Which is which?..biological parents or adoptive parents???

@magara (31)
Philippines
January 5, 2010 11:36am CST
Few years back when I was sixteen I thought of running away from my family. I was so insecure and felt that pity to myself when I finally learned that I am adopted. It hurts too much that I feel numb and somehow ignored the pain. It was the worst feeling I've ever felt during that time and maybe until now. It goes on until one day I turned twenty-one. My life was turned up side down. I've come to realize that I have to finish my studies and find myself a spot in the career world. So, here I am fulfilling my dreams. I am still hoping one day I'll meet my biological parents. When that time comes I guess I'll be strong enough to face my past. But do you think I should still look for my biological parents? Am I being fair with my adoptive parents if I do that?
1 person likes this
12 responses
@zandi458 (27952)
• Malaysia
5 Jan 10
I have two adopted daughters and I do not know how to break the news to them that they are adopted. Though they have heard people talking they are adopted which makes me want to tell them the truth but I wouldn't want to change the relationship I had with them as it will definitely cause an impact in their thinking once they know that they are adopted. I will one day, when they are big enough tell them the truth but right now I am adamant to keep it as a secret. I don't know why you bother looking for your biological parents when your adoptive parents have taken good care of you and make you what you are today. But of course it is your right to know who your real parents are. Good luck in your search. I am sure my daughters will never be able to trace their biological parents as they are from different nationalities and I got them not from their parents but from someone who goes around looking for people who wants to adopt children.
@magara (31)
• Philippines
5 Jan 10
Always remember a secret cannot be kept for the rest of your life. I only found out the truth about me when I was sixteen. But when I was a child I've heard them talking about that alot of times. However, my parents were just like you, hesitant to admit the truth. And that made a big impact to me. I felt it was unfair at first but as years gone by I finally understand them. It is because no explanation was madein the first place. It is indeed true that prevention is better than cure.
@tawny_24 (351)
• United States
6 Jan 10
I am adopted and I can tell you that the longer you keep this secret the more damage you will do to your kids, especially if other people are planting seeds in thier minds. Tell them now, today!
• United States
5 Jan 10
It may not seem fair in some ways but your parents probably knew that you would one day want to know your own blood. As long as you make it known that you will not replace them with your biologicals everything should be ok. Much of their fear may be that the biologicals will be rude to you and hurt you. If you feel as though finding them is something you need to do then you should do it.
@magara (31)
• Philippines
5 Jan 10
I think that's basically their fear. They don't want me to get hurt by finding out who really are my biological parents.
• United States
6 Jan 10
Of coarse, your their child and they love you. No parent wants to let their child go and get hurt.
@gowsik (100)
• India
6 Jan 10
may you find your biological parents one day
@magara (31)
• Philippines
6 Jan 10
I am still hoping for that. And I know I can still put a closure to this and move on.Thanks....
@maria1081 (1252)
• Philippines
6 Jan 10
I see nothing wrong if you will still look for your biological parents. Its only normal to long for them and know the truth. When it comes to your foster parents I know they will respect your decision because they knew in the very beginning when they adopted you that the day will come that you will look for you real parents. I hope one day you will find peace and belongingness when you find them. Goodluck.
@magara (31)
• Philippines
6 Jan 10
Thank you.I know I can find them.
@tawny_24 (351)
• United States
6 Jan 10
okay hella magara. I am adopted. I knew my whole life that I was, knowing or not knowing and then finding out does not lessen the pain you feel. YOu love your adoptive parents and you want to make them proud of you. But now you have knowledge of your real mother and you want to know her, you want to know why, you want to grieve the separation from her, with her, you want her to know that you love her no matter what. You may be strong enough to face the issues that your biological parents faced when they decided to give you up, and you may not. In the end, wether you find your birth parents or not, wether your adoptive parents are wonderful or not, you have to find yourself. That is all that really matters. I have never met my biological mother, I have been told that noone knew who she was, but I have many friends who are adopted from the same country as me and some of them have gone back overseas to find thier parents. Some have been successful and many more have not. Of those who have found thier mothers and fathers some have felt good aobut them and many more have not. YOu really need to focus on being mentally and emotionaly strong before you go try to find them, because they may not be what you expected or what you want them to be. It also takes a long time. Depending upon your international status, and where you were adopted from it could take years, and you might not find them at all. My mom didn't think it was fair at all that I wanted to find my birth mother. She thought that because I wanted to see what she looked like and talk to her that I was ungrateful for everything that she gave me. Which wasn't true. Unfortunately this has become the main deviding issue between her and I. It realy depends on how strong your adoptive parents are on when, how or even if you tell them that you are looking for your real mom and dad.
@magara (31)
• Philippines
6 Jan 10
I agree with you!..The only reason I want to know and meet my biological parents is to simply find myself. Find the missing part of me. Once I meet them and ask the question why did they do that, I'm good. And you know what, my adoptive parents too is very hesistant to tell me the whole truth. The full details of "adoption" as they are afraid of losing me and leaving them behind. Which sounds so unfair but then again I somehow understand them.
@junmae (1592)
• Philippines
6 Jan 10
It is normal to get hurt when you found out that you are adopted but be thankful and feel blessed because they gave you a chance to have a family and to have a normal life though you are not there own. It is ok to look for your biological parents and your foster parents will understand that but at least give them an honor or respect them as your real parents.
@magara (31)
• Philippines
6 Jan 10
In search for my biological parents doesn't mean I am disrespecting them or anything. It's like simply completing the jigsaw puzzle to finally have it done and move on. I love my adoptive parents so much. I appreciate everything they've done for me. They are incomparable so to speak. Coz they are far better than my biological parents.
• United States
5 Jan 10
I can offer you an opinion from an adoptive parents perspective as I am one. I adopted a child who was 13 when I was blessed with her. For a while she didn't want anyone to know she was adopted and wanted to pretend that she had always been my daughter. I discourage this as it is very important to know who you are and part of that is knowing where you came from. Don't be upset because you are adopted. Look at it this way...most folks don't get to pick who their kids are; we get what we get but a child who is adopted was CHOSEN by the parents. They didn't have to take you, raise you and love you; they chose to. That is very special and very precious. As for looking for your biological parents; that is a personal choice and I can not speak to that. On one hand, it is important to know where or who you came from and on the other hand; they gave you up...whats to know. Talk with your parents (not "adoptive parents"; they raised you, loved you and chose you) and see what they think.
@magara (31)
• Philippines
6 Jan 10
I am still waiting for that day that I can finally see my biological parents. Even though until now I don't have the slightest idea who really they are. That's why I'm kinda frustrated with everything.
@BinaryKat (738)
• United States
5 Jan 10
I say follow your heart. I don't see the harm in finding out why your biological parents gave you up for adoption. It may give you a sense of closure. I have seen on a MTV program, two girls were able to successfully find their biological families and was able to have great relationships between both biological and adopted.
@magara (31)
• Philippines
6 Jan 10
Honestly I've been waiting for that closure. And if that happens I can finally say I am okay.
@gowsik (100)
• India
6 Jan 10
Dont feel for it you may find your biological parents one day
• Philippines
6 Jan 10
It depends. I think an adoptive parents because they care a lot than biological parents. Adoptive parents have more sacrifices than biological parents.
@ewinner (86)
• India
6 Jan 10
I think you should be fine with your adoptive parents because they have given you all their time and love,caring for you, fulfilling your needs, I KNOW IT HURTS in the corner of your mind but this will give negative effect on your adoptive parents who has brought you up,you should not hurt them..
@sdsuper7 (13)
• India
6 Jan 10
There's a saying in INDIA,"PAIDA KARNEWALE SE PALNE WALA BADA HOTA HAI" It means the person who brings you up is far superior to the person who gave birth to you. Hope you got the message!!!!!!!!!!!! bye and all the best!