i am disappointed

Philippines
January 3, 2010 10:02pm CST
i am disappointed. maybe because i had the world's view of marriage. i thought that if i am a good wife, keeping the home, taking care of the children, taking care of my husband, giving him what he wants, i will be treated like a queen in my own home. i will be secure, well provided, given gifts, brought to lovely places, etc. but such is not the case. did i marry the wrong person? i guess not. i believe i will just have to re align my priorities, desires, and expectations. i shall continue to work and save money. if my husband will help me then good. if not, whatever, i shall continue to work anyway and provide for my family. for now, i will just work on making things better for both of us.
4 people like this
17 responses
@spalladino (17924)
• United States
4 Jan 10
spoiled, if your husband is lacking in some ways, it is no reflection on you but is entirely on him. No, not all men are Princes but you have a good plan as far as working and saving money. Not all charming men have good heads on their shoulders. My ex-husband is certainily a charmer...he's very nice and sweet but when it comes to being a good provider, he sux. Keep your head straight and do whatever you need to do for YOU.
1 person likes this
@Hatley (164450)
• Garden Grove, California
4 Jan 10
spoiled I am here in the Us and do not understand that you have to do it all, and he does not have to provide you with anything, no this is not right, he must do his share to make you happy here in the US we are pretty much even and our husbands do try to do the things you mentioned.people here work together it is not just the women who do the work, men pitch in and help out too. its a mutual situation. get after your hubby to be more giving, talk to him tell him what you have told us. marriage is a two way street.
• United States
4 Jan 10
Hatley I live in the US and I know that in a perfect world men chip in but lets face it... not everyone can live in a perfect world
@maxilimian (3099)
• Indonesia
8 Jan 10
Hi spoiled311! Hmmm i think the question should being asked before you get married, but now you are married, and i'm sure both of you loving each others, don't forget the love moments when you both first met though a busy and hard life coming to your marriage life's, imagine that it's nothing compare to your love power, so keep your spirit, cheer up and don't forget to pray JBU
• United States
5 Jan 10
I think the world and history has painted an unrealistic picture of marriage for many. I too have had these same thoughts and now i find myself living in an unhealthy marriage for last 20 years. There once was a time when i wanted it to work and would do anything to achieve it but now the shoe is on the other foot. He wants things to work and i have fallen out of love with him. I think it would be terrible to spend the next 20 years of my life in a relationship that does not fullfill my emotional needs. I too gave 110% in the beginning and he took 110% now i have nothing left to give. Really you should have a marriage where its 50/50 and each person is working to fullfill each others physical and emotional needs.
• Singapore
5 Jan 10
Dearest spoiled311, marriage is not a fairy tale. There are always ups and downs. Personally I think it takes 2 to tango. Both must be in sync, to share and care for the household responsibilities. However, if only one party is much more earnest than the other, someone will fall. Therefore, follow your heart. Whatever decisions, your happiness must always comes first.
@Trensue (5258)
• United States
4 Jan 10
Wow! Those are some pretty high expectations. Treated like a queen I guess would be nice. Does that mean the husband would be treated like a King as well? It seems like if both are being treated like royalty there is no one to get all the real work done. I am not sure if your husband is not working at all? I am not sure that would be the best scenario. Those would not be realistic expectations in my world, but they may work for some.
@unique16 (1531)
• United States
4 Jan 10
Hello, Yes, marrage is hard and messy and never easy. It is up cycles and down cycles. It seems the down cycles happen more the up cycles. What about the children do they help in the cleaning of the house? Does your husband help with the discplining of the childfren? Remember he works outside of the house and you are cooped up all day. Is there a way he could watch the children 1 or 2 days at night so you get time to go shopping for yourself and or go soemthing for yourself for a few hours. Do you have girlfreins that you could visit or swap babbysitting duties etc... Yes, you ended your message on upswing so I hope it is working out with both of you. Maybe you justed to vent and this place is good placve to vent and get ideas to help you along. Have a great day Sincelrey unique16
• India
4 Jan 10
Hi, No worries, these things happen in everyone's lives.We have many expectations about our future but not all are met.Its very sweet of you that you have decided to work and save money.I am sure you dreams and desires will be definitely fulfilled at some point in future.Also there is a joy in taking family resposibility. Thanks
@jasmeena (850)
• Indonesia
4 Jan 10
how long have you been married? you married him coz you love him,right?Sometimes life doesn`t go on as smoothly as expected..Try to discuss it with him, let him know what you really need from him.
@atebuds (187)
• Philippines
4 Jan 10
Oh, it's so hard. I am in almost the same situation as you are. I thought getting married was a partnership. Instead, now I have discovered that all he needed was a maid. A servant. I gave up everything for him. Hoping that he will provide for the rest. But what happened was, I was left with nothing. As in, nothing at all. Sometimes I feel, he has also taken away my dignity. And it's so hard to pick up the pieces and start all over again. Not with him around, anyway. I feel for you. You know it breaks my heart to feel this way. If I could only turn back the time, I will. Good luck to us... Hope the New Year will be a better year for us.
@saphrina (31739)
• South Africa
4 Jan 10
Sweetie, look into your heart and then tell me what you see. I see a strong and willfull person, with so much to give her husband and family. You are not a slave in this relationship. Both have to pull the same amount of weight. I am sure that when the time is right you will be treated like a queen, just be patient. Remember life is the best teacher and he will teach you patients. Do not pity yourself, as i know you are beyond something like that. I know that you wil be as good and caring as you can be. He will come around eventually.
@rsa101 (16716)
• Quezon City, Philippines
4 Jan 10
Well I would say you did have a very nice ending to your post. I am seeing negativity at the beginning of your post but in the end there was a slight positivity in the end. I guess there are times in the marriage that we are rocked to question it but I guess in the end if you will just try to look at things at a different angle you can see some light at the end of the tunnel. Just do what you can do to make the marriage work.
@Genericbe (1378)
• Philippines
4 Jan 10
You are making resolutions regarding the problem with your family is facing at present. But, it should me more easier if your husband will try to make efforts to help you rather than waiting for what you can do. You may consider marrying the wrong person, but that is your life now.. You have to be cautious in making such great decisions in your life. What you have said about making things better for both of you is the effective way to face and overcome the problem. I hope you will not stress much of yourself. Taking care of yourself should be also done. For you to be able to work and do things properly.
• United States
4 Jan 10
Marriage is supposed to be a partnership. You are supposed to be working together with your spouse to stregthen your family and provide a stable, loving and nurturing enviroment for yourselves, your children, and your future. Its not supposed to be one person doing all the work, or one person giving everything of themselves while the other one doesn't put forth the effort. In terms of working and providing for your family, and your future keep up the good work. On the other hand If your husband is not fully aware of your feelings on the subject, maybe it's time you make it clear. Men can have really thick skulls from time to time.
@advokatku (4037)
• Indonesia
4 Jan 10
in marriage, ideally, is husband as the party most responsible for meeting the needs of live children and wives but there is no harm if wife also helps husband in fulfilling needs of family. Remember that in marriage and family life, unity is the most important. If you can help your husband with the work, why do not you do?
@maezee (34485)
• United States
4 Jan 10
I think that all people deserve recognition. Housewives seem to get the bad end of the deal. Your husband should respect you more and treat you better, especially considering all you do for him & the family & your home (from what I understand). It's not fair, but it doesn't mean you married the wrong person. You love him, don't you? That's why we marry people. Possibly you could talk to him? Threaten him? Or try to re-kindle what you once had?
• United States
4 Jan 10
well apparently you and I have both been disillusioned I had that same misconception of marriage and after 10 years of marriage I am still refusing to settle for less that what I know I deserve I work hard to keep this house running smoothly with 5 kids, a husband and 3 dogs and I know that I deserve a little help and appreciation from my husband I dont want to have to beg for it either we should not have to settle for being a slave to our family