..."this was my great grandmother's". I can see one daughter and granddaughter either losing things or selling them on Ebay or taking them to a pawn shop. I'm thinking of perhaps converting all my precious things to cash and using the mopney to do something exciting. I certainly don't want to leave things too late.
1 person likes this
• United States
8 Jan 10
I wish I had done it before it was too late.
2 people like this
@MsTickle (24980)
• Australia
9 Jan 10
It's easy to be wise after the event...did she sell all of it? Did you give her many items. I think that's sort of like theft. She must have known what she was doing was wrong; that your giving the stuff to her was not meant for her to turn it into cash. I have learnt a valuable lesson here.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
3 Jan 10
Hi Whiteweather39, I had the same experience as you last year. A niece stole almost 98% of my and my aunts jewelry. It was pawned if not sold to others. The sad part is the mere illusion of telling friends that she was given a monthly allowance and she just saw it lying in the streets (big lies if you ask me). It supported their lifestyle from going to bars (and they're minors), going out of town, buying fake blings and other things thieves would do to enjoy their "one day millionaire" lifestyle.. Some of them, we were able to get the pawn papers while we have no way of getting it back. What is lost is more than the value of the jewelry lost but trust towards a family member. We had decided to return our niece to her family, she can no longer come back nor step inside our house again (banned is the word). Now her family is paying for the items lost as a result of her stupidity. There is nothing wrong with getting back whatever is left of your jewelries - jewelries are our personal property and has sentimental value (i.e. you bought this while working pretty hard).
1 person likes this
• United States
8 Jan 10
If they had been pawned I would have tried to get them back but she sold them.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
9 Jan 10
This is the same case as our experience. We can only recover a few but not all. Trust towards another person (particularly family/relatives) may not in anyway can be recovered - the damage is already done.
1 person likes this
@Lakota12 (42684)
• United States
3 Jan 10
yes I would be very upset! BUt did you tell them you was loaning them to that person and that they were to wear it not sell it? Thats wrong to sell it even if they thought it was a gift. THEy should keep all gifts
1 person likes this
• United States
8 Jan 10
No I did not say I was loaning them to her. I just that she would know I gave them to her for not only the sentimental value but they were also expensive items.
1 person likes this
@Lakota12 (42684)
• United States
9 Jan 10
still she shouldnt have done it. I wouldnt have I keep every gift and wear when I can.
1 person likes this
@sacmom (14315)
• United States
10 Jan 10
Hi Heather. If it happened to me I would be angry and hurt. I don't know if I would ask for the jewelry back though. They were gifts, after all. As much as it sucks they are welcome to do whatever they want with it. However, they better not expect any more gifts from me, because I wouldn't give them any more gifts after something like that. Happy mylotting!
1 person likes this
@sacmom (14315)
• United States
10 Jan 10
Edited to say that last part should read: they better not expect any more expensive gifts from me, because I wouldn't give them any more after something like that.
1 person likes this
@gabs8513 (48715)
• United Kingdom
8 Jan 10
That is just awful They where given as a Gift out of the Goodness of your Heart and now they are being sold to strangers, if that is the case then you could have earned yourself some Money yourself specially when you where going through the tough times I would be upset hurt and shocked to as that is terrible to do to someone
1 person likes this
• United States
8 Jan 10
Thanks gabs I knew you would understand.
1 person likes this
@millertime (1398)
• United States
4 Jan 10
I would have been extremely hurt as well and if that's referred to as having an attitude, I would definitely have one. I would never sell anything that was given to me by family if it had sentimental value. I guess the gift meant absolutely nothing to the person you gave it to and I guess your feelings didn't mean much to them either. Well, at least you know that this person can't be depended on to do the right thing so you know not to make them a gift of anything that has meaning to you. Too bad you had to learn that in a painful way though.
• United States
8 Jan 10
I am glad you understand how I felt.
1 person likes this
@drakesuyat (1063)
• Philippines
3 Jan 10
that could be very disappointing! thinking of giving it alone would really be a very hard decision especially when its not only the worth of it that matters but how you have valued it. unfortunately, other people never really consider those aspects that making money out of those meaningful gifts is their only priority.
1 person likes this
• United States
8 Jan 10
Too true!
1 person likes this
• United States
3 Jan 10
it would really really hurt my feelings :\
• United States
8 Jan 10
It did
1 person likes this
@cyberfluf (5005)
• Netherlands
10 Jan 10
You could say that once something it given it's up to the new owner to choose whatever they like to do with it. However, I would feel that selling jewelry you got from a family member is awkward. If you don't want it anymore and you know it has been important to the person, why not give it back? If it's of no use to you anymore why be so hard on someone telling them that what's given is given? I find this attitude strang..
• United States
3 Jan 10
I would be VERY hurt, deeply insulted, and incredibly ANGRY! I am so sorry you have to deal with such thoughtless people. That jewelry from you should have been TREASURED! This all makes me very sad. I can't tell you how sad this makes me feel for you. Are these people anywhere near NY and would you like me to show up at their house and cause trouble? I'm told that I can be very unpleasant! (((hugs)))
• United States
8 Jan 10
To think that after what she did to me in the past she would not have done such a hurtful thing again to me. I am now convinced the only love in her life is money.
1 person likes this
• Canada
3 Jan 10
I would not leave jewellery to someone I did not trust. As it is, I inherited a lot of jewellery from my husband's mother, because he and his sister both thought, after her deeath, that I'd be the best person to take care of it. My sister-in-law requested that it stay in their family, that in the future I will leave it to their family and not mine. I told of OF COURSE!! That's the only way to be, since I have lots of jewellery from my mother's family that will go down her line. As for children, we don't have kids of our own, and we don't plan to have kids, so the jewellery will go back into his family when I'm gone. I am wearing most of it, and the rest is in my jewellery box.
• United States
8 Jan 10
I made the mistake of thinking I could trust her. I have finally learned a painful lesson.
@Hatley (164629)
• Garden Grove, California
13 Jan 10
no whiteheather I think I would have felt the same way,you thought they would appreciate the jewelry and wear it,instead they viewed it as just money,thats terrible. and they wasted it not even getting half its worth back. I did something similar so stupid. I had some Black Hills gold jewelry and we were having bad financial problems so I sold it at one of these places that buys gold. I barely got enough out of it for a fancy dinner out, and when I checked at its value on line was horrified to find out that the pieces I sold for p ractically peanuts were worth several hundred or more dollars, they were so pretty too, I let my hubby talk me into selling them, and now I feel many years too late like a complete idiot for not having kept them.now they are really scarce and worth much more so now if I had them I wou ld really wear them and appreciate them too.
@nedallo (12)
• United Arab Emirates
3 Jan 10
thats hurts a lot but what you can do , if you want to continue with your family you need to walk on and forget about the bast .. because the most expensive jewelry in the life is your family ... Money comes and go but your family if someone goes ,,will never come back what do you think ???
@jennybianca (12915)
• Australia
3 Jan 10
I would be very offended by that. Some of us set great store by gifts from family members, whether its expensive or for memories. I know I do. I have my grandmothers ring and she was born in 1899. I have my late husbands, grandfathrers travelling chest and that was made in 1880 and worth a great deal. I have a photo of the late King & Queen of Fiji, also from my late husbands family, and I dont knopw what that is worth. I treasure items family members have given me, and I know my daughter will do the same. Well, does the same, as she has items too. This family member of yoyrs really should give back the remaining jewellery, but I doubt whether the law would give you any rights to get it back. Is this family member desperate for money, or just out to get all she can out of my people?